Massage Is a Marriage Booster: It’s Relaxing–and Sexy, Too!

by | Oct 5, 2018 | Uncategorized | 6 comments

Massage can be the PERFECT way for women to relax and get intimate with their husband! Tips and techniques you shouldn't miss on giving your wife a relaxing-to-sensual massage.
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Massage can supercharge your marriage. It helps you both relax. It helps you both transition from “busy day” to relaxing with your spouse. It gets rid of tension.

And it makes you touch one another!

So thank you to Denis from MELT Massage for Couples for sponsoring this post.

For me, massage is an absolute must. I go to a massage therapist at least once a month, but Keith also gives me an awesome massage a few times a week. It helps my back not get out of whack, but it also has the added benefit of helping me feel much sexier. Touch starts the libido going!
I’ve written before about massage, because Denis from MELT Massage is an awesome sponsor of this blog, and his massage videos have totally changed the way that Keith and I massage each other. We realized, after watching his videos, that we were doing it all wrong. We were zeroing in on the tension points and then rubbing like crazy, rather than using the long strokes (let alone massage oil!) that actually prepares the muscles to relax in the first place. All we were doing was aggravating tension, rather than alleviating it.
Denis wrote me recently about a new tutorial he has up, just in time for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, something he’s passionate about, as am I. My mom is a breast cancer survivor (she got breast cancer when I was just 16, and she was my only caregiver), and I have family members walking through this right now. And so I jumped at the chance to talk about it!
At first breast massage seemed out of left field to me, because we usually associate massage with your back. But as I watched the free video, it made sense! (And I won’t share too much information about trying it, but let’s just say it’s fun! And the video shows no naked women, don’t worry).
Breast massage feels amazing. It’s intimate. And it’s good for you! And here’s something else I’ve noticed:

We women often need a period of transition between “my normal life” and “sex”.

And sometimes that transition is just too short. We need to feel, skin on skin, to start getting the libido going. Many women, too, hate it when their husbands head straight to the “sex targets” when it comes to foreplay. We want more romantic touch first before it starts getting too sexual. Massage lets you have that–especially if you start with a back massage, and then flip over. Things will naturally happen from there!
And if you’re someone who gets a little stressed when your husband touches your breasts (as many women do), here’s a great way to bring the tension level down and just breathe and enjoy!
Plus–and this is a nice side benefit–if your husband gets used to how your breasts feel, he may notice if something’s not quite right. Massage is a brilliant way to identify inconsistencies in breast tissue. Denis suggests:

Use massage oil to help you glide over your partners body. The glide makes it much easier to note the difference between normal breast tissue and lumps.

(Of course, this doesn’t replace regular check-ups or mammograms, and you shouldn’t treat breast massage like you’re specifically looking for lumps. It’s just a great extra). 
And breast massage works just as well on your husband as it does on you! He needs the focused attention and the touch as well.

How to Give a Great Breast Massage

Begin with a back rub first!

Don’t go right for the breasts. You’ve got to build trust and release tension, and then chances are she’ll want him to touch her there, anyway!
Get yourself Denis’ MasterClass on massage–MELT Massage for Couples is a complete guide to the perfect back rub! From your back rub, you can flow into the breast massage.

Concentrate on relaxation strokes.

(Denis teaches you how to do these in the course) until your partner begins to engage with you. “hmm’s” and “ahh’s” is what you’re looking for!
Play with as much relaxation strokes as you like… and when you’re ready:

Add a little deep tissue massage to knots and areas of tension.

For me, these tension areas are usually in my shoulders, deep at the edge of my shoulder blades, and at the base of my skull. We’ve learned, after watching the videos, that the best way to relax those tension spots isn’t to target them right away, but to do the relaxation strokes first. And Denis from MELT tells you how to focus on those tension spots, too!

Turn to the front! 🙂

NOW that you’ve spent some time on her (or his) back, and your spouse is totally relaxed, you can target the front. DON’T start with the breasts. Seriously. That feels at least mildly lecherous. But if you get her relaxed, and show her you care about her, then it’s time!
Now, here’s where skills come in. Remember The Karate Kid–Wax On, Wax Off? That’s not what breast massage should be like! Watch the video for an understanding of how to incorporate breast massage into your back rub routine–but basically you want to use an open hand technique so your hand feels full and the strokes feel large. And go lighter on the breasts than on the back! You can go deeper around the breast, but be gentle–yet firm.

Don’t let her (or him!) get cold

Okay, I know that you just got started on her chest (and guys may want to stay there), but the mistake that novice massage practitioners make (let alone couples at home!) is that they focus too much on one body part while the rest of the body just gets, well, COLD. (For us in Canada that’s a real problem!). And you can’t expect anyone to WARM UP for something later if they’re actually cold.
So let your hands run over her whole upper body (including her arms!) to keep her warm, and then she’ll likely be wanting more touch, anyway. Alternate between her breasts, her arms, her neck, and keep her warm.

Don’t use cold hands, either

Another thing Denis always stresses is that warm hands feel lovely, but cold ones don’t. But you know the ones that feel the best? Those with massage oil. Sometimes Keith just rubs my shoulders without oil to try to release tension, but it really doesn’t work as well. And I don’t think I’d really want him rubbing THERE without oil, either! Oil just feels yummy. And a whole lot sexier!

