Start Your Engines Podcast: On Frequency, Libido–and Being Sex Starved

by | Sep 24, 2020 | Uncategorized | 4 comments

Frequency of Sex And Feeling Frustrated: Men's Podcast
Merchandise is Here!

It’s time for our men’s podcast–and this week we’re continuing our conversation about libido differences and looking at frequency.

Keith and I focused on high drive husbands and high drive wives–and questions to ask if you’re feeling sexually deprived.

So first–listen in!

We talk about libido in very stark terms–so that we often misunderstand it and make problems worse.

One thing that Keith brought up in the podcast is that men are told that they will always have these ravenous libidos, and lust becomes a way of proving your manhood. In fact, the way that we talk about lust as being “every man’s battle” can actually make porn problems worse in young men (or start them in the first place) because guys think that if they don’t lust, they’re not real men. 

This also makes high drive wives feel very unloved, because they’re told their whole lives that their husbands will be all over them. So what happens if they aren’t?

We tackled a bunch of things in this podcast, from how scheduling sex can help if you’re married to someone with low libido; how we have to ask if we’ve been doing what we can to nurture our sexual relationship, rather than just assuming our spouse is at fault.

And, of course, if you want your wife to want sex, you have to give her something to want in the first place. So make it good for her!

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A Timeline for the Podcast

TIMESTAMPS:

0:30 What is the average frequency of sex in marriage?
6:10 How do we best discuss different libido levels?
7:45 The most likely reason your wife might not want sex
12:40 Reader Story: From a higher libido wife
15:00 Why your sexual needs might not be met just by having intercourse
20:45 Your wife isn’t methadone
24:00 In the church, why do we talk about lust the way we do?
26:15 A message for lower drive husbands
32:07 Some final tips to help your sex life

Things Mentioned in this Podcast

And, of course, sign up for my email list so you’ll be notified when The Orgasm Course is available!

How can we have those conversations when we’re feeling sexually frustrated? Do you agree that sexual frustration is often not just a frequency problem? Let’s talk in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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4 Comments

  1. Andrea

    I love that you referenced Sarah Diefendorf’s research! I think you were talking about her article “After the Wedding Night” or maybe that’s the follow-up on the guys from the accountability group after they get married. I found it heart-breaking how they felt uncomfortable asking their wives if sex was good for them and I thought Diefendorf did an excellent job in distinguishing between “sacred” and “beastly” discourse around sex. Also, I thought you might find it interesting that the study participants reported reading Sheet Music as marriage prep.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Now I have to go back and take a look at that! I know I read an article summarizing it, but it sounds like you have a lot more info than I did, so I’ll go take a look. Thanks, Andrea!

      Reply
  2. Martha

    So a couple who has sexual intimacy roughly once a week, their libidos are like medium or low..?

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      It’s just hard to say, because it depends on work schedules, kids’ ages, etc. If they have sex once a week and they’re both happy, that’s normal and average. If one wants it more, then I do think that they can likely work towards that, as long as she’s also receiving pleasure! (If not, they should really figure out the orgasm piece first).

      Reply

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