There’s a deep rumbling in the evangelical church right now.
I’ve been saying for the last few years that God is shaking the church–and I’m feeling that profoundly.
Whenever I come to the end of a big project, and start something new, I get a little introspective and philosophical. I tend to sit back, take stock, and look at where I’ve come from, and where I’m going, and where I feel that God is working. And this week our video curriculum for The Marriage You Want is all up and running (and it’s AMAZING!), PLUS we’re about to hit episode 300 of the Bare Marriage podcast. And so I’ve been thinking a few things I’d like to share with you–and see what you’re all thinking, too!
Here’s the first data point that often makes me a little flumoxxed: I’m often accused of hating all books except my own. People will say to me: “You just love to tear down every single other book so that you can sell your own!” Or they’ll say, “You just hate everything and think everyone is wrong except you!” This often comes up when I create a new one sheet of the problems with a particular book.
And I find that odd, because on my podcast I’m constantly having guests on and sharing their books! I mean, in the last month alone we’ve talked about Helen Paynter’s The Bible Doesn’t Tell Me So; Joash Thomas’ The Justice of Jesus; Marissa Burt and Kelsey McGinnis’ The Myth of Good Christian Parenting. I’ve made reference to Beth Allison Barr and Kristin du Mez’ books on my social media multiple times. I’m constantly talking about books that I love!
The problem is not that I hate all books. The problem is actually that I don’t like whole groups of books that have one thing in common: They see faith primarily as a way to preserve power for one group of people, rather than as a way of living out the way of Christ, where we give up our power to love our neighbour and pursue justice and mercy.
As I shared on Monday, the vast majority of Christian marriage books are based on the faulty premise that husbands are in authority over wives, and from that flows other unhealthy ideas, and lots of bad outcomes.
There’s a fault line developing in evangelicalism
We no longer have a shared culture or a shared understanding of mission or even of what it means to love Jesus. Something fundamental is shifting under the ground, and I think it’s exactly about our attitude towards power, and how we think of justice.
- Do we think that empathy is toxic? Do we focus on stopping people from caring about others? Or do we focus on loving our neighbour?
- Do we see faith as a way to keep my own identity and culture? Or do we see faith as something that transcends my identity and culture to embrace the Other?
- Do we see faith as primarily being about what we believe about Jesus, or do we see faith as primarily being about how our beliefs about Jesus affect how we treat others?
- Do we think the point of faith is to get us into heaven, or do we think that God cares about our lives here on earth as well?
- Do we view faith as primarily about who is in and who is out, and making sure we’re in the “in” group, or do we see the imago Dei in everyone?
Which side of each of those dichotomies that we emphasize will tend to put us in one group or another. And those groups are hardening.
Here’s how I think things have changed over the last few years of our work
Let’s talk first about the good
Compared to when we first started calling out Love & Respect back in 2019, there’s so much more willingness to stand up and say, “yeah, that person is harmful and shouldn’t be trusted.” When I started talking about the problems with Love & Respect, there were so many comments across social media defending the book. Today, if anyone recommends it, on any social media platform, so many comments appear telling why it’s harmful. Things have flipped, and that’s a good thing.
I think people are much more willing to recognize that pastors like John Piper, John MacArthur, Mark Driscoll, or Doug Wilson are harmful. Great reporting led to James MacDonald, Robert Morris, and Ravi Zacharias falling, along with so many others. And there’s increasingly recognition that many of these pastors harm people.
Just as we started writing The Great Sex Rescue, so many other books were also being published showing the great harm being done in evangelicalism. Kristin du Mez and Bath Allison Barr wrote; Diane Langberg spoke up about trauma; Chuck de Groat spoke up about narcissists in the pulpit; Jemar Tisby spoke up about race; Rachael Denhollander and so many others called out sexual abuse in the SBC. A big conversation was being had by many different people, but we were all saying roughly the same thing, and it all converged in God’s timing. And, of course, the late Rachel Held Evans led the way, like the John the Baptist of her generation.
The notion that it’s wrong to critique a fellow Christian has largely fallen by the wayside on social media. People know a lot of harm has been done. People know many pastors are predators, and that our attitude towards women and power has enabled that.
Now let’s talk about the bad:
The side promoting patriarchy is doubling down and gaining ground. One could argue that the patriarchy that was once fringe is now becoming mainstream. Doug Wilson is being increasingly platformed and quoted (and I’m very concerned about Marvin Olasky, who was front and center in the fight against gender inclusivity in the church, and who way back was instrumental in Doug Wilson first getting a platform in Christian education, becoming editor-in-chief of Christianity Today). The idea that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote is now being openly talked about in many Christian spheres. Mark Driscoll has a new large church!
