If single women feel excluded in church, then there is something really wrong with church.
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, which means that churches everywhere will be focused on sermons about love and couplehood and marriage.
And singles will likely, once again, feel left out.
I know that I’m guilty of this myself. I’ve been part of a couple since I was 21. My girls married really young. I tend to think in terms of the typical “family unit” when it comes to church.
But single Christians make up a large proportion of Christians, especially in their twenties and thirties. And single women are disproportionately represented, since women outnumber men in the church already.
Much has been written on how the church often excludes singles, but I read a letter on the blog last week that deserves its own post, and I’d like to write it out again and ask for your comments.
A woman wrote:
I’m a young widow in my 40s with several children at home. My beloved, amazing, kind, and all things good husband passed away several years ago. Since then I’ve felt completely and totally abandoned at church. I do have a Bible study group of women that I meet with, but that’s where it ends. The only people who sit by me occasionally are a single mom and older widow friend. I fit into zero groups offered at the church.
When I walk the halls, no one makes eye contact with me, and men literally look away as if talking to me as a now “single” woman is somehow inherently wrong. One man in particular knew my husband well and if I try to speak to him if he and his wife are sitting nearby, the awkwardness from him is palpable, and I think it’s because his wife feels awkward when I speak to him in her presence. Any invites have stopped from couple friends. My scarlet letter is now a W and I don’t know what I should do. I really think it’s the thwarted view of women that has landed me in this place.
I realize you focus on marriage/sex/and the roles of men and women and how the Evangelical church in general has distorted those. But I believe this issue fits right alongside your teachings and I’m coming up empty-handed on where to turn. The single mom friend mentioned above and I are talking about forming our own small group, but I think that’s just a bandaid and there’s a far greater issue at heart here.
I’m struggling here as I did not feel demeaned as a woman at my church until my husband died. Maybe I’m wrong to assume this treatment is because I’m a younger(ish) woman. My heart tells me I’m correct and that what I read about in your messages correlates to what I’m feeling.
One of the big reasons single women are often ostracized is that they are viewed as threats to men.
Men can’t look at single women because they have to “bounce their eyes” so they don’t stray.
Jesus didn’t act that way. Jesus didn’t ignore women or avoid women. Jesus sat in situations that would be socially unacceptable because He wanted people to see that He valued women as people–not as sexual commodities. He didn’t see them as threats to Him. He saw them as valuable individuals.
And then too often women see other women as threats to their marriages.
If a husband talks to a single woman, that might mean that a relationship will develop!
How do we bring back the expectation that men and women can be friends?
As Philip Payne talked about in yesterday’s podcast, 70% of the women that Paul named in Romans 16 were talked about in terms of the co-laborship in the gospel, an even greater percentage than with the men. Paul worked closely with women and valued that women’s work. They were his friends whom he admired.
He told us to greet each other with a holy kiss!
One of the reasons we have such lust problems in the church, I think, is that we can’t picture men and women existing together as anything other than potential sexual partners. But that’s not a kingdom view. That’s not a Christian view. And if your church acts that way, then your church is not functioning as a church.
Here are a few more stories from single women on how the church handles singleness:
I’m 32 next month and I have never married, never had children, never had a significant other, period. Once I was no longer a full time college student, I felt incredibly left out, and it’s just gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I have a close friend who goes to the same church as me and I’ve watched her “level up” as she got engaged, got married, and had a baby. I’m treated so differently than she is, by both men and women, I’ve watched become worse over the years. (We both have, we both hate it.) But the women not talking to me gets me more than the men. I’m craving Christian women fellowship, but no one but my pastor’s wife and some of the older, retired women seek me out. Women my age don’t talk to me. I go to bible study when I can, but my work schedule often gets in the way. I’ll be standing right next to my friend and people will talk to her and not to me. I’ve seen couples make plans with my friend and her husband and I’m standing right there and they’ll either ignore me or awkwardly say something like “oh we’d love to have you over too sometime,” but then never follow up on that. Being single in an evangelical church really sucks sometimes. So much focus on marriage and family and I can’t really take part. Evangelical churches need to do better.
So I’d like to throw this out to you:
What can we do about this? How can we encourage healthy friendships among men and women? How can we include single people naturally in everything that we do, rather than making them feel subpar, like they don’t belong?
Let’s talk in the comments. And this year, let’s make sure that no one in our social circle feels excluded at church simply because they’re not part of a couple.
Single almost 37-year old here. Never been married, dated, or anything. Want to know how to include us? INCLUDE US. By and large, we see our friends getting married, having kids, and becoming more accepted and invited into church circles. We are completely aware most people in the church come as a package deal…and we are ok with that. We’re not demanding a monopoly on your time…we just want to be included in your lives. Let’s have dinner, spouse and kids included. Let’s occasionally meet for drinks or just hanging out. Tell us what’s going on in your life. I feel like so often people tell me I wouldn’t be interested in their week because it was all spouse and kids. No, that’s important to you, and you are my friend, so it’s important to me.
My biggest pet peeve (putting that mildly) is when people just assume that because I’m single, we’re not on a level playing field anymore, or I’m no longer interested in your life. I’m sorry, did getting married turn you into a different person that I don’t know anymore?
I could go on, but I’m trying not to make this into a book. TL;DR, if you’re married, hang out with your singles. Include us. Don’t make us your mission projects; make us your FRIENDS. We are so much more reliant on our friends community than married people are, please don’t deprive us of it because you think you know what we’re looking for
Totally agree! Include them as people. Go for a walk and talk, coffee, invite them to family events, showers, kids birthday parties, picnics, sporting events. I have several very good single friends – long divorced, never married, young single- easy to include them. And if we stop having so much focus on Christianity for women being about being a helpmeet/wife it should be easier to include them in every Bible study because the gospel is for all.
I love this, Kristen. And I have always tried to do this, and actually Really want it—it’s weird to me to only have “married” or “mom” friends, but I have a question:
Can you explain why I actually feel the opposite sometimes? As though single friends and single people I met after marriage, etc., stopped wanting to hang out with me once I got married and/or had kids?
This actually makes me really sad. It felt like I was some different species, or that if going out by myself wasn’t always an option for me, that single friends didn’t want that part of my life? I stopped getting invites to things, and when I invited them to things that might involve husband or kids, I felt like I rarely got a “yes”. (I can think of 2 friends that were exceptions, so this is by no means me saying “everyone”.)
