Welcome to our new website! 

It looks like you’re trying to find some content that isn’t available anymore. I (Sheila) have been blogging at To Love, Honor and Vacuum since 2008–that’s a lot of blog posts over the years! 

As we moved to Bare Marriage, we were picky about what content we brought over. The post you are looking for didn’t make the cut. However, there are still over 900 posts on this website so I am sure you can find something for your situation here!

Here’s where you can search for specific topics, or else see the latest on the blog:

Recent Posts

Why You Need to Work on Your Own Sexual Stuff

Why You Need to Work on Your Own Sexual Stuff

When we're trying to get out of the pit our sex life is in--sometimes we're the one who needs to grab the ladder. We're near the end of our series on getting our sex life out of the pit that one--or both--of us have dug for ourselves. Often the issues are...

Does Sex Bond You to Your Partner? Not Necessarily!

Does Sex Bond You to Your Partner? Not Necessarily!

Were you ever told as a teen that if you have sex with someone, you will bond with them?  That if you have sex you will feel so bonded that it will be hard to ever bond with anyone else again? And that when we have sex, we release the bonding hormone oxytocin?  What...

Podcast: Learned Helplessness & Sex

Podcast: Learned Helplessness & Sex

Can we have learned helplessness with sex?  As we talk more about how to get your sex life out of the pit that one, or both, of you have dug for yourselves, I want to talk about a concept discussed in psychology called learned helplessness (which can also lead to...

How to Reclaim Your Sexual Autonomy in Marriage

How to Reclaim Your Sexual Autonomy in Marriage

If we want sex to be awesome, then we need to be able to feel like sex is for us too. We need to feel like we matter. Sex is supposed to be mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both, and mutuality and intimacy means that you are both coming to the bedroom willingly,...

Does 1 Corinthians 7 Say that She Has No Sexual Autonomy?

Does 1 Corinthians 7 Say that She Has No Sexual Autonomy?

You will never have a healthy sex life if you don't have autonomy over your own body. You just can't. Unless you are free to say yes or to say no, desire can't build, because desire and obligation are at odds with each other. Just as you can't force someone to love...

When You Realize You’ve Coerced Your Wife Into Sex: 5 Next Steps

When You Realize You’ve Coerced Your Wife Into Sex: 5 Next Steps

What do you do if your wife tells you that she feels as if she has been raped? Or, if she doesn't use those exact words, if she tells you that she feels as if she's been coerced into sex? We've been talking this month about digging out of the pit that you may have...

Should We Follow Science or the Bible?

Should We Follow Science or the Bible?

When it comes to judging marriage advice, how do we figure out what's right? I've been following Robin on Twitter for a while now, blown away by her really insightful threads. She has a great substack where she writes thoughtful articles, and she's recently done some...

Christians Need a Better Understanding of Consent

Christians Need a Better Understanding of Consent

What does it mean to be "unwilling" to have sex? We're in the middle of a series on the blog about how to dig out of the pit your sex life is in, when one of you, or both of you, keeps digging that pit deeper. One of the big points I was making is that we cannot...