PODCAST: How to Actually Get Your Life Together

by | Oct 17, 2019 | Uncategorized | 14 comments

Merchandise is Here!

Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you don’t have your life together?

Whether it’s finances, or homemaking, or cooking, or budgeting, or getting your kids to eat or sleep–whatever it is, you feel as if everyone else is doing a better job than you are.

Sometimes it’s the influence of social media. Sometimes it’s our own insecurities. But whatever the issue, Rebecca and I have a way forward for you that’s relatively painless and that can actually work.

We actually weren’t planning on recording a podcast this week, because we thought the baby would be here and we’d be sharing pictures. But we’re still waiting, so we sat down and shared some things that were on our hearts. Listen in!

Why don’t we ask for help?

We’re still waiting for baby, and Keith and I have been staying in our chilly RV (here’s Keith and Katie, the one night that Katie stayed with us, too) while we wait.

This week Rebecca and I took her dog for a walk, and while we did we got to talking about why it is that we don’t ask for others’ advice enough. 

Because let’s face it: Sometimes other people are just better than us at things. Recently Katie totally redecorated Rebecca’s living room, without really buying anything new, but just moving things around. It looks great! But that’s Katie’s gifting. It’s not Rebecca’s. And rather than feeling like she’s inadequate and stewing about it, Rebecca just asked Katie to help, and she had a blast.

Sometimes others are better than us for any number of reasons:

  • Natural giftings
  • More training (like they grew up in a house where this was second nature)
  • Interest (they’ve already researched and investigated)
  • Experience (they’ve done it more)

Yet sometimes rather than acknowledge that someone is genuinely better than us in an area, we justify ourselves. We figure out all the reasons why they just have it easy, or all the reasons why that could never work for us.

So in today’s podcast, we challenge you to something relatively simple and life-changing:

Can we just be humble enough to ask for help and advice?

Why don’t we help well?

And then, the flipside: are we making ourselves available to help others? Do we appear so perfect on social media that we’re unapproachable? Do we judge those that aren’t as good as us in an area? Do we gossip about people who don’t have it all together?

Again, the answer is simple: humility, rather than pride.

If everyone asks for help, and then gives help, we’d all learn so much, and we’d grow closer, too.

That’s the key to healthy community. We had fun recording this one, and I hope you’ll listen in! 

And let me know: Have you ever asked a friend for help or advice in an area? What happened?

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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14 Comments

  1. Arwen

    Another phenomenal podcast i pinned before finishing the whole thing. This is the first podcast you have done where i was crying the entire time!

    I turned 29 last week and was reflecting over my life feeling heart broken that i’m not where i SHOULD be nor where i WANT to be. I grew up in a very unhealthy home where the road was not paved for me the same way that it was paved for others around me. And i have to constantly remind myself that, it’s okay if i’m not like everyone else around me. Especially since the Christian community often times espouses uniformity among it’s members.

    By my age most Christian women come from healthy homes, are married with several children, living in nice homes, with a husband who has a nice job, etc. In a sense i have to find my tribe, the tribe that has the same life story as me rather than those who grew up the opposite. I need constant reminds that even in the Bible everybody had a different journey than the one they wanted or the one their culture, community said they should have.

    I read this caption on Instagram and saved it to my phone and i read it as often as possible: “Some people finish college and start their careers at age 22, only to find themselves unhappy and starting over when they’re 35. Others start working a minimum wage job at 16 & work their way up the company ladder, retiring happily at age 50. Some people get married at 20, only to divorce at 27. Others marry when they’re 50, and spend 40 years with their soulmate. Some women are ridiculed for becoming teen moms, but end up meeting their great great grandchildren. Other women get pregnant at 40 and are ridiculed for putting their unborn child at risk.
    There is no “right” way to do life. There are no timelines. You are not too late or too early. You are exactly where you should be.”

    As humans we have a bad habit of “man pleasing” something the Bible calls a sin. In Colossians we are told, “In everything you do, do unto the Lord and not unto man.” That verse in Colossians is my bread and butter because whenever i start feeling bad i have to ask myself, Arwen, who’s approval are you seeking, God’s or man? I need to walk the path God set before me not the path of someone else.

    In a culture where your value as a human is based on the education you have, the job you work, your marital statues, the neighborhood you live in, your aesthetics, etc. it’s essential to counter that with God’s word that says, your intrinsic value comes from SIMPLY being created in His image. Even if you’re disabled and can only stay at home, you’re still worthy! Thank you for this podcast, i desperately needed it. Please, do more like this once in a while.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I’m so glad it spoke to you, Arwen! Maybe we recorded it just for you. 🙂 That’s beautiful.

      Reply
    • Sarah

      Arwen, thank you for that quote. I needed to hear that. I’m also single, doing work I don’t love, wondering what comes next, and I thought I’d be somewhere much different at this age. Sometimes the sense of time passing without getting married and having kids or doing meaningful work is really overwhelming and scary, especially when everyone around you is doing just that.

