PODCAST: Great Sexpectations, Childbirth Prep, International Lovemaking Day, and More!

by | Jun 3, 2021 | Family, Sex, Uncategorized | 18 comments

Merchandise is Here!

Let’s talk expectations for childbirth, sex, orgasm, and more!

This week was more of a fun podcast. As you’ll see from the two interviews we did, we were enjoying ourselves immensely talking about how to make different aspects of our lives awesome. 

And to start with our pelvic floor series, we invited Jenn Riedy, a childbirth educator and doula, on to talk about what you should expect at childbirth and how to prepare for the recovery! And then I had my friend Dan Purcell on to talk about International Lovemaking Day–and Rebecca and I talked about whether you should really want to orgasm (that would be a  yes). 

Listen in!

Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:

 

Timeline of the Podcast

1:20 Birthing Coach Jenn Riedy joins us!
4:45 The importance of partner’s education
6:30 Every woman can do labour her own way
8:45 Sex during pregnancy
12:45 Postpartum recovery
28:00 Interview with Dan Purcell: How a conservative Christian couple created a Sex app
37:15 RQ: But sex is pleasurable without orgasm?
38:10 Arousal non-concordance
41:30 The nuanced way we talk about women’s sexuality
50:10 Encouragement!

Main Segment: What to Expect at Labour and for Recovery

 

Jenn has been helping moms to enjoy healthier pregnancies and births through education and hands on support since she founded Knitted in the Womb in 2001, after the birth of her first child. 

Jenn’s passion to learn more about the topic and learn how to help other women/couples has only increased in the past few years and with the births of her next five children. In 2001 and 2002 Jenn became a doula and certified childbirth education instructor.

Jenn Riedy

Childbirth Educator and Doula

Jenn Riedy is a doula and childbirth educator, and I feel like I know Jenn well from our interactions online! She’s a wonderful support to me, and she also is a wonderful support to new moms in the Lehigh Valley in Pennsylvania. But with COVID she’s been moving childbirth classes online!

I love her list of the timeline of recovery from childbirth, and what you can expect yourself to be able to do when. I hope all of us can stick to that schedule!

Did You Know International Lovemaking Day is Next Wednesday, June 9? (Yes, that’s 6/9)

Dan Purcell, from the Intimately Us app, joined me to talk about his vision for helping couples grow closer and boost marriages by adding more passion to their lives. 

I’ve met Dan when I spoke at his Get Your Marriage On event in Utah last November, and really enjoyed getting to know Dan and his wife Emily. 

To celebrate International Lovemaking Day, the premium features of Intimately Us will be available in the free version for June 9 and June 10! So check it out!

Reader Question: I think you emphasize orgasm too much, Sheila!

A woman wrote in saying that you can have pleasure without having orgasm, and that I’m putting too much pressure on people. She says:

One thing that I wanted to bring up is the equation that pleasure in sex equals orgasm. You talk a lot about how sex is much more than a physical experience, but orgasm is a physical experience. I have had sex with my husband without orgasming, but have thoroughly enjoyed it because of the connection and intimacy that we experienced. While I do agree that orgasm is helpful, amazing, to having a pleasurable experience during sex, it is so much more than that.

Also, another thing that rubs me a little the wrong way with this is the fact that rape victims, both men and women, can disassociate with their bodies and orgasm during rape. The idea that someone orgasmed during rape has been used to argue that the person consented to, or even enjoyed it.

Now I might be reading it the wrong way, but simple statements like “Sex can’t be pleasurable – she can’t experience an orgasm – …”

Great question, and we try to tackle that (and we talk about arousal non-concordance, too!). If you’re having issues with orgasm, please check out The Orgasm Course as well!

The Orgasm Course is Here to Help You Experience Real Passion!

Figure out what’s holding you back. Open the floodgates to orgasm.

