We’ve finally made the move, and To Love, Honor and Vacuum is now rebranded Bare Marriage!
Connor has been working on this for a few months now, and it turned into a much bigger job than we anticipated.
I started To Love, Honor and Vacuum back in 2008.
I started out as a parenting/mommy blog, and the title of the blog was based on my first book, which was published in 2003–To Love, Honor and Vacuum: When you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother.
When I started blogging, I focused on parenting and organizing and some general thoughts about life. I certainly tackled marriage, but it wasn’t my main focus.
Over the years, though, I found that the more I talked about sex the more people paid attention, and I found my niche. In 2012 the first edition of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex came out (a whole revamped second edition was published March 2022), and that became who I was.
So the title of the blog no longer fit what I was writing about–but I had a problem. Google really liked me, and I was getting a ton of traffic. I didn’t know how to rebrand. And so many people knew me from my blog.
Nevertheless, over the years I’ve felt like the title of the blog didn’t match at all what I was trying to say, and it grated on me a bit. But even more than that:
we felt that Integrity Demanded a Change
As you know, I’ve been dedicated to the “good fruit” test: Jesus said that a bad tree can’t bear good fruit, and a good tree can’t bear bad fruit. And so I’ve been looking at my past blog posts, and found that I don’t agree with all of them anymore.
I haven’t changed my views that much–but I have changed my emphasis. And I didn’t like the way that I used to emphasize gratitude in marriage rather than emotional health and boundaries, or how I would emphasize the importance of frequency of sex rather than making sure it’s mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both.
But I had so many posts going through each individually was a huge task! At one point there were over 2,900 posts on the blog.
So we made the decision to move the blog, and only take posts from 2018 and forward (along with some select ones from before that).
But we didn’t just move the site. we redid it.
Or rather, Connor did. After five different servers that To Love, Honor and Vacuum was on, and three different blog platforms, and countless blog administrators, it was just really clunky. And he felt that rebuilding it from the ground up was the better choice!
So it took a long time, but now the blog is running really well. It’s going to take about a month for us to clear out all the bugs, so please be patient with us. The links may not all be perfect. But I feel like this is a great start, and I’m really excited to show you what else we’re planning next!
Why Bare Marriage?
So why did we settle on the new name “bare marriage”? I felt like it fit for several reasons.
First, it’s obviously about marriage, which is a big plus!
But more importantly, the “bare” has two meanings. One relates to being naked, and thus to sex. But the second is really more important. I like to say that we’re stripping everything away and getting down to what’s really important. We’re getting rid of the toxic teachings; the maladaptive coping patterns; the stuff that makes marriage worse, and we’re getting back to what God intended.
We’re stripping everything bare to find the gold underneath! And I hope that’s what we’ll do together here.
Thanks for sticking around through all of this. Thanks for having patience with me, even as my views adapted on so many things. Thanks for not demanding perfection. I’m trying, and I hope I’m getting there, and I’m honored that you show up and read everyday!
So feel free to look around. If you see anything obviously wrong, shoot me a comment–but we do know that some things still need to be fixed over the next little while. And check out our streamlined store, too! I’ve added a “Tip Jar” so you can donate money for a cup of coffee or something, even if you don’t want to join our Patreon regularly (though I’d love it if you could join our amazing Patreon community!).
Thanks again for your patience!
Tell me what you think of our rebrand in the comments! And celebrate with us! This has been a HUGE job.
Congratulations on the rebrand. As someone who ended up following your blog ‘in spite’ of the title (I assumed it was going to tell me how a good wife needed to be submissive, clean the house and not work outside the home!) I think the new name is a great improvement. Looking forward to seeing how your ministry develops in its new home – and Connor has done an amazing job!
God bless you guys!! So glad you included a donate option!
Thanks for passing the baton to so many of us who can make a difference in guiding others toward hope and healing. WE LOVE Y’ALL!!
Congratulations!
I know this was a big move and a lot of work.
Good job Connor!
The message here is so important. It needs to be taken seriously. Though I was fine for the way things were, I know that this improvement will shut up some mouths that will be picky over stupid things.
