The “You’re Not Broken” Orgasm Podcast

by | Oct 8, 2020 | Uncategorized | 11 comments

The Orgasm Podcast: You're Not Broken
Merchandise is Here!

Please hear me: If you have trouble reaching orgasm, you’re not broken!

On today’s podcast I’m being pretty darn passionate about this–you are not broken if orgasm is difficult. 

Do not give up hope! I talked about this on Monday, but I wanted to elaborate today and share my heart on this, and then talk about some of the cool research we’ve found as we’ve been creating The Orgasm Course (launching October 26! Be sure you’re signed up to the email list so you get the launch special!). 

LIsten in!

I didn’t do a YouTube version this week because Katie, who edits the video, is busy editing all our videos for The Orgasm Course. So we wanted to keep it simple!

(And remember–you can subscribe to the audio on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or wherever you listen to podcasts!). 

In today’s podcast:

I went over WHY orgasm can be difficult for women, and why that may actually mean that your body and brain are working just the way they’re supposed to

I talked about how it can feel to a woman if sex is always about him, for years on end, and she never experiences pleasure (and why we should care about women’s orgasms!). 

Rebecca joined me to discuss some of the things she learned that contributed to women’s orgasm rates.

We discussed a number of things, including how differently secular men’s websites talk about women’s orgasms and Christian resources talk about women’s orgasms. In secular resources, men are told: “Real men care about their partners experiencing pleasure. Only boys care about getting pleasure without giving.” They’re told that they need to man up and make her feel good. They’re told that it’s pathetic to not try to make her feel pleasure.

Yet in Christian resources, that isn’t the emphasis. Instead, women are told that they have to encourage men that they are good lovers–whether or not they are actually enjoying themselves. In Christian resources, men’s egos often matter more than women’s pleasure. This is really a problem.

Then we discussed two of the interesting things that increased women’s orgasm rates:

  • Kissing during sex
  • Being able to tell your husband what feels good (and what doesn’t) and stop him when something isn’t feeling good

We think this is because intimacy matters, but also, again, that unless we can communicate, sex won’t feel good. But when women are told that their job is to make him feel really good about sex, then how are women supposed to feel free to speak up? We really need to change our messages around sex, because women’s experience does matter. And there are ways that you can speak up without him feeling terrible!

Then Connor and Rebecca talked about the difference between “our sexual needs” and “her needs” and “his needs”.

In marriage, we’re one flesh. That  means that one person’s needs are really the marriage’s needs. We’re a unit now!

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Timeline for the Podcast:

0:30 Our ‘How to Have an Orgasm Course’ is coming soon!
1:12 Do you sometimes feel like you’re broken?
3:45 Why I Speak About Sex
6:30 Unpackaging Women’s Sexuality
12:05 Acknowledging how Body/Relationship/Identity/Trauma issues affect our sex lives
14:30 Your Brain and Body are trying to PROTECT you!
19:10 An analogy to help men understand what the ‘one-sided’ sex experience is like for women
22:50 Rebecca shares some entertaining research on orgasms!
33:55 Rebecca and Connor talk: “Do People have Sexual Needs, or do Relationships have Sexual Needs?”

Things Mentioned in this Podcast:

The Orgasm Series:

  • You Are Not Broken if Orgasm is Elusive
  • The Orgasm Podcast 
  • When You’re Frustrated that Orgasm is Hard for You–and Easy for Him (October 12)
  • How Do I Not Feel Self-Conscious about what it Takes to Reach Orgasm? (October 13)
  • Figuring out What’s Holding You Back from Orgasm (October 19)
  • What if My Husband Feels Self-Conscious about Talking about Sex? (October 20)
  • The Orgasm Course Launch (October 26–we hope!)
  • Start Your Engines Podcast: When your wife has difficulty with orgasm (October 29)

And don’t forget to check out:

  • 31 Days to Great Sex
  • The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex
  • And sign up to be notified when The Orgasm Course launches!
Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

Related Posts

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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11 Comments

  1. Phil

    Sheila & Company – Always love tour perspectives and insights! Have great day!

    Reply
    • Phil

      Your….

      Reply
  2. AJ

    You are definitely not broken, you just haven’t solved the puzzle yet. As a man I firmly believe it is my responsibility to create an atmosphere where my wife can experience sexual pleasure to the fullest potential. However, it is ultimately up to my wife to decide in her own mind that sex is good, she wants sex and it will be pleasurible. In other words she has to allow herself to enjoy sex by fully focusing on how her own body feels and not worrying about how her I feel, how she looks or anything else. It took 18 years for my wife to get to this point. When this happened, she went from experiencing one orgasm about half the time we had sex to ALWAYS having multiple orgasms EVERY time we have sex. He desire for sex and the frequency for which we have sex also increased significantly. When this overnight change occurred it had NOTHING to do with how she was being stimulated or the amount of foreplay or anything like that. It was entirely a change in the way she viewed and thought about sex. I believe this is probably the main reason why many woman struggle with orgasm. However this is ONLY THE CASE IF the following is true:
    Your relationship with your husband is generally good, you feel safe and cared for when you’re with your husband, you feel emotionally connected to your husband, your husband cares about your pleasure and wants to help you orgasm, your husband is reasonably knowledgeable about the anatomy of your body and understands which areas provide you the most pleasure, he understands that straight up penis in vagina sex might not be the most enjoyable thing for a woman.

    Reply
  3. Aaron

    Oh my word yes! Our sex life has always been awesome, after the first six years that is. But about a year or so ago my wife told me she decided to throw herself completely into sex, no holding back. Now she is like a whole different woman in bed, multiple orgasms every time we have sex, sex six or more times a week, half or more instigated by her. And it was all because of her change of mind. Nothing I did or could have done could have done that for her.

    Reply
  4. AspenP

    Well yay for all the TLH&V men crushing it in the bedroom, 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Keep talking to your Christian guy friends and changing the culture around how the church talks about sex.
    Sheila, thanks for all you’re doing to biblically talk about mutual pleasure. It’s important & your writing is a regular encouragement to me. It has brought me so much healing to change how I viewed sex.

    Reply
  5. Jane Eyre

    Regarding men taking criticism and women not feeling comfortable communicating what they don’t like: one of the reasons that I no longer bother trying to change anything is that nothing changes. I don’t mean “nothing changes” the first time or he tries something else and it doesn’t work – I mean, by the tenth time, I feel like a harridan and nothing changes.

    Reply
  6. Catherine

    ‘Our purity is not based on what we do with our bodies. Our purity is based on what Jesus did with his!’ Wow! Love this Sheila. Thank you for your fantastic work.

    Reply
  7. Lisa

    Catching up on the podcast this morning. I listened to the dinner analogy, and it occurred to.me that after a few weeks of going to dinner, the husband may stop putting in an order. I know I have stopped ordering! Also, his buddies would tell him to eat first, so we should dub pre-and-post dinner snacking as sinful – he eats with his wife and only with his wife and he should be enthusiastically happy and content with whatever nourishment he receives!

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      OH, my gosh. That is so good. I love how everyone keeps adding improvements to the Dinner Saga! I’m going to put all these together and release them when our new book is out. This is great!

      Reply

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