The COVID Podcast: Can You Be Happily Ever After 24/7?

by | May 7, 2020 | Uncategorized | 4 comments

Staying Close During COVID
Merchandise is Here!

With COVID keeping many of us cooped up with our spouses and our kids 24/7, can we stay close?

On today’s podcast, we tackle some reader questions that came in about how to stay close even when you’re together ALL. THE. TIME.

Connor and Becca give some insight, and I answer some reader questions, too!

Listen in:

Reader Question: What if you don’t feel sexy anymore?

A woman asks:

Reader Question

How do you feel sexy during quarantine? I need some practical tips and spiritual insight. (The hubs wants more sex–I am so not in the mood, since my hair has turned brown, my eye-lashes fell off, and I just feel GROSS.) The situation makes me think about how we tie up our sexiness in thought that we are/need to be  pretty and that our partners need to think we are, in order for us to feel desired. But I know that’s messed up, so I don’t think it’s just a practical issue, I feel it’s spiritual issue for me as a woman. But I still don’t know how to get there, so could use some practical, theological direction.

I’d love your insight into this, too! A few quick thoughts:

I agree that beauty is not just skin deep. It’s what on the inside. But at the same time, I do think that how we take care of ourselves affects our libido. That’s not necessarily because we think we’re pretty; but more libido is tied to feeling turned on to life in general. When you stay in yoga pants and sweatshirts, it can feel comfy, but you don’t feel productive or energized usually. I think the more that we can use this time to feel like we still have purpose, like we can still be part of making the world a better place (even if it’s just baking bread or cleaning out a closet) the more turned on to our husbands we’ll be.

That being said, it’s just a really stressful time for a lot of people. Give yourself a break. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

And one more thing: If your husband wants sex, then HE thinks you’re attractive–even if you don’t! So try my 24 sexy dares, maybe just one a week? They can help you feel sexy, too!

Does your marriage need some spicing up–and some fun?

Try these 24 dares–plus one bonus–to take your marriage to the next level!

Reader Question: How do we like each other when we’re together all the time?

A woman writes:

Reader Question

Hi, I would love it if you could address some ways to navigate quarantine and still be happy on the other side! My husband and I have been married over a decade and are really happy for the most part. I love having him around and he often worked from home before quarantine and we both love that arrangement but quarantine brings a whole new level of being in each other’s space alllll the time.

This might be fine if it were just us but add in a bunch of rowdy kids and a baby that hates sleep and it’s struggle street. We are exhausted and short with each other and things that don’t usually bother me are super irritating right now. Sex has taken a back seat because we are just so physically and emotionally drained all the time. Added to that is the fact that the baby has decided she won’t settle before midnight so there isn’t even any opportunity to have sex, even if we were in the mood. Not having the chance to do the things we would usually do apart that we enjoy is also not helping.

Any ideas that might help us connect and survive this time well??

I let Connor and Rebecca handle this, since they work from home together all the time, and they have a baby, too (though they don’t have the extra kids!).

Again, my short answer would be:

  • Have grace with each other. It’s just a tough time.
  • Realize that with all of you together, the house is going to get messier. Staying on top of that relieves frustration.
  • Plan downtime for both of you.

I’m eager to hear your tips, too!

Reader Question: How do I counsel a teen who was raped?

A sad question on a different topic:

Reader Question

How can I help a girl in our youth group who who gave in to peer pressure to drink, found herself waking up from passed out to being pinned down, hand over her mouth and being raped by a much older guy. She is young in her walk with Jesus crazy home life, and previous sexual abuse. She has wants to grow with God but has so many questions of why. I don’t want to lead this young lady wrongly and desire greatly to be able to help her and love her through this but feel at a loss. I also, had sexual abuse growing up so I can relate in some ways but hoping for more help.

My quick answer: Sometimes the best way to help is to point people who are really equipped to help. Help her report it to the police, if she wants. It can feel empowering to understand that this is serious, and you do have options. And then seek out a licensed counselor who knows about trauma therapy.


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COVID may be a great time for some of us to start professional counseling. Many counselors offer counseling via Skype, and many of us have time on our hands now. Think about reaching out!

And now I’d like to know: What are your tips for staying close in quarantine? How do we give ourselves grace, and our spouses grace? How do we turn on our libido when we’re home all the time? Let’s talk in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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4 Comments

  1. Kya

    I haven’t listened to the podcast yet, so maybe you addressed this, but just in case you didn’t:
    To the woman with the first question, something that has helped me profoundly in this area is altering the media I consume. All the women you see on TV and in advertising, and even the influencers on social media that many women follow, portray the belief that women JUST AS THEY ARE are not beautiful. We need highlights, extensions, waxing, tanning, micro-blading, you name it! And when this media is all you see every day, it is so easy to believe that you aren’t beautiful if you don’t do those things. So I would encourage you to expand your intake. Find companies who use real women as models (Kindred Bravely does an excellent job–follow them on Instagram), and follow influencers who subscribe to less conventional beauty standards (meg.boggs on Insta is the first one that comes to mind, but there are many). It takes a while, and the change can be jarring at first, but looking at normal, imperfect women and seeing the beauty in them can carry over to seeing the same in yourself.
    (And there is nothing wrong with all the beauty treatments mentioned above–but you need to know that they are only enhancing the beauty you already have! I know several women who refuse to go out in public without makeup on because they think they are hideous without it, and it just makes me so sad. It isn’t true for any of them, but they can’t see that.)

    Reply
  2. Anon

    My wife and I love to be at home. We don’t get tired of each other that easy. I honestly dont know why. We don’t have a lot of sex but we are able to have longer sessions. Our kids aren’t home during the day so it’s only the two of us.
    For me it’s also good to be home because of a coworker I have. I struggle with being close to her. I don’t think it’s a crush but I don’t like being with her for too long. So not having to work close to her feels good.
    So for us this is working

    Reply
  3. Doug Hoyle

    Too much time together has not been an issue for us. I have been working away from home since before this all started. For awhile, I was close enough to get home on weekends, but the last month has had me more than 10 hours from home, so it hasn’t been possible. Finishing the job today and should be home this weekend. No idea what comes nexy, but I will enjoy some time together before the next one starts, even if it is just for a few days.

    Reply
  4. Em

    To the question about connecting right now, here are some things that are helping us. Time apart helps me be nicer to my family. In our small house that’s near about impossible to have unless one of us sits in the car for a little while (naps or works even!) or one takes the toddler for a drive and leaves the other at the house for a while.
    Are there ANY walking trails or County Lakes or fields in a 60 mile radius to your house the kids can run around and you and your husband can hang out? We’ve been listening to our church service outdoors lately, it’s much nicer than trying to listen indoors.
    As far as attitude towards each other, what has helped me is thinking about looking back at this time when it’s all over. Will I look back and only remember how grumpy I was at my husband and impatient with my daughter (yes). Is there anything looking back I will wish I had done differently?
    I can also tell a massive difference in how irritated I get when I don’t read my Bible at all during the day. I’m really struggling with being irritated too and just telling God I know my attitude needs to change helps.
    One more connecting suggestion, could you each read a devotional like My Utmost (accessible online) or listen to a pod cast and talk about it when you get the chance?
    It has also helped lower the stress level to just accept that neither of us is going to get all our work hours in. Once this is over there will be chances to catch up.

    Reply

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