Recent Posts
Why the Patriarchy-Egalitarian Spectrum Is Deceptive: Egalitarianism is the Middle!
I’m often accused of swinging the pendulum to the other extreme. Note: this article appeared on my Substack last week, and I wanted it here to to preserve it on my website! Plus I added some good stuff to it! I remember a commenter writing about how her husband was...
Casual Sex the Christian Way
In Christian marriage advice, sex is supposed to be deeply intimate--until it's not. Here's what happens: Before marriage, Christians are told that sex is deeply intimate. That it bonds you together. That as you get closer and love each other more, you're going to...
PODCAST: The Problems with For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn
For Men Only presents such a sad view of marriage! Written by Shaunti Feldhahn and her husband Jeff, it's a companion book for her best-seller For Women Only, that we've talked about before. This is a conversation that Rebecca has been wanting to have since we first...
Women Have Agency: You Don’t Have to Obey Churches or Husbands Who Want to Control You
Yesterday I had a message from a woman being summoned in to defend herself to a toxic elders' board. She had been going to a very hierarchical, controlling church and had realized it wasn't healthy and had decided to take her family and go elsewhere. The elders' board...
Anger vs. Pity: What Is the Appropriate Emotion to Those Espousing Male Hierarchy?
What if pity is actually a good strategy? And what if pity reveals a bit of God's heart too? Let me tell you about something that blew my mind yesterday, and I was dreaming about all night. I saw a reel last night where Jameela Jamil was talking about our reaction to...
PODCAST: I Belong to Me with Tia Levings
How do yo find yourself again after emerging from fundamentalism? Many of us have had religious trauma from our church upbringing, or a dysfunctional marriage where we've stayed because we thought God wanted us to. We've endured so much, and have been taught that our...
When Trauma from Sexual Dynamics in Marriage Hits You Decades Later
It's moving day for me! We're leaving our house of 19 years and heading to our new place! So I wanted to share something different today. So many people send me their stories (and I'm so touched and honoured!), and this woman's really resonated with me because I know...
Do Women Care about Men’s Appearance?
Are women visually oriented? What we usually hear in the church is that God made men to be visual (the Every Man's Battle authors say that God made men to receive sexual gratification through the eyes). Women, on the other hand, just aren't. We aren't visual at all....
PODCAST: Who Bears the Mental Load for Sex?
Women have a harder time enjoying sex--so why is the mental load left to her? Today on the podcast we play a bunch of clips of different pastors/speakers that show all the different ways that the mental load & emotional labour for sex are so often placed on...
How Eric and Leslie Ludy Equated the Rape of a 12-Year-Old with “Losing Her Virginity”
Eric and Leslie Ludy completely distort the trauma of sexual assault This husband and wife team (who got together first when he was 21 and she was 16) wrote one of the "Bibles" of purity culture--When God Writes Your Love Story. We talked about it at length in our...