May this be one more step in the right direction of exposing the toxic BS passed off as wise marriage advice.
Well done to all the team. As someone who has dabbled at creating drop and drag web sites, I can appreciate the design work. The new look, at first glance, is sleek and very professional. I look forward to diving in.
I’m so excited to see the new website up and running!
I only found you just recently and love your emphasis.
I’m glad you found me!
Wahoo! So excited about the rebrand! As someone who has followed you since 2009/2010, it’s been amazing to watch you grow and find your niche! Connor, excellent work on the site… it’s lookin’ svelte!
Great job, team, and especially Connor!
(For the non-technical, rehosting is WAY more complicated than even something as difficult and painful as moving houses.)
Wow! Worth the wait I think!!!! I was waiting for today’s article and I got the email. Congratulations!!!
I notice you can’t like other comments…is that a bug or the new normal?
That will be back! There was a glitch with a comment plugin and it’s on Connor’s list!
(Rebecca here) We are hoping to have that feature back up and running soon, we had a commenting plugin that allowed all that to happen and it’s being glitchy with the new site, so Connor’s de-bugging that over the next bit. 🙂 But for now, back to classic commenting!
I’m glad that’ll be back. I love seeing which comments get all the likes! (And I’m never surprised by the ones that don’t get any. LOL)
Love this new system! Site looks beautiful! Thank you!
Congratulations! The new site looks great. I have to admit, I was confused this morning when I went to the old blog and couldn’t get the comments to load. Then I saw the email with this link! This is very exciting, and I love the rebranding!
Excellent job — congrats to all! Anything techy is at least 89 times more work than you’d think it would be…. The rebranding and all the effort are well worth it! Thank you, thank you for all you do — and keeping at it.
Congrats on your new site. I love your advice and commentary. I also appreciate your perspective on the faults in some of (maybe most of) the traditional Christian books. I also understand you are fighting against a crowd of entrenched voices. And, I’m convinced you are right. Now that I’m convinced, I don’t need more convincing. I’d like to continue to hear your advice, but the critique of the others is taking too much of a center stage for me. You’re older content was more personally helpful. The fight against what the opposition is saying is important to those that have not heard it and still need to be convinced your are right, but now, it doesn’t help my marriage much. So, I’m great with the goal of Bare Marriage, “One relates to being naked, and thus to sex. But the second is really more important. I like to say that we’re stripping everything away and getting down to what’s really important.”, but your strong focus on what’s wrong with others is getting old for me. I would rather hear your thoughts on strengthening my marriage, as opposed to why the other guys are wrong. I’m not saying there’s not a place for it, just that you’ve convinced me and I’m ready to move on from that battle. (I understand you need to continue that battle because not everyone has heard the message. I heard it. I’m just not excited about hearing it again, and again, and again.) I love your stuff, so please don’t take this a criticism to your ministry or the help you have been to me and my marriage. Thank you for all you have done, do and will yet do.
I’ll be honest–when I publish posts on how to improve your marriage (and I do quite often–i had one last week!), no one notices it or comments on it.
I think honestly the way to make your marriage better is simply to become emotionally healthy, and learn to share mental load and emotional labor. When that is done, everything else kind of falls into place! So I’d love to write more practical help for your marriage, but honestly–I had roughly 2000 posts on that. I said everything that could be said. And people just didn’t read it! So if people want me to do more of that, then I guess I’m saying that I need people to pay more attention to those posts. (Again–not critiquing you, but it does get interesting that when I try to say something helpful and practical so few people tune in).
I’ve read them. Each one for several years. They have been great, practical and useful (and perhaps they aren’t controversial enough to spark comment, but they’ve been very useful and beneficial. They have had me consider my ways, recognize areas for improvement, and make an attempt at change. We’ve also purchased all your books and updates to your books, and purchased your online content and recommended products. So, if you haven’t heard it, THANK YOU for those posts. Thank you for your words and suggestions. Don’t hesitate to refer to them, or occasionally repost or integrate them into your current work. Thanks!