Is there something that I’m missing here or don’t understand? Has anyone else felt like this?
Disclaimer: I have never seen my single friends as projects or ever tried to set them up on dates (haven’t we outlawed this?! Lol) and can think of only a handful of times where I’ve asked them to babysit, but only after they specifically (without prompting) offered and never as a proxy for our relationship (and only because there is mutual affection between them and my kids). I really, really just like them as people.
It’s difficult to know what causes this without knowing the specific people, but from my own experience, I’d say it could be a number of things:
1) Singles who’ve been ‘burnt’ by being treated as ‘less than’ by other married Christians might be wary because they don’t know you’re not going to be treat them the same way.
2) For those who are struggling with singleness/childlessness, they may find it painful to socialise with someone who has what they want – one of my friends has cut me off since I got engaged because she can’t cope that I’m married and she’s not
3) Teaching in the church may discourage them from mixing with married women. I attended one church which tried to enforce strict segregation – once you were engaged, you mixed with engaged and married couples. Anyone attempting to break this segregation would be told their behaviour was ‘inappropriate’ (and I’m not talking opposite sex friendships, but a friendship between a single girl and a married one!)
4) Some may just assume that you won’t be into the same stuff any more – or they themselves prefer to only mix with people who are in the same season of life as they are.
Hi Megan
I think Angharad brought up some really good points about it, especially about single Christians getting burned by people who are married who just see us as mission projects (ie, matchmaking, your do good event by inviting us over). I also wonder if the singles in your life maybe feel they might be intruding? Even if you’re inviting them, they might feel like it’ll be awkward or they’ll just be a third wheel. Or when they stopped inviting you, it might be because they’ve been in similar situations to me where I’ve invited married friends out and been told no so many times that eventually you just start feeling like a bother and stop inviting. That’s happened to me A LOT.
Does it make a difference if your husband is joining or not? Like, are your single friends more interesting in hanging out with just you or with you and your spouse? I wonder if that might make a difference. And especially where there might be kids, some singles just don’t want to be around that, or they don’t want to get in the way.
Nice write up.
Very considerate of you to take the time to say this.
Thank you
Hi Kristen. I’m happy about your blunt advice. “Include us!” I will just put in my two cents from the other side of “the fence”. As a single person I did see some friends reaction to other friends getting married. There was very much an expectation of that friend now being unavailable, uninterested etc. I know of at least one case where the friend getting married felt she lost her friends because they wrote her of now that she was getting married.
I married at 28 (now37). I moved away from where I studied a year before, and left many of my single friends (male and female). Had a baby after 9 months and really felt the chance in my life. I felt so stationary. If she had gone to bed one of us were stuck. The same was the case for other friends with kids. How I longed for my single friends to come over for a cup of tea after bedtime. To talk about grown up stuff, help take me out of my baby bubble, remind me I was more than a mother. Well, they were 10 hours away, so…
I did talk to one of my still single friends about this relatively recently. I think we sometimes are at cross purposes. Singles feel unwanted, married feel they have nothing to offer (the singles have way better things to do). Single friends maybe underestimating the change adding a baby brings to flexibility, bandwidth etc. I wish we could just all be better at seeing each other and looking out for each other.
Let me just end with this. I’m not trying to comment on your situation specifically. It’s rather appalling to talk/not talk to people right in front of you based on marriage status. Also, most activities done with couples could accommodate singles too, so, to be frank, rude!
Hi, Ashild
Thanks for being so candid! I wish this was something more people would be willing to have candid talks about, especially if we’re coming from each side of the ‘fence’ as you say 🙂
You’re absolutely right, this is a situation that is going to be different from person to person, especially when there’s a baby involved, or if the single person wants to be married or is happy being single. I truly hurt for those who are single and want so badly to be married that they feel they have to cut themselves off from their married friends so they’re not rubbing salt in the wound
I feel like this is almost a circular argument, because in order to know where your friends of another marital status are on these things…you have to know them well enough. And in order to know them well enough…well, therein lies the very issue we’re discussing…not very helpful
I think the best ways, often, are to just normalise talking about people not in terms of their marital status. My church has single people in leadership and onstage, as well as married people. We don’t create groups based on married/single, but rather location, and on occasion men and women. I think a lot of progress could be made if we stopped putting marriage up on such a high pedestal. It’s an important part of people’s lives, for sure, but there’s also so much more to everyone we spend time with. If we can move past that…stop seeing friendships between marrieds and singles as the exception and sometimes even a threat…we could make huge strides just in inclusion in the church
Sorry for the novel-length response…dialogue is hard in a comments thread. But I appreciate your thoughts on the matter 🙂
Thank you for the “novel”. You have so many great points! I do think a lot would be better if we would be more open, in general, and as you say, look to people, not their marital status.
Another point in the article, that I didn’t address, is the notion of single ladies being perceived as a threat. Where THAT is the case I believe there is way more unpacking to do, and I think Sheila does such a great job of addressing this in her work. Thank goodness I never let the “all men lust”-messages seep into my brain. I feel truly sorry for those that cannot trust their spouse – be it because of messaging (bad) or actual reality (worse). Let’s all be influences towards healthy changes in our spheres of influence.
All the best to you going forward.
Single, faithful Christian man here – let me tell me why I can’t women from church l.
A man gets exactly one (1) chance to date one (1) woman from his church. If he asks someone out, every other woman will never go out with him because she wasn’t his 1st choice. So if the relationship never takes off, he will have wasted his one and only opportunity to meet a marriage partner.
If he asks out several women, he becomes “the guy who asks everyone out.” And women will feel like they aren’t special to him. Or worse, they think he’s promiscuous.
We can’t win, so we’ve stopped playing the game.
That’s a sad reality; I’ve observed it too. Singles needing to visit around to different churches for this reason. It doesn’t mean you can’t interact and treat single women at church as sisters and full human beings. There’s a LOT of real estate between treating the single women as Jesus did, and dating them. It’s not either/or. “Either I date them, or I can’t interact with them” is not how Jesus approached it.
Thank you so much for thinking about the single people in the Church! This is such a necessary topic. And I think it is deeply connected to the attitude the conservative evangelical church has towards women. A low view of singleness translates into a low view of women, because it says that women only have value through their roles as wives and mothers. I teach at a small, Christian liberal arts college, and many young Christian women enter into real spiritual crisis when they graduate from college without getting engaged or married. The Church has taught them that their value and that their participation in the Church is premised on their ability to get married and have kids. And yet Scripture tells us something completely different, about both singleness and women. I’ve been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to study this question and write a book about it — The Significance of Singleness.