Women have fewer opportunities in many evangelical churches than they did in the 1980s and 1990s.
And biblical counseling is replacing licensed counselling in many seminaries, getting rid of evidence-based therapies in favour of a mode of counselling that tends to see everything in terms of a sin/lack of faith lens, and believes deeply in entrenched hierarchies. It’s really concerning.
But perhaps the good is, in some ways, causing the bad?
Hear me out for a minute on this: When people are comfortable, they don’t like that comfort threatened. And evangelicalism is really comfortable for a lot of people. It gives certain men especially power over others, in a way that they’d never experience in the secular world. It gives people identities. It helps them feel like part of the “in” group and that they have special knowledge that others don’t have. (And increasingly this is bleeding out into the political realm too as faith and politics get mixed!).
What happens when people who are supposed to be in your group start saying that your group is wrong? You work doubly hard to silence them, because they’re a threat to your way of life. And so you start defending doctrines, like male headship and authority, that you never defended before. You start making arguments for women not being allowed to vote, even though no one has actually ever broached that before. But when the idea of male authority is threatened, then you double down on male authority overall.
And thus we have the great evangelical splitting
Right now one side is crying out for living out the way of Jesus towards health and wholeness and justice, and the other side is saying that the way we serve Jesus is by preserving power for the “right” people. I realize that those who disagree with me will see that as an unfair caricature, but perhaps that’s part of the splitting itself?
The central question is a simple one: What do we believe it means to ask that God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven? Is this primarily about making sure everyone believes exactly as I do and does church exactly as I do? Or is it about living out justice and loving our neighbour? And the answers to that will lead to two very different visions of faith. And I’m not sure the two can entirely co-exist anymore.
Every 500 years or so there is a great upheaval in Christianity.
We had the conversion of Constantine and Christianity becoming associated with Empire; then we had the splitting of the church into Roman Catholic and Orthodox branches; and then we had the Reformation. Those weren’t exactly every 500 years, but it was close.
And now we’re due for another one, and I think that’s what’s coming. I don’t know what we’ll be called. I think we need a good name! But I do think there’s a deep feeling that something is terribly not right. And as more and more voices have become louder and louder, calling the church to something better, something more like Jesus, we see these fault lines deepening.
I believe that there are so many who are still in patriarchal evangelical churches who know something is deeply wrong and want something different, and I desperately hope we can reach them. That’s one of our goals with The Marriage You Want–we’ve created a curriculum that’s easily accessible for people, with pre-marital versions and small group questions in our study guide, and a video curriculum for small groups. It’s time for a healthy marriage curriculum that doesn’t fall into the trap of most Christian marriage books that are based on a faulty premise.
And I think, as people see what evidence-based advice looks like, and as they see what health and wholeness look like, that they will deeply long for a relationship with Jesus that is not just about being different from the world, but is rather about how we can love others and be the best version of ourselves that God wants us to be. I pray it will lead people towards freedom.
That split is coming. It’s growing wider. And I hope our voices, as we talk about what health and wholeness look like, will be loud enough to reach those who desperately want something better, but who aren’t seeing it in their Christian communities.
And that’s a reminder that, even in the midst of a split, we can’t write off people in different churches. So many sincerely love Jesus and want Jesus, but their church experience is the only one they’ve ever known. They’re hungry for more, but they can’t put their finger on what’s wrong. If we completely split, we leave those people to wander. So we have to speak up on social media. We have to share good resources. And most of all, we have to listen, share our stories, and be a safe place for them, without judgment.
Because if we write them off, then we’re not creating something better. We’re just replicating “us” vs. “them” while swapping sides. And that’s no Reformation at all.
Check out our new video series! Here’s the trailer:
What are you seeing? Is there a split happening? What do you think the next decade or two will look like? Is this primarily a North American phenomenon? Let’s talk in the comments!
You know you have folks who are more conservative who also read your books and blog and are like yeah Mrs Gregoire has the numbers to back her up?
The reason for the global conservative wave is people have seen the excesses of their political adversaries snd they have said enough.
In a similar way people have read your books snd blog posts and have said no enough to the works of people like Howerton.
I look with both excitement and trepidation at what the future may hold.
Oh, yes, I know that! And I’m glad. And I don’t want that to stop (but it’s a hard line to balance because I also have to speak what I see to be truth and justice).
I look with excitement and trepidation too. But I think it’s always an honour to live in an important part of history. May we handle it well.
I hope so too.
I find that it is fascinating how justice is approached.
Are you familiar with Jonothan Haidt?
See I believe people of all sorts want some semblance of justice. I know I do. Yet there are other moral foundations we must consider.
