How One Man Confessed His Porn Addiction to His Wife

by | Oct 11, 2018 | Pornography, Uncategorized | 37 comments

Here's an honest story of a couple's journey together after the husband confessed his porn addiction to his wife. Hope for those who are going through feelings of betrayal and thoughts of divorce
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We talk a lot about what to do when your husband struggles with porn here on the site.

Today, however, we get to hear from Hugh Huston, author of Jesus is Better than Porn, who is himself a husband who struggled with porn for 30 years. And when he decided enough was enough, he took the initiative.
Here’s Hugh:

Confessing my addiction to pornography to my wife was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

It took me 30 years to work up the courage to do it. Yet once I was convicted that it had to happen, I wanted to tell her at the first available opportunity. That morning I woke up before dawn and when she finally was awake, I led her into the family room and we sat down on the couch together. When I broke the news, she was pretty much in a daze.
Learning that her husband had been betraying her in his mind with countless women her whole marriage was certainly the worst news she had ever received. Later we learned that she was going through the stages of grief. She was experiencing extreme loss. The marriage she thought she had no longer existed. Now she wondered if it had ever existed. The first few days she was in shock and in a fog. But it wasn’t long before a tsunami of anger washed over her.

We were in such different places.

I was actually feeling much better. I was experiencing a new life free from the grip of porn. And now my double life was behind me. I had come clean. I felt release and a new lease on life. Her dream world had come crashing down. Not that I was the perfect husband. In fact, while she never imagined that I was addicted to pornography, she had felt that our marriage wasn’t all it should have been and not even what it had been. Now, in her mind our whole marriage was a lie, a sham. Getting this news was like a kick in the gut.
I’m not sure what caused her to decide to stick with me and preserve our marriage. Certainly her faith in God and commitment to stay with me till death do us part were factors. I think she also thought about our children and what divorce would mean to them. But she told me that if I went back to porn she would leave me. And I knew she meant it.

I’ve always known that marriage, like everything else in life, requires maintenance and an investment.

Both my wife and I invested heavily in recovery. Part of her anger with me had to do with the high price she had to pay in order to do so. She had to read and study and learn about addiction. She talked with a therapist every week. She started a journal. She learned about a dark, ugly world that she had no desire and no intention of delving into.
She respected the fact that I was working hard to change my life. And she told me she could see that I was different. More attentive. More caring. More present. Happier and more cheerful than before. I had been keeping an online journal for about a year before I finally broke down and came clean to her. I took two online courses; each of which took a few months to complete. I also went to see a therapist. And I read as many books as I could find that might help me get the help I needed to become a new man.

In the early days I discovered that her anger came in waves.

When a big wave hit it was up to me to keep my head down and my mouth closed. I was at fault. I caused all of this. I had to be humble enough and determined enough to take what was coming to me. On the days when things were better I would offer to massage her shoulders or her feet. I tried to do things to help around the house like wash the laundry and the dirty dishes.
There were nights when I had to sleep in another room. For several weeks she did not want me around when she was taking a shower or getting dressed. I had to learn to respect her wishes. When she asked me questions about when, where and how I had looked at porn, it was my responsibility to tell her everything she wanted to know. It wasn’t easy. But she deserved to know and there could no longer be any secrets. I had to face up to the ugly truth about what I had done.
Here's an honest story of a couple's journey together after the husband confessed his porn addiction to his wife. Hope for those who are going through feelings of betrayal and thoughts of divorce

I didn’t do it alone.

Other than help from God, my biggest source of help was from a group of women whom I met on an online support board. One section of the site was for men like me and we helped each other on our journey. There was another area where partners went to discuss betrayal and how they were dealing with this situation. Some of them agreed to offer me suggestions as I broke the news to my wife. So they had already informed me that my wife would not “be better” in a matter of weeks or months. I had to go into this knowing that it would probably take a few years for my wife and I to work through all of the ramifications of this addiction.
Almost two years after I told her we had an opportunity to spend a week with another couple discussing our relationship for several hours each day. There was still plenty to talk about and plenty to work on. The wounds were healing, but the scars were still there and we had many feelings which needed to be expressed.

It’s been twelve years since that morning when I broke the dreadful news to my unsuspecting wife.

