My aunt Alison passed away on Friday.
She saved more lives than anybody I know (including mine, twice, and maybe even yours!). Can I take a moment and tell you about her? I shared this earlier this weekend on Facebook, but I want to elaborate at the end on how I’m processing the significance of her life.
Alison was funny, extremely down-to-earth and unassuming, and just plain brilliant. She started university at 15. She was the only female to graduate her medical class in Winnipeg in the 1960s, and she became one of Canada’s first female anaesthetists.
After my oldest cousin was born, there was no opportunity for her to work clinically part-time (it was the early 1970s in a completely male field!), so she went into research at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto (named the world’s best children’s hospital). There she worked on a project where they developed “lung-protective high-frequency oscillatory ventilation” (known as HFO).
That sounds super complicated, but it’s one of the reasons that premature babies under 3 pounds can now survive reliably, with fewer long-term complications. She and her research partners developed the way that premature babies can breathe without damaging their lungs as much when conventional ventilation fails. And today it’s used in tertiary care centres all over the world. She spent the next 25 years refining it and teaching at medical conferences about it.
It was also used as a therapy for many critical care COVID patients who needed ventilation, or for others where conventional ventilation fails to make progress, and has many medical applications for different respiratory problems.
My uncle died prematurely, when my aunt was the same age I am now.
She started a new phase of her life, conducting 3-4 medical missions trips a year.
She’d fly into remote areas of Nepal, Tibet, the Philippines, Rwanda, and Cambodia, and put on surgery clinics. Sometimes the electricity would go out, and she’d have to pump the ventilator by hand (or foot)! But she made it work.
We stopped counting at 22 trips, but she must have done at least 35 or 40.
She and my uncle were always incredibly financially generous, and lived well below their means so that they could help others in need. I’ll never know how many people they helped get their first house, paid for their education, or helped them start a business.
We do know of two people they saved financially when they were desperate: my mother and me. When my father left when I was two, we had nowhere to go. They took us in for the next two years so my mom could get on her feet and get a good job. And they never complained about it. My mom always said they saved us. They’re the reason we ended up living in Ontario! (Here’s my aunt and me!)
I also know one story that typified her. She got to know a refugee who had been outside of her country when violence had broken out. The government had killed her husband, and now she couldn’t return. But she had two small boys there. So my aunt got the paperwork together, hopped on a plane, found those two little boys, and brought them back to their mother.
I’ve shared this next story before, too, but when I was 16, I was having a major crisis of faith because of how I was told God saw women. How could God love me as much as a boy if he didn’t want me to use my voice, and if I was supposed to be under a man’s authority just because I was female? I loved Jesus, but could I follow a sexist God, who saw me as “less than” so arbitrarily?
I talked with her about it, and she said, “You know, Sheila, there are different ways to read those passages in the Bible that are much more consistent with the personhood of Christ.” And she gave me some books. And she taught me that you can be an egalitarian and a Christian too–because she was. And she set me free. Without her, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing now. I told some of this story in this podcast episode.
So if our work has benefited you, or if you were born prematurely after 1976, or if your child was, and you needed specialty ventilation, you have her to thank!
Ten years ago she developed dementia.
This once brilliant woman stopped knowing who any of us were quite a while ago. But she still reacted when you prayed with her.
She was an amazing woman, and you never would have known any of that just by looking at her. But her legacy will be immense, and I can just imagine the reunions she’s having in heaven right now, and all that she’s learning about the impact she had.
We are all so relieved that her struggle is over–none more so, I’m sure, than she is!
I’m so proud I share some of her DNA, and I’m so proud that she had such a legacy. For years, if ever the closest thing I’ve ever had to a hero has been my Auntie Allee.
This doesn’t mean Alison was perfect.
Like everyone, she had wounds from her childhood to process. It could be difficult to get close to her if you didn’t agree on certain political or faith things, and Alison and I often ended up in the same place but on different timelines. But she cared deeply for people, always.
And one of the main gifts she gave me was the idea that you don’t have to be perfect to make a difference! You just have to put your desire to make a difference above anything else. She reminded so much of Princess Diana that way (or rather, Diana reminded me of Allee).
Here’s what I’ve been processing over the weekend.
My aunt always functioned in male dominated fields. She went into an extremely male dominated medical specialty, in the late 60s. But she just showed up and did her job. She won 7 medals at her medical school, and was so accomplished. When there just were no options to work part-time, and she also wanted to be a mom, she figured something out and went into research. And I often think: what would have happened if she hadn’t have done that? Her research ended up being so important, but she got there, really, by being faithful to all of her callings. And God opened a door for her.
She was also in a male dominated church space, which did bother her immensely. But she kept showing up, and it was always clear that she knew far more than most there, and that she was the one to go to for advice. She became the Deborah in any church situation she occupied.