Part of why I admire your work Sheila is that you actually do call people back not only towards Justice but to sanctity and purity in a real sense.
When folks like Howerton accuse a young girl of being Lolita you say no that is an affront to her dignity. You ask people to consider that children have a purity to them that shouldn’t be violated.
When you point out that isnt fair to put an undue burden on somebody and also that it is selfish to ignore their needs fantasies and in cases even their physical health I think you are speaking in the language of a multi pillared ethical framework akin to how hard describes things.
You also I feel do respect hierarchy and authority but in the way that is akin to a patriot. If Jesus is our authority then yes it is wrong to use his name and his servants to justify marital abuse it is an assault on his rightful authority. It is an assault on the hierarchy built on mutual respect and the recognition that the lord of the universe is a law giver who also tells us to come and reason together.
To me your message makes sense.
I hope that this can elucidate my perspective and that of others like me.
This is something I’ve been pondering on for quite some time. And honestly, I’m (have been) so ready for it.
What I found intriguing re: the ‘fault line developing’ section is that your points look suspiciously like what once would have been understood as belonging generally to the ‘one holy [lowercase] catholic and apostolic’ confession.
More years past than I’ll admit, I left a bunch of people stunned and/or alienated by declaring publicly that great swathes of the confessing evangelical community are in a pre-converted condition and remained essentially untouched by the gospel.
It’s a shame that Richard Bauckham’s outstanding ‘Theology of the Book of Revelation’ is read mainly by egghead specialists, because the tools it offers would help us recognize and respond to the very substantial adoption of secularity however much the language of theology may be claimed; and that is wearing thin.
Oh yes. I have noticed change in some areas while others have remained the same. I have not followed anyone, except the reverend of the ministry I’m with, which teaches love in all aspects of life. From marriage, to children to our neighbors.
Recently, a teaching regarding loving your neighbors comes to mind. I had, erringly, thought this only meant believers. The correction is that we are to love everyone. God’s Word even tells us to love our enemies.
In the political side of this, President Trump stated how he hates his enemies. I think he’s struggling with that now as he said he doesn’t think he’s going to get to go to Heaven. He has it in his mind that it is because of works that he will or won’t. God’s Word teaches when we accept Jesus Christ as our Saviour and believe in our hearts God raised him from the dead, then we are redeemed. Romans 10: 9 and 10.
What I’ve noticed of some of the general attitude is that God is a so and so or that He doesn’t exist. I can remember a time when no one said this. Some people are rude to each other. I used to see more kindness. I’m seeing less of that now.
A good example is when I was in a super store on Sunday. A lot of the patrons almost ran into me with their carts. Not one person apologized. I felt like I was in a bull pen. Only one person, out of many, smiled at me. I can remember when most of the population did. I even felt razor eyes on me because, either I am a senior citizen who isn’t to be respected or because I’m Caucasian. I remember the time when it was an unspoken rule that we are to be treated with respect and even reverence. Those days are gone. I don’t foresee them returning.
Drivers are consistently rude to each other, even more than before. And you had better be careful how you deal with them. I, for one, pray for them. We are powerful because of what God did for us. Where we walk is blessed ground and, even after we leave, there are blessings left with people that don’t even know why.
>> I’m often accused of hating all books except my own.
This might appear true, but only because so many books all preach the same basic ideas, and it’s the idea that you oppose. So when 100 people stand up and say “The husband should be in charge of everything”, and you disagree, then it looks like you oppose “everybody”.
The fact is (and I’ve seen this right here), you support a lot of authors, men and women.
You also have a rule of thumb for looking at a new book, paper, etc. When reading it, ask yourself, is this mostly about power structures, who’s in charge, who gets to decide what, etc. or is it more about two equals building a good life and marriage together under God? And you yourself have identified many authors and works that teach this, WITHOUT needing to go to patriarchy and submission.
I would imagine if someone else made a good Christian marriage book you would like to interview the person who wrote it and help promote it like you do with every other author who has appeared on your podcast that wrote a book you liked.
There is room for other healthy Christian marriage books too if people are willing to write them. After all, it’s community over competition.
Hi Courtney. What other Christian books do you think should be written?
I am not sure but we always could need more books from Christians of marginalized identities! I definitely want more good books from disabled Christians being a disabled person myself for example that aren’t the typical cheesy inspirational nonsense that is always spouted in Christian media about disabled people. You can be a Christian and still struggle with your symptoms of your disability (as opposed to after praying a bunch you are miraculously made better or improved you always see) and I like to hear more books calling out ableism in the church since most of the problems disabilities cause is from the inaccessibility of society and how it treats disabled people more than the disability.