We both agree that our marriage now is stronger than ever before. For one thing we each made a decision to stay. I know how much I hurt her. I know she didn’t have to remain in our marriage. She knows how hard I worked to eliminate this harmful, compulsive behavior from my life. She can see how I’m making an effort to win back her trust by showing my love through my actions. I saw how hard she worked to forgive me, understanding that forgiveness is a restoration of a relationship and does not condone the offense nor mean that the pain isn’t real.
If I had planned out my confession I would never have chosen to do it within a few days of our wedding anniversary. For a few years she didn’t really want to celebrate our anniversary because she associated that date with my act of betrayal. But that’s been forgiven and almost forgotten. This year when our anniversary came around she gave me this card. Look what it says:
Forgiveness after confessing porn addiction
And here’s the inscription:
Acceptance again after confessing a porn addiction
Sheila says: I just want to encourage anyone who is holding back something important from their spouse to get some help and open up! And let me know in the comments: Have you ever had to confess something big? Or has your spouse ever confessed to you? Let’s talk!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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37 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    What should a wife do about a confession that was years ago and although the use is only sporadic now, it is still there? And the wife is told is that every man struggles and it will just forever be a struggle.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      That’s so tough! And I think that’s the position that many women are in. I think books like Every Man’s Battle have made it seem like this is something that guys will never defeat, which is simply not true. I think this is when you need a good mentor couple, and maybe a counsellor, to help a wife set up decent boundaries and to decide what she will and will not tolerate. To say, “I will be cheating on you periodically with porn for the rest of our marriage” is not fair, and is not right. And we should expect more. Occasional slipups? Those are common at the beginning. But I do believe that we should be expecting victory eventually, and if it never comes, then I think biblically it’s clear that’s a sign that something is wrong.

      Reply
      • Anon

        This is so well said, Sheila. Thank you. Every Man’s Battle finished our marriage off entirely. That book should be banned. We fled a church where that book was glorified and elders told my husband and I “all guys lust and if they say they don’t they’re lying”. Shaunti’s books and websites are just as damaging.

        Reply
        • Lisa

          I agree, “Every Man’s Battle” and Feldhahn’s books are very poorly researched and quite damaging. “Every Heart Restored” may be one of the most damaging books I’ve ever read.

          Reply
          • Anon

            Thanks Lisa, yes Every Heart Restored was horrible to read. But for us, people in leadership were telling us these books would cure our marriage. They didn’t. They ended it. As you say, poorly researched. I can’t believe these authors are making money out of destroying marriages.

          • Sheila Wray Gregoire

            It’s amazing how many people have told me that that book really hurt them. I’m wondering if I should write a follow up post about that book. I’ve written about Every Man’s Battle and how harmful that is; maybe I should do Every Heart Restored, too, because I do want pastors to stop recommending it. It’s very harmful to the wife who has been betrayed.

          • Hugh Houston

            This is another reason I decided to write my little book. Too many of the best sellers did not help me. Not to say there are not good books out there. I got help from “False Intimacy” and from “Addictions a Banquet in the Grave”. And regarding betrayal, the classic is “Not Just Friends”.

          • Anon

            Sorry Sheila, I can’t find a place to reply to your comment about a follow up post on Every Heart Restored, so I’m just chiming in here!
            I think that would be a wonderful idea. I did read your post on Every Man’s Battle, and it was SUCH a relief to finally come across a normal and healthy perspective towards a book that in my own opinion, can only be described as poisonous. I do also feel very strongly about the damage of Shaunti’s books and website too. I did read one very disturbing sentence written by a co author that claimed they believe (& I’m talking about men lusting/looking at other women) ‘First look…you can’t help. Second look…you’re a man!!! Third look…you just disrespected your wife’. Ummm that occurred during the second look! We were also told this by pastors and elders and the severe damage it did was absolutely horrific

      • Hugh Houston

        Sheila, I hope it is okay for me to pop in here. The main reason I wrote my book and came back to dealing with this issue after 12 years is because I see so many people need help. Originally I was going to call me my book: “Sin? It’s Optional! Change is Possible” Jesus came to forgive us of our sins, no matter how dark and ugly. But He also wants to rescue us from the slim pit of sin. There are answers. I am not destined to repeat yesterday’s mistakes. There are strategies and steps that we can take to break free from pornography or any other habitual sin. jesus offers new life. And it is up to us to work towards the life He offers. Just like learning to speak French or to play the piano, it will take effort on my part. But with God’s help I can become a different person, a new creation!

