I have met the most incredible, insightful people over the last few years.
For ten years, my circle online tended to be the typical Christian authors. I was friends with many of them. I blogged with people who supported their ministries. I was right in the middle of it.
Then I started to look more critically at the books on marriage and sex in evangelicalism, and I started calling out the harm, culminating in The Great Sex Rescue and now She Deserves Better.
I lost pretty much everybody that I used to interact with–except for Ngina Otiende from Intentional Today!
For a while I felt very, very alone.
But as I started speaking up, I found a new community of healthy, helpful people doing incredible work.
Among those is Jay Stringer, author of Unwanted. (Listen to Jay on the Bare Marriage podcast!).
Jay looks specifically at unwanted sexual behaviors–what leads to them; what they tell us about our wounds; and how we can overcome them so we can thrive.
Jay answers the questions that so many of you have.
Whether it’s about how to get over porn; how to understand fantasy; why we can’t connect emotionally–and more. And, like the team at Bare Marriage, he’s dedicated to doing good research and answering questions based on data.
Here’s just a snippet from a recent Instagram post (click through to read the rest of the answers!)
Jay and fellow counselor Adam Young are hosting the Sexual Attachment Conference.
And they’ve invited me to join them!
Here’s how they describe it:
At some point in our lives, each of us will encounter difficulties in our sexual life. It might be a compulsive use of unwanted sexual behavior or a struggle to locate any sexual desire at all. No matter what sexual story you find yourself in, this conference will guide you to identify the key attachments that keep you stuck. Sexual desire issues are common, but they can also be a roadmap to healing.
Through the teaching of therapists Jay Stringer and Adam Young, you will learn:
- How to identify your attachment style
- How attachment shapes your sexual life
- How to understand your arousal template
- How to transform your sexual story
This virtual conference is designed for men and women, couples, and small groups who are hoping to connect the dots between unresolved pain and unwanted choices.
I’ll be presenting our findings from our surveys that show why desire can get messed up, and how we can bring it back again.
I’ve seen the handouts for the conference, and it honestly looks so incredible. It’s all the problems we talk about here on Bare Marriage, wrapped up in one conference.
It would be wonderful for couples to do together, or even just people who are trying to process their pain and how it has affected their sexuality.
I’m honored to have been asked to present with two such well-known experts.
I think the healthy stuff is rising to the top!
We talk so much on Bare Marriage about why things get messed up.
Isn’t it time to focus on how to actually heal?
Because you’re not meant to live in the muck.
So join me and two licensed counselors to look at sexual attachment, and how we can all get over our wounds. Let’s get to freedom, together!
This sounds amazing. And to me bittersweet.
Bitter, because I wish that something like this had existed when I was stuck in the muck and was completely clueless a about what it was and how to get out. And there was no help like this anywhere in the Christian world. Or at least not in my Christian world.
Sweet, because I am so glad that this finally exists. Because we still have sexual deviants in places of authority in Evangelicalism today and it is high time that their B.S. (or cr@p pulled from their @sses) be not only confronted, but given a better answer than their abusive, and unChrist-like schtick.
Take THAT Josh Butler and all other Mark Driscoll wanna bes. Your reign of oppression is coming to a close.
Looks great and I hope it has a profound effect on many struggling people!
I have already registered for this…and I can’t wait! I feel a sense of freedom and relief already, just knowing that this will be such a valuable workshop. The fact that Sheila is speaking (she isn’t part of this conference on a regular basis…yet) is a HUGE added bonus. I think this sounds fantastic for my husband and me!
I read something Jay said about unlearning shame for people who are ashamed of normal desire. While I agree with him in the proper context, I can totally see a entitled addict saying, “I shouldn’t be ashamed that I NEED sex more than you will ever understand.” 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
Entitled addicts will always find a way to twist good teaching to bad ends. The proper answer to such a perversion of truth is to focus on the REAL issue, which is that he SHOULD be ashamed of acting coercively and unlovingly to get his “need” met.
It’s the action, not a need, that is causing the problem.
Adam Young and Jay Stringer do stellar, life-changing work. To see Sheila included in this line up is amazing because her work is equally as life-changing. These three people have already brought me into so much healing through their podcasts and books. This is an important conference and I hope many people can see the value it will bring to their lives and will sign up!