Do you find it hard to get comfortable with your body?
And is part of the problem that you just don’t understand how your body works? I just finished a few posts about the Ultimate Women’s Wellness Bundle to help you understand your body. But what if you didn’t get it and you need more help? Or what if the help you want is really more in terms of sexual confidence, and not just wellness?
I wrote a post a few years ago with a bunch of resources that I think are helpful, and I’m going to take the opportunity to update it and rerun it today, since Keith and I are on vacation, but also because I think it’s an important one that I’d like to get more eyeballs to! So here we go:
A reader just sent me this question:
Reader Question
Recently I was talking to some friends and we agreed that growing up as conservative Christians we didn’t always receive the best education on sex or even the basics of how our bodies are supposed to work. This is especially true when it comes to integrating physical and spiritual health. We’ve done our own research, but we would love to find more good resources that address these issues from a Christian perspective.
1. The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex
Of course every woman needs The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex! My most popular book, it covers how God made sex to be awesome in 3 ways: physically, spiritually, and emotionally. And it tells you how to get to awesome, too, if you’re just not there yet!
I think as Christians we perhaps talk about the spiritual aspect mostly, and we do it in ways that aren’t really necessarily that helpful to people: “Sex is so beautiful when it’s between two married people!” (Yes, but what does BEAUTIFUL actually mean? And HOW is it beautiful?). “Making love is so profound.” (Yes, but isn’t it supposed to feel good, too?).
If you’re like this woman and you grew up in a very conservative household where sex just wasn’t talked about, then you definitely need this book! I’ve had people write to me who thought something was wrong with their sex life but they couldn’t even articulate it. It turns out they didn’t know where the vagina was (one woman thought it was supposed to go into her belly button). Another couple had never consummated their marriage because it turns out he wasn’t getting erections. But they didn’t know that!
But even if you’re not naive, The Good Girl’s Guide can help you see sex as far more than just physical, and it can help you experience the profound nature of sex, too. And it’s written like I’m just a fun big sister talking to you, so it’s not embarrassing or anything.
2. Sheila’s Sex Ed Blog Posts
Do you wonder what some sexual terms mean? Do you know how your fertility works? What about how arousal works?
I’ve got a whole host of posts that can help with sex ed (that many of us missed!).
- A Dictionary of Sexual Terms Adults Should Know
- 10 Things to Know About Women and Arousal
- 10 Things that Go Wrong in the Bedroom–that You Should Seek Help For
- The Theology of the Clitoris
- The Theology of the Penis
3. Taking Charge of Your Fertility
Probably the resource that is recommended to me the most about understanding your reproductive cycle is Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Whether you’re trying to get pregnant, or trying NOT to get pregnant, this book will help you understand the natural rhythms of your body. And when you understand that, you’re far more likely to give yourself a break when you get moody, to prepare beforehand for cramps, to not worry so much that you’re going to have an unexpected pregnancy, and so much more!
Rebecca (my millennial married daughter) was telling me yesterday how millennials are really moving away from The Pill and hormonal birth control methods and more towards understanding fertility. I think that’s a great trend.
Plus, it’s just a confidence booster.
So today, for Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I’d list 10 resources that can really help you understand your body better and even feel comfortable with your body. So many of us grow up with a lot of shame, and it’s time to combat that! I’m going to list 10 things that I think are really helpful. Zero in on the one or two that address things you struggle with the most, and check them out!
And thanks to the many people who have suggested many of these resources to me! These are all reader-approved and reader-recommended, so I hope you find them useful, too!
4. iPeriod App
Along with great information on understanding how your cycle works, how about trying an app that will help you track your cycle and predict when you’ll get especially moody, hungry, crampy, or even more in the mood! I talk about the benefits of tracking your cycle quite a bit in my Boost Your Libido course, and I’m a big fan of apps that help you do that, because I think they empower women to not feel so at the whim of their bodies. When we know what’s happening and why, it’s easier to deal with it. My youngest daughter gains about 3-4 pounds before her period every month. When she forgets that her period is coming, she often goes through this self-flagellation about how she has to exercise more. But when she realizes, “oh, yeah, it’s just time,” then it’s no big deal.
I like iPeriod, but you can test different ones to see what works for you!
5. Boost Your Libido Course
One of the biggest problems when it comes to our sex lives is that most women just don’t understand how libido works for us. We think we should automatically be “in the mood” and breathless when he walks in the room, and when we’re not, we figure that we just don’t want sex.
And then we feel like failures, and like we’re disappointing our husbands, and that leads us on a never-ending negative spiral that makes the problem worse.
