Christmas is coming!
And back before my blog became more about evidence-based advice for sex and marriage, I gave a lot of general marriage advice and ideas.
Around Christmas, I had some posts and ideas I really liked. And so I thought I’d run some of those again as we gear up for Christmas.
So here’s one on Christmas traditions that hits on a lot of what we do as a couple too!
Can you create Christmas traditions as a couple BEFORE you have kids?
Absolutely!
Or what about if you aren’t planning on having kids, or can’t have kids–or if your kids are with your ex-spouses for the holidays. Does that mean that Christmas can’t be Christmas?
Nope! Because Christmas isn’t about kids; Christmas is about love. And so let’s talk today how the TWO of you can create great Christmas traditions, on your own.
Here’s a question I got from a woman early in her marriage:
We don’t have kids yet, and all the Christmas articles I see on social media about making Christmas meaningful all have to do with children. What can we do when it’s just the two of us to start Christmas traditions or make Christmas fun?
I thought that was a great question, so I put it up on Facebook and asked my readers: Any ideas for Christmas traditions as a couple? We had a whole lot of great ideas, and today I thought I’d share 10 ways to make Christmas meaningful before you have children (or to make it meaningful even if you never have children!).
1. Buy a meaningful ornament that sums up the year
Search for it throughout the year, or go to a special Christmas store together right before Christmas and get one that encapsulates what you’ve been through.
It could be something about exams and school, or something about a new job, or even something poignant. I’ve always loved the ornament that says, “Because someone we love is in heaven, there’s a little bit of heaven in our home.” We got a special one the year that our son died–and we also had special ones when we had our first child and when we first got married. We even have one for our life on the road in our RV now! Get creative. They can create a memory treasure trove of your life at different stages.
2. Put hot chocolate or coffee in a thermos and drive around looking at the Christmas lights
A quiet drive at twilight, a thermos of something hot, and a chance to snuggle. It’s lovely. And you can admire the beauty outside and the beauty of the season together, too.
And then there’s always those one or two houses that do Christmas BIG–that have every Christmas character lit up and that threaten to eat all the electricity from the whole neighborhood. Those are the houses it’s always fun to return to year after year, to see “what did they come up with now?”
3. Watch some Christmas movies together–and make some YOUR Christmas movies
Everybody has their favourite Christmas movies–and sometimes they’re not even about Christmas! The Sound of Music. Pride & Prejudice. Even Sleepless in Seattle! (or, of course, Die Hard).
Or maybe you go more traditional like Elf or Home Alone or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. My daughter Katie and her husband David watched White Christmas for the first time. (Katie’s reaction: “Mom! How come we never watched this when we were kids?!?”)
Watch some movies together and make that your Christmas movie, the one that you’ll come back to year after year.
4. Go carolling with some other young marrieds
Chances are you know other couples in the same boat–couples who don’t have kids yet, either (or maybe older couples who never did have kids, or whose kids are with the other sets of parents this Christmas). Get together and go carolling! It’s awfully fun. It sounds hokey, but people actually enjoy it if you’re in a group.
And you can socially distance while you’re carolling, too, so it’s a way to get together even if you can’t go inside.
Here’s a Christmas carol booklet you can download and print! Or just agree on what songs you want to sing and pull the lyrics up on your phone!
5. Bake some cookies together and take them to your neighbours
Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or do the Christmas baking! Bake some cookies together and then hand them out to your neighbours. Lots of people are alone and sad this year, and besides, who says no to cookies?
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6. Write a letter to each other
One woman shared this Christmas tradition:
Since the year before my husband and I were married, we write a letter to each other. It reflects the past year and looks forward to the next. We read them to each other then roll them up, put them in a clear Christmas ball, and hang it on our tree. We do it Christmas Eve before we exchange our Christmas Eve gifts. ..new shirt and tie for him, lingerie for me…to wear for him.
Along those same lines, here’s another idea:
7. Create a Christmas Eve box to open together
It could have a Christmas movie you’ll watch together, some new jammies (or lingerie!), a board game, a bottle of wine, or whatever you want to do together that night.
8. Adopt a Family through the Angel Tree program–or volunteer in some other way
Many communities have an Angel Tree program (you can often find them at malls) where you can “adopt” a child or a family and buy Christmas gifts for them.
Think of Christmas as a time when you can give back to your community in some way. If it’s not the Angel Tree program, maybe you can volunteer at the food bank on Christmas Eve. Maybe you can work at a soup kitchen together on Boxing Day.
Pray that God will show you what works for you as a couple so you can give back. And many of those traditions can be continued once you have kids!
9. Go for a Winter Hike
If you live somewhere that actually gets winter (like I do!), then pack up those thermoses and put on the scarves and hats and take a winter hike. Go somewhere with a lovely view, or somewhere that’s super quiet. Make it “your” place where you can reflect on the year that’s past, the beauty of God’s provision, and where you think God is leading you next year.
And even if you live in a warm place (which normally I’d be jealous of, but I like cold Christmases), then you can still hike. It just may not be that different from hikes at other times of year!
And you can continue this one if you become parents, too!
10. Commemorate Your First Christmas Together
If it’s your very first Christmas as a married couple, here are a few ideas from another Facebook fan:
Make an impression of your first house key in some salt dough and make an ornament out of it. If you use a real tree, cut a slice off the bottom and write the year and 1st Christmas together on it. Make an ornament with a picture of you two. If you are married put a wedding announcement in a clear glass Christmas ball and hang it on the tree.