At heart, massage is about releasing tension and making time for one another

I get really stressed blogging and writing. First, I get physically stressed because I sit all day at a computer (and I’m learning to take more walks, to do exercise videos throughout the day, and to stretch more). But a sedentary job is hard on you.
I also find that I worry about things. I get disheartened by so many of my reader questions. I worry about the state of the world. And sometimes things seem all too negative.

I have found that when Keith gives me a really good massage, something almost magical happens.

It’s like the emotional tension physically releases with the massage. There have been times when I’ve even found myself starting to cry, and it really does feel so good.
I’m not really a physical touch person. I don’t always like holding hands when we walk. I tend to knit while we’re watching a movie, rather than just cuddling into him. But massage–massage lets us touch. And that gentle, personal, caring physical intimacy–that’s what often makes sex far more significant (and far more about releasing the worries and tensions of this world).
I’ve had Denis’ MELT Massage for Couples Masterclass for years now! Keith and I follow his tutorials when we want to relax each other, connect with physical touch and spend quality time together. It’s a wonderful way to explore each other’s body.

Good things come from getting your hands on each other.

This week Keith and I went to a country music charity tribute tour event in our town. It wasn’t anything special, but it was certainly a fun date night.
Date Night--Massage is a Great Option
But we paid as much for those tickets as the Denis’ MELT Massage for Couples class costs. And the cool thing about the massage class is that you can use it for date nights over and over again–and you can make sure your “regular” date nights end really well, too. 🙂
So check it out, and learn how to massage properly. It’s fun. It’s intimate. It’s relaxing. And massage is just plain something that my marriage needs!

See Denis’ MELT Massage for Couples Masterclass here

And here’s something fun! Denis makes an AMAZING massage oil that’s for sale on Amazon (like you can buy it at cost price for the next week), and if you buy it, you get 40% off the MELT Massage for Couples videos. All the details are right here.
Already have oil? Don’t worry! Use the coupon code Sheila20 to get 20% off the MELT Massage for Couples Master Class anyway.
Massage can be the PERFECT way for women to relax and get intimate with their husband! Tips and techniques you shouldn't miss on giving your wife a relaxing-to-sensual massage.

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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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  1. Rosie H

    Am I the only person who doesn’t actually find massage relaxing? I haven’t tried it with my husband because of this, but other times, both with friends and professionals, I’ve found it just makes me tense up!

    • Rebecca Lindenbach

      I’m sure you’re not the only one, but I also know that massage can be not-relaxing because people tend to massage they way THEY like to be massaged, not how the other person likes it. 🙂
      And when it comes to professionals, first off, not all professionals are equal caliber. I have had to get registered massage therapy for joint/muscular issues and some are amazing, others were definitely not.
      I wonder if just trying to see what kind of touch you like would work? Focus less on “working out muscles” or “getting a massage,” and more on light touch? Using some massage oil and simply running his hands across your back in circular motions? That can often be extremely relaxing, but the focus on massage can sometimes make it more clinical/deep-tissue. 🙂

  2. Greg

    Mighty prescient, Sheila. I’ve been thinking about massages ever since Natalie and I had some back-n-forth on the injured-wrist post. At her recommendation, I ordered up some extra-virgin coconut oil, which I’m eager to try as a massage oil.

    • Natalie

      I’m glad to hear that, Greg! I’d love to see what you think of it once you’ve tried it. You can also add a couple drops of essential oils (like lavender or rose or ylang ylang or jasmine… my favorites for massage) if you want an aromatherapy massage, though I personally don’t add any if oral will be involved later in the night because there are mixed reviews out there on whether or not to ingest essential oils.

  3. Kevin

    My wife has fibromyalgia, which means, among other things, that she can be very sensitive to touch in places. Do these courses address those types of issues? We have been incorporating some massage, but I would love to really know what I’m doing. I checked the FAQ on the site, but those are all about how the courses are structured and how they are accessed.

  4. E

    I LOVE a relaxing massage, but find it really difficult to relax when my husband gives me one. I find he uses too much pressure, or just when I’m relaxing, he does something to tickle me, so I am actually MORE tense getting a massage him than not! But we do also just run our hands over each other, not a firm massage pressure, and that is the most relaxing for me. But, relaxing = sleep, so it’s not very good foreplay!
    On the other hand, my husband has back/neck issues, and so I regularly massage him, but a lot of the time just feels like doing a job (I know, I’m being selfish, and I try really hard to enjoy the fact that I am able to serve him in this way, but sometimes I am just so tired, or I’m sore myself, but it still needs to be done, and in those moments, it is hard to not feel a little bit resentful or bitter. )But, I am working on a more Christ like attitude of serving! If Jesus can wash his disciples feet, surely I can joyfully rub my husbands back? 🙃
    Last night I ended up running a relaxing lavender and Epsom salt bath for my husband, which we shared 😉 and that was a great way to relax, e close to one another, physically touch without either of us doing ‘work’, because frankly, we were both just SO exhausted after a big day of mentally and physically draining work in tropical heat! I think that without that bath, there is no way that I would have been even remotely in the mood for sexual intimacy, I would have just fallen into bed and gone straight to sleep!


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