Recent Posts
Debunking the Love & Respect Thesis Definitively, Once and For All
The idea that men want respect while women want love doesn't stand up to scientific scrutiny. We've studied it, as have others, and we can now definitively say that it's bunk. And I wanted a post that outlined some of it here on the blog--not just in our new book The...
PODCAST: Demolishing the Love and Respect Dichotomy Definitively (with Data)
It's the podcast where we finally get to disprove the love & respect thesis! Did God make men to need respect, while women need love? Do men prefer respect over love? We've been told this for decades, starting with James Dobson popularizing it, and then Emerson...
What Does “Respect Your Husband” Mean to Evangelical Leaders?
When evangelical teachers say “men need respect”, what do they mean? On both Facebook and Threads, I posted this question:“Men have a unique, God-given need for respect.” When evangelical leaders teach this in regards to marriage, what, practically, are they saying...
An Example of Culture Wars vs. Jesus from Focus on the Family
Focus on the Family thinks life was better in 1964. You know, when many minorities in the U.S. had few civil rights. When women couldn't leave abusive husbands. When women couldn't get credit in their own name, or get a mortgage. That was better! When Rebecca and I...
PODCAST: Why Did You Believe the Toxic stuff? The Year of Putting Dumb Behind Us!
Why did we all get sucked in to toxic teachings about sex and marriage? Because here's the thing: Unless we understand the why, then even if we leave those toxic teachings behind, it's very likely that we'll get sucked into other forms of toxic teachings about...
Why the Pastor Forcing the Pregnant Teen Girl to Apologize to the Church is Worse Than You Thought
Last Sunday, a disturbing video went viral of a teen girl apologizing for being pregnant in front of her church. It was an Apostolic church in Virginia. After her confession. The congregation applauded, but then the pastor got up and chastised them, saying that no one...
Let’s Start Building the Healthy Alternative to Toxic Evangelical Marriage Teaching
For years, we've been showing how the vast majority of Christian marriage books contain toxic teachings. It started with us reading Love & Respect, and seeing how terrible the sex advice was. When the powers that be ignored us when we tried to bring up concerns...
The One Thing I Can’t Remember About Christmas
When you think back to your Christmases as a child, what do you remember? Realizing what you remember–and what you don’t–can help you figure out what’s good to emphasize for your own kids! Rebecca wrote this a few years ago on the blog, when her first baby was just 1,...
Why I Believe in Amazing Men
I believe men can be emotionally healthy and available– –just as much as women can be! I don’t believe that women are necessarily better parents, or more emotionally in tune and healthy, or more emotionally stable than men. I don’t believe that women are more...
PODCAST: A Peer Reviewed Celebration (And a Plea to Take Science Seriously)
The Great Sex Rescue is officially peer reviewed! We used a subset of our dataset for a paper that was just published in the journal Sociology of Religion. So we have done it! We have raised the bar on what counts as research in evangelical marriage and sex advice....