The Top Posts of 2020 on Bare Marriage!

by | Dec 28, 2020 | Bare Marriage | 6 comments

Top 10 Posts of 2020

2020 is almost gone! And I’m sure there is much rejoicing–with prayers that 2021 will be much better.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I’ve been cocooning for the last week, and haven’t been on the computer at all until this morning when I woke up and realized I really should get a post ready! It’s actually been wonderful to be unplugged.

We had an early Christmas, since lockdowns are starting in Ontario where we live. My daughter Katie and David came down to visit us (don’t worry; they live in a green zone, where there’s very little COVID, and have been very good at socially distancing themselves), so we were all together. And then we had Christmas on the 22nd, the day after our anniversary. So we ended up celebrating our anniversary on Christmas instead, and it all got very confusing but very relaxing.

I also spent most of Christmas knitting; I finally discovered a use for all the mohair yarn I’ve got in my stash. It makes really warm hats!

Sheila's Christmas Knit Hat

I knit the hat and mittens while taking some needed mental health breaks lately! (The scarf I knit a few years ago. I also likely knit the socks I’m wearing here, but you can’t see them anyway.)

I’ve really needed the break, and I’ve had so many thoughts going through my head about what it means to grow, and the difference that Jesus should make in our lives, and how we don’t really understand what an abundant life looks like. And I hope to talk about all of that more in podcasts this year–likely in the first one of the year!

But at the end of the year, I like to run a post featuring the biggest posts of the year, and today I’d like to run the biggest posts that were written in 2020–the ones that got the most traffic and the most eyeballs.

Often that’s because they’re picked up by search engines, though. While I like all of these posts, they’re not necessarily the ones that I would have picked for my top posts. I’ll share those with you later this week. But I wrote 5 posts a week, pretty much everyday this year, taking off only last week and major holidays. So that’s a lot of posts! And I don’t want you to miss the big ones.

So here we go! Let’s count out way to #1:


On Emotional Labor and Mental Load: Let’s Talk Fair Play!

I’m so glad this made the list, because this would have been definitely in my top 3! This series was IMPORTANT. So many women told me afterwards that this series on mental load put into words what they’d been trying to describe to their husbands for years. And I do think that often we believe the problem with sex has everything to do with sex, and we forget that often it’s the more mundane things that get in the way.


When your husband thinks you're boring in bed: Discovering the root of the problem

My Husband Thinks I’m Boring in Bed

What do you do if your husband thinks you’re boring in bed? Well, is this an issue with him, with you, or with the two of you together? Let’s sort it out!


Debi Pearl, Submission and Abuse: A look at Created To Be His HelpMeet

On Submission, Debi Pearl, and Created to Be His Helpmeet

Here’s another post that was really important: I expanded and re-ran my critique of Debi Pearl’s book Created To Be His Helpmeet, which tragically is quite popular, especially in homeschooling circles. It was named the second most harmful book by the 20,000 women who took our sex & marriage survey last year (Love & Respect was #1). And there are really two roots to the problem with her book: she thinks that the purpose of women is to serve their husbands, rather than to serve Jesus; and she thinks that suffering makes you holy. Neither is biblical, and here’s why. 


The 4 Stages of Porn Recovery

I think this one ended up in the top 10 because I share it so much–because it’s a very important and comprehensive post. So many people end up on this blog because of porn problems in their marriage. But how do you actually get over those porn problems? Well, too many people rush from stage 1 to stage 4, and omit stages 2 & 3. And that’s a problem. 


10 Sexy Questions to Ask Your Husband to Spice up Your Marriage

10 Sexy Questions to Ask Your Husband

Sometimes we all need a little spice in our marriage! Just a fun one that I re-ran this year, that may be a good one to revisit if you’ve got some time on your hands right now!


4 Things You Must do if Your Husband Uses Porn

4 Things You Must Do If Your Husband Uses Porn

Our porn series from April is responsible for several of the posts in the top 10–which is wonderful. Honestly, so many of my readers ended up on this blog because they initially googled something about dealing with porn, and I’m so glad that they found me. Here’s another important post about how to treat porn seriously and appropriately if you discover your husband (or your wife) using it.


Top 10 Effects of Porn on Your Marriage, Brain and Sex Life

Top 10 Effects of Porn on Marriage and Your Sex Life

And why is porn so serious? Here’s a great post that lays out all of porn’s effects!


An Open Letter to Focus on the Family about Love & Respect

Honestly, THIS is the post I wish was #1, but Google picked up other ones instead! But it still received thousands upon thousands of eyeballs. And that’s good, because this also launched our research for our book The Great Sex Rescue. Honestly, if Focus on the Family had handled my initial emails of concern to them appropriately about Love & Respect (even if they had simply said that they would look into it), we never would have embarked on our huge survey, and our book The Great Sex Rescue, coming out in just two months, would never have been written.

