So what’s up with direct communication? Why is it so hard? And how can we do it better?
This week on the podcast we’re summarizing our whole direct communication series in half an hour, so that you can share it with your spouse! Plus we’re looking at a unique way to encourage communication with your kids.
So listen in!
Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:
Timeline of the Podcast
0:15 Announcements & Giveaway!
2:30 Direct Communication in Marriage ( NOT manipulation! )
8:15 Why Rebecca hates the ‘nagging’ argument
12:00 Why is Direct Communication so hard?
16:45 How to ‘properly give indirect directions’
20:04 A guide to passive aggressively communicating
29:00 False Teaching of the Week!
30:00 Brett Ulman Interview on Parenting
(Lay the Right Foundation, Annual Family General Meeting, The Goal is to Launch Your Kids, The Importance of Relationship for Influence)
51:40 Encouraging Review!
What is Direct Communication?
Rebecca and I go over the basics of all the posts so far–plus Rebecca goes on a bit of a rant about nagging, and how it’s not the problem we think it is, while I, naturally, try to tone it down a bit. 🙂
Remember to subscribe to the email list, so that you can get our email at the end of the month with our “couples homework” to explain the direct communication series to your spouse, and go over some exercises to help you improve!
Win a copy of our Sexy Dares!
We’re giving away ONE copy of our Sexy Dares to someone who signs up to our email list this week–and ONE to someone who is already signed up.
Brett Ullman and the Annual Family General Meeting
I had a great talk with Brett, who is the author of Parenting: Navigating Everything. It’s a huge, comprehensive resource covering everything about parenting from the newborn years to the teen years, with a focus on growing healthy communication and healthy emotional relationships, so that when they’re teens you’re better able to handle the difficult stuff.
Brett’s been teaching across North America about handling crisis parenting–sexting; porn; kids acting out. He wanted to write a book that would help prevent parents from getting into that situation. I love this book because it focuses on research and what actually works, especially with discipline.
Brett explains more about Annual Family General Meetings in this video:
Brett Ullman travels North America speaking to teens, young adults, leaders, and parents on topics including parenting, mental health, men, sexuality, pornography, dating, and media. Brett’s seminars engage and challenge attendees to try and connect our ancient faith with our modern culture we live in. Participants are inspired to reflect on what we know, what we believe and how our faith ought to serve as the lens through which we view and engage tough conversations in our society today.
Husband to Dawn, and father of Bennett and Zoe, Brett and his family make their home in Ajax, Ontario where Brett leads and directs Worlds Apart, a charity focused on empowering individuals to re-align their lives with Biblical core values often muddled by media but central to Christian living.
Brett was a teacher with the Toronto District School Board for 10 years before moving into speaking full-time back in 2005. Brett has a Master’s degree in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton Graduate School in Chicago and is also a graduate of the Arrow Leadership Program. He and his family attend Sanctus Church (formerly C4 Church) in Ajax since 2002.
Things Mentioned in This Podcast:
- Brett Ullman’s website where he collates amazing parenting stuff, plus his book Parenting: Navigating Everything
- Our Patreon--support us for as little as $3 or $5 a month, and get access to behind-the-scenes things!
- My books The Great Sex Rescue and 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
- Our Direct Communication Series: Why it’s hard; what direct communication looks like; why it’s not mean; why women struggle with it; why men struggle with it.
- How to Eliminate Nagging for Good (from our Emotional Labor and Mental Load series)
- Subscribe to our emails to win a copy of our Sexy Dares!
Do you struggle with direct communication? Have you ever tried an annual family general meeting? Let’s talk in the comments!
The Direct Communication Series
- 5 Reasons Direct Communication is Difficult
- 6 Elements of Direct Communication
- Why Direct Communication Feels Mean–and Why It’s Not
- 3 Reasons Christian Resources Tell Women Direct Communication is a Sin
- 5 Reasons Christian Teaching Discourages Men from Communicating Directly
- The Direct Communication Podcast
- The Real Solution to Nagging
- How to Handle a Spouse’s Negative Reactions to Direct Communication (coming soon)
- 10 Tips to Having that Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Putting Off (coming soon)
- 10 Tips to Talking to Your Spouse About Your Sex Life (coming soon)
And please see my book 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, with lots on having difficult conversations and resolving conflict!
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
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I love what Brett said to the guy who asked about how he talks to his daughter who hates him about sex. You dont. Its kind of awful to say but yet like dude get a relationship with your daughter….what ever those words were something like your are not qualified to talk to your daughter about sex because you dont have a relationship with her….sigh..I am so happy – we dont have the perfect family but we do a lot of things that promote it….Funny podcast today…Becca you had me laughin quite a bit with your snarkyness 🤪
Exactly, Phil! So good.
And, yes, Rebecca asked on our email list a few weeks ago what else we should cover on the podcasts, and about 1/2 the responses were, “Rebecca needs to do more rants!”
I’m not sure why….I haven’t been seeing the emails. I think google might’ve categorized them as ads. I went in a searched my emails and the last date was Aug. 6th, so I’m still getting them. Just not seeing them.
They sometimes go into the promotions tab? You can whitelist the address and have it to go the inbox maybe?
I love how you teach us to have marriages based on equality and respect!
I just read an essay that offers a totally different “spin” on Gen 3:16 about man ruling over woman. It proposes that this is not instruction on how to have a godly marriage, but a warning of a threat their marriage will face. In other words, it is something to be avoided!
This was such a good podcast. I had the exact same reactions to Feldhahn’s and Eggerich’s characterizations of women being “impossible to understand, playing games,” etc. You can’t have it both ways. If you teach women that they must talk in some kind of code and never be direct, you cannot then turn around and claim women are illogical, confusing, or that God made women this way. If you have to explicitly teach women not to use direct communication with the “fragile” men in their lives, then God didn’t make women that way, it’s a learned and conditioned behavior.
I honestly don’t know how these authors avoid getting dizzy. I guess it helps them fluff up their books to keep talking in circles?
And letting your yes be yes and your no be no is biblical. Ha! 😉