Want some sexy questions to ask your husband to get the party started? You’ve come to the right place!
I’m getting ready for a big series in June when we’re going to talk about emotional labor and mental load, and we’ve been talking about some pretty heavy things on the blog lately.
And so I thought it was time for a post on the steamier side today, because seriously–if you’re married, sex should be awfully fun!
And sometimes we just need a small nudge to get us going in the right direction.
So today and tomorrow I’d like to talk about some fun ways to initiate sex and turn up the heat, and let’s start with a few sexy questions that can get the sparks going again.
I first wrote these a few years ago, but most people haven’t seen them, and I’d like to run them again!
Sexy Questions to Ask Your Husband–To Get in the Right Frame of Mind
Just warming up? Want him to start thinking in a certain direction? Here are some fun conversation starters!
Dare: Make these even hotter by asking them in a restaurant or somewhere semi-public where he’ll get frustrated but he’ll have to wait. Now, DON’T do this if anyone can overhear, obviously. PLEASE. But asking him these questions while rubbing your foot along his leg? Dynamite!
Or ask them in the car on the way home from a date. See what happens when you walk in the door!
1. Guess what panties I’m wearing!
This one’s fun to ask on the phone, too!
2. What’s the last sexy dream you had?
Be ready to reply with one of your own. He’ll likely turn the tables on you!
3. If you could replay any time with me in real life, what would it be?
Find out what he’s liked the best, and then repeat it.
4. At our wedding reception, what were you thinking of doing to me?
Ask him what he was anticipating the most. And if he’s not specific, then do some follow up questions. “Were you more looking forward to X or Y? What part of my body drove you the most crazy, Y or Z?” Find out how frustrated he was waiting to leave the party!
5. When we’re making love, what position gives you your favourite view?
Then ask him why!
Now let’s turn it up a notch.
Sexy Questions to Ask Your Husband–When You’re Heating Things Up!
6. Is this too revealing?
Put on your tightest top or your shortest skirt (that you NEVER wear out of the house, of course!), or wear just a bra and a camisole. Walk by him with whatever he’s doing and bend over and ask what he thinks! Make sure to run your hands over the part that you’re “worried” about, too!
Does your marriage need some spicing up–and some fun?
Try these 24 dares–plus one bonus–to take your marriage to the next level!
7. Which affects you more?
Does he like to enjoy looking at your body? Do a little fashion show! Choose two outfits or lingerie sets and ask him which has the greater effect on him.
Bonus points: Check it out yourself! Feel what kind of an effect you’re having on him, and see which one works better! 🙂
8. Is it better like this or like this?
Put on your best innocent voice, as in “I just want to learn and I’m honestly curious”, and ask him which he likes best. Choose two parts of his body to kiss or rub, or choose one part of his body and kiss or rub it in two different ways. This one can continue as you long as you want–just keep changing what you’re doing. And keep the wide-eyed, innocent look going, as in “I’m just trying to learn, honey. Why would you suggest anything else?”
9. How fast can you go?
I like this question because it’s a way of turning the tables on a night that may not necessarily go very far for you! Let’s say that you’re a little stressed and you don’t think you can enjoy sex too much tonight. Or maybe you’re just hormonal and it’s not a great time of the month for your libido.
If you to still have some fun, even if it’s not primarily for you, you can be the active one. Climb on top, or whisper to him, “how fast can you go?” Give him permission to not worry about pleasing you, and he can go wild.
10. Can you give me a hand in here?
Getting ready for work in the morning? Or having a late Saturday morning? Climb in the shower while he’s in the bathroom and then ask him for some help. He’d better get the hint and jump in there with you!
Choose a few and use them this week!
What if you’re just super shy and can’t seem to do it? That’s okay! Practice with some tamer flirting. Then you can work up to these! But remember: when you’re married, you have nothing to be ashamed about. You’re supposed to have fun together! He’s supposed to enjoy your body, and he’s supposed to enjoy looking at your body. And feeling like he enjoys you–that’s supposed to make us feel sexually strong, too.
So go for it!
And if you want to turn up the notch even more, take a look at my 24 Sexy Dares! 8 that you take the lead on, 8 that he takes the lead on, and 8 that you do together. Just read it and do what it says! If things are getting stale staying indoors with COVID, then let’s turn up the heat!
Do you have trouble talking about sex this openly with your husband? Let me know why in the comments! A lot of us have gone through this, and other women can probably give you some pointers!
These are great ideas…We are coming up on our anniversary and we can really benefit from new material.
I’ll definitely be trying all of them out!
Unfortunately none of these will help. Even though these are good just as a warm up, I’m way beyond these suggestions.