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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18 Comments

  1. Phil

    Oh Hi Jen! Its me Phil! Grace and I have been in NC for the last 6 years. Sheila – Jen was our birth coach for our first 2 kids and doula for our son Cole! Jen can you believe our oldest is 16 and driving and our daughter who I delivered by surprise is 13 and Cole is 11! Yah! Great to see you. I knew you hung around here as I saw your knitted handle here on previous posts from long past but have not seen you comment since I have been coming around….cant wait to listen in!

    Reply
    • Phil

      Plug for Jen – most useful thing you taught us was informing us that when you are dealing with Doctors and Nurses YOU get to make the decisions – you don’t have to do what the Doctors or Nurses want you to do. Most favorite part we learned was YES you can have sex during birth contractions and it not only feels great but relaxes the woman and helps reduce contraction discomfort. Thanks Jen great to see you – anyone looking for a great birth coach or Doula Jen is the lady for you!

      Reply
      • Jane Eyre

        Grrr. If you can’t understand why we talk about the problems that happen when women don’t orgasm during sex, be thankful that you cannot understand the problem. Just, be thankful.
        I hate sex and I have never had an orgasm. The longer we are married, the more I hate sex, and I did not start off our marriage hating sex.
        In school, they tell you to aim for an A and you’ll almost certainly wind up with at least a B. Aim half heartedly aim for a B, and it is going to be a mess. Now, there are times when aiming for the A might just be unnecessary stress, but that does not change the underlying principle.
        The same applies in the bedroom. If you continually aim only for “closeness,” don’t be surprised when it is a lousy experience for her. If you continually do something that takes her out of the experience (painful or touching her in a manner you know she doesn’t like), stop before she climaxes, or what-have-you, 1) she isn’t going to climax, ever, and 2) she probably won’t even find it to be a physically and emotionally worthwhile experience.
        To continue with analogies, if you have a peanut allergy and your family always cooks the Thanksgiving turkey in peanut oil, maybe you personally still enjoy the dinner and the fellowship. That doesn’t mean that everyone with a peanut allergy needs to sit there with a half of a dinner instead of saying, hey, let’s figure out a way that we can all enjoy the turkey.

        Reply
      • Jane Eyre

        Nesting fail, sorry. That should ne a standalone comment.

        Reply
  2. Anonymous this time

    I’m preparing all of my research and plans for my 2nd pregnancy. And this is perfectly timed! One thing that I’m worried about is post partum. Last time I had complications(P.E. 10 days pp.), and I was horny! (that might’ve played a part in the problem?) So Im trying to think through my recovery.
    Last time I spent 5 days in bed, and then went home and our home required stairs and mattress on the floor. I think that played a big part. This time, I’m going to stay in bed for 6 weeks and have servants.(family 😊) and stool softeners!! That’s something I learned the hard way.

    Reply
    • Em

      Do NOT stay in bed if you have a history of pulmonary embolism!! Oh my goodness, this is why modern practitioners seldom if ever recommend the strict “lying in” period any more. Having help—yes!! Staying sedentary during a time when your body has a tendency to form blood clots is a BIG no, especially if it’s already happened to you.

      Reply
  3. Katydid

    Within 24 hours of birthing my 4th baby prematurely, I was home, with the baby, fully caring for myself, my premature newborn, two toddlers, and a preschooler, 3 in diapers. Soon after my husband fell seriously ill, was hospitalized, ICU, and I was his sole caregiver. Absolutely no income coming in. And I had severe post partum depression. Literally, my memories are in black and white.
    Nearly a decade later I am still emotionally and physically recovering from that. I had tons of potential help, but very little actual help.

    Reply
  4. Lindsey

    Really enjoyed today’s podcast!
    I was carrying baskets of wet laundry outside and hanging it on the line by one week postpartum. Basically zero help ever, besides a small amount of food provided. Thankfully all of my unmedicated tub births went smoothly, but it would have been nice to have some help. I planned to do one week in bed after my last one, but he ended up in the children’s hospital at 4 days old (I had a virus when he was born and he caught it from me), so there went that plan.
    It might be easier for women to orgasm and experience real sexual pleasure if Christians would stop demonizing the idea of teens (and I’ve even seen some shame children) touching their own genitals. Learning how to arose yourself goes a long way towards showing your husband how to make you feel good – I’m just saying.