But here’s the big thing: She didn’t wait for anybody’s permission.
When she saw a need that she could fill, she just got up and filled it. She just plowed ahead and got things done, and left the world a better place than when she entered it.
So many of the authors I critique would have disapproved of her.
Though my uncle was very accomplished and good at what he did himself, in many ways her career outshadowed his, and she was the one teaching at medical conferences everywhere (my uncle was very proud of her for this!). She had a very important job outside of the home, though she also showed up for every gymnastics meet or horse show for her girls.
She led teams of men on the mission field. She taught men, both medicine and the Bible. She discovered things that men before her hadn’t. And she took the initiative to help people in her local community too.
And I think of all of these authors and thinkers in the evangelical church who have made a career out of preaching on why nobody should be like my aunt Alison. And my Aunt Alison knew these guys existed–and didn’t give two hoots about them! She didn’t really give them a second thought. She saw them as very small. She just went ahead and got on with it.
When you look at the significance of their lives, it’s such a dichotomy.
These men have put so much energy into making sure no woman becomes someone like my aunt, while my aunt was just out there loving people for Jesus and saving lives.
I’ve been so frustrated by those authors who refuse to understand the harm they’re doing. I shared some of that last week in my story of the disturbing conversation I had with an author over the idea that “all men struggle with lust.”
But my aunt didn’t obsess over the men who were insecure around her or jealous of her or critical of her. She just shook the dust off her feet and got things done.
I want to be like that.
I’m hoping that that’s one of the big legacies of her death for me: that I’ll be able to just shake the dust off of my feet and get things done, without getting caught up emotionally in all these critics. Because there’s too much to do! And people who want to stop you from doing it aren’t worth paying any attention to.
I’ll still critique their teachings, of course, because we have to raise awareness. But my goodness I’d like to live a bigger, more peaceful life just getting on with the things Jesus put on my heart!
Over the last year, my aunt lost so much cognitive function, but she still reacted when you prayed with her.
Her heart’s cry was always for Jesus.
I love that. And may my heart’s cry be for Jesus so loudly that it drowns out the voices of those trying to hold us all back!
Do you have a woman in your life who has been a hero to you? Tell me about her in the comments!
I loved reading about your aunt, Sheila. She sounds like an amazing, inspiring woman!
I’d say one of my heroes is my aunt as well. When we (brother and I) were young, she would bring us to Church, watch us on the weekends, introduced us to Jesus. Home life for my brother and I was very rough and abusive. I remember being a little girl, praying to Jesus that I could live with my aunt someday… At age 10, my life trajectory changed. My aunt decided to move to a different state and with a lot of prayer, convinced my mom to let her take us. My brother and I’s life’s path literally changed for the better. My aunt became a “single mom” taking in a 10 and 8 year old. She’s a strong woman, hard worker, and raised me to be a strong woman. While things weren’t perfect, I truly believe that’s why a lot of the evangelical teachings didn’t get internalized for me. I will always be thankful that my aunt took us in and that my prayer was answered.
I love that! What an amazing woman.
Thank you for writing this post. Your aunt was indeed a true hero. She accomplished so much, and I’m grateful she had a supportive husband, too. I think her biggest lesson for us was that she didn’t care about others saying that she couldn’t or shouldn’t do something. She did what she knew Jesus wanted for her and for her to do. She would have done so much less if she had gotten all wrapped around fighting with others trying to control her. She used her time well, leading a life and creating a legacy to be celebrated. Bravo, Aunt Alison!
Exactly! Well done, good and faithful servant.
What a remarkable woman. Some of these American evangelical naysayers who think women shouldn’t vote, not seek or receive higher education, couldn’t possibly know THEY might have kith and kin who are alive thanks to your aunt. Sheila you are a fine writer. Has anyone written your Aunt’s biography? (That’s a hint)
Maybe one day I shall! I’ve actually often thought of writing my grandmother’s. It’s not quite as heroic, but I think it speaks to the struggle of evangelical women confined into boxes.
“But my aunt didn’t obsess over the men who were insecure around her or jealous of her or critical of her. She just shook the dust off her feet and got things done.
I want to be like that.” Sheila, you ARE like that, and thank you for paving the road with courage for the rest of us to follow.
Thank you, max. I don’t feel like that all the time! But I’m glad that’s how you see me.
I have three aunts who were my heroes. All of them are with the Lord now.
One of them literally saved the lives of some close family friends. The husband was physically abusive to his wife and children. My aunt would go to their house even in the middle of the night to take the oldest daughter to stay with her for the night. Eventually the marriage ended in divorce, but all of the children that were involved survived because of her bravery. They are now amazing adults because of her and their incredible mom. My aunt demonstrated her deep love for Jesus, not just in words, but in deeds also.