I created this online course to help women reclaim our sex drives–mostly by understanding how they work in the first place! I want to share two comments I’ve had from women taking the course:
We have been married 25 years and I am not sure that I ever saw sex as hot and holy at the same time. It was life changing for me to allow myself to think about sex with my husband and to look forward to it and think I can enjoy it and feeling pleasure is a good thing that God even wants me to enjoy in my marriage. I am working through the course and can see a number of lies I have mistakenly believed for a LONG time. How refreshing to talk about these important topics in a safe and Godly way. And it has opened up conversations between me and my husband we should have had years ago.
Here’s another:
I am in my sixties, married for almost 30 years. We even saw a sex therapist some years ago, yet this is the first time I have understood some of the aspects of female sexuality and arousal that you explain.
Awesome! Don’t wait until you’ve been married for 25 years or until you’re 60 to truly “get” this! Check it out now.
6. Sexy Dares
Try my sexy, spicy dares! She takes the lead on 8 of them, he takes the lead on 8 of them, and then there are 8 that you do together. Plus the bonus one is sure to boost your intimacy at all levels!
The dares are designed to help her feel desired, sexy, and confident, and to uncover what she really enjoys. And they’re designed to help him feel spicy and wanted, too.
Check them out–they’re great for Valentine’s Day!
Does your marriage need some spicing up–and some fun?
Try these 24 dares–plus one bonus–to take your marriage to the next level!
7. Trim Healthy Mama
Do you struggle with your weight? Have you tried everything to lose weight, but feel hopeless? Or are you simply overwhelmed with all the information on sugar and hormones and low carb/low fat/vegan/supplements and all that other stuff on the internet?
I have so many readers who swear by Trim Healthy Mama. They have an awesome program to help you understand how your unique body works, along with recipes, podcasts, and more.
8. Trying Some Stretching and Strength Exercises
I’ve been starting every morning in 2020 (I haven’t missed one yet!) with yoga and stretching videos. It makes me feel so much better, and my back pain has almost gone away.
I’m still horribly inflexible, and so a lot of the poses I can’t do well, but I’m getting better, slowly but surely.
Amazon Prime in the U.S. has a wide selection of pilates and yoga videos that are great and that are free with your prime subscription. I’m partial to any yoga videos with Julia Marie, myself!
If you’d rather head to a gym, that do that, too. But try to stretch everyday. Turning on your body’s muscles helps you feel more confident in your body, too.
9. Try Starting a Capsule Wardrobe
Creating a capsule wardrobe changed the way I get dressed in the morning. I pick out my 20 items to wear each month that all coordinate together, and then I find the accessories, like scarves, necklaces, belts, or bracelets that go with each outfit, and stick them right on the hanger. Now when I get dressed, I look put together, and it takes no time!
I love the idea of a capsule wardrobe because you end up buying fewer items, but also items that are higher quality. And you know that you always coordinate.
10. A Comfortable (and even luxurious) Bathroom Kit
Bad breath. Stinky armpits. Acne.
Remember being 13 and being worried that everyone in the world felt you stank and that you were ugly? Your body was offensive to everyone around you. And you had no idea how often to shower and how often to wash your hair and sometimes you still forgot to brush your teeth.
Sometimes those days are really traumatic, and we feel such shame and awkwardness about our bodies that we never seem to grow out of it. We still worry that our body is offensive to everyone.
So how do you get over it? Here’s where I’d like your input in the comments!
I think every woman needs luxurious things in her bathroom that let her say: I am beautiful. Not only is my body not offensive–it smells nice and fresh and it looks taken care of.
And that can be hard if you don’t have a big bathroom or if your bathtub is taken over by rubber duckies and toys.
So here’s what I’d like to brainstorm about: I think every woman needs a pretty basket with all of her grooming supplies inside: a super great razor or something else to handle unwanted hair; a great soap or safe body wash; a loofah; a pumice stone; a great face wash and moisturizer; a body spray; or anything else you think! Stuff that will help you to feel–I’ve got this under control.
When you grow up with a mom who may not do this well, then the drug store can feel overwhelming. So what items would you add? I’ll do a post on it soon, but I’d love your input!
And with Valentine’s Day coming just around the corner, my Sexy Dares make a great fun, inexpensive gift for your spouse! The dares where he takes the lead really are focused on helping her get comfortable with her body and feel pleasure, so that may be a great place to start!
So there you go–10 resources that will help women feel more comfortable about their bodies and know their bodies better. Now let’s talk in the comments–have you ever used any of these resources? Did they help you? And what would you put in that bathroom basket?
Other Posts in the Love Your Body Series:
Treating Your Body as a Friend, Not an Enemy
PODCAST: How Do You Feel Comfortable with Your Body?
Do You KNOW Your Body?