Oh Kristen I wish we could have lunch and talk about this! Congratulations to Sheila for bringing this situation to light! I became a Christian only a few years ago so already with husband and child. My husband hasn’t made the journey to Christianity yet so I go to church by myself / with my child. People are really friendly until they find out my husband isn’t a Christian and won’t be coming with me to Christian events. At this point I’ve been actively excluded from a lot of their groups. Once I was actively included in a bible study group which I loved and was so grateful for until the leaders wife told me I was too pretty. That was the end of that. I’ve tried quite a few churches and the result continues to be the same, just the excuses of exclusion change such as ‘I’m a different part of the body of Christ so I need to find my part’… in my experience 98% of the time it’s the married women who exclude me.
I agree with Kristen – the best way to include singles is to include them!
Mix up your midweek Bible studies/housegroups/lifegroups so that you don’t have all-marrieds or all-singles.
Invite singles round for meals – and NOT just when you are trying to matchmake or when you want someone to entertain your kids after Sunday lunch so you get some peace and quiet. (As a single, I gave up accepting invitations to meals from church folk, because I learned that they only ever wanted a free babysitter or else to pair me off with a guy who was single for all-too-obvious reasons)
If you are in a church leadership position, then ‘audit’ your church for how single-friendly it is. Do you refer to ‘family’ services or ‘all-age’ services? Do you have both singles and marrieds in leadership/public roles? Do your speakers use illustrations that are relevant to all or do they use ones that only apply to spouses or parents (e.g. ‘We all know how hard it is to find time without the kids interrupting’ or ‘Ladies, you all know what it’s like to get annoyed with your husband’.) If you have men’s or women’s meetings or conferences, are they at times that work for EVERYONE and not just the married-with-kids and are the topics relevant to ALL men or women, not just the married ones? And if you’re not in a position of leadership, then keep lobbying the leadership to make these changes, and keep calling out behaviour that is unwelcoming to singles and challenging your church to change.
And finally, can men please, please, please STOP REFERRING TO SINGLE WOMEN AS A ‘THREAT’ TO YOUR MARRIAGE!!!! I have lost track of the number of times I’ve heard this in sermons and Bible studies over the years. Single women are not a threat to your marriage. YOUR ATTITUDE toward them may be, but they are not responsible for your attitude. And if the way you are viewing single women is a threat to your marriage, then you are also not a safe person for single women to be around. So stop blame-shifting!
When I was younger (i.e., more threatening to marriages) I used to get so mad at women who endorsed this view, but now I think how horrible it must be to be married to a man you can’t trust. Especially because you can only control him in church, but what do you with all the single women he meets at work, the dentist’s, the gym, etc.
Also, funny story, I once reacted with “eeewww” to a woman making a joke about me and her husband, and she got offended! So then I got to call her out on it, like what, you want me to be attracted to your husband?
“All single women are a threat to your marriage” enables adultery.
Obviously, there are loads of married women and married men who have engaged in adultery with each other.
I’m going to explain this badly: when you’re talking about something like adultery, you’re looking for an anomaly. Think, Sarah’s husband interacts with Leslie in a way that is totally different from the way he interacts with other women. He notices how attractive she is, while he is almost blind to the equally attractive other women in the parish. He flirts, he grins, she flirts back. He comments on her nice body.
Imagine a world in which “every woman is a threat.” Do we expect Sarah’s husband to act this way around every unmarried woman? Yes. Is this an anomaly? Nope, perfectly normal for him to stare at her (covered) boobs. All men do this!
Imagine a world in which we expect men to treat women platonically, and Sarah’s husband usually does that, just not with Leslie. Do we worry about how he interacts with Leslie? Yes. We are worried about this specific interaction with this specific person.
A world where you view everybody else as a threat sounds like a recipe for hypochondria and panic attacks.
The problem is the church has made an idol out of marriage and anyone who doesn’t have this is seen as less than normal. Singleness isn’t seen in the same way even though jesus himself was single. I’ve seen too many married people stay in miserable marriages because they’re scared of being devalued or ignored by other marrieds if they separate. What I would say is don’t be so quick as a married person to judge or ignore single people. Life is uncertain and you don’t know what lies around the corner for you, I’m not wishing harm on anyone but it’s too easy sometimes for married people to get comfortable and not think that could be me next.
Thank you Angharad! Especially for your last thought.
“Single women are not a threat to your marriage. YOUR ATTITUDE toward them may be, but they are not responsible for your attitude.”
I train with women at Jiu Jitsu. I spend time with women in my day to day life. I think that part of it is realizing that people can enjoy each other’s company without it being a sexual ploy.
I used to do martial arts too as a teenager/younger adult. I always felt like it was so strange that I could practice randori with guys and it was never a problem, but church spaces felt so gender-segregated?? (FYI randori is jiujitsu skills practice, ie basically wrestling on the floor!)
Yep. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a full contact sport and I have trained alongside men and women no problem.
I have to admit I can talk with women about lots of things from weird fiction to recipes. I admit however that the idea that men and women can not be friends is absurd to me.
I have enough issues as it is for me to want to jeaprodise the friendships I have made women included.
The world is a strange place.
I think the ancient church does a much better job of understanding and valuing being single and a Christian. My question is why is a single woman or man any more of a threat to a marriage than another married person? I am an older single woman who feels called to serve Christ as a single person. Really sisters and brothers my relationship with Christ means way to much to me to ruin it with a sinful relationship. Why the assumption that a single Christian would be more susceptible to committing adultery? What about another unhappily married person? It’s been a very lonely walk in American evangelical churches and talking to men even about sports or theology has gotten me dirty looks.Thank God I have deep friendships or I probably would be out of church. This topic really needs new perspectives and open dialogue. The other thing that would be helpful is seeing singles in places of leadership. Many single women are not drawn to church because they do not see themselves using their gifts there. Thank you for addressing this topic. It’s often a topic that carrie’s many false assumptions.
Two great books on this topic:
Aimee Byrd’s Why Can’t We Be Friends? and Katie Gaddini’s The Struggle to Stay, Why Single Evangelical Women Are Leaving the Church.
Aimee Byrd recalls an incident when she had a meeting with a group of men that ended late and her car was parked in a poorly lit place in not a great part of town and none of the men would walk her there or offer her a ride. She was married at that point, but without her husband present still a threat. She said her husband was so mad when she told him that none of the men felt responsible for her geting home safely.
