We’ve got some new findings from our survey of 20,000 women! Behind the scenes, for the last year, between running new numbers for blog posts and podcasts, and presenting at conferences, Joanna Sawatsky (my amazing co-author for The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves...
All the Latest from "Making Sex Feel Good"
The Obligation Sex Series
- 10 Things to Know about Obligation Sex
- Why Obligation Sex Destroys Libido (and how it affects us long-term) (coming soon)
- A Way Forward to Recovery from Obligation Sex (coming soon)
- You Don’t Need to Consent to Being Used (coming soon)
- When Your Husband Won’t Let go of Obligation Sex (coming soon)
- The Obligation Sex podcast (coming soon)
Previous Posts on Obligation Sex
- Can We Honor our Bodies’ Rhythms?
- Does 1 Corinthians 7 Mean that Women Have No Sexual Autonomy?
- What Happens When Men Believe the Obligation Sex Message?
Previous Podcasts on Obligation Sex
- New Research on the effects of Obligation Sex
- The Myth of the Magic Penis
- Marital Rape, Consent, and the Problems with Obligation Sex
Plus please see our Great Sex Rescue Toolkit for handy downloads about the effects of obligation sex that you can give to your pastor, counselor, small group leader–anyone who teaches it!
And see chapters 9 and 10 in The Great Sex Rescue for all our charts, stats, and commentary!
The Sexual Recovery Series–Digging Yourself out of the Pit
- A 4 -Point Plan to Sexual Recovery
- Redefining Sex: Seeing Sex as an Expression of your Relationship, Not an Individual Need
- What Sexual Recovery Looks Like
- Safety and Intimacy: You’ll Never Have an Intimate Sex Life without Feeling Safe First
- When Sex Has Become One-Sided, Leaving Her Feeling Used
- 8 Step Plan to Regain Sexual Autonomy
- Why You Need to Deal with Your Own Sexual Stuff
- When Your Spouse Won’t Change
Marital Rape Posts:
- 2 Kinds of Marital Rape
- How to Recover from Marital Rape (if it’s possible)
- Why Christians Often Don’t Understand Consent
- 5 Next Steps if You Realize You’ve Coerced Your Wife into Sex
- Does 1 Corinthians 7 Mean that She Has No Sexual Autonomy?
- How Do I Get My Husband to Understand He’s Been Coercing Me into Sex?
- PODCAST: A Path forward Addressing Sexual Shame (with Jay Stringer)
- PODCAST: The Myth of the Magic Penis (and a call for integrated sex)
- PODCAST: Learned Helplessness and Sex
Keith’s Danvers Statement Series
Looking at the 4 ways those who believe in hierarchy in marriage think marriage can go wrong
- Domination: Do hierarchalists take it seriously?
- Passivity: Is it the problem hierarchalists say it is?
- Usurpation: Behold the circular logic!
- Servility: When every problem is a nail
- And our PODCAST summarizing the whole series!
Plus see the book Keith co-authored with Sheila, The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex!
The Research Deep Dive Series
- Does Sex Start in the Kitchen or Does It Die There?
- How Does a Couple’s First Time Affect Libido?
- Is “All Men Struggle With Lust” a Primal Fear?
- Is She Dressing for Attention or is He?
- PODCAST: Ogling and Dressing for Attention
- 5 Questions to Ask That Minimize Bias When Discussing Research
- 10 Things to Know About Hormones and Libido
- Bring Back Vanilla Sex
The Marriage Misdiagnosis Series
- I’ve Figured Out Why Christian Marriage Advice Can Be So Shallow
- Why Elevating Commitment As the Answer to Everything Misses the Point
- 4 Things Christian Marriage Teachers Need to Stop Saying
- Who is the Focus of Most Marriage Teaching?
- PODCAST with Natalie Hoffman: An example of marriage misdiagnosis in real life
- PODCAST: The Marriage Misdiagnosis Podcast
- Are We Putting Reconciliation Before Rebuilding Trust?
- Does It Really Take Two to Tango?
- Should We Always Put the Husband Before the Kids?
- Why Holding Up Radical Stories of Marriage Restoration Can Harm More than Hurt
- If I Pray Hard Enough, Will God Heal My Marriage?
- I Followed Christian Marriage Advice about Genders–and I Failed My Husband
And please check out our book The Great Sex Rescue about all the ways that evangelicalism has given the wrong diagnosis about sex!
Older posts from "Making Sex Feel Good"
Sex must be mutual, about both people’s pleasure. What if he insists on sex that doesn’t bring her pleasure, and doesn’t try to help her reach orgasm?
What if women don’t naturally want sex less than men do? Rebecca here again on the blog with another study for you! Researchers from the University of Toronto have come out with really interesting research about what impacts women’s enjoyment of sex. Note from...
What happens when pastors give sex advice, but they aren't trained to do so? This week's podcast we're talking about a big question: is it ever useful to expect pastors to give specific sex advice? What is a part of the pastor's job, and what simply isn't? If you want...
You guys! Guess what happened! Christianity Today actually covered The Great Sex Rescue--and it was phenomenal! A few weeks ago, just after we recorded the podcast about how the authors we critique have been either ignoring us or doubling down and saying awful things,...
I've got an awesome example of how stats can be misused today! And why it's important when we hear someone who isn't trained in statistics using studies to "prove" their point, when the point sounds like a stretch, to actually check their sources. In February, Dallas...
Just a super quick post today on why "equality" sometimes misses the boat when it comes to sexual pleasure. I use Tuesdays either to take a day off from writing the blog, or to share something super quick that's on my mind and I just want to write it out. I'm hoping...
God does not ask us to consent to selfish sex. In fact, one-sided intercourse is not sex. I can summarize The Great Sex Rescue by saying that sex is supposed to be MUTUAL, INTIMATE, and PLEASURABLE FOR BOTH. That's what God intended. Sex is not merely intercourse...
The most damaging belief we found on our survey of 20,000 women was the obligation sex message. Getting married believing that a wife was obligated to give her husband sex when he wanted it resulted in much higher rates of sexual pain, lower orgasm rates, and lower...
What if sex physically works well--but afterwards you just feel distant from one another? This month on the blog I'm going a "number of the day" series, and I meant to put this post up on Wednesday but the blog was all glitchy that day when we were switching to other...
How do you know when you've done enough foreplay? We're starting a new series on the blog right now, leading up to the release of the Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex and the TOTALLY REVAMPED AND REWRITTEN Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex on March 15!You can Pre-Order The...
Once again, Focus on the Family is promoting an article that places the blame on you if your spouse cheats. They're advertising an older article on their Facebook page right now where it encourages you to look for "vulnerabilities" in your marriage to see if it's...
Have you ever noticed that when we talk about oral sex in the Christian community, we usually frame it as something he wants and she should give? In that now infamous Edinburgh sermon that went viral, for instance, Mark Driscoll talked about how a woman should...