How can husbands show love to their wives?
It’s Joanna on the blog today, but this really isn’t my advice: it’s men’s corner day and I’m just facilitating! To use a lovely, old fashioned phrase, how can a husband woo his wife? This week we asked some of the men of To Love, Honor, and Vacuum about what their strategies are to show their wives how much they love them. And special thanks to commenter Phil who inspired this post by sending us in some ideas (which we’ve included here! 🙂 ). We love it when readers give us ideas and feedback.
So here we go–as Giselle from Enchanted put it, “how does she know you love her?”
1. Spend time with her
2. Do a task you normally wouldn’t do
3. Avoid goal-oriented thinking
This one is key. If you’re only doing nice things so that you’ll get nice things back, that’s giving to get. Serving each other and seeking each other’s good is one of the hallmarks of Christian marriage.
4. Be her friend
5. Surprise her with a clean car
Spend an hour detailing her car – clean the windows, cupholders wiped out, vacuumed, and clearing out any clutter… and don’t tell her you did it until she heads out. It’s such a small gesture, but that sort of kindness does communicate so much.
6. Learn what she loves
This one by Phil really is key, isn’t it? It’s what the crew of us learned at the marriage conference we went to in April, too. And this is what we’ll be elaborating on in tomorrow’s post–practical ways that you can show your spouse love in ways that they understand!
7. Make her life easier by thinking outside the box (or inside of it)
Connor would like us all to know that that was, in fact, a joke. Unfortunately, the promo code he suggests doesn’t even work (we checked). But he’s right – doing something to make her life easier and a little out of the ordinary is a wonderful way to let you wife know she is loved. And he HAS been making the Hello Fresh meals for Rebecca lately, and having fun doing it, too!
8. Support her in her career
As I was working on making this list, I called my Dad to get some ideas. He hemmed and hawed and then he said, “you know, I did do the training course with Mom so that I could support her in her role as pastor and make sure she’d get through the course.” And I was reminded of what a big sacrifice that was – one night a week for three years, plus lots of homework on papers, all simply to support my mom in her calling. Since then, my dad has joined my mom in the pastorate and I enjoy being a “double PK”. But I’m reminded again of the sweet sacrifices my dad has made in the last few years to support my mom. Give your wife the same deference and allow supporting her calling to become a part of yours.
Does your marriage need some spicing up–and some fun?
9. Find a hobby to do together
10. Be there
Isn’t that the heart of it? We need to be there, to be all in, with our spouses.
There you have it! 10 ways to show your wife you love her. Do you have any other ideas? Let me know in the comments!
Some of the articles you write bring back painful childhood memories. Like this one. When you grow up in a household where love is conditional and can be given or taken away depending on your behavior or the whims of your parents, it has become very difficult for me to allow others to do things for me. I’m always questioning peoples motives, whether they want me to pay them back, and most of all, is it coming from a place of TRUE love, which doesn’t demand anything in return.
Always be mindful how you raise your children because it will have an everlasting impact on them. “Train up a child in the ways he should go….” Your actions as a parent will determine whether they have to work twice as hard or not as they journey through an already difficult world. I’m learning through counseling how to overcome conditional love, aka fake love.
A guy once bought me a beautiful solitaire necklace and my first response before even saying thank you was, “uh-oh, what do i have to do to repay you back” to which he responded, “Ummmm……nothing” and of course i said, “Are you sure?” See how conditional love messes with your mind, body and spirit. Disgusting!
Arwen, I’m so sorry that you went through that while young. A childhood friend of mine had a similar experience. His parents “love” depended almost entirely on the quality of his report card, and it didn’t serve him well. I try to let my little girl know that I always love her, even if she does something I don’t approve of.
The list is awesome, and I try (with some success) to do most of them. Items 1 and 10 are probably the key. Just be there for her. Physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Thank you for the condolence and i’m glad you’re doing the opposite for your family. It’s wonderful.
“I try to let my little girl know that I always love her, even if she does something I don’t approve of.”
This is key. One of the most moving things I ever saw was a pastor disciplining his 3yo son. He picked the boy up, practically sitting on his one shoulder, walked away from everyone and spoke seriously and quietly to him. I had never seen an adult take that much care of a child’s feelings before!
Keith, i know a lot of young men who do a fantastic job avoiding goals! As in they have none for their lives. LOL!
Did I miss something?! Connor and Rebecca are having a baby?!
Wow! 😁 Congratulations to them both and to all the family!!