      Reply
    • Gemma

      Thanks for this comment Arwen. Something we all need to hear from time to time 🙂

      Reply
  2. Sarah

    I really liked this episode! As a 27 y/o single woman, I’m definitely figuring out a lot of these things as I go – creating my own routines and building my life skills without a partne, which isn’t quite where I thought I’d be at this age. Some stuff I’m good at and others, not so much (right there with you on budgets and fashion and decorating, Rebecca!). Asking people who are good at things to teach me their ways is a surprisingly novel idea for me, but I love it! Now to put it into action…

    Reply
  3. Becky

    Great podcast! I think you’re right that a lot of the reason we don’t ask for help is fear of being judged. Especially on social media, it seems like people are so quick to make snap assumptions or judge a person by what we’re not. Like, oh, you’re not getting up an hour before your kids to read the Bible and do all the cardio? You must be lazy! Never mind that one of my kids is a nursing baby and another is a ridiculous early riser and I tried pre-kid enough to know that my brain just does not compute beyond surface reading before at least 8 am and a cup of tea.

    For the single ladies who commented: I hear you. It’s a hard place to be, when your life doesn’t look like you dreamed or expected, or like the rest of the Christian community you’re surrounded by. I didn’t meet my husband until I was approaching 31, and my late 20s were painful. I won’t give any unsolicited advice, God knows I got enough from people who just didn’t get it, and it can sound trite coming from someone who did resolve that chapter of my life as hoped. But I am praying for each of you tonight.

    And Rebecca, hope that baby comes soon! My first was a week overdue and had to be induced, it wasn’t a fun place to be either!

    Reply
  4. Nathan

    Good comment, Arwen! In our society, we do indeed value hard work, education and productivity (and we should), but in the eyes of God, we are ALL equal and worthwhile people, and He loves us all no matter what.

    At the National Prayer Breakfast a while back, one pastor said something similar. He said that these things are all good and worthwhile of pursuit, but they aren’t what we’re known by in Heaven. In Heaven, we’re known by our love for our fellow human beings.

    Reply
  5. Natalie

    Great podcast!!

    I deleted all my social media accounts last year, and I must say, I’ve never experienced such a period of personal growth as I have this past year! (And I was one of the first people to get a Facebook when it was first made open to high schoolers, so I’d been in the social media world for all of my mid/late teens to late 20s). Unless you need your accounts for your business, I’m a huge proponent of getting rid of social media altogether, make some friends and real-life community, and growing with people you can actually have face to face conversations with! (which for me has been difficult since we moved, hence why I’m so present on your blog Sheila 😋)

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I’m glad you liked it, Natalie!

      I quit reading any kind of news and political blogs a while ago, and it does mean that I can’t just surf mindlessly anymore, so I get it!

      Reply
    • Jill

      I have been reading too many blogs like this one for about 18 months now. Seriously, even the good things on the internet can become a burden if you visit them constantly. For this reason, it’s time to stop reading them, be thankful for the things I’ve learned and cut loose.

      Reply
  6. Iyn

    I don’t usually listen to podcasts, but I enjoyed this one! I have a chronic illness and it’s hard to ask for help when it feels like I need help all the time. But this reminded me that as I would love to help others, in good community we can be humble and ask, and it doesn’t mean we have any personal failings.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Absolutely, Lyn! I’m glad it helped you.

      Reply
  7. Rachel C

    I’m so behind on podcasts. I usually listen to them at the gym, but we haven’t been going as regularly as we should based on the monthly fee. Anyhow, all that to say that I have been having to learn to accept grace for myself and ask for help a great deal in the past several years. I not only struggle with mental health issues but also with several physical health issues that make it neccessary for me to just sit and rest a whole lot more often than the average person. And I grew up in a home where we kept up with housework. Even though my mom worked at the Christian school we attended, she would cook dinner almost every night (we did order in or go to McDonald’s sometimes), and every Saturday, we all had our bigger house chores to do and we took turns doing dishes (part of that chore being wiping down the counters, stovetop, and microwave afterwards). And when I was first married, I tried so hard to keep up a regular housework schedule because I felt obligated to do so, especially considering that I didn’t have an outside job. But as the years have passed and my health has worsened and I have had to live around the chaos made by my children, my house looks nothing like how my parents used to look. However, I have learned to accept that I am actually doing my best and that I am still a good mama and wife even if I’m sitting in my chair or lying on the couch a lot. My house may not be as clean as many other houses, and I might not be as active and playful as many parents, but my kids know I love them and that I’m there to make the peanut butter sandwiches and change the diapers and comfort them when they’re sad or hurt. I am here, and my presence matters.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      That’s a great perspective, Rachel!

      Reply

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