Life is Too Short for Unresolved Arguments

by | Jan 13, 2017 | Marriage, Resolving Conflict | 5 comments

Merchandise is Here!

All this week we’ve been talking about resolving conflict in marriage.

If you missed some of the posts on how to resolve conflict, please read this one on the one reason we can never fix marriage problems. It’ s SO important that couples get this concept!

I wanted to give someone else the last word today, though. Some of my long-time readers may know a commenter who simply went by “P”. He was an older gentleman–in his 70s. And he read this blog faithfully, and always left the kindest comments. He left a total of 129 of them, and they were always about how much he loved his wife, loved his God, and was so grateful for his marriage. He even wrote about how great sex was when you truly loved each other, even in the senior years. Here’s a typical one:

[another commenter] mentions Eph 5, 21-24 and this does ask women to submit to their husbands, but people then do not read on further. Verses 25-33 detail the sort of husband he should be, he must be prepared to die for his wife should it be necessary just as Jesus died for His church. He must put her needs before his own. For years I did not follow these verses, and as a human, I fail from time to time, but since I have sincerely tried to follow these instructions our marriage has become stronger and I appreciate God’s gift of the woman I love more and more. I thought our marriage was good from day 1 but it is so much better now. We both have health problems but it is sheer joy to look after each other and encourage each other and our love grows daily.

He hinted in that comment about his health problems. He left his last comment on July 16. Shortly thereafter he emailed me and asked to be removed from my newsletter list, since he was in the final stages of cancer and would be transitioning to palliative care.

I don’t know if he’s gone to be with the Lord yet (I don’t even know his name! I only know he’s Canadian). But he was (is?) a wonderful encourager, and I so appreciated him.

And so I thought it would be fitting to let him have the last word today. Shortly before that last email, he sent me this note:

As a senior 73, wife 70, I have had a thought which never crossed my mind when I was in that age group. That is simply that our time on earth is limited. Although none of us knows how long we have to live, at our ages time is obviously limited.

The point is that as life is short is it really worth falling out with your spouse and getting all upset with each other? Or is it not better to work TOGETHER to sort out differences? Then however many days of marriage are left each and every one could and should be filled with as much love, joy and happiness as is within their power to give to each other. Can you think of anything more terrible than that your spouse should die after you have had an unresolved argument? What a memory to bear for the rest of your life.

My wife and I are happier now than we have ever been, despite health problems from time to time. Our love for each other is deepening and we both strive to meet each other’s needs constantly.

Gloomy thoughts to be sure but maybe such thoughts could encourage reconciliation before it is too late in every area of marriage.

Life is too short for unresolved arguments | A senior man in the final stages of cancer gives his thoughts on resolving conflict in marriage.

Thank you, P. And may God be with your wife and family right now, and may He bless them for the blessing that you have always been.

Friday Roundup on To Love, Honor and Vacuum

What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?

We have so much to look at this week in the Tops!  Here are some great tips on how to spend time with your hubby as well as some other important topics.  Check it out!

fb-husband-doesnt-listen#1 Post on the Blog: 10 Ways To Talk So Your Husband Will Hear
#1 on the Blog Overall: Top 10 Tips For Initiating Sex With Your Husband

#1 from Facebook: “Do Not Deprive” Roundup
#2 from Pinterest: An Awesome List Of 79 Hobbies To Do With Your Spouse

Thanks everybody for tuning in! I’m in California right now, sitting in our RV.

I’m taking a reader out to lunch today who won “dinner with me” in a contest I did a while back! She’s been waiting for me to get to California to join her. And then tomorrow night I’m giving my Girl Talk at Bethany Christian Reformed Church in Bellflower (near Los Angeles). Get tickets here, and I hope to see you!

And remember: we’re booking for Girl Talks in late spring and for next fall (where we’ll go anywhere! We haven’t made up our mind yet where the tour will go, it depends where all the bookings are for). So email my assistant Tammy if you want more information! I’d love to meet more of you!

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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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  1. Melissa

    P’s comments were always so sincere and full of love. You could tell that he loved his wife with all his being and that she was the most beautiful woman in the world to him. I loved reading his comments as they reminded me so much of my own husband and how he treats me. I pray that we have the same love and passion for each other in our golden years that P and his wife have for one another. Prayers for P and his family. We lost my mother in law 13 years ago and I know how hard the end days of cancer can be. I truly miss his comments but will carry the heart behind them with me as I strive to love my husband with the same selflessness and passion that P displayed.

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I’m so glad that others remember him, too! He meant a lot to me.

  2. Angie

    I wish I could send my husband to P’s house for training! Lol. (Of course if we did that I’d have to go to Sheila’s house for training ?)

  3. Lisa

    What a wonderful man.

    And he’s right. My husband has a very rare condition and it’s almost taken his life several times. There have been months where every day I woke and checked to see if he was still with me. Or watched him leave in an ambulance because I had to stay home with our young children.

    We’re only in our 40s but we’ve learned this lesson. And while I continually pray for God to heal my husband I’m thankful for how it’s changed us. Very thankful.

    I love how Gary Thomas reminds us that we vowed to cherish our spouse. You cherish something that is irreplaceable and fragile. None of us knows how many days we have left with our spouses. Or our children. I often fail but I try to cherish each day with them.

  4. My name is Joe

    I know I am not perfect but I feel like my marriage is falling apart. She had vaginal surgery and her uterus removed within the last 75 days. I know we cannot have intercourse but lately she has been refusing any intimacy at all. She refuses to sleep in our bed and sleeps on the sofa. She says I snore too much and would rather sleep with our five year old daughter.

    We have around $4,000 in medical debts from her surgery and medical bills. My wife wants me to do the budget and then gets upset at what I plan. I ask for her input but she replies that her input does not matter. She keeps a secret credit card and lets her sister use it. She allowed her to charge up a different sum of $4,000 in debt in medical bills. Her sister has no job and has been living with us over six months. We live in an area where unemployment is very low.

    My wife says she does not want to be married to me. I have been praying about this situation but I do not know what to do.


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