I do NOT understand this. When I was on a committee with my church a few years back we were often at the building late, just a small group of us. Once when my car’s steering belt snapped we were waiting for a tow truck and everyone else had to go for various reasons, so there was no question or weirdness, one of the guys with no plans stayed until the tow truck came. And then, when the tow truck came and the guy was a very brash and, frankly, creepy dude, I got a ride home with my friend from the committee without even having to ask.
It’s. Not. That. Hard. When. The. Church. Expects. People. To. Not. Be. Creeps.
Becca, Speaking of periods why do women always think period jokes are funny? You remember that picture of you from Katies wedding shower? I almost won that contest. You know what I lost to? A period joke. So I came in second but thats not it. The number is 3 isnt it? You had 3 guys and 3 women on your committee right? So it was equal. To 6 total. No creepy dudes allowed.
Being from the South I can’t fathom the concept of not waiting with a woman alone in a situation like that. My ancestors would probably come out of the grave and get me if I was to leave a woman alone in such an emergency. To do so is just wrong!
1. Understand that married people are a tragedy away from being single themselves. It isn’t “us vs them,” because “us” can become “them” with a horrible car accident or a coronary. Think about the Golden Rule in that context – how would you want to be treated if you became widowed tomorrow?
2. Understand that maybe single people don’t like being treated differently when they get engaged/married, either. This one sent me up a tree. I haaaated the way some people treated me differently (and frankly worse) when I got engaged. They got engaged at 21 so they treated me like a glorified kid. Let’s say that wasn’t good for anyone.
3. Understand the difference between friendship and pre-adultery. Sure it’s good to be on guard and understand how “these things“ develop, but there’s no need to cut off your opposite sex friends.
My basic rules for male friends: they support my marriage. They are kind to my husband.
Even if I’ve know them for 15 years, we don’t do things like get drunk alone together, but I didn’t do that before getting married either. I might go alone on a trip to see a female friend but wouldn’t go alone to see a male friend. But that doesn’t mean we don’t get coffee or lunch or whatever if I am in town on a business trip.
As a 34 year old single woman who’s never married or found the right guy yet I totally relate to feeling rejected and left out.
I can’t say I fit in any groups in church, I only hang around a few people who don’t see me as an older kid and make time to get to know me. I would love for churches to stop making assumptions about single people’s availability to serve and give. Yes I’m single but that doesn’t mean I’m free to serve in every ministry or give to every project or babysit your kids. I actually have to work and pay for a mortgage and live. It’s sad the church can be the one place that singleness isn’t tolerated. Despite this I’m learning to live my life and love who God has made me with no apologies. I would also say that there are a few good churches that provide balance, I just wish there were more.
Glorified kid…at least you got the glorified!! Haha. I’m still relegated to the kids’ section in some people’s minds, solely by being single. Like, come on, my 30+ years of experience don’t count for anything? 😆
I felt weird in a childless couple surrounded by childbearing couples, but I didn’t feel like individuals were directly judging me, just the larger church culture was judging me. It was still awkward because I didn’t fit in when all the moms were talking about their kids. Meanwhile, the dads talked about more non-kid stuff, and occasionally about their children’s poop, so my husband was fine.
Last night I had to re-sign into my Hulu account for my wife. When I signed in it said Welcome Poop. 🤣. I looked at my wife and we both started busting out laughing. I said WTF? (Where’s The Fish?) My youngest son had renamed his account as Poop. I cant help but wonder where he got that idea from. I went around the house calling “hey poop where are you?” He actually responded with a laugh lol but then he asked me why I was calling him poop? I said, Well, “you named yourself that!” He had forgotten he did that and thought he changed it back. There very well may be a large topic to cover here. Why do men think its funny to talk about poop? LOL. Yeah..not here though lol. Funny Friday everyone.
In addition to what Anonymous305 said, not all women are, well, girly-girls.
Thirty-five years ago, I majored in an engineering field where women made up only 10 percent of our graduating class. I don’t like wearing makeup, skirts, or dresses (including pantyhose–ugh), and I am not a hair messer. I prefer jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers, and “dressing up” is wearing my cowboy boots. I love using our Scag (who is named Havoc) as well as a saws-all and compound miter saw, and as i have repeatedly told Mr. R, I have saved him a shedload ton of house projects because tools don’t scare me.
Whenever Mr. R and I were at a mixed get-togethers (church and otherwise), I naturally hung out with the guys, because I wasn’t interested in fashion or hairstyles or new meal ideas, or kids, especially when we found out we were infertile. (And gosh, thanks to all the church folk who kept telling us to keep trying and have faith. 🤮 ) I wanted to talk about fighter jets and NASA missions and oddities that crop up in computer programming. (Like don’t send to the arccos function a number whose absolute value is greater than one, even if it’s “only” 1.000000000000000000019. 😆 )
I am a real-life Kaylee Frye (minus the weird obsession with a hoop-skirted dress).
So who was I “supposed” to socialize with? And if, while I was myself married, I was somehow a “threat” to some other marriage, welllllll, maybe that other woman picked poorly, which ain’t exactly my fault. Like, excuse me for existing in your proximity. 🙄
I am a starfish with sticking-out bits that simply cannot be folded into the tiny box that waaaaaay too much of Christianity hands out to women to squish themselves into. I need an extra-large, man-size box that allows me to move freely. And live freely. You don’t like it? Then take your bitching to God, because I am not wasting another minute of my life trying to live by any other human’s standards and preconceived ideas.
I hear you! My idea of ‘dressing up’ is wearing jeans that are clean and don’t have dog-hair on them (I do a mucky manual job and love gardening in my spare time, so I’m usually a total mess). And sooooooooo many churches have super-girly events. One church I went to had all its ladies events advertised on pink posters with a border of handbags and high-heeled shoes. And events to match. Great if you like that sort of thing but… It’s not just single girls that can feel like a fish out of water in church – I don’t feel much more like I belong now I’m married (and I’m a minister’s wife!)
I went to one church that had a really varied and interesting monthly programme for the men, with a wide range of speakers – in one year, they had talks by a Christian athlete, scientist, musician, craftsman, sailor… What did the women get? Tea, cake and an evening singing praise choruses… Apparently, women ‘wouldn’t be interested’ in speakers like the men had.
