Welcome to our new website!
It looks like you’re trying to find some content that isn’t available anymore. I (Sheila) have been blogging at To Love, Honor and Vacuum since 2008–that’s a lot of blog posts over the years!
As we moved to Bare Marriage, we were picky about what content we brought over. The post you are looking for didn’t make the cut. However, there are still over 900 posts on this website so I am sure you can find something for your situation here!
Here’s where you can search for specific topics, or else see the latest on the blog:
Recent Posts
Why Understanding Obligation Sex Is Bad Doesn’t Fix Things On Its Own
Recovery from obligation sex begins with understanding autonomy and consent. It begins with understanding it was never God's will for one person to use someone else's body for their own pleasure/emotional coping mechanism, without consideration of what this was doing...
PODCAST: For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn Talk Lust and Sex!
This time we're looking at lust & sex in For Men Only! It's Part 2 of our deep dive into the book For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, and we saved the sex & lust & libido stuff to this podcast, because Rebecca had a lot to say. If you remember, the...
Why the Patriarchy-Egalitarian Spectrum Is Deceptive: Egalitarianism is the Middle!
I’m often accused of swinging the pendulum to the other extreme. Note: this article appeared on my Substack last week, and I wanted it here to to preserve it on my website! Plus I added some good stuff to it! I remember a commenter writing about how her husband was...
Casual Sex the Christian Way
In Christian marriage advice, sex is supposed to be deeply intimate--until it's not. Here's what happens: Before marriage, Christians are told that sex is deeply intimate. That it bonds you together. That as you get closer and love each other more, you're going to...
PODCAST: The Problems with For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn
For Men Only presents such a sad view of marriage! Written by Shaunti Feldhahn and her husband Jeff, it's a companion book for her best-seller For Women Only, that we've talked about before. This is a conversation that Rebecca has been wanting to have since we first...
Women Have Agency: You Don’t Have to Obey Churches or Husbands Who Want to Control You
Yesterday I had a message from a woman being summoned in to defend herself to a toxic elders' board. She had been going to a very hierarchical, controlling church and had realized it wasn't healthy and had decided to take her family and go elsewhere. The elders' board...
Anger vs. Pity: What Is the Appropriate Emotion to Those Espousing Male Hierarchy?
What if pity is actually a good strategy? And what if pity reveals a bit of God's heart too? Let me tell you about something that blew my mind yesterday, and I was dreaming about all night. I saw a reel last night where Jameela Jamil was talking about our reaction to...
PODCAST: I Belong to Me with Tia Levings
How do yo find yourself again after emerging from fundamentalism? Many of us have had religious trauma from our church upbringing, or a dysfunctional marriage where we've stayed because we thought God wanted us to. We've endured so much, and have been taught that our...
When Trauma from Sexual Dynamics in Marriage Hits You Decades Later
It's moving day for me! We're leaving our house of 19 years and heading to our new place! So I wanted to share something different today. So many people send me their stories (and I'm so touched and honoured!), and this woman's really resonated with me because I know...