I like this. I struggle with Bipolar. I could see it being helpful to have more emphasis on mental health from a Christian perspective. I say this is often: It is much easier to grant grace to someone who is visibly crippled vrs the person who’s disability is internal and more difficult to identify. Thanks!
Hey I have bipolar too! (And autism and ADHD). According to a lot of wheelchair users though is that it tends to go the other way where they are more infantilized because they are visibly disabled (many of them are often pitied and offered prayers which can be very demeaning when it happens all the time especially when in reality they have a good quality of life and most of their problems are due to others and their environment)
I also want more perspectives from POC Christian’s especially indigenous ones in how they honor their heritage while being Christian since throughout history a lot of indigenous people were told that practicing their traditions was incompatible with their faith. My husband is Chippewa so I always like hearing other indigenous perspectives when it comes to faith.
Thanks Courtney. Your perspective is interesting and I have learned from our conversation. Best to you.
While I do hope that more people wake up to the falsehood that is present in Christianity, I do have concerns about Patriarchy still having power and dominion in the future.
Right now, they are working on recruiting younger people to their side. They almost got me! They teach false history about women and America (for example, they claim that women had good homes, good husbands, and good children but deserted all that for the workplace). They cleverly distort the Bible to convince women that the reason things are messed up right now is because they are not obeying God in being good wives and being mothers. They are convincing people that once things go back to the way it was before (women staying at home, women having children, women controlled by men, women losing their rights, etc) everything is going to be good and wonderful again.
I think Patriarchy has several powerful and influential people in place to make this all happen. I’m not trying to scare anyone, but after my experience with Patriarchy on Gab and some things happening in politics, I think this horrendous future is entirely possible.
I do believe that patriarchy will always be with us, as it’s a big result of the fall. And it is experiencing a big resurgence, especially in the United States. But I also think fewer and fewer people will put up with it or agree with it. They’re getting the younger people for sure, but if you take surveys of the younger people, there’s an increasing gender gap. So they’ll get the guys, and then the guys won’t be able to get married or find any women who want to be with them (which increasingly is what is happening). The guys will then get angry and more aggressive, which will widen the gap. But I don’t think any of that will be attractive to most women, so we’ll likely see a Korean situation where the women just opt out of anything to do with men.
That is not going to help anybody though because a lot of younger men who haven’t done anything will be there like what did I do I am your enemy snd I haven’t dine anything which I assure you will breed someone far worse than the benevolent secist type
So whats your solution?
That is one of the unfortunate things. I know I can’t figure it all out but I know what some of the problems are. That is part of why I am here.
Thank you for this. Can I tell you why I am here? I have been here for almost 10 years now. If I am really honest I came to fix my sex life. Sheila showed me the answers aren’t there. The answers are in JESUS. Thats why I have stayed. Who would leave Jesus? While advocacy for women and gender equality has always been on the top shelf around here, Along the way as the narrative shifted. The focus became calling out toxic teachings. This is where I really came to understand that women have been fighting these battles since the beginning of time. That made sense – That thinking aligns with Jesus. So does standing up for women. Today I am a man who stands up for women and equality for ALL – women first. I hope the other reasons you are here are also being edified on your journey. Best.
A story — A coworker and I once found a feral cat stuck in a dumpster. We wanted to help it find a way out so we searched for a branch, broom, board, etc. to climb. It hissed, bared its claws, hair standing stiff all over. Every time we tried something that didn’t quite work, it would get even more agitated and hateful. Sometimes its own wild scrambling thwarted what otherwise would have worked. —
I feel the ones who are doubling down are essentially running scared. They often behave as a cornered and injured animal. Their beliefs are so wrapped up in feeling as if they have “earned” respect, or heaven, or entitlement, etc., that any attempt to show them an alternative means the rug has been pulled out from under them. Not having developed emotional intelligence, they cannot figure out a healthier way to process that and engage/behave with others, so they lash out.
They are scared of losing: control, power, deferential treatment, the appearance of knowledge and closeness with God, their income bracket, their spouses, their kids, their salvation. Essentially, they are afraid of losing everything they have ever known, and the unknown can be a scary place.
—We eventually found something long enough for that cat to use to escape. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn it hurt itself in the effort because it used no caution at all to think through the safest way out. —
“If it is possible, *as far as it depends on you*, live at peace with everyone,” has been a freeing verse for me.
Gosh I see things very differently. I feel the ones who are doubling down are in seats of power and are quickly dismantling structures that would allow challenge and opposition. They have no desire to engage / behave with “others” who aren’t like them and have no need nor intention to develop emotional intelligence. They are increasingly emboldened because they are not, in fact, scared or afraid of losing anything.