That last para… 🤬 🤬 🤬
Time to buy a strap-on penis for the next “men’s” talk.
Jo! I’m dying on the floor laughing over here!
😂😂😂
Angharad,
This here is why I am so over women’s events at church. I am a bit of a girly girl and love pretty things, but these events are mainly chit-chat, door prizes, and eating. Not much substance to the guest speakers’ messages. I think it’s great for those who are newer in their faith and want to socialize, but I want to listen to meaty theology. That’s just where I’m at in my relationship with God.
A funny story to illustrate that not all men or all women fit into the same mold: Several years ago, I was engaged to my ex-fiance and I told him how all the women got a free holiday cookbook at a women’s luncheon. He said he wished the guys got stuff like that at men’s events. My ex (now friend) is a professional bread baker and loves to cook.
At least those men’s program’s sound at least half interesting. Most of the time we’re expected to turn out and go ga ga over some football player or coach that loves Jesus.
Up until about five years ago there was an annual wild game dinner. None of the organizers hunted so they hit up those of us that did for meat donations. Three friends and I go to Montana for elk every fall so they would all hit us up every year. Well, we got tired of it all of us told them that we were hunting to feed our families and not the whole town. Also, it costs quite a bit to fly out there, get meat processed (if you get one) and ship it home. I was promptly told that I was robbing God and that people were going to go to hell because I wasn’t donating my elk. I replied that you’ve got as much chance to meet Jesus eating a TN whitetail as you do a Montana elk.
I cannot stand the women’s events at Evangelical churches. I no longer go to Evangelical places but I did for years. The women’s events were such stereotypes and I hated them.
I relate to this so much. Not sure I’ve ever been to a men’s only event (Bachelor parties, church things etc.) that I enjoyed. As soon as the last woman leaves, everyone else starts talking about knives and I want to stab myself with one. So, when’s the guy’s dessert night?
As far as church stuff is concerned, I can see some benefits to specific men’s/women’s social events/ministries, but most of the time I think it’d be far better to just make events based on things people might be interested in and see who shows up.
As long as you have a good way of making sure everyone at the DIY night doesn’t just start having sex with each other. Like, say, actual discipleship or having a church that doesn’t actively attract predators.
I agree. I don’t fit the gender stereotype that is blasted at Evangelical churches. Why not just have events and whoever wants to come can come? Why have women’s painting afternoon and men’s morning hike? Why not see who wants to paint and who wants to hike?
Jo R, I HATE when people assume “lack of faith” is the cause or “more faith” is the solution, as if there is no other reason for people to suffer and no possibility that they suffer more with the “lack of faith” false accusation.
Louder for the people on the front row…and behind the pulpit. 🙄
I wanted to say Amen to every paragraph.
I like kids all right and love hanging with all my bio and “adopted” nieces and nephews, but I don’t want to be shoehorned into the kindly church folks thinking my natural volunteer skill is watching kids or running a kids’ church. On mission trips, I’m the one climbing up on the roof trusses, mixing cement, wiring electrical, and hauling bricks. I work in a blue-collar industry where my workplace is 95% male – I’m a sailor and I run “ship church” for other sailors. It’s such a different world out at sea that I stick out like a sore thumb when I have to wear a dress to be allowed in the door at churches here.
Ooh, nice one, getting that Firefly reference in there. Kaylee’s one of my favourite characters. Do you do Crazy Ivans on your Scag? 😁
I’m not handy with the tools, but I can relate to being most comfortable in T-shirts and jeans, and I never wear makeup or fuss with my hair, apart from combing it occasionally. I’ve always felt a bit inferior around very feminine women. That’s my problem, not theirs, of course. Something to work on.
2 things which have helped me build relationships with women as a single woman – (1) if you are a SAHM accept that I need to ask you about your kids, husband, house, and you need to ask me about my job, etc. They’re not shared experiences but we can both develop a relationship by talking to someone about their life which is different from ours (2) Have a mix of women only and family time. I don’t want to be excluded from your family, and very happy to spend time with your whole family, but there may be conversations I want to have with just you (not your husband). Re friendships between men and women – I think often these are easier to develop in larger groups but not everyone has capacity to host more than one or two people at a time.
You are just the single friend I wished lived nearby when I was trying to transition into my live as a mother of number one! This is so good!
I have been single for a long time and never once felt like I was treated as a threat to anyone’s marriage. What I have issues with about being single inside a couples-oriented mindset in churches is that because I’m single, people take pity on me so they play matchmaker and I’ve often been asked to volunteer in various ministries. The assumptions here are that because I’m single, I must be lonely and miserable, I want to find someone (that was true most of the time), and that I must not have a personal life so I’ve got plenty of time to volunteer a lot at church. Not all single people are lonely and miserable and want to be fixed up (we’re capable of finding someone if we want to without help) and single people have jobs, homes, and other things going on in life. There are plenty of single people raising families.
For most of the years I’ve been single and active in church, I have been fortunate to have single friends and get involved in small groups with both married and singles without feeling excluded. When I became part of a couple and was briefly engaged five years ago, I felt that I was defined by my relationship and not as a person. If my fiance wasn’t at church due to work, people would ask where my other half was. I’d tell them that I may be in a relationship, but I am still a whole person.
Like one of the above commenters, I am sick of sermons geared toward married people with families as though the pastor assumes everyone in the congregation is married and/or has families to raise.
I’m a single 30 year old woman, never been in a serious relationship. Once a ministry commitment I’ve made at my church comes to an end this year, I’m going to be looking for a new church for many reasons, one of which is that there’s nowhere for me to fit as a young single woman at my church, and I’m dreading the search and having to walk in alone on Sunday morning. Any church I visit that presents itself as family focused will be an immediate no, because we all know what family means in the white evangelical church, and it always means two parent families with kids, sometimes single parents with kids. There’s no room to care for people who aren’t part of one of those units when your focus is the units.
At my current church, nearly all the people my age are already married with young kids, and they form their own small groups based on their stage of life. When the church sets up a specific Bible study, it’s almost always for married couples (yes, they did just do Love & Respect, ugh). I gave up on the women’s ministry partially because even when a study wasn’t supposed to be about marriage and motherhood, that’s the meat of what it ended up being. (The exception being the Beth Moore study we did on Esther!) For several years I was part of a thriving Bible study for young women that one of my friends was running, and the pattern was clear – as soon as a woman got married, she and her husband would join or start a young marrieds small group and she would fade out of our group. I understand why people want to be in close community with others in the same stage of life, but it’s really hard for anyone whose life isn’t following the traditional path on the traditional timeline to still be part of their community. My best friend got married last year, and it’s been incredibly difficult because we were each other’s default person for everything from emotional support to going out and doing something fun, plus being roommates, but now her husband is that person for her. I’ve never felt more alone in my life and had no idea how much grieving I would have to do as a result of her marriage and essentially being replaced.