        Reply
  2. msl

    Good article but I feel it should be pointed out that there is a real danger in the husband finding advice online from women. This sets all parties up for an emotional affair.

    Reply
    • Phil

      msl – I agree with you 100% but I dont. Here is why – I have been in recovery for sex addiction since 2003. I crashed into a recovery group that had both men and women in it. It was online. A woman from that group became my sponsor. I was in Pennsylvania and she was in Alabama. This woman helped me so so much. She walked me through so much and as a matter of fact she kicked my butt. As it turns out – there was an unhealthy aspect to our relationship and my wife picked up on it. It was codependency. I had mother issues and once this woman realized it she asked me to find a new sposnor locally and preferably male. I also had homophopic issues from being molested in my teens so this was a big deal too. So here I had mother issues, and abandonment issues from my father (he died when I was 7) and I was homophopic. On top of all that now I am a sex addict. So which one if these do you address first? I tell all the men I come across in recovery men with men women with women. But what about homsexual men and women? What do you do with that? These are hard questions. The woman who sponsored me is still my freind. We talk several times a year and she helped me work through the back end of my mother issues as recently as this January. I agree with you 100%. I really do. But thats not my story. I was looked at wierd when I told people I had a woman sponsor. Still to this day people are amazed. I certainly dont recommend it but by the grace of God it worked out for me. I came to this blog from long term sobriety and recovery to find a better way than what I had. I knew that my marriage still needed tons of repair after 14 years of hard work. It started with Sheila and a woman named Leah who really helped me here. And now I am some weird presence on a place called TLHV and ALL the women here (even the ones that may not even like me) help me. I am sponge soaking it in. It was the next right thing to do with my God. Find Jesus and repair my marriage and sex life in process. Thats what I get here. Most men I know in recovery are not ready for the content that is offered here. Here is the thing at the end of the day we are both woman and man. We must learn to commune together. For me that started early in my recovery. There are groups of men who “turn” so hard the other way the fear of women paralyzes them in their recovery. Oh yeah – they may be sober but fear women. So I applaud this guy. I actually had to go back and double check I was reading about a guy when he wrote online with women. So I get you. Proceed with caution. However – I am a fan of any person who chooses recovery. If their heart is in the right place God will watch over them.

      Reply
      • Phil

        And comment to myself – yes I had an emotional affair with my woman sponsor – onesided for the most part – mother issues – she wrote my wife a letter and apologized. I never read it but saw the envelope breifly when it arrived. So here is the thing: I learned something here that I never realized in my first 14 years of recovery. I am bound to fail in my recovery. Based on my history and the way I was wired I was bound to have that affair with someone anyway. No I am not giving myself excuse. I look at this way – I learned from that event. And God saw over it for me. I needed that to happen for me to SEE. Fail I did. I fail in so many ways to this moment. IT IS NOT ABOUT IF YOU FAIL: IT IS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO WITH IT!
        By the grace of God my failures today are manageable.

        Reply
      • Sheila Wray Gregoire

        Phil, I actually can see how being part of an online forum where a LOT of women are commenting can be very useful, because I think that’s a way for a man to understand the deep emotional pain his porn use has caused his wife–by being able to see other women talking about it. That was more what I took from his comment, that this “group” (as opposed to individual) women were able to kick his butt and give him insight into how wives are experiencing this. I do think that’s one of the drawbacks with a lot of the porn recovery groups that men are in. They’re almost entirely male, and so I don’t think men are given the chance to hear what women almost universally experience. I have heard so many men who are trying to quit porn become quite angry when their wives “can’t get over it”, and I think if men were able to hear from many, many women’s voices that it’s normal for women to have a hard time trusting again, that would be very eye-opening, and that is something that we’re missing.
        I do think, though, that any kind of personal relationship or one-on-one relationship can be harmful, even if it’s not a sexual issue but a mother-issue thing like you’ve described. There just are a lot of red flags. But I do hope that we can find some way for men to understand the emotional pain of women around porn, and I think being part of an online forum where there are lots of people participating (so it’s not as individual) may be a really good idea.

