Are you somebody who would actually love to have period sex?
I’ve been writing about periods all month, and last week we looked at period sex, mostly from the perspective that a woman should not feel obligated to give sexual favors then if she doesn’t want to.
But what if her sex drive is higher during her period? A number of women wrote that this is when they want sex the most! One woman said:
This has been a source of contention between us for many years. He is completely grossed out by it and my libido is highest during that time. It makes me feel very unwanted and undesired. It has caused so many arguments we don’t even discuss it anymore. I never even mention my period at all to him because once I do, I am treated like I have some sort of disease.
Other women said that they really enjoy period sex, and their husbands don’t mind!
So let’s look at period sex from different perspectives today, and then I’ll suggest several ways to make period sex less messy. (and some affiliate links are below!)
Again, this post is NOT to insinuate that women should have period sex. I completely believe that this is up to you, and that many women feel so uncomfortable during their periods that sex seems extremely off-putting. That’s okay. But if you’re someone whose sex drive goes up during your period, here are some things to think about:
When your husband is grossed out by the idea of period sex
Like our commenter, many men can’t even fathom period sex, even if her drive is highest then. I think there are two perhaps conflicting things to keep in mind here:
Husbands’ preferences should be honoured
As I’ve said before, godly sex is mutual sex, and this should go both ways. Neither spouse should feel obligated to do anything–sex should be based on mutual giving, not taking. If the rest of your sex life is mutual and fun and frequent, and he just wants to abstain during this time, I think that should be honoured and he shouldn’t be pressured, any more than she should be pressured to do something that she finds off-putting or uncomfortable.
In that case, it just needs to be managed like any libido difference, as you stay active, stay generous, keep close to one another, and deal with your frustration.
Messy sex is a reality for women the vast majority of the time
However, I think what many men may not understand is that, unless a man is using a condom, messy sex is a reality for women. Women have his fluid inside us, and we do need to wash afterwards and wipe up mess and go to the bathroom to prevent UTIs. Some men may have an aversion to blood, and I do think that should be honoured. But I would also like to encourage men to realize that sex is ALWAYS messy for women (unless you use a condom), and that we have to deal with this. If your concern is simply that you don’t want things to be messy, then remember that you are asking her to endure this literally every other time you have sex. So a little give and take here may be in order.
Nevertheless, I do think there is a big difference between women having semen dripping out of them and men having blood on their penis. I can understand why that may be very disturbing for some men!
(I told you they were contradictory! But those are two things to think about when it comes to period sex and talk about and balance together as a couple).
How to make period sex less messy if you are both fine with it!
Showers and towels are your friend
Showers are a no-mess solution, although intercourse is not always very comfortable in showers. But other kinds of stimulation may be! And if you’re trying intercourse in bed, just use a towel, even if it’s near the end and she’s only spotting. After orgasm, women’s flow can become heavier, so what was only a light flow may get heavier. (If you think your period is about to begin, sometimes orgasm brings the first “gush” of blood, too.)
Try Flex discs DURING your period
Flex has a period product that also makes sex safe, easy and clean during those days! Like the menstrual cups we talked about last week, Flexdiscs are inserted inside the vagina, and are held in place at the base of the cervix. Unlike the diva cups, these are disposable. But they last 12 hours as well, without leaking.
And the great thing is that they can be worn during sex!
Because they sit so high up, they don’t get in the way. Here’s a video explaining how to use it:
It’s a little tricky to insert properly (you have to make sure it’s high enough so it doesn’t leak), but a number of women have said in the comments here and on Facebook that they find it works great!
So if you want mess-free sex during your period, these may be the answer you were looking for.
Have you ever tried the FlexDisc or the SoftDisc? Are you someone who gets more in the mood during her period? If so, what solutions have you found?
Our Period Series:
- All about Periods, Going to the Beach, and Teenage Embarrassment
- How Can We Help Boys/Men Be More Sensitive about Girls’ Periods?
- The Period Podcast!
- When Should You Call the Doctor about Your Period?
- What Should You Do About Sex During Your Period?
- Why We Love Diva Cups (August 24)
- 10 Things to Know about Old Testament Laws and Periods (August 26)
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of Bare Marriage
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