The only place I fit naturally at church is volunteering, anywhere and everywhere. Lots of parents/married people volunteer a lot too, don’t get me wrong, but they also have a wider community with each other outside of the volunteering, and there isn’t really space for single people there, aside from the one or two who have made it into the cliques by being really extroverted and outgoing. Thankfully at my current church people don’t seem to have classified me or other single people as the weird sorta adult who hasn’t quite made it yet because not married. Instead they just don’t see me at all, really.
Also, when is the last time you’ve heard a sermon on singleness on a Sunday morning for the whole congregation to hear? You know how many sermons on marriage and parenting I’ve had to sit through? Even in other sermons the illustrations are always about spouses and kids. And if the singleness sermon is about singleness as a temporary state where you prepare yourself for marriage, it does not count. That’s a dating sermon.
Okay, that’s enough from me. Please could you have MaryB. Safrit on the podcast?
The only events I’ve ever seen for singles at the many churches I’ve attended or visited are 100% ALL focused on matching them up in holy matrimony with people of the opposite sex. As a result, I never attended any of them, even when the events otherwise sounded fun.
Why are we advertising church meat markets? People who want to find each other will.
I also want to say that with younger generations in particular (but not exclusively younger folks of course), we also need to be attentive to those who do not identify as hetero. Without going into a given church’s doctrine about LGBTQ+, when churches say the only events available for people who aren’t in a married couple are male-female meat markets, we are leaving out a lot more than just the disinterested hetero singles. In other words, if we create engaging religious events that are not episodes of The Bachelor(ette), we can be inclusive to a much larger community of folks who are otherwise walking out church doors and not coming back. Jesus was radically inclusive, without compromising his values; I believe our churches can and should be, also.
Maybe you’re not looking to get matched up, but many of us out here are, and we could use some help. NONE of the churches I’ve attended have had singles groups, because they didn’t want to get labeled a “meat market.” I would love to have access to some opportunities to find a spouse who has the same beliefs. I live in a small town, so my only current choices are the local bar scene, or dating apps that encourage men to view women as barbie doll choices rather than human beings with intellect and spirit.
At 53, I’ve served the church for years without much hope. The leadership focuses on young people and married people with kids. They are finally starting a singles ministry this year – for college and careers, under 30. I’m so frustrated I’m about ready to quit. I’m so sick of being overlooked, or altogether ignored by married people who just don’t know what to do with a single woman without kids. I feel I’ve been consigned to the garbage heap.
YES and SECOND to MaryB! Love her!
I’m no longer single, but I was until I MET my husband at almost 38, married just after 39. We’re still childless. I’ve been involved in churches the entire time, and as I’ve “graduated” (insert eyeroll here) to being a married woman, I’ve discovered that being a childless couple offers almost as much alienation as SO many things are focused on “family”, which inherently seems to mean, “with kids”. As a single woman, I was always grateful for spaces that seemed to see me and value me for my unique gifts, not my station in life, allowed me to lead small groups (including mixed gender, not just single woman!), and didn’t just look at me as a “break” from their kids (only to talk about their kids the whole time). My worst experience was at a church where all of the other women in my small group were SAHMs and spent lots of time together during the day, never invited me to any kind of gathering (I had a work schedule which would have occasionally allowed me to participate in daytime activities), and then would talk about said gatherings, inside jokes, etc, during the workday. The ONLY time they ever reached out to me individually was to ask me questions about their kids (I’m in healthcare). It was awful. We are whole people worthy of interaction without a spouse. And we are whole families who want to get to know other “families” even if we are married with no kids.
How about not setting up this dichotomy where single means unmarried without kids and family means married couple with kids? There is no place at all for single parents, especially if you’re divorced. We don’t even fit into the debate. We are cast aside from both groups and no one reaches out to us ever. We might as well be lepers. Oh, and our abusers are treated as equal parents with equal rights. So if we feel unsafe around them, we are shamed instead of protected.
Excellent point!
You know there seems to be a small solution sitting here in front of us for the single ladies. seems there are lots of single ladies here now. I know you want to be included and that’s fair. If you are in Greensboro NC this weekend my house is open to you. I have 3 bathrooms 🤣 However, I was thinking all the single ladies here could find a common space? People with a common topic who hang out with each other often find solutions together. Not trying to exclude by saying go away and form a group but its been my experience even using the blog here as an example. Together we have uncovered lots of answers…
I’m a single woman, never married and never had a serious relationship with a man ever. I’m fortunate enough to be part of a Christian church and Christian workplace that just treats me as a co-labourer in Christ. I’ve definitely had some experiences in church years ago where I was made to feel weird as a single, but not for a while. I think the difference is a few things: (a) a culture that sees both genders as people, on the same side, and able to share responsibilities together (b) respectful and encouraging leadership and (c) doing ministry together with little or no thought wasted on whether or not it’s ‘appropriate’ for a woman to be restricted from doing certain things because of her gender and actually just getting on and *doing the ministry.* I Co-lead a Bible study with a married woman and another woman who’s in a serious relationship, and I am not made to feel lesser than. I do a community ministry with largely older saints, men and women. In my work, I work with men and women in common cause (including working with men whose line managers are women, and who have no problem with a woman being their boss, which makes me more able to trust them as I observe their respectful attitudes to female authority). In short, it’s observing the ‘there is no male and female, but we are all one in Christ Jesus’ verse in practice.
I thought there were a lot of good points here, from “a culture that sees both genders as people” (at a time when people were arguing earlier today over the ethics of using brain-dead women as fetal surrogates) to men being able to work under a female boss without dismissing her authority or treating her disrespectfully. I used to work alone with one in many situations where I don’t doubt a lot of ‘church leaders’ would be uncomfortable or immature in that situation.
Phil, if I may point something out in honesty, I don’t know if the wife you mentioned in an earlier comment would appreciate your joking about bringing lots of single women over to your house, and I found it kind of disturbing.
Erik – sorry for you brother. My wife and I are people people. My inlaws are here right now that makes is seven. If you came over that would make you 8. The all the single ladies could come and we would be ONE. Jesus would like that Erik.
