PODCAST EXTRAS: How Do You Feel Comfortable with Your Body?

by | Feb 6, 2020 | Uncategorized | 15 comments

How Can You feel Comfortable in Your Body podcast
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Do you like your body?

Like even a little bit? I sure hope so! But many of us have real problems embracing our bodies, and so for the month of February we’re going to talk about how to love your body. And in today’s podcast, we start that conversation.
First, listen in!
(affiliate links included below).

Main Segment: Can you treat your body like a friend?

Do you see your body as an enemy–something you have to conquer–or as a friend? Do you see your body as something that you cheer on, enjoy being with, and treat well, or something that you have to punish?
The distinction matters! I explore more in this section what we were talking about on Monday–how to treat your body as a friend.

Millennial Marriage: How to like your body even if it’s not perfect

Rebecca joined me for this one to talk about some of her challenges post-partum, and how a positive attitude towards your body, even if it’s not perfect, helps you achieve your goals anyway (and is far more psychologically healthy).
And do check out the Women’s Wellness Bundle that we mentioned, too. It’s for sale now until Monday at midnight EST, with over $4600 worth of online resources to help you understand hormones, improve your nutrition and fitness, learn to calm down, deal with stress, and so much more.
What's in the Ultimate Women's Wellness Bundle

Just click to see everything that’s in it!

Reader Question: What if your husband says he isn’t attracted to you anymore?

A few years ago on the blog, one man left a comment that said:

My wife has gained 25 pounds since we were married, and that means that I’m not attracted to her anymore. She is defrauding me by gaining that weight.

It’s hard to fully express how terrible that comment is, but Rebecca and I try!
Now, of course, if your spouse has gained 150 pounds, that is a different story. You do need to get healthy (and we talk about how to approach that in the podcast). But let’s stop telling people that only a certain body type is attractive.


Other Posts You May Enjoy:


Reader Question: What if my husband says he doesn’t lust, but I can’t believe him?

Here’s a really important question that just came in from the other perspective–what if you’re married to a guy that truly does only have eyes for you, but you can’t relax about it?

I have that 1 in a million husband that support and love me with all of his heart.
One thing that I always had a problem with was the fear that my husband will lust after every other woman he might find attractive… it drives me literally crazy. I can’t find myself able to relax while we watch a movie or when we are out in town or visiting friends.
He confessed and told me the other day that he used to struggle with lust but he came to a place in his life where he doesn’t do that anymore.
But somehow my blood boils and I have such overwhelming emotions and feelings when we are around other women. I know now that he doesn’t lust and he keeps telling me that even if he find other woman attractive he doesn’t lust after them he doesn’t want them. The last straw was when we went to the beach and all the woman in their bikinis made me so uncomfortable and I believed in my heart that he was checking all the beach babes out… He keeps telling me that it is normal for people to see other beautiful people and I understand that. Why is it so difficult for me accept that and to also be open about it. It is so awkward when a beautiful woman comes up on screen or we pass her on the street, and it is like I want to keep him from looking but I know it is unreasonable.  How do I get to accept it? And stop feeling so sad and miserable?  It has literally put me in really bad depression because I struggle to accept that he can and will notice other woman. I’ve often wonder what happened in my life that makes me feel that way.

I get it. We grow up hearing that all men lust, and that other women are stumbling blocks. But when we believe these things, it can make us see other women as constant competition, as the enemy. It can make us not trust our husbands.
Now, if there’s a reason we shouldn’t trust him, then that does need to be addressed. But assuming he’s all good (as this commenter asks), then how do you get rid of these fears? I answered in the podcast, but I’d love to hear your thoughts, too!
Podcast: How Do You Feel Comfortable in Your Body?
So let me know in the comments–how do you feel comfortable in your body? How do you feel comfortable with your husband? Let’s talk!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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15 Comments

  1. Sarah

    Great podcast. I love the friend analogy. I have found that if I exercise—even one time—I see my body differently. I know full well that I didn’t lose 5 lbs or get more toned by going to the gym one time, but if I go and work up a sweat, the next day I truly see my body In a much more positive light.
    One tiny quibble: I don’t think your body is a “part” of you: your body is you!

    Reply
  2. Nathan

    > > My wife has gained 25 pounds since we were married,
    > > and that means that I’m not attracted to her anymore.
    > > She is defrauding me by gaining that weight.
    Wow, what a heartbreaking statement, in both parts.
    Mrs. Nathan and I have both put on a few pounds, and we need to lose them, but we see that as a health issue, not as a sexual attraction issue.

    Reply
  3. becky

    We can’t hear Becca halfway through the podcast

    Reply
    • Connor Lindenbach

      Thanks for catching that! There was an issue with the upload, but it’s been fixed now.