In a way, I think God hardened their hearts, because He is exposing so much darkness in the church right now. That’s what our new book will do, and it will also give people hope and a new way to look at sex. But it all started from this hullabaloo, and if you haven’t read it, you should. 


26 Board Games for Couples: Two Player Board Games that are Awesome

26 2-Player Board Games to Play as a Couple

I really love this post–because I really love two player games! My husband and I have just loved playing Wingspan all year (a game I mention in this post), and this Christmas we bought the European birds expansion. Plus we tried a new game–Mariposas! I may have to go back and update this list ot include it, because it’s really fun, too.


10 Tips for Initiating Sex--even if you're shy!

How to Initiate Sex: Top 10 Tips for Initiating Sex with Your Husband

For years this was the #1 post on the blog, and I updated and re-ran this year–and it still is the #1 post! So here you go. Top 10 ideas to initiate sex–with lots of links for more help to spice things up!

So that’s what was big on the blog that I wrote this year!

I want to highlight some other posts–and some series–later this week that I feel were also important, and share more thoughts I’ve had on some of them several months out. And I also want to share with you my favourite podcasts of the year!

But this week I’m still taking a bit of a break to process. It’s been a BIG year. All of my speaking stopped, which meant that I concentrated entirely on creating a bunch of new things that I’ve been putting off. Our Orgasm Course finally launched (I’ve been wanting to make it for years but never had time). We wrote The Great Sex Rescue (and it will be out March 2!). Keith and I are in the middle of editing the first draft of our upcoming book The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. But mostly I’ve been on a journey to understand my faith better, and to figure out what it means to put Jesus at the centre–especially when so many churches that claim to do that give such terrible marriage advice and marriage counseling.

Why? And how can we fix this? That’s what’s been preoccupying me all year, and what I’m trying to see clearly.

I just want people to thrive. I want people to stop hurting. I want to see real growth. I want to see people honestly being transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit, not just able to recite doctrine but have it not make a difference in how they treat people.

So I’m processing, because I know I love Jesus. I know He loves me. And while much of our church culture has disappointed me lately, so many of your comments have kept me going. Jesus is working; He is tearing down, and He is building up.

There is a time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them. (Ecclesiastes 3:5)

That’s my verse as I end 2020. We’ve been scattering stones a lot this year. I hope as our new book launches, you’ll all see how we can start gathering them back together, and finding real health and growth in 2021!

Oh, and please sign up for my emails so that you don’t miss any awesome posts in 2021!

Top 10 Blog Posts of 2020

Let me know–which post was your favourite in 2020? Or was there something that I wrote that you thought should have made the list? Let’s talk in the comments!

Written by

Sheila Wray Gregoire


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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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  1. Nathan

    While I found this site as part of a quest to help a friend overcome his porn addiction (and it’s interesting to note that 3 of the top 10 are porn related), the mental load post was the most helpful to me, personally. I used to be in the “tell me what to do and I’ll do it” camp, and this post helped me to realize that a huge part of being an equal partner is noticing that things need to be done and doing them before somebody else tells you.
    So a big thanks to Sheila and team for having this website!

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Yay! So great to hear that, Nathan. And also, as an aside, so great that you took the initiative to actually help a friend with a porn addiction. Imagine how much healthier our church communities (and general communities) would be if we did help friends with these issues? So many wives are desperate, and the fact that good men are willing to stand in the gap and tell their friends, “no more!”, is so great.

    • Libl

      I now take days off from making decisions. Not only does it give me a much needed rest, but it forces the rest of my family to step up and not rely on me to be the only brain.

      • Nathan

        > > I now take days off from making decisions
        Good idea!

  2. Nathan

    I’ve found that many people are more willing to stand and loudly condemn bad acts (and the people who commit them) rather than try to make a difference. To some extent, I can understand the need to do this, but it’s only a first step.
    As an aside, my friend has pretty much conquered it. It was a struggle at first, and a lot of backsliding, but he finally got to the top of the mountain. Covenant Eyes is a great tool in this regard.
    I also like where the idea of whether our priorities are God/Jesus or the earthly church authority. Sadly, many can’t separate these two. My own pastor is very good, but I don’t worship him.

  3. Andrea

    I have been a follower of your blog for several years. I have learned so many wonderful things in that time. Unfortunately, lately I almost cringe when I see the posts. The underlying tone has turned bitter and the posts have changed their purpose. I whole heartedly believe you see sex and marriage in the true biblical sense. Unfortunately, for a long time follower, the blog has taken a new turn that I don’t like. I don’t feel like the blog is doing what your original purpose was. It has become a defensive battle ground. I pray that the blog gets back to encouraging, educating, and lifting people up like many of these posts.


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