I’ve probably read them all. Each one for several years. They have been great, practical and useful (and perhaps they aren’t controversial enough to spark comment, but they’ve been very useful and beneficial. They have had me consider my ways, recognize areas for improvement, and make an attempt at change. We’ve also purchased all your books and updates to your books, and purchased your online content and recommended products. So, if you haven’t heard it, THANK YOU for those posts. Thank you for your words and suggestions. Don’t hesitate to refer to them, or occasionally repost or integrate them into your current work. Thanks!
Wow, doesn’t that say something about our society that controversy gets more eyeballs than “how to improve your marriage”? Obviously no reflection on you and the team, Sheila. I’ve heard similar things from journalist friends.
I definitely relate to what ‘A fan’ is saying though. I find the ‘deconstructing’ posts the least helpful personally, but they do seem to generate more interest. I just happened upon this one on Shaunti Feldhahn which I thought was really well written, even-handed and you nailed the tone. I enjoyed reading it, but nothing about my life will be different because I did. https://baremarriage.com/statement-in-response-to-shaunti-feldhahns-concerns-about-the-great-sex-rescue/
(Side note: I thought the way you explained why you were addressing Shaunti’s comments publicly was really helpful and it might be worth including a version of that or a link in other posts where you’re responding to unhelpful comments/teaching)
In saying that, I’m sure deconstructing unhealthy beliefs in that way would be really helpful for people who have believed them or been hurt by them.
Not really sure what I’m saying here. I guess next time you do a general advice post I’ll try to say something controversial in the comments to boost your engagement.
HAHAHAHAHA! Yes, Tim, say something controversial on the helpful posts! I love it. Thanks for your support!
Looking good! Congratulations!
Congrats! Good job Connor and team!
Congratulations, Sheila and team. I love the new look and new name! (I hope Google catches on quickly.)
Here’s to the next dozen-plus years!
Marg
Very cool! It’s funny, I have been following for a year or so and the TLHV name felt tongue-in-cheek and kind of subversive based on what you were actually talking about. It’s interesting to realize it didn’t quite start that way.
One suggestion: maybe pop up one last post on the old site saying you’ve finally moved? I was wondering why there was no new post yesterday or today!
I got moved here automatically when I went to the old site – doesn’t it work for everyone that way?
I think it depends what browser you’re on. We are having some technical difficulties on Safari and Firefox that Connor is working on today! But, yes, theoretically no one should be on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.com anymore at all! Hopefully that will be sorted out by the end of the day, but I imagine it will take a week or two before all the hiccups are gone!
Ah! This explains why my bookmarks weren’t working today! Somehow missed the move (obviously figured it out after trying unsuccessfully to load pages at the old site for 15 minutes… (.___. ‘) oops) but the new site looks great!
Yes, it should have automatically moved you, and it’s working in some browsers but not others. Apparently that’s normal, and we’re supposed to give it another 48 hours. So we’re just waiting!
Congratulations on your new blog! It’s beautiful and it’s a great name!
Congratulations on your rebrand and all of the wonderful work that you do.
I only discovered your blog a few weeks ago, but I’ve already devoured two of your books and many of your articles – and shared them all with my wonderful fiancé. I’m so grateful for truly healthy Christian resources like yours. Please know what a positive difference you are making!
Great to see the new site up and running. Looking good.
One minor bug (I assume) I’ve noticed is that the banner at the top of posts seems to be extended vertically in some posts. Looks a little clunky, especially in contrast to everything else. In case it’s a device/browser specific issue, I’m using Chrome on an Android phone.
Yes, I noticed that too! I’ll get Rebecca on it when she has another work block!
Hi, I can’t access any of the posts that appear after this one – I thought you had maybe taken a week off posting due to moving the blog, and then I got your Friday email and realised I’ve missed them all. Any idea how I can fix it?
Hi Angharad! Can you find them on this site–baremarriage.com? We’re having trouble with the redirects, but if you click on the sidebar with the recent posts you should be able to find the other ones?
I can now! I tried both the old site and going direct to the new site on Friday and neither worked, but I can see them all now.
Will catch up with them all next week – we’ve just had a Ukrainian family arrive to stay with us, so all a bit hectic here right now!!!
Oh, I’m so glad!