I miss all of my aunts very much.
Good for her for being brave like that! I think so many of us just don’t want to get involved in other people’s pain. But people need others to get involved!
>> These men have put so much energy into making sure no woman becomes someone like my aunt,
Just imagine if, instead, these people directed all of that time, effort, energy and resources into doing real good in the world
Yes. My hero is a woman.
She is kind.
She is giving.
She showed me Jesus and continues to be His example to me.
She Is Love All.
“Be like Jesus and this how.”
I am forever grateful.
Yep not perfect. I would really like that to say.
“Be like Jesus and this is how.”
What an amazing auntie you had! My cousin’s baby is one of the children she saved – born seriously premature at 2lb 2oz, he is now a thriving 12 year old.
I have been blessed to have so many amazing women in my life, but two stand out. One is my auntie who died earlier this year. Severely disabled from childhood, it didn’t stop her having a huge impact in children’s education, and in the last years of her life when she was almost completely housebound, she taught herself to use zoom and joined in with online prayer meetings all over the world. She had the most enormous prayer list I’ve ever seen – if you ever met her, you would almost certainly be on it! The other is my grandmother’s best friend; she had a very ‘ordinary’ life, working at a low-key office job and then living out her retirement quietly in a tiny flat, but she was so full of the holy spirit and had such wisdom. She died in her 90s, and even though she’d been confined to a care home for about 10 years, the church was rammed to bursting point with people who had been helped by her. She was telling her carers about Jesus in her final week of life!
Both these ladies were single, and they were such an encouragement to me when I was struggling with the church’s glorification of marriage and the idea that you have to be married and a mother to be a ‘good’ Christian woman. They both demonstrated that the only thing that matters is following Jesus and being obedient to his call, and that singleness or childlessness are no barriers to being used by God. I am so thankful for them both.
(P.S. You were such a cute toddler!!!)
Thank you! 🙂
Oh, what a lovely picture of that funeral! I want to be that kind of woman into my 90s!
The funeral home and care home staff couldn’t believe how many people were there, as they were used to funerals of folk in their 90s only having a handful of relatives!
“struggling with the church’s glorification of marriage and the idea that you have to be married and a mother to be a ‘good’ Christian woman.”
The name for that doctrine is “Salvation by Marriage Alone”, and it cuts both ways.
“And I think of all of these authors and thinkers in the evangelical church who have made a career out of preaching on why nobody should be like my aunt Alison. ”
But! They want women doctor! They want women doctor for the wives and daughters. Don’t want other men looking at private parts. And The Transformed Wife. She say only godless women go to college and outside God plan for women. But writes relief at her women doctors to care when she sick. So some women must be godless? Some women must not God’s plan? But suit her?
Those author 100% fine with some women be like Allison, when suits them.
Well, I hate to tell them, but my aunt did surgeries on plenty of men too!
Thank you for speaking up for what is true! Appreciate your work so much. Your aunt sounds like such a wonderful woman.
My mom is my hero. She grew up in an unstable, broken home full of divorce, health issues, neglect, anger and substance abuse. With the help of Jesus, she chose to live a very different kind of life. When she was pregnant with my twin sister and me, she became extremely sick and almost died. All of the doctors were trying to convince her to abort us, saying it was the only way she’d be able to survive. She refused. She told them, “If I die, then I die.”
We were born at 32 weeks, premature but healthy. (Thank you, Alison!)
And even though she barely managed to graduate from high school because of the chaos in her home, my mom found a way to homeschool us, made it possible for us to travel extensively and graduate from college–something she was never given the opportunity or means to do. She is amazing!!
I’ve seen people question her about that, and she says it’s ok to teach against women being doctors or nurses because not everyone will be obedient, so there will always be female medical staff available to treat Christians. So her whole worldview basically revolves around the majority of female medical personnel not becoming Christians. The woolly thinking involved in that would be breath taking if I hadn’t already seen so many examples of it!
Re The Transformed Wife:
SERENA JOY JUST CAN’T STOP LECTURING ALL THE HANDMAIDS, CAN SHE?
We may not have women in our lives like Sheila’s aunt. But I think of both my grandmothers. Being hardworking pioneer farm wives, raising 13 kids between them and still found time to be involved with the UFA (United Farm women of Alberta), a politically active group especially concerning women’s issues and the right to vote. They had to watch while the other 2 prairie provinces gave women the right to vote in provincial elections in 1916, the 1st provinces in Canada to do so, along with Alberta in 1917.) But the “Famous Five” were all Albertan women. And for those Canadian readers who do NOT know what the famous five did for Canadian women, shame on you and look ’em up! (While I mentally blow a raspberry to those weird US cultic, conservative evangelical people who want total control of the female sex by removing their right to vote. )
I LOVE the famous five! This is my favourite Heritage Minute.