And as one of the single ladies on this thread, this is even more disturbing. Please stop, Phil
Kristen – here is what I have decided. I am going to stand TALL as I have done nothing wrong but invite my sisters in Christ to my house to fellowship and to have Community. If that disturbs you then I would encourage you to keep reading that bible. Best to you.
Phil-
1. I don’t know you. I’m assuming the other women in this thread also do not know you WHY would we want to come to your house, apparently overnight, based on your explaining the bedrooms?
2. The whole coming over and being ONE? That’s creepy. And sexual. Maybe you didn’t mean it that way, but that’s how a lot of people are going to take it. Again, due to your talking about bedrooms
3. You do not get to say what I find creepy. You do not know my story. I don’t know yours. Maybe you didn’t mean to come off as a creeper. But when someone says you’re being creepy and disturbing, the only acceptable response is ‘I’m sorry’ and to stop. You don’t need to know the why, you need only to know that this behaviour is not welcome nor acceptable, and to stop. If you do it elsewhere, that is up to you. But do not be telling me I am wrong because I see something that is interpreted as creepy and sexual, and I’m obviously not the only one who thought it was disturbing
4. What does my reading scripture have to do with any of this?
This was so hard to read but so welcome. Thank you. My parents didn’t exacerbate this (I was adopted later in life, so it may have just been them being old-fashioned, or Mom might have had hang-ups over not being able to conceive), but despite my attending an enormous number of churches as a child, the church I spent most of my childhood, where my uncle preached, in was big on purity culture in ways I don’t think he or my parents realized. The Christian clubs that met at my public school were big on “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” I thought that was just the way it was. The girl I had a huge crush on—she didn’t believe in dating boys who weren’t white, too bad for me—led one of those groups and regularly taught from that book (her family doesn’t endorse women pastors, but just go with it). My church’s youth leader, himself being roughly as old then as I am now, so he’d be in his mid-50s now, had been promiscuous prior to his first marriage and had been divorced and remarried before starting to teach us teens. Another leader at the church tried to use fear to remove our interest in sex. “Five minutes can kill you!!” Let’s just say that for some of the other students, it didn’t work. But all of this messed me up for years, to the point where I just blindly concluded that all of this was normal and that it wasn’t appropriate for me to ask my parents or my churches for practical positive advice on what to do.
Without going into details, I was able to overcome so much of this purity culture and start accepting my desire for Godly sexuality and marriage as being natural and healthy again, not something to be either flippant with or unduly ashamed of. Too much of the world’s portrayal, not even just of sex but also of marriage, seems to focus on circumstantial beauty with no substance (and sometimes a dismissive standard of morals), but too much of the church’s portrayal of both seems to focus on rules-making and little celebration of that beauty, including in the single person’s desire—I don’t think any one person ever overtly told me that my wishes were a good thing (as opposed to either ignoring them or teaching me to fear those desires) until I was in my mid-20s, and the person who told me that was a platonic female friend I’ve been good friends with for many years.
When I was in college, there was a virtuous girl in my Bible study I deeply cared for (and good news, this one wasn’t racist), but I never really had the opportunity to get closer to her even as we still talk as friends. But everything I’d been taught as a child gave me the impression that if I ever decided to “try out” fairly and honestly seeking out other women for a relationship, then I was somehow displeasing God or even being a pervert. It took me years to overcome this since churches never explicitly taught against it, and while I had plenty of great girl friends from this Bible study, my childhood teachings said to me that all those opportunities were nothing but temptations, and I watched them go away, one by one. Most of my closest friends have been women, many of which have been lifelong (a lot of the boys I grew up with in my Bible-belt public school were psychopaths, and some of them had such dangerous ideas that if they’d been allowed to act on them, they’d still be in jail).
There are just as many men shaming women for one thing or another now as there were then. Whether it’s shaming them for their fashions, their jobs, or even for somehow being responsible for men who exploit and traffic them because of “confused men not knowing what masculinity is.” And every time I hear a leader—and it’s often but not exclusively a man—say that he doesn’t trust himself to be with a woman if she’s alone or if she’s dressed or undressed in XYZ fashion (even if she’s completely nude, God’s standard of holiness is still the same, and the person is still made in the Father’s image), that tells me that either that person believes the Holy Spirit to be ineffectual, or does not have that Spirit. To say nothing of how women are so often treated in so many other societies outside the ‘first world.’
“Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” ~ 1 Timothy 5:1-2, New International Version
As my youth group’s teachings treated us like children instead of like the future leaders of the church and the current carriers of the Gospel, I’d love for today’s churches to be more cognizant of the dangerous teachings so many of us grew up in and were sometimes trapped in.
Well said Erik. I’m sorry that people in your life who were supposed to be looking after you gave you such unhealthy advice.
Thank you so much, Tim. And Sheila.
100% to all of this. I am 36 and so sick of how I’m treated in churches and small groups. It gets frustrating when people can’t just treat you like a person, involve you in their lives and expand their notion of “family” to include you from time to time. I’ve recently had this same attitude from my own family (brother and his wife) who wouldn’t hardly ever include me in things and times when I’d ask to hang out and they couldn’t because they were having “family time.” Do they not realize how deeply that cuts? Where do I belong then if I’m not even considered family to my own family?
Hi Megan, I’m really sorry this has happened to you. I have married friends this has happened to as well.
I think logistics can make it hard to continue relationships. I’m free at evenings and weekends. My friends with young children are free in the daytime, and weekends are often ‘family time’ for them. I’m conscious that by the time I’m free after work in the evening they’re into bedtime routine. Often with a new baby, the parents (rightly) have no time for anything other than caring for their child, and picking up the friendship after that can feel awkward. And first time mothers often make new friends at baby / toddler/ school things which reduces their time for previous friends. I am grateful for the married friends who have pushed through these difficulties to spend time with me.
I guess it’s maybe worth a conversation with people? Along the lines of… Although my life has changed I still value your friendship. What are the times and places we can meet up that will work for us both? And perhaps specifically mention your child’s bedtime and that you’d be happy for your friend/s to come round after then. Or maybe if they know your kids, invite them round to family evening meal and bedtime routine! Or maybe, I may not always be able to come to everything I’m invited to, but I appreciate being invited with my family and we’ll come when we can. And disappointing though it is, if your friends aren’t willing to make compromises, I would say they’re at fault. Not that that makes it easier for you.
