Talking about sex to your child can be scary.

It’s awkward. Are you going to say something wrong?

And you don’t like to feel that they’re growing up!

Everyday I get questions like this recent one, from a reader:

Can you relate?

Seven years ago, we decided to do something to help.

And I want to tell you about that–and what we’ve done recently to make it even better.

But first–some background.

We saw these questions coming in, and I began talking to my daughters about our own experiences with me giving them “the talk”. And we laughed and laughed, because seriously--I did a horrible job.

I really did. I’m not just saying that. In fact, Wednesday’s post is all going to be about 10 ways that I messed up.

I was much more comfortable talking about sex from the stage than I was talking about it to my daughters.

I got better as they got older, and by the time they were 14 and 15 we could pretty much say anything. But in those formative years, I wasn’t that stellar!

I heard all the advice that you’re just supposed to answer their questions at age appropriate levels, and so I was prepared. No matter what Rebecca asked, I would answer.

But that advice didn’t work with her, for one simple reason:

Rebecca never asked anything about sex or puberty at all!

She was getting to be 10, and I knew I had to tell her about periods and sex, because the clock was ticking. I looked to see if there were any courses that we could take, and I found Passport to Purity by FamilyLife. It was a set of CDs where Dennis and Barbara Rainey explained all about puberty and sex, and then you did exercises together. We listened to that, and I’ll tell you more about the problems on Wednesday (there were plenty!).

But while there were funny misunderstandings (Becca thought a penis was like a finger, with joints and everything), the more serious one was that the focus was on purity, and getting kids to promise not to have sex until they’re married. At that time, right when Rebecca found out about sex, she would have pledged to never talk to a boy again in her life. (SERIOUSLY?!? He puts THAT WHERE?!?)

So she ended up quite shamed about the whole thing.

The girls and I were talking about how I could have handled it better.

And then a thought occurred to us: What if I had had more age appropriate help? One of the things that freaked Rebecca out, after all, was hearing about sex from the voice of an old grandfather. What if a younger child could hear about it from someone they could more easily trust and relate to? What if they could hear it from someone like, well, my daughters?

So that’s what we decided to do. We decided to create an online, video based course mothers and daughters can do together, where my girls become the guides telling the girls all about puberty and sex, but then discussion questions, checklists, and mother-daughter activities help the moms continue those conversations. 

And we didn’t just cover what happens to your body. We decided to include all kinds of information about peer pressure, and body image, and how to start taking care of yourself (“You have to actually start washing your hair and wearing deodorant now.”)

But kids don’t just need to know the facts. They also need to be guided about important things like dating, social media, porn, sexual boundaries and ethics, and so many other things. I found those conversations even harder than the ones about what is happening to your body, because they were personal. They were about what my daughters were actually thinking.

So we decided to create a part 2 to the course–one specifically for ages 13-15.

While the younger version is INFORMATION based, the older version is GUIDANCE based. Rebecca and Katie raise important issues and share how girls can make wise decisions, but then the discussion questions steer the mom and daughter towards figuring out what their own rules and boundaries are inside their home for things like social media use, dating in high school, makeup rules, clothing choices, etc. We raise the issue, but you continue it. After all, we’re not the parents. You are. And it’s YOUR opinion that matters. It’s YOUR values that count. 

A year later we added a boys’ version of the course–because parents of boys needed help too!

We covered all the same material as for girls. And my sons-in-law did some cameos in that course, too!

And now for our big announcement about our sex and puberty course!

After seven years, we have totally revamped The Whole Story!

Even though it’s been out for seven years, around the time we were writing She Deserves Better (our book for moms of teen girls) I stopped promoting it or talking about it, because I really, really wanted to update it based on our research. We wanted to go into more depth in some areas, and take out others. We also wanted to combine the older version of both courses a little bit more so that boys and girls were hearing the same thing about many of the topics!

It’s been the biggest project we’ve had behind the scenes for about six months, and Rebecca’s been working so hard to finish it up. And I am so excited to be able to bring it to you today!

So let me re-introduce you to the all new Whole Story!

• It’s called The Whole Story: Not-So-Awkward Talks about Sex, Puberty and Growing Up.
• We’ve got BOTH a boy’s course and a girl’s course
• Both are available in a younger version for 10-12 year olds, or an older version for 13-15 year olds.
• Buy one version, and you get access for a year (just $29 during this sale period!)
• OR you can buy a single-sex VIP version where you get lifetime access to both the younger and older versions (just $39 during this sale period)
• OR you can buy the complete package, where you get lifetime access to BOTH the boy’s and girl’s younger & older versions! (just $69 during this sale period!)

Take a look at the course!

It’s a resource for you, not a replacement for you.

You’re still the one who gets to have these conversations with your kids, and decide what you want to teach them on some big issues. But we start those conversations and make them less stressful.

And let me introduce you to our four hosts! We want the course to have a “big brother/big sister” vibe, where it’s fairly young people talking to your kids about these important topics (and I know so many people liked the videos from 20-year-old Katie and 22-year-old Rebecca, and we’ve kept some of the original ones, like about how to use pads and tampons, in where we could!).

Daniel Barros

Long-time family friend, and medical student

Together, these four spill the beans on:

• how sex works;
• what happens to your body during puberty;
• how to care for yourself;
• how to handle peer pressure;
• how to decide on sexual boundaries;
• how to handle porn;

and so much more!

And then we have discussion questions and parent-child activities that you can work through with your child–including things like the rape-myths quiz or fun date nights.

We also have some pointers for single parents working through the course with an opposite-sex child.

My kids say THIS is the course that they wish they had had, and that’s what we aimed to create.

They’re all super chill in the videos, and they’re very relatable to keep the conversations with your kids easy and open.

What if your kids never had to heal from toxic teachings?

We talk so much at Bare Marriage about how to get over the toxic things you were taught about sex and your body.

But what if you kids never had to heal from anything?

What if they were taught something healthy from the very start?

That’s our dream for The Whole Story, and we’re so excited to bring to you the totally revamped and overhauled version (we’ll talk on the podcast this week about some of the changes we’ve made, and why!).

During our launch celebration (until Monday the 28th!), we’ve got a sale on, with $10 off all of our courses and bundles! So check out all your options on the course!

After all, if we update it again in 10 years, you’ll get access to that too!

We’re celebrating that this is available for you!

And I want to talk this week about why talking to your kids about this stuff can be so tricky.

So let me know–what was the hardest part for you about talking to your kids about sex? Or what was awkward with your parents? Let’s talk in the comments!