Recovery from obligation sex begins with understanding autonomy and consent. It begins with understanding it was never God's will for one person to use someone else's body for their own pleasure/emotional coping mechanism, without consideration of what this was doing...
This time we're looking at lust & sex in For Men Only! It's Part 2 of our deep dive into the book For Men Only by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn, and we saved the sex & lust & libido stuff to this podcast, because Rebecca had a lot to say. If you remember, the...
Are women visually oriented? What we usually hear in the church is that God made men to be visual (the Every Man's Battle authors say that God made men to receive sexual gratification through the eyes). Women, on the other hand, just aren't. We aren't visual at all....
Women have a harder time enjoying sex--so why is the mental load left to her? Today on the podcast we play a bunch of clips of different pastors/speakers that show all the different ways that the mental load & emotional labour for sex are so often placed on...
Why do evangelical women see sex as a chore? We're doing a fun podcast today where I'm combining a whole bunch of different things that I've been wanting to talk about, and putting them together so that they tell a consistent story. At least that's the plan! We're...
What if our desires make us fully human? And what if they're what give us our individuality? Jay Stringer joins us on the podcast today to talk about his new book Desire, an attempt to answer the question about why so much therapy doesn't work by coming up with a...
One of the most frequent questions I get from men is this one: How can I get my wife to understand my sexual needs? He feels like he’s in a sex-starved marriage, and he’s desperate for sex. But the more he talks about sex, the more his wife pulls away. What’s the...
Is frequency of sex related to marital happiness? Like, does having more sex make your marriage better? Well, yes. And also no. It's nuanced. And today Rebecca and I are going to look at the studies, and show you why our approach to sex, and our go-to advice, is so...
Is it fair to call sex a need? We're very much against obligation sex here at Bare Marriage--we've done research that has shown that the obligation sex message results in far worse marital and sexual outcomes, and contributes to abuse rates. But at the same time, is...
Is the Evangelical Church a Safe Place for Women? Today we're joined by Dr. Andrew Bauman, with his new book Safe Church, based on his research into women's experiences in church. He shares with us why so many women have been harmed in evangelicalism, from things like...
What if there's a thread running through obligation sex and normalizing men's lust? Or rather, what if there are multiple threads? When we wrote The Great Sex Rescue, based on our surveys of 20,000 women, we identified four big teachings about sex that are common in...
Sheila here! Recently I saw a great post on Instagram by my friend Shari Smith, who handles a lot of my social media behind the scenes (she’s been a big help with my Facebook page getting hacked this week–PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE follow our new page!). Shari wrote a...
What’s the real reason many women don’t want sex? Whenever we talk about how sex should be mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both and that the obligation sex message is toxic, the reply we get is something along these lines: without obligation, obviously, women...
When people say they “don’t want” sex tonight, what do they mean? We talked about this on the Bare Marriage podcast last week, but I'd like to elaborate on part of it today. I think we often get confused when people talk about this. They’ll say,“Well, sometimes I have...
"So you think it's okay if women just don't have sex, then?" Whenever we talk about how sex should be mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both, and that the obligation sex message is toxic, the reply we get is something along these lines--without obligation,...