        Reply
        • Natalie

          I agree with you both, Sheila and Phil. There are pros and cons, and ultimately it really comes down to the state of the man’s heart and his motives for talking to these women. Getting the other gender’s perspective can be extremely valuable, but also tempting especially if porn or sex addiction were/are present in his life and past.
          But I also think it depends on the man. My husband throughout his whole life has always had more female friends than male friends. (And he often never had crushes on most of his female friends, only a couple. He was always a bigger man, and I think very overweight men often feel more comfortable and less judged around women than they do around their fellow men). While he doesn’t have porn addiction, he does have food addiction. And he too has found that talking to women online and in his own life who know him has been valuable in helping him understand where I as his wife am coming from and what I’m feeling. But he’s also a very emotional/talkative man so we also discuss everything together between the two of us too.
          Ultimately, like I said above, it’s not outrightly a good or bad thing if a man is seeking counsel from good, hopefully godly women. It really depends on his heart and why he is talking to them, as well as his past and whether or not those discussions will lead to emotional/mental dependency or intimacy, even if it’s only one-way like Phil mentioned.
          Very good article. I’m thankful that it seems like it’s becoming more and more apparent (especially in the church but also in the culture at large) that porn addiction is just as harmful and damaging as any other type of addiction out there.

          Reply
        • Phil

          Yes Sheila – I didnt necessarily do it right and of course there was risk. Risk at further harm to my relationship with Grace. I had fear of sharing my stuff with a guy. I had huge homophobic fears. With good reason. So maybe what I did was wrong. But like I said. My heart was in the right place as screwed up as I was and God looked over it for me. I was trying to stop the sex addictive cycle to the best of my ability. I had no idea I was being a codependent child. I don’t know how people work through all their stuff. It is hard. We all have our own path. I guess I am stuck because I agree with the original comment and I agree with you. Individual one on one relationship with man and woman in recovery can be harmful. I am walking proof. Grace was pissed. I don’t recommend it but that is what I did and the course of it’s journey has provided me with an everlasting friendship with a person who is just like me that helped me and still does. I don’t expect anyone to cosign that idea. I can just tell you that I have watched so many people start out with the right intentions with wrong being part of it. Often they are unaware. If they change their heart along the way there is always hope. I believe God knows the truth about our intentions. Online could be a safe method as there is no personal contact unless of course you arrange it. So I would have to read Hugh’s book to find out but you bring an interesting side that was not mentioned. Was the forum for addicts or was the forum for their afflicted partners. That makes a difference. We do have a really nice group of women in our area who are in the Anon – program – essentially women affected by sex addiction. Every year we have a conference together and the lunch is 2 speakers 1. Sex addict. 1 wife of a sex addict – telling the story from both sides. As an addict, It usually blows you out of your seat when you hear the women’s stories. Especially when the husband is sitting right next to you. I don’t know all the answers Sheila – I agree that the online group of women is good. I love it here. There is a “safeness” about it. I can share my stuff and read about others struggles and try to help where I can and take what I want and leave the rest. It is good. Discussions like this can lead to good things even if we don’t know all the answers.

          Reply
        • Flo

          I agree with Sheila that talking to women on websites such as this one, or forums for porn addicts and their wives, etc., can be very helpful for a porn addict. Not only because this helps understand the wives’ point of view, but also it helps build a healthier view of women as just humans, it helps keep commitments. That being said, it is very important for me these discussions not to be secret, kept away from me. Also, it is important that it doesn’t become a replacement for our communication, and that he always knows he can confide in me.

          Reply
          • BoundByLove

            Confessing this sort of thing is not an easy task. Fortunately God has convicted me enough to do so early on in the only two relationships I’ve had. I don’t like secrets in a close relationship, so I try to be an open book with the other person. In my last relationship, porn didn’t really enter the picture. However, she was my accountability partner to a large degree. Most would’ve taken issue I think if they knew. But in that season of life, there were not many men that I felt at all comfortable talking with this about. And those who I could weren’t able to consistently enough to be effective accountability. That’s improved slightly over the years, but not by much. Currently in a long distance relationship, and I’ve struggled a lot more in past years with being tempted by porn, because I picked it up as a bad coping mechanism after my last relationship ended 7 years ago. I’ve come a long way since then, but I always have to be on guard. And once again my accountability is the person I’m seeing right now. I never asked her to, but she ended up there on her own for the most part and has not shied away from me. Right now she knows more or less every dirty secret about me, and gets regular screenshots of my computer, and I’m more than ok with that. Is this ok for everyone? Probably not. But I have no judgement others that might.
            Also Sheila, thanks for running this site, If I’m looking at this, it means I’m not looking at something else. Regularly need to be reminded the impact of how porn hurts more than ourselves and why a good relationship and trust between couples is important.