I love it! I’m going to share that one with my daughter and son-in-law.
So there you go–traditions that you can start now, even if you don’t have children. After all, Christmas isn’t just for kids! And now that you’re together, you have the chance to build your own Christmas traditions.
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And a big THANK YOU to everyone who participated on Facebook and gave me these great ideas! If you’re not part of my Facebook community yet, come on over.
One more word for those who are newly married: I think it’s perfectly okay to tell parents, “we would like to spend a day or two just the two of us over the holidays, creating our own traditions.” You don’t need to wear yourselves out going between two families. It’s your family now, and if you want to create some of your own traditions, don’t be afraid to take some time to do just that!
Now, let me know: what Christmas traditions do you have as a couple (that don’t necessarily involve the kids?) Let’s brainstorm together!
We make a birthday cake for Jesus. I use a cake pan from my husband’s grandma, Christmas tree shaped. This is along the lines of baking cookies, but you could take it up a notch and invite others to a birthday party. You could even have them help decorate it.
Use the time together to coordinate your calendars and pick a time(s) to volunteer in a soup kitchen or food pantry (or other organization) in the new year. Many people volunteer around the holidays but they need help yearround.
Make a mini album of Christmas cards you sent out. Whether a photo card, printed letter, etc., use it to write out memories or favorite quotes from the year to yourself/selves and put it in a small scrapbook or album. This is great for singles, too! A friend decided she wanted to do a photo card so she had a friend take fun photos of her and sent that out, and it turned out great.
If you put a nativity/creche out early, grab some straw/hay. Keep a large handful in a container and each time you do something kind, add a piece of hay for under baby Jesus. It’s a fun way to remind us that our kind acts are as if doing it for Jesus himself.
We got married right out of college, so this may not apply to couples who marry several years after they’ve started working.
We decided we would NOT travel to visit family for any of the major holidays for that entire first year of our marriage.
Since the trip was two days’ drive each way, it made the most sense to travel on weekends and spend a whole week at our destination. We weren’t making enough money to travel for four days with two nights in hotels, nor did we have sufficient vacation built up at our jobs to take off a full week. (Flying would have involved a very small regional airport, which made tickets more expensive than driving.)
We also realized that we would be pregnant or have very small children for most of those big trips, especially as we planned on four (which turned out, in the end, to be zero), but the principle remains that such trips in those conditions would have been too much. And that would include driving. I wouldn’t even CONSIDER flying with small children; I have no idea how so many families do that.
Making this rule to not travel for that first year precluded a lot of “when are you coming in again?” holiday pressure in the ensuing thirty-six years, so we always give this advice to newly engaged and married couples we know. (We also recommend skipping the big wedding, and instead eloping and spending that money on a very long honeymoon. People think we’re nuts before their weddings, then see afterwards that the idea had a lot of merit!)
(And don’t get me started on why the PARENTS can’t travel to see their grown kids, instead of the kids always having to travel. Pretty sure all the roads are paved in BOTH directions and that planes do fly round-trips.)
I love that!
We do the Christmas lights tours. There are a lot of neighborhoods around here with displays. It began before our daughter was born, and we’ve kept it up since
We had our big family Christmas this past Sunday. My youngest and his wife were up from Chattanooga. My daughter and her husband were with us along with my son, his wife and my two grandchildren.
About dark I went out to the barn to feed the horses. Upon returning to the house I stopped on the back porch to just listen. I could hear my children laughing, my grandchildren squealing and one of the dogs adding his voice to the chaos.
This Christmas will mark the 182nd Christmas that this old house has seen. Those Christmases past have been marked with joys and sorrows but I’ll guarantee you that none of my ancestors that ever stood on that porch were as content as I was just listening to the sounds of my family all together and happy.
That’s lovely, Boone, thanks for sharing that. 😊
That’s beautiful and I love it! Thanks for sharing!
Oh, Boone, that’s so lovely!
Erm… you seem to have somehow forgotten cricket on the beach…
That sounds intriguing… 😀
As someone whose two northern hemisphere Christmases have both been in South Asia, there is nothing Christmasier than cricket.
HAHA! Beach and Christmas don’t go together in my Canadian mind!
I love these! My husband and I can’t have kids so we’ve gleaned ideas from the TLHV / Bare Marriage site through the years. This is one we tweaked:
We don’t exchange “real” gifts, we exchange plans. This year, we each picked a National Park and for our gift this year, we’re presenting visit plans to each other.
This will always work with your budget, too. Gifts shouldn’t cause strife.
Great article! The only suggestion I would make is using general wording when it comes to people without kids.
Not everyone without kids is a young newlywed couple. I have been happily married for 11 years but have no kids. This is due to having PCOS as well as both of our childhood trauma.
I also have a friend who is in her 40’s and never married, so she would not fit the young newlywed trope either.
Thank you for considering!
Fwiw, I got the impression she wrote it in a more specific direction because she was answering a reader’s specific situation. I see your point though.
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We can always begin a new tradition, whether single or married for many years. Perhaps a new idea comes along or a new activity or opportunity. Just a few years ago we began attending a local Christmas festival with another couple. They weren’t available this year so we went with a single friend and a long-married gal (whose husband is surly and refused to go) and had a great time despite the alternate arrangements.