9 Comments

1. 

   Codec on June 30, 2022 at 9:44 am

   This Alora lady if great.

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2. 

   Codec on June 30, 2022 at 10:52 am

   Being vulnerable is hard. As a man I also see lots of horror stories of men trying to enter or build a relationship and the relationship becomes an awfull experience.

   Porn portrays it that whatever you do will be amazing. Even the things that are not are there to fulfill your fantasies. Fantasies can be a way to better understand yourself if you allow them to teach you.

   If you have been using porn for a while it almost feels like the closest thing to having a real relationship with a woman. How do you talk to women? How do you avoid becoming the next Johnny Depp Amber Heard case? How do you talk about sex without coming off as unbearably horny? What do I do if I ever meet a woman and we both like each other? I as a man want to know.

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     Angharad on July 1, 2022 at 5:31 pm

     How do you talk to women? You just – talk to them! There is no list of ‘topics of conversation appropriate for women’. Thinking of my friends, one likes to talk about horses and music, another is into motorbikes and computer programming, another loves books and travel, another is into Grand Prix racing and rugby, another likes photography, art and rabbits…and the list goes on.

     Just as you should when talking to a man, treat each one as an individual. And you don’t need to talk about sex unless you are in a serious relationship anyway. My OH and I didn’t discuss sex until we were talking in detail about getting married – and even then, we didn’t go into graphic detail.

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3. 

   Jo R on June 30, 2022 at 12:30 pm

   Here’s the short and sweet version…

   Men, date your wife! For the time being, adopt the Christian sexual ethic of no sex before marriage, then treat her as if you’re unmarried and dating.

   Try it for a month. Or three. If you say you can’t hold out from sex for three months, that you need it every X days, then I have a very simple question: how long were you dating before you got married? I’ll just make a SWAG that it was longer, even considerably longer, than X days. If you could do it then, you can do it now.

   And If your wife has seldom—or NEVER—orgasmed, then you’ve been putting her through the EXACT thing you say you’re unable to do, and you’ve been doing so for as long as you’ve been married.

   A wedding ceremony does not give you permission to coast in the relationship. In fact, I would say you need to be even MORE attentive after the wedding than you were before. Because if you slack off the emotional connection (you remember, the time when she couldn’t keep her hands off you), then you’re really saying SHE, as the unique woman you married, isn’t special after all. If you don’t keep that emotional connection going, then she understands instinctively that in reality, you could have married ANY woman. If ANY woman would do, then you’ve have, in the most literal sense of the words, reduced your wife to a prostitute.

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4. 

   Nessie on July 1, 2022 at 11:51 pm

   Elora was incredible! And yes, autistics are awesome, just in a different way than the “societal norm!” *Literal takes: I had to very intentionally explain verses like plucking out your eye if it causes you to sin, etc..

   I’ve heard guys give the “bait and switch” gripe often yet many women say the same of their husbands for behaving one way before marriage then completely reversing after and only caring about getting sex, meals, and housekeeping, with no more emotional effort/connecting.

   I think JoR nailed it above!!
   “… you’re really saying SHE, as the unique woman you married, isn’t special after all. If you don’t keep that emotional connection going, then she understands instinctively that in reality, you could have married ANY woman. If ANY woman would do, then you’ve have, in the most literal sense of the words, reduced your wife to a prostitute.”

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5. 

   RedeemedRecoveringSexAddict on July 2, 2022 at 3:21 pm

   I have been following this site for while. Really turned my thinking of marriage and sex upsidedown! I have been on therapy with my wife (married 8 years) snd therapist just keep trying to get us understand how important it is to get sexual release for men and my wife should have more sex with me! I’m recovering sex addict (over 15 years of porn use and half of it in marriage) and it was really not good advice for me. Now I have let go the sexual “needs” and feel more close to my wife as all pressure is taken away from both of us. I still masturbate about twice a week and really try to cut it off, because it is pulling me back to porn, even though I masturbate thinking my wife. Btw orgasm gap is real! I have just one orgasm when we make love and my wife gets always one, but normally two or three!

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6. 

   Katydid on July 5, 2022 at 10:17 am

   When a woman is chronically overworked, tired, and stressed, naturally her body is going to be resistant to sex because it’s begging her not to get pregnant! I’ve noticed the more I’m working and the more I’m stressed, the less likely I am to want sex but also the less likely my body wants to cooperate with sex. My vagina gets tighter (not in a good way), less lubricated, and sex doesn’t feel very good.

   And when husbands cross their arms, pout, tell her he has stress, too, and to get over it, it only adds to the problem. Men aren’t the ones who get pregnant. Men aren’t the ones whose bodies are entered and can endure more damage. So, yes, stress and overwork affect her FAR MORE than they affect him, sexually. It’s a biological safety net and necessity.

   While people find this misogynistic today, back in time it was common to ensure wives were pampered and cared for. They were expected to stay home, have help, and not engage in too much in order for them to be relaxed, healthy, and have as little stress as possible to ensure healthier and safer pregnancies. Now, of course, it went too far. We know better, now, but there was something to it.

   And I also bet that a lot of women won’t admit to it because they don’t want to be seen as lazy and weak. 21st century women work.

   I want to have sex with my husband, but 9 times out of 10 if I could choose, I would choose sleep. And while him picking up some of the chores and mental load might help, it simply may not be enough to remedy the exhaustion. Letting her sleep in for a couple of hours on a Sunday isn’t going to make up for a decade of sleep deprivation and the daily stressors of family and work life.

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     Sheila Wray Gregoire on July 5, 2022 at 12:45 pm

     Absolutely, Katydid. That’s why we need to look at how to make a truly equal partnership. It is possible. I hope it becomes more the norm too!

     Reply