10 Resources to Help You Get More Comfortable with Your Body
How to Help Your Wife with Her Body Image
The Body Keeps the Score and Sexual Trauma
A more comprehensive, well written, and Christian resource for women’s health in general is Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley’s, book entitled “Dr. Carol’s Guide to Women’s Health.” The paperback and Kindle versions are both less than $10.
I don’t have any suggestions for specific washes, etc., but I would recommend anyone who’s interested to look into oil cleansing
A lot of women suffer from dry skin, and for awhile when we lived in a house, I did oil cleansing for my face, as well as my body. I used a spray bottle in the shower, and just a small container next to my sink for my face. My skin has never been so soft! Plus, it’s safe and natural. You can even add essential oil for scent.
I know using oil to clean your skin sounds weird, but there’s some science to support it. You have to mix certain oils for the right balance between astringent and moisturizing, so if anyone is interested, google it!
Lindsey,
Elfaba used oil to clean her skin in the book, “Wicked.” (Picture Kristin Chenoweth singing, “Popular.”) This is the first thing i think about when you mention that, lol. Also, i am pretty sure cleansing with oil would break me out in acne. There are so many different types of skin out there and i know that for me personally i can’t even use vaseline or carmex around my mouth without breaking out but this is a nice idea for my friends that tend to have dryer skin.
Vaseline is actually different than natural oils such as coconut, almond, or jojoba oil. Vaseline is designed to not absorb into the skin but to create a protective layer. These other oils, though, actually absorb into the skin.
You do need to play around and find what works for you, though–the minute I use coconut oil, for instance, I break out into really painful acne. But almond and rosehip oils are AMAZING for my skin and have worked wonders!!
Please look into the gals that started Trim Healthy Mama. It’s probably gonna be another L&R moment… I don’t know if their program is great, I knew about them before they started that.
I wanted to just share some extra resources for your readers. I have been working out at home ever since my first child was born. It saves money–which is why I started. But I really enjoy the videos I use which I access for free on YouTube. I will share my four favorite channels. These women dress normally–no short shorts or short shirts showing off their abs. I used to work out to women who looked impossible thinking that if I followed the video, I’d look like them, too. It’s amazing what a difference it makes for me to focus on MY body and what it is doing and accomplishing rather than looking at someone else’s body and focusing on how wonderful it looks. It honestly makes a huge difference.
These women also have workouts for beginners and for shorter time periods (many videos 10-15 minutes long) but also longer videos with higher intensity workouts. They have something for everyone. I always enjoy myself. And last but not least, they are positive and share messages of confidence and improved health rather than appearance. Working out at home has improved my physical and mental health, but I feel that these women have also helped improve my mindset about my body, health, and exercise.
*Jessica Smith TV–varying levels of cardio and strength workouts. She has walking workouts along with HIIT for beginners. My favorite high intensity workout is Cardio Bootcamp Boogie.
*Up to the BEAT Fitness-Gina B. She has many walking type workouts. They are more choreographed and dance-y in nature which makes them really fun. Her workouts go by quickly. She’s up beat and positive.
*Walk at Home by Leslie–this channel shares older videos that used to be on tape for women to watch in their homes. Leslie Sansone is the queen of walking workout videos and her workouts on this channel are simple. They all focus on 4 steps. Different pacing and additional moves help build/reduce intensity. She is positive and shares great enthusiasm for health.
*Sarah Beth Yoga–you mentioned yoga videos on Prime and I just wanted to share this YouTube gem. There are many great yoga channels on YouTube but Sara Beth is my favorite. She’s so soothing and I love her beginner morning yoga routines. I also enjoy her nighttime routines–and I swear I sleep better when I do them.
These might not be educational resources, but they are resources to help women connect with their bodies in a positive way.
Great tips!
The period app that I use is called “Flo” and I so agree with you that it is so nice to know where I am in my cycle.
I so love that you mentioned Trim Healthy Mama! It has been such an incredible blessing to me, my family, and so many in our community. After years of doing strict diets off and on, this has been such a breath of fresh air and a balanced way of eating. It has been a solid 4 years for me, and I can’t imagine eating any other way. Love it!
I use the FEMM app to track my cycles; it’s what I used to avoid pregnancy right after my wedding and to get pregnant. It does not sell your information and it was designed by a Catholic group.
For hair removal, I have a stainless steel safety razor that I use with Taylor of Old Bond Street shaving cream. You get a really close shave (you do have to do it carefully so you don’t cut yourself) and all you replace is the blade (which is recyclable) and it’s so much cheaper, too—a year’s supply of blades is about $20. The shaving cream is a bit expensive, but you use a really small amount (a bit on your finger tips is plenty) so it lasts a long time—I only have to buy a new jar about once a year or so. I always feel way more comfortable with my body when I’ve shaved and my skin is soft and smooth.