Once I asked him if he would like to see me model my two piece. He of course wanted to. so I came prancing out of the bathroom only wearing socks 😂
I’d love my wife to use these! I know she reads your column, but unfortunately, she’s not likely to step over the line. But I can still hope, right? Maybe I’ll be surprised.
If you are a wife out there, that is on the fence about these suggestions, please try them. You might just be my wife!
For what its worth I came up with a potential new strategy. I decided that since I am pretty sure my wife did not read this or another recent post(I send her the links). I am going to read them to her tonight. Then follow it up with some light discussion. It would really be nice to know what you like and have you express it once in a while. That way I can love you the way you want to be loved. And I feel loved when you pursue me! Not sure if it will work out – my wife tends to be responsive but in the case of sex it is knee jerk – meaning she will most likely respond and unless I draw it out again in the future It will go submarine. I keep trying. There is always hope!
I’m not particularly shy and I’d not find it very hard to talk about sex…if dear husband just would talk back. I find it very hard, however, when I have mustered the courage and asked him a sexy question, and I get an aswer like “well, just the ordinary, I guess” or an awkward silence.
The ideas with clothing and underwear might work, however. They can be applied non-verbally. At least they can be done in such a way that HE does not need to say anything.
I feel you Emmy. My hubby has a hard time talking about it too. He gets pretty shy and makes a funny face if I try talking directly about sex. We’ve been married almost 11 years and have kids so it’s not like we’re newlyweds.
Hope you find a good solution!
I read this and found myself smiling at the thought of things in our marriage being this fun.
My husband has never been very interested in this kind of talk (to the point that I feel humiliated after trying to flirt in this way anymore) and I’m sadly not able to entice or excite him with more risqué things.
Hearing people talk about how they can drive their husbands crazy with their bodies makes me so sad. I would love to be able to have that kind of playful, loving expression in our marriage.
It seems to be the norm for so many, but never for us.
My husband doesn’t even so much as look up when I’m naked. We’ve been married for 5 years and we are both in our 30s.
I’m so sorry, Traci! Does he just have a really low libido? Or is something else going on?
It seems to be low libido, as far as I can tell.
There have been revelations of porn use in the past, but as much as I’ve tried to find evidence of him using it now, I can’t find anything at all. He has been very open with electronic devices, account passwords, etc.
I’m not so naive to think that this means there’s nothing going on, but I can’t find anything that would indicate that there is either.
Traci, it really could be low libido. But if he’s used porn in the past, it could still have lingering effects. Has he done real work to recover from his porn use (therapy, 12 step group, accountability, etc.)? He could think that he’s all good if he hasn’t used it in years, but he might just be “white knuckling” and not actually recovered.
This is something I hadn’t considered. The topic has been buried since the first conversation came about early in our marriage.
Long story, but he confessed to having a problem in the past after I discovered something on his phone that he claimed he didn’t know where it came from.
There was some hurt and damage done at that time because I didn’t know if I could trust him. I chose to forgive him for not telling me anything about it before marriage. He promised full transparency, and delivered on that, except that when I would bring it up, he would get uncomfortable and I felt like I was digging up the past…so I stopped bringing it up without really ever resolving it or answering my questions.
Traci, you deserve to know the full truth (minus gory details). You have the right to request that he get therapy and work on recovery. If he’s unwilling to talk about it with you, it signals that he’s either holding in a lot of shame that could be affecting your marriage, or he hasn’t told you the full truth. It’s okay to request that things change. You matter.
If you do discover that he’s been hiding things from you, a therapeutic disclosure could save you from trauma resulting from a staggered disclosure. Having a professional (CSAT, etc.) help you navigate it would be really helpful.
I feel this so much Traci. Especially the sadness from hearing others talk about how they can drive their husbands crazy with their bodies. A special kind of connection I can only dream of having with my husband. We’ve even married 6 years and are both in our 30s as well. My husband has no interest in my body. Unfortunately in our case porn is a factor.
Sara, I’m so sorry. Have you read my post on what to do if your husband uses porn? It really isn’t okay. And you can take a firm stand. Please read that, and I hope you have some support around you that can help you!
I love your blog, but I’m going to be honest and say that thinking of doing anything in this post really makes me want to vomit. My marriage has been really unhealthy from day one, and I’m beginning to accept the fact that it might be over. With the unhealthy experiences as my only sexual experiences, I think of comments like these as “hey, use and abuse me.” I know this was never your intent, but my question is, do you know of good stories of people recovering from sexual objectification in marriage and being able to be confident enough to say things like this? I would love to be able to heal to that point, but I’m just not sure it’s possible.