I am very, very tired of the “don’t be a stumbling block” argument when it comes to modesty for girls.
I know that this is a very widespread debate, and I have talked about it before in two main posts:
I have also done a podcast about this very issue too, and since I am out today, I would like to rerun that episode for anyone who missed the message first time around.
In our recent survey of 20,000 women, we found that when girls are made to feel responsible for boys’ sin, very bad things happen in those girls future marriages and sex lives.
And recently on Facebook, I shared a few thoughts that blew up quite big. The support was huge, but at the same time, the arguments that 13-year-old girls can cause adult men to sin are still very widespread. And so in this podcast, Rebecca and I would like to put that to rest.
We got kind of heated, too!
Timeline of the Podcast
0:45 Let’s talk about lust in a non illegal way, please.
5:30 Noticing isn’t bad, facts aren’t bad.
8:45 Lusting for adolescents is not normal
11:40 Mixed messages about lust & modesty
17:20 We’ve confused men with their sexuality!
29:05 The Bell-curve Modesty Rule
34:20 But what about the dangers with clothing choices?
42:04 Research on gender visual stimulation
47:43 RQ: Help with my son growing into sexuality?
Main Segment: The Lust Discussion and the Modesty Discussion Must Always Be Separate
Why? Because if you say, “Men are 100% responsible for not lusting after 13-year-old girls, but 13-year-old girls are also 100% responsible to be modest and dress appropriately,” then you don’t really mean the first part. Yes, we need to teach girls to dress appropriately (and I have a way to do that at the bottom of my stumbling block post), but it’s never, ever about not causing someone to sin.
This discussion came up because of the response to these Facebook posts:
Post 2–on how if you believe all men lust, even after teenagers, you’re likely in an unhealthy church and your husband may have a problem, because MOST men do not struggle with not lusting after young teens
The comments are rather interesting–and some are rather depressing. Hence the need for this podcast!
I won’t go into all our arguments here, but you need to listen to this one!
Even listen to it with your teenage daughters and teenage sons, and start the discussion going!
Use my link to support this blog!
Things Mentioned in This Podcast:
- Our stumbling block post, that looks at the biblical passages often used to support the idea that women must dress modestly in order to not cause someone to sin (and why that’s a poor application of those passages)
- A closer look at the modesty passage from 1 Timothy 2
- Noticing is Not Lusting–a better way to understand what lust really is in men
- Are you inadvertently raising your sons to lust?
- Our podcast on recognizing grooming behaviour
- The Whole Story puberty course
- The 4 Stages of Recovery from Pornography
- Pre-Order The Great Sex Rescue!
- Are you a guy (or are you married to one?) We need men to take our men’s survey! Pretty please!
- Andrew J. Bauman’s resources on healthy male sexuality
What do you think? Will we ever be able to talk about modesty and lust well? What messages were you given as a teen? Let’s talk in the comments!