    • Marcia Jacobi

      I agree!

      Reply
  3. Angela

    I disagree with this one line:
    “understanding that forgiveness is a restoration of a relationship”. Forgiveness and restoration are two separate events. Forgiveness does NOT equal restoration. I appreciate the rest of what this man shared and am enciuraged to see that they were able to restore their relationship.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I would agree with you Angela. It’s possible to forgive but not have the relationship restored (that’s what I experienced with my father, for instance).
      Restoration depends on action taken by the other person, which you cannot control. And restoration can only be done if the relationship is safe, which it not always is.

      Reply
  4. Ashley

    What I love about this is his attitude. He doesn’t sound like his wife owes him her forgiveness or her trust or anything. Yes, people need to forgive. But forgiveness is something no one deserves, and that includes me! And trust is something that is earned, not something that is just bestowed on someone. Anyway, good post.

    Reply
  5. Mrs. B

    Can you share the names of the online courses that he took?

    Reply
  6. Lena

    Thank you for the vulnerable post and personal story. Coming clean after any type of 30 year addiction is amazing!
    I just have a question, and I hope I convey it without sounding inconsiderate, because that is not my intention – but it bothers me that every time I read a porn confession story – how is the wife so blind-sided? Hugh says his wife never imagined he was into porn for 30 years, and I’ve heard this with other similar stories. It just makes me question all marriages (including my own). Are the men lying about it if their wife directly asks them? I just don’t understand how there are no clues or signs that something is really amiss. I hope this isn’t coming off as judgy or insensitive, I just genuinely feel like I need to know the answer. Thanks so much!

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Lena, I would say that many women truly don’t know, because many women don’t realize what true intimacy feels like. A lot of us go through life in a facade, and we may think that there’s something not quite right, but we can’t put our finger on it. The biggest sign is that you can’t really communicate or know his heart. But that’s hard to realize after years of marriage. I would say that if you do feel very close and you do really know his heart, though, then you shouldn’t start worrying about things that likely aren’t there!

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        Lena – I completely get what you’re saying, and that is definitely a tough part of recovery for us wives. It makes it hard to trust even yourself – especially if you have kids because you feel you failed to protect them too!
        This is a hard place where faith has to come in. You can’t control other people, and other people can decide to lie or keep secrets. Still, we are told not to live in fear. Look for the fruits of God in your life and your husbands life, and trust that He is working all things together for good. Trust that if there are secrets, He will be faithful to bring them out in His time and He will be faithful to get you through it. And then go and enjoy the life and marriage you have today.

        Reply
    • Hugh Houston

      Lena, love makes us blind. We expect the best from the person we love. We give them the benefit of the doubt.
      However AFTER I told her about my sin, as she looked back, she could see how I had become distant and less involved with our family. It helped her understand what she was seeing in my behavior but could not figure out.
      Also my wife is not very “technically” minded. So she never even thought about looking to see what I was doing on the internet.

      Reply
      • Debbie

        I love coming here and looking at the discussions. I’m a Christian, following Christ obediently since getting married in 2013. I was saved at 19 and was faithful until 1990. I met my non Christian husband in 2009 and we got married in 2013. I knew he watched porn not long after we started dating. I told him I wasn’t happy with it and we decided that we would move on. It was two years ago I realized he was watching porn and masturbating and not satisfying my sexual needs. He promised to stop and it’s been an ongoing situation since then. He hasn’t stopped and I’m trying to handle this by reading and going to a counselor next month. I would love to be a part of a group dealing with a non believing husband watching porn. Any ideas?

        Reply
    • Anonymous

      My husband just confessed to me this week and yes, I WAS completely blindsided. And yes, he had lied occasions when I asked him directly (not that I had had any reason to suspect, I just knew it was a common problem). He was so believable in his denial I trusted him do it never even occurred to me to check his internet history or anything. I just assumed if it was a problem he would have told me. Especially because when I asked if he ever watched it I wasn’t asking in a judging manner at all, only curiously.