There are probably some of both dynamics going on. Interesting that the different ways we view it share a lack of emotional intelligence (and no desire/intention to learn it) component though.
Ever notice how Gospel narrative keeps emerging in unexpected contexts?
‘… the ones who are doubling down are in seats of power and are quickly dismantling structures that would allow challenge and opposition.’
‘The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over others, but get this people — things are going to work differently among you.’
I think that is definitely going on, for many. At some level they knew they were losing power, so they doubled down. But now that they’ve pushed all those who disagreed out, they have more power than ever before. They just don’t realize it’s over fewer people!
Ever notice how Gospel narrative keeps emerging in unexpected contexts?
‘… feeling as if they have “earned” respect, or heaven, or entitlement, etc., that any attempt to show them an alternative means the rug has been pulled out from under them.’
‘All these years, I have slaved for you faithfully … yet when this wastrel ‘son’ of yours who squanders his inheritance returns home …’
I have been feeling for a couple of years how desperately we need another Reformation. The evangelical church is too far off course and is doing too much harm. I hope and pray it comes soon. And like you, Sheila, I pray we have the grace and wisdom to navigate it as God would have us do. (I’m going to need His help with that, I know. I won’t find it easy. I want nothing to do with any evangelical/patriarchal church ever again, and I am too angry to find it easy to be patient, even though I am normally an extremely patient and tolerant person.)
I’ve also been thinking that evangelicals are the Pharisees of our generation. They have the same arrogant self-righteousness, the same conviction that only they are really following God, the same legalism, the same blindness, and the same obsession with preserving their own power. Perhaps there are Pharisees in every era. I believe evangelicals are today’s Pharisees. And you know what Jesus thought about them.
May change come soon, and may it sweep through the church worldwide, cleansing and purifying and changing hearts. Including mine. Thank you, Sheila and your team, for the hard work you have done and continue to do, to help bring light into a very dark place.
Yes, I think there are Pharisees in every generation, and I think we forget that Jesus actually primarily came to call out religious people, not “the world.” And that’s what the Prophets did too. Over and over again, when God speaks to the world, he’s actually doing it primarily to call religious people back.
I hope you’re wrong (that a split is inevitable, and it’s too late for revival), but I’m afraid you’re right. I feel the split in myself. I hate the thought of being on opposite sides of a split from my family and friends. But I’ve already deconstructed so much of what I thought Christianity was, I don’t really feel a sense of belonging in evangelicalism anymore, like reverse culture shock. If only they’d remember their rich history instead of doubling down on hierarchy and gender roles, and pursuing political power.
Why does it always have to be politics? You’d think we’d have learned to put that aside by now, but it’s been involved in every other split, hasn’t it?
Sheila, do you think opposing theologies on LGBTQ will affect the split?
I agree that we are in a Reformation. For years, I’ve considered my ministry to be one of reformation, but I hesitated to use that term out loud because it sounds so arrogant. I don’t have all the answers, even to the problems I point out, but I am the one pointing out the problems in my contexts (at least, when I’m brave enough). I find it helpful to remember that when we read history, we get the highlights reel where someone went back and put in titles at what they thought were key points. I believe the actual work of Reformation takes decades of slow, persistent scrapping away at a brick wall with a plastic spoon. Occasionally, someone will come along with a pickaxe or stick of dynamite and things go faster. Then it’s back to the seemingly pointless grunt work where we only see progress when we stop every few months and remember where we were compared to now.
I think you’re exactly right! It’s a ton of grunt work, by a ton of people.
“I believe that there are so many who are still in patriarchal evangelical churches who know something is deeply wrong and want something different, and I desperately hope we can reach them.”
Yeah this is something I wonder about too- when is it a good idea to stay in a church in order to reach people, and try to present your message using language that they can accept, and when should we leave, and speak up and say what we honestly want to say? There was a time long ago in evangelical spaces I would try to point out that a belief was bad by saying “this is legalism” when what I really wanted to say was “this is bad for mental health” because I expected that evangelicals wouldn’t place any value on mental health. But it was so hard on me and eventually I couldn’t do it any more.
I get that. I’m struggling with that too. I don’t have any good answers! I know Paul said that to the Jews, he became like a Jew to win the Jews. And I do think there’s some merit in that. But there’s also a time to shake the dust off, and I think that’s different for everybody.
Yeah, I think different people can have different roles here, depending on what their abilities/strengths are, and what situation they’re in.
The last Reformation ended up as a century-long bloodbath that nearly depopulated Central Europe — “DIE, HERETICS!”
Righteous vs Righteous.
Yep. That’s what we DON’T want!