What do you actually SAY to people who believe horrible stuff about sex?
Everyday when I start sipping my tea and check my inbox or social media messages, I’m inevitably greeted by a message that goes something like this:
My church is about to start a small group study on [Love & Respect/some other horrid book]. I know it’s going to be awful, but what can I say to the small group leaders to explain how awful this is? And what can I say to my friends to warn people not to go?
Or I’ll get something like this:
My pastor has been in the middle of a series on marriage, and overall it wasn’t that bad, but yesterday the sermon took an awful turn. He kept going on and on about how men were created with such high physical needs, and that this is hard wired into men, and then told women they had to be modest but also had to meet their husbands’ physical needs. I want to send my pastor an email but I don’t know what to say.
Or I hear:
I have a meeting scheduled for next week with the pastoral care team at our church about the resources that we’re using for marriage. Any pointers on what I should say before I go in?
Sometimes it’s even closer to home:
I feel like if my husband just understood what I’ve been learning from you, our marriage would be so much better. But I don’t know how to start. And he keeps bringing up 1 Corinthians 7, that sex is something that we each owe to each other. I want to get him to listen to the audio version of The Great Sex Rescue, but what can I say to make him see that it will make things better for him, not worse?
All over the world, in all kinds of churches & homes, so many of you are speaking up about toxic teachings.
But I know it’s hard. You’ve been listening to the Bare Marriage podcast, or you’ve been reading the blog and reading the books, and you’re passionate about what you’ve heard. But it all gets jumbled, or you try to say something and you lose your bearings half way through the conversation. Or you get so angry that you can’t think straight.
I want to make it easy for you to have these important conversations.
After all, these conversations are what is going to ultimately change the church!
I’ve said all along that our goal is to change the evangelical conversation about sex. But we can only do so much. We can put podcasts and blog posts and social media posts into the Great Internet, but only you have access to your circle of friends; to your individual church; to your family.
So if you desperately want to see your own corner of the world change, it often starts with you.
Now, sometimes this is fairly straightforward, because you tell others that you’ve been reading Great Sex Rescue, and they read it with you (and we do have a free video book study that goes along with it!). Or you tell your sisters and your friends about She Deserves Better, and they read that and love it (we’ve got a free book study launching in August for that too!).
But it’s hard to convince your pastor or youth pastor to read a book, or to convince your small group leader to listen to a whole list of podcasts.
You may need something else. Something that lays it all out for you, that you can easily show them that distills our findings into something easy-to-understand.
That’s where The Great Sex Rescue toolkit comes in.
Over the last two months we’ve been working behind the scenes on an awesome toolkit to make these conversations easier. In fact, in some cases you don’t have to have a conversation at all–you can just forward them the information in a beautifully laid out handout.
Or you can show your small group leader or pastor a video of me explaining just the findings from our surveys, and the implications of that for how the teach on marriage and sex.
The toolkit contains videos, cheatsheets, handouts and more to help walk you through these conversations–or to have those conversations for you!
The Great Sex Rescue toolkit contains handouts on each of the 5 major toxic teachings we measured:
- The Obligation Sex Message
- The “All Men Struggle with Lust” Message
- The “Have Sex So He Won’t Watch Porn” Message
- The “Girls Have to Be the Gatekeepers” Message
- And the “Don’t Be a Stumbling Block” Modesty Messages
Plus there’s even a printable one-sheet cheatsheet on ALL of our findings, summarized for you!
And the Toolkit is Name-Your-Price, meaning I haven’t set a price. I don’t want price to be a barrier for you getting access; I just ask people who can afford it to pay more to help us cover our costs and produce more helpful resources like this!
The Great Sex Rescue Toolkit also has helpful information on HOW to have these conversations
We’ve got three different handouts on how to have these conversations, including:
- How to raise the issues, and WHO to raise the issues to
- How to uncover people’s motivations and how to talk in a way that is most effective
- How to respond to common objections
Plus I’ve got a video that helps you understand what’s your responsibility–and when you may need to just shake the dust off of your feet!
Because it is not your job ot change people’s minds, and that isn’t in your power to do anyway. It’s simply important to speak up (and I’ll tell you why it’s good that it’s clarifying, even if their views don’t change).
And we’re going to keep updating it with more helpful resources!
Our rubric and scorecard for all the books we measured are there, along with the onesheets for the books we’ve looked at so far, like Every Man’s Battle, Love & Respect, and Power of a Praying Wife. Whenever we add something more, we’ll add it to the toolkit as well so you always have more current information.
What Does Pay-What-You-Can Mean?
I haven’t set a price (though there is a $3 minimum), because I don’t want price to be an obstacle to people getting this information in their hands.
Our other products benefit YOU–our books, our libido or orgasm courses, our puberty course for parents and kids.
But this one benefits the kingdom.
So we decided to allow you to set the price.
We ask that people be generous, because we did have significant designer costs for this. And it’s the sale of products in our store that keeps the blog and podcast afloat, because we don’t have advertisting in the same way anymore. So when you pay for the toolkit, you support us so that we can keep doing what we do.
But we also just want as many people to have this as possible.
So come on over–and name your price!
The Toolkit gives you all our findings at your fingertips.
Help solidify in your mind why the obligation sex message is wrong, and why using 1 Corinthians 7 to tell women they can’t say no to their husbands isn’t a fair reading of that passage.
Remind yourself why modesty messages hurt girls long-term, and have an awesome hand-out to give to your youth pastor.
And so much more!
I’m really happy with how the toolkit turned out, and I know it’s going to be a huge help as we reach our goal:
Together, we can change the evangelical conversation about sex.
Be part of it with us, and check out the toolkit!
Have you ever talked to others about toxic teachings around sex in evangelicalism? How did that conversation go? Let’s talk in the comments!