      Reply
      • Hugh Houston

        I would be happy to talk with anyone about this problem. I believe there are answers. With God’s help and hard work on our part it is possible to put this sin behind us. My e-mail is: onlywithhishelp@gmail.com
        Grace and peace to all! Hugh

        Reply
  7. Anonymous

    I want to commend the writer for actually volunteering a disclosure. For many wives, this process starts with discovery instead. I can’t say whether that’s better or worse, but disclosure makes it easier to hope that the Holy Spirit is working to bring conviction and that recovery is real.
    Porn addiction is so hard and so painful. It is made even worse by the normalization of porn and the pressure from church not to “shame your husband”. It feels like being stabbed in the chest and then punished for getting blood on the carpet. Then, if you decide to stay, you are expected to help with your husband’s recovery. So now you need to really show compassion for how he must have been feeling when he stabbed you. It takes a long time for anyone to start mentioning maybe getting you some stitches or something. For other wives out there – please make your very first step to get support for YOURSELF.
    For husbands recovering from porn addiction, please understand that your wife will be expected to learn all kinds of in depth information about your addiction, recovery, accountability, etc – and its a topic she NEVER wanted to know anything about. Take some time to learn about her side of recovery and what she has to go through. If you really want to keep her and recover, please face the guilt and look at her pain. Study partners of addictions, interpersonal relational trauma and PTSD.
    If we had not had children, our marriage would have 100% been over. In fact I was very angry at God for a while that He couldn’t see fit to reveal this at any point over the 10 years prior, but in fact waited until I had to at least consider reconciliation.
    Now, I definitely see His hand and His timing. I see a tremendous change in my husband, a much greater transparency in our marriage than we could have achieved on our own. I see my husband breaking free of generational sin in his family. There is still pain and shame to be worked through, but we’ve been in recovery for almost 3 years and we are recovering. Our marriage, conversation, and thoughts are no longer centered on this topic. I hope that gives hope to other couples.
    My hope now is that we will come to a place of healing where we can share our story with others and help other couples face this.
    Many thanks to the writer for sharing his story.

    Reply
    • Anon

      Thanks so much for how you described what its like for women. The sympathy and support we’re expected to give. It’s been more than 7 years since the confession started unravelling (only because I left and he was forced to) but I too relate to the children aspect. We’ve never moved on from this. All the lying, the covering up, the whole ugly filthy topic. We now live as flatmates.

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        Anon – I am so sorry. I can’t imagine the pain after seven years with no progress – and children to care for. I will absolutely be praying for you and your family.
        I will say that while having kids forced me to try reconciliation as a first response, they do not put me in a position where I would never consider divorce if there were a serious, unrepentant, long term relapse. I am not advising or encouraging you to go that route, I just want to be clear that kids don’t mean you’re “stuck no matter what”. I believe porn is human trafficking and wrong no matter what, so at some point I have to be certain that my resources are not being used to perpetuate it.
        I would definitely recommend you find a group to talk to, even if it’s just online (I know Vicki Tiede has one). There are several on Facebook. There is a place where your heart is able to heal – regardless of whether your relationship does – and you may need help to get there. I definitely did and do.
        I would also recommend the books “Your Sexually Addicted Spouse” and “When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography”.
        Again, I am truly sorry and will pray that God intervenes powerfully so you can come to a place where porn is no longer an ongoing part of your life.

        Reply
    • Phil

      This is a great message of hope. As the husband whi disclosed, and a man who works with men who didnt. Yes there is a positive side to disosure rather than discovery. Although My wife already knew my struggle and was trying to tell me so. When I finally came clean her resposne was “ I trust you know more than I ever did”. Now ofcourse there has been lots of repair needed since then but after 15 years of hard work form both of us I can honestly say what a great life. What a great God I have. What. Great wife and family I have. I am trully blessed. I want to thank you alos for talking about the generational sin in ones family. It is not only within the fanily but often drools over from others. What a mess it causes and all the people that get hurt. It is hard for sure. I know my Dad would be proud of me and what I have accomplished in the large task of finding strength to stop the madness and fing HIM. Thank you for sharing part of your story.

      Reply
      • Anonymous

        I see a lot of your posts Phil – you should be really proud of what you have accomplished with God’s help and I am always so encouraged to hear how He’s being faithful to redeem your marriage. It’s so important to have male voices like yours saying that there IS life, love, masculinity, and even sexual fulfillment without engaging in these awful behaviors. Congratulations!

        Reply
      • Mrs. B

        @Phil – how do you define generational sin?

        Reply

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