How to Throw Your Child a Blessing Party

by | Jul 19, 2019 | Uncategorized | 10 comments

How to throw a blessing party for your children! Blessing your children with words of truth and encouragement

Do you know what it really means to bless your child?

When my daughters turned 13, each of them got a special party for their birthday dedicated to having key people in their lives share messages of encouragement and call out the ways God was moving and working in their lives. 

I wrote about this years ago when we were in the thick of it, but this remains one of my favourite things I’ve ever done for my girls. So I wanted to share what I wrote so many years ago to inspire you to speak words of truth and life into your kid’s lives, too (updated of course to include ideas of how to do this for sons, too!). Our words have so much power in our kid’s hearts, and I hope this gives you some ideas for how you can use yours to really build up your child as he or she enters this next stage of life.


On top of my friend Jill’s piano used to sit a dried bunch of roses. They weren’t particularly breathtaking, but they were special, for they were the first roses her daughter Pam ever received.

Pam’s dad gave them to her on her thirteenth birthday, because he wanted to make sure that when Pam got her first roses, they would be from him.

He loved her first, and he figured that anyone else that she would love better be willing to love her just as much. He set the standard.

Bob wasn’t there to give Pam away at her wedding. He died two years too early. But when Pam walked down the aisle to her husband Andrew, she walked towards a man who did truly love her, just as her father had modelled. Bob was not a perfect father by any means, just as none of us is a perfect parent. But he really got that right.

That story has stayed with me, and so when my daughter Rebecca turned thirteen, she answered the doorbell to receive a dozen roses from her dad. And we did the same for Katie just 2 years later.

And the message he wanted to send? You’re precious. Don’t hang out with others who don’t believe that.

I didn’t let Keith have all the fun, though. I decided I wanted a chance to speak some words of wisdom into my daughter’s life, too, but I did it in a very girly way. I threw a chocolate-fountain-spa party, with the important girls and women in our lives. And I asked twelve women—aunts, grandmothers, friends, mentors—to say something either affirming what they see in Rebecca, or giving her advice on growing up. It was a lovely party, as most interactions that involve chocolate turn out to be, but this was even more special because of the timeless truths my daughter heard.

Our girls get so many negative messages in this culture.

They hear that looks are all that matters, that our worth is best judged by our sexual conquests, and that feeling good is more important than being good. I wanted this to be an opportunity to counteract this garbage in a real and meaningful way. And so let me share with you some of the things Rebecca learned that night.

One aunt reminded her that 10% of life is what gets thrown at you, while 90% of life is how you react to it.

One of her best friend’s moms gave a rah-rah speech: “your generation is the first of the new millennium. What will you make the world?” One of her favourite baby-sitters whom we watched walk down the aisle a month ago still had marriage on her mind, as she told Becca that when it comes time for men, “don’t settle! You deserve the very best in a guy!”. A woman we travelled to Kenya with reminded Becca to remain humble, and remember that everything we have is simply a gift.

My cousin commiserated with Becca since they both suffer from perfectionism. She told her, “Don’t let the need to be perfect stop you from trying things. The important thing is to try your best, and whatever your best is, remember its good enough.”

My mother told her how impressed she was by Becca’s creativity and compassion. My mother-in-law echoed how proud she was of Becca, and admonished her to always keep her word. Be someone others can trust. A family friend who has watched Rebecca learn to ride a bike, learn to swim, and learn to start fires—in our campsites, that is—said, “My deepest prayer for you is that you will continue to have a heart for God.” And on and on it went, with women sharing some of the greatest lessons they’ve learned.

Maybe you have a child approaching a milestone—13, 16, graduation. Why not take that opportunity to bless them and launch them well?

That night my daughter heard, keep your word. Keep trying. Don’t settle. We love you, you’re special, and we can see so much in you. All of that, and a dozen roses from Daddy. Now if her life can live out those values, we will be very proud parents indeed.

But what if you have a daughter who doesn’t like girly things, or you have a son? 

A blessing party doesn’t need to be about frills and chocolate. It’s really about giving people a chance to speak words of life and blessing into your kid’s life. You could do a group hike and end it around a fire; you could host a night at a bowling alley and then all sit around with pizza while people share; you could even do a canoe or camping weekend trip with a smaller group of people. There are endless ways to host a blessing party–so make it something special for your kid! My girls happened to really like chocolate and pedicures. If your kids don’t, then do something different! 

How to throw a blessing party for your children! Blessing your children with words of truth and encouragement

No matter what the party looks like, the important point is that your child has a chance to hear blessings from important people in his or her life. 

In today’s society we so rarely bless our kids. We don’t take time out of our busy schedules to sit and speak words of life into their lives–we’re focused on soccer practice and sleepovers and juggling the different parts of our crazy-hectic lives. 

But as your kids grow into little adults, knowing they have a community of people rallied around them who believe in them and see great things in them is an amazing gift. 

So give that gift to your kids!

What do you think about the concept of a blessing party? Have you ever done anything like that before? Let’s chat about it in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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10 Comments

  1. LaToya

    Just did this for my oldest son (13). I invited family and friends to come and share encouragement with him as he enters manhood.

    So many great words of wisdom were shared.

    We don’t do birthday parties but I want to make 13 special for each of my boys.

    Reply
  2. Heather

    I did something similar for my older girls when they turned 13. I contacted important women in their life, grandmas, aunts, coaches, special family friends, and had them write a letter to them. It could be a word of wisdom, something they loved about my daughter, a prayer, whatever they chose. I took these letters and had them printed in a photo book along with a picture of my daughter and that woman. They now have a momento of that special lady and the knowledge of the love, care, and prayers of wonderful people. I know my girls treasure these books and I know that my youngest is looking forward to her turn.

    Reply
    • Rebecca Lindenbach

      Oh that is so wonderful, Heather!! Such a great idea–especially if a lot of those special people in your kid’s life don’t live close enough to physically come to a birthday party. I LOVE that!

      Reply
  3. Becky

    We’ve been doing something kind of similar to Heather. Our kids are young (4 and under), but when our older boy was born, my husband and I each wrote him a letter. We did the same for our younger son, and my husband in particular adds to the collection as he feels inspired. This was actually a great reminder, since we haven’t written anything to our daughter that I’m pregnant with yet!

    Reply
  4. Natalie

    This is the sweetest idea! I’m definitely gonna do this with my kids when they’re older.

    Reply
  5. Ash

    When our son turned 13, I had all kinds of men in his life write him a letter. His dad, grandfather, uncles, friends, youth pastor, pastor, etc. He received so many letters of encouragement his birthday week. It was really neat!

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I love that!

      Reply
  6. Sandra M.

    I LOVE this so much and I appreciate that you shared it. I have wanted to do this for years and was hoping/planning for our daughter’s 16th bday…however, that is at the end of this October, and we are still under pretty stringent COVID-19 restrictions here and I doubt it will change too much by then (we are in California). 🙁 I’m in a somewhat higher risk group (if I were to get it) so we are pretty cautious. I am hanging on to these celebratory suggestions and even if we have to wait for a while longer, I want to do it for her. Do you have any other suggestions to add so she feels special (and not too much like it’s just a big party of her mom’s friends, because honestly all of them are going to be women who are my friends as well as people who love my daughter)?

    Reply
    • Rebecca Lindenbach

      You could always just try to do it over zoom or google meetings! 🙂 And that way her friends could attend, too. I know it’s not ideal, but neither are the times we’re in and you could plan a whole itinerary of games you can play over zoom and then give people a chance to say their blessings.

      Reply

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