      Reply
  4. Active Mom

    This topic is a hard one for me. I have a friend (mentioned the issue before in another post) who is no longer attracted to her husband due to his weight. The problem is he didn’t gain a little weight. He gained a lot! With that weight gain came a ton of health issues. It’s been almost a decade since he was diagnosed with many serious issues and he has spent zero effort to get healthy. Many people look at her with judgement when she says she isn’t attracted to him anymore. I don’t. I understand. If she met the man he is today she never would have dated much less married him. To be honest it’s probably both his physical appearance as well as his cavalier attitude towards his health that is off putting for her but it doesn’t change how she feels. It just seems wrong to be critical of her. But then I know there are the other extremes like the example you gave. That seems wrong to have that attitude as well.
    We shouldn’t pretend physical attraction isn’t real but we also shouldn’t put too much emphasis on it. It just seems like a swampy mess to wade through.

    Reply
  5. Wifeofasexaddict

    I’m glad you addressed husbands being critical of their wives’ bodies, and that it can be a red flag for porn. But i feel like there is much more to be said about that topic.
    My husband has blamed me for his addiction every time he has been caught. I’m so fat, he has no choice but to look elsewhere. He works hard to stay in shape, shouldn’t he be able to expect that from his wife? (He is in the army, so he HAS to stay in shape, meanwhile, I don’t have an athletic bone in my body. ) does this criticism make me want to lose weight? No. it makes me want to eat cookies, far far away from him.
    You could do a whole episode on that topic.

    Reply
    • Lea

      Weight is such a hard topic, because telling someone that you don’t like the way they look isn’t likely to get them to act. I have found that when I am comfortable with myself is when I do better, and have more control, in all things. Good habits (exercise, eating well, hygiene, spending, etc) go together for me.
      But if he’s blaming your weight for porn, that’s obviously just deflection.

      Reply
  6. jls

    I really appreciate that you mentioned that healthy bodies all look different. I am pear shaped and have always fought with my shape. I dream of having longer, slender legs, smaller hips, and a bigger bust — basically the traditional “athletic” build. Its never going to happen, and I know it. But I still fight against it. But… I have also trained to run 1/2 marathons (multiple!). My thunder thighs did that. 🙂 I won’t look like your traditional distance runner, but I can still work at it and accomplish that goal.
    On the flip side, some of my curves are because I have chosen to enjoy life with my husband and family over starving myself or working out obsessively. We have chosen to play a board game instead of work out, or gone out to eat or had some treats together.

    Reply
    • Meghan

      AMEN fellow running sister!!! Do you follow any fat athletes? Mirna Valerio, Latoya Shauntay Snell, and Martinus Evans are all great examples of what us “non traditional” athletes are capable of.
      I mean, I guess I am too, but I don’t have much of a following. 😉

      Reply
  7. Sonia

    The Bible says that your body, as old or dysfunctional as it may be, is the temple of the Holy Spirit. You may not be content with your body but God’s Spirit honors it with its presence. Isn’t this reassuring? On the other hand, I see the responsibility to care for my body as for a temple, which I don’t find so easy… I felt a bit ashamed when I heard the thought of the body as a temple from a secular youtuber, who lives in a far healthier way than I do.

    Reply
    • Anon

      “You may not be content with your body but God’s Spirit honors it with its presence. ” I love this!

      Reply
  8. Sandy

    Okay I love the part about British TV shows and the women who act in them! I have always thought that as I watched them too, and been impressed by how normal and real they look compared with North American TV actors. So my question is: what British TV shows with strong female characters do you love and watch? I need more ideas other than the typical ones like Downton Abbey and The Crown (although those are amazing). Thanks Sheila!!

    Reply
    • Rebecca Lindenbach

      Father Brown is quite lovely. 🙂 And the first three seasons of Call the Midwife are fantastic–after that it no longer is based on a memoir series but was written solely in a writer’s room and it loses a lot of its authentic feel, I found.

      Reply
  9. Danae

    So, I’m working my way through your older podcasts/posts and moving forward cause I’m a start-at-the-beginning kinda person. This particular podcast definitely struck a chord with me. The way my body currently looks has become a huge struggle for me. I know exactly why my body has changed. – 3 kids in a little less than 3 years (all csections). I haven’t really be able to do much about it. But the changes are a little heartbreaking. Especially when my husband agrees with me – because he doesn’t want to lie to me. Right now, I don’t really want to be in any pictures because why would I want to remember or keep looking at something that makes me miserable. He has been pretty supportive in holding off family requests with me because of my mindset. All that to say, that I really did appreciate this podcast. The idea of thinking of your body as a friend instead of an enemy is not something that I think Ive ever heard before. But more than that, I think, it just prodded me to think of the way that God created our bodies. That they are meant to change and that He did not design that by accident. There’s a lot to unpack in that thought I know – but it definitely gave me a different way to start thinking about my body than I have really before.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I’m glad you could find it helpful!

      I’ve learned that I need to treat my body like my friend lately, because when I’m not kind to my body, I feel it. I’m having some issues with food sensitivities, and I did not honor my body yesterday, and WowZA.

      Yes, treating your body like a friend means you appreciate your friend, and you’re kind to your friend. I find it a really useful way to think about it! I’m glad it helped you too.

      Reply

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