Great post! Though married now, I vividly remember visiting churches as a single woman – it was so lonely. I never did find a church home as a single, but spent a year here, a year there… I want to hear this reminder and be a good friend to my single friends now! Including the ones who are now single because they’ve left abusive marriages 🙁 This post reminds me of another reason why church is so hard for those brave ladies. In fact, just having left an unsafe church 3 months ago, I’m reconnecting with several women who had left, and rekindling our friendship, now that I’m not part of the church that threw them under the bus.
Off topic, but is there a way of setting up the comments section so it’s easier to find the new ones? Maybe an option to highlight all that were posted in the last hour/12 hours/day/week etc. Gets quite hard to follow all the sub threads etc when the conversation gets going as it has here.
(That wasn’t meant to be a reply to Mel, obviously!)
I’ll ask Connor!
One of the saddest things a single friend ever said to me was that as she got into her forties she was now “safe” to dance with at weddings. This from a godly woman who has spent her life dedicated to mentoring college students! Thankfully the church we both attended at that time was usually good about mixed friendships (male-female, married-unmarried, and kids-no kids), but this broke my heart for her.
Evangelicalism worships marriage. They don’t know what to do with people that don’t fit their mold. In youth groups, they talk to the teens about “when you get married,” with the assumption that everyone will. Everyone will not get married. Some because they don’t want to, some because they never meet someone to marry. Of those that do marry, not everyone will stay married. Spouses die, couples get divorced. I find their idolatry of marriage to be bizarre.
Singles: invite yourself!
I’ve done the full circle in relationships… In my 20’s I had a couple serious relationships (one where I was engaged but we called it off), but was single most of my 20’s. I married in my early 30’s to the wrong guy – at least partially due to the pressure to marry coming from my church community. He wanted a divorce a few years later (and a year after that I found out why: there were multiple affairs). So now I’m back to single as a single mom.
In my 20’s, I deeply felt the rejection of the marrieds. Widows were the exception, but besides them marriage was required for all sorts of things. Especially women’s leadership and teaching (my degree in Bible and theology made no difference).
But I found a way to connect with a few married couples by inviting myself over. “Can I invite myself over sometime? I’ll bring dinner!” My offer was always accepted. Granted, I offered to couples that were already open and warm to me on Sunday mornings, but it still helped bridge the gap that I alone felt.
By my late 20’s I was the only single my age, so I invited myself after dinner to play games with a married friend and her husband after the kids went down. I gave them a hard pass on staying up until midnight, but the three of us enjoyed games until 10pm. Fast forward to after my divorce, I drive out for NYE every year for game night even though they’ve moved an hour and a half away!
Bottom line: singles, when you see warmth and acceptance from someone, figure out how YOU can fit into their lives. Like someone said above, sometimes they’re longing to share a cup of tea after bedtime just as much as you!
Oh, and a message for the husbands: sit down with your wife and ask “who are the 1-2 friendships that we should prioritize?” That NYE couple did that and I was one of the names. They openly communicated that with me so when I went through heartbreaks in my 20’s, or my divorce in my 30’s, I knew they’d be there for me and would do everything they could so my friend could come to me when I really really needed it. And they are one of the only couples who still include me now that I have the big D on my chest.
I love this. I’m married but would love to have more friendships with singles. We used to have some singles over when at a previous church but when we changed churches, their “allegiance” stayed there, haha.
I really care about people but am very awkward in person! I have Resting *itch Face and I’m not good at making the first move socially. I struggle to think I have anything to offer others and don’t want to burden them with myself. If someone asked me if they could join me or my family in activities, I would love that!
Current church- I don’t think there are any single women honestly… but there are several single guys. Been trying to coax my husband into forming friendships out of their interactions together but it is slow going. I’m trying to get over the stigma of me, as a married woman, asking a single guy to join our family in activities otherwise it’ll never happen. (That was part of how DARVO was used by a pastor at a previous church. Perception above Christ!)
I am a 61 year old widow. I moved to a bigger city to be close to my only child, we have no other family in the state. We moved because of my husband’s job. He died three years ago from cancer. The church I went to for 22 years was definitely clicky. All the married couples with children still in school all hung out together. That’s not my issue. When I moved I needed to find a new church because the other was 45 minutes away. It took awhile to find one. People at every church I checked out ignored me. A former church member recommended a church. I started going, it’s a nice church, very small, maybe 15-20 members would come every Sunday, mostly family of the pastor or his wife. I volunteer at the hospital down the street. One day I saw the pastor’s son in law there and just told him hello. This was a year ago, before Easter. That’s where things started to go wrong. He would come up and speak to me always with other people present. I never initiated any conversations with him. I don’t wear makeup, nail polish or dress inappropriate, I’m always covered up.
His wife, the pastor’s daughter has never really talked to me even my first day when I sat behind her at church. She would talk some when her parents were around. I joined the choir recently when they decided to start one. There are five people in the choir, piano player, guitar player, director and two singers. There are five singers and we rotate. She and I were the singers the other day. We practice a day during the week. She stood right next to me the other day and never said one word to me. Her her husband was in the sound room. When I was leaving that night, her friend and relative by marriage looked at me in the parking lot, I told her hello and she turned her head away from me. I went home and cried all night and off and on the next day. My heart was broken. This person, the last time I saw her, was really nice and we talked about a mutual interest and now I’m her enemy. When practice was over that night the pastor’s daughter and husband were ahead of me. The stairs are double wide. She went down first then her husband, then me. He was trying to go slow so I would catch up with him, what I perceived, so I went even slower. I don’t think things will change. How do I go to the pastor and his wife and tell them about this? I feel that leaving is my only choice. The church is very, very small with over half being family. Twenty five people is a lot of people showing up, normally 15-20.
Just wanted to thank you. Praise God – I stumbled on this thread today (a bit late I know) and boy did I need it! It has lifted my day, week, month and perhaps even my year! Its easy to think I’m the only one out there having these experiences but as I’ve just found out I’m not. Thank you to everyone’s vulnerability and there were some really good suggestions. My last thought and challenge: How Many Excuses Can We Make To Include Someone? Rather than how many excuses can we make to exclude someone. This has been a great lesson for me and I take it with me where ever I go now. Blessings to you all!
Do married Christian women who work have difficulty forming positive relationships with female unmarried coworkers? Or is it just when the word “Christian” is attached to something that their behavior becomes decidedly UN-Christian?