    Reply
  5. Tory

    I have never listened to a podcast before but I listened to this one 🙂 I liked the advice given to new moms, but I do think that pregnancy and delivery are very individual experiences and what works for one woman (or even the majority) doesn’t work for all women. Some women don’t want to sit around for two weeks and be waited on hand and foot after delivery! I personally had easy deliveries and it was important to me to resume my routine as soon as possible after childbirth so I could feel normal. True story: I had my third baby via a peaceful home birth attended by experienced midwives, and I delivered her at 11:30 pm. I had no tearing, minimal bleeding, and overall felt great. The next morning by 7 am (so less than 8 hours after childbirth) I was outside doing some light yard work (watering and harvesting veggies) while my husband and newborn daughter slept upstairs; then I made brunch for the family since my parents and grandparents were coming over to meet the new baby 🤣 yeah, maybe not typical!

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I also cannot sit around, I completely understand! I definitely wanted other people to cook and do the housework, though. But I did go outside and things like that.

      Reply
  6. Lisa

    My childbirth educator (Coral Slaving, PhD) was also my doula. So many thanks to her and all the midwives I had for my five births.
    Rachael Dolph
    Denise Midstokke
    Debra Studey
    Mary Ann Richardson
    Daphne McIntosh
    I had planned to become a childbirth educator but the market seemed saturated.
    I ended up going in a different direction into the fitness industry, specializing in corrective exercise so I could help others learn to rehabilitate their joints and movement dysfunctions the way I had resolved my own issues. I am currently working on another specialization, Pregnancy & Post-Partum Corrective Exercise Specialist (PCES). What I’m learning now is the information I wish I’d had prior to my pregnancies. It’s truly about an understanding of the body and best practices, both for prevention and rehabilitation of the issues that arise before, during, and after pregnancy, even decades after your last pregnancy. It’s really never to late. Your body’s dysfunction is much deeper than muscles and bones.
    Here is a link to see if there is a PCES near you. The solutions are probably less complicated than what you think. A PCES is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment but can fill the very big gap between medical care and being completely on your own. As an example, most women who tell their doctor that they leak urine are told to either buy pads or consider surgery. Those are not your only options.
    https://www.coreexercisesolutions.com/pces-graduate-map/

    Reply
    • Lisa

      I was able to listen to the podcast this afternoon. Great job! I wholeheartedly agree that the people supporting the birthing woman need to empower her to plan for a birth without trauma. That will look different for each person. Hospital childbirth classes and hospital policies are focused on making the woman a convenient patient. Those policies often collide with what is in the best interests of the woman and her baby.
      I love for women to learn more about birth and their own strength and power rather than seeing things on TV/movies and just deciding they want an epidural. Having a completely unmedicated birth, when you are properly prepared, is an absolutely amazing experience– the hardest thing I’ve ever done, for certain, but so worthwhile. It’s hard to explain in words but in order to give birth that way, you have to completely surrender your need for logic and control and ride the wave. Your body will do it one way or another and letting go and trusting is the most empowering experience of my life. It prepared me so well to let go and trust as a mother. An unmedicated birth is not the best plan for everyone but it does sadden me to see so many women choose it without fully understanding their options or knowing what support is available.
      While I never could’ve stayed in bed for two weeks, I did love the little bits of help I got after some of my births. It is so important that people don’t visit so they can “hold the baby.” If mom needs a shower, yes, offer to hold the baby. But, more likely mom just wants to hold her own baby and needs someone else to get things done. Offer to run errands and bring food. Offer to do the dishes and run the vacuum.
      I was one of those women who didn’t wait six weeks after giving birth for sex. I had five babies and thankfully didn’t have any tearing with any of them. I didn’t want sex because I wanted to feel like a woman again, I wanted to have sex because my sex drive kicked into high gear. I’m certain that if I’d had tearing things would’ve been very different.
      One other thing I hope everyone knows is how beneficial it is for dad to take off his shirt and be skin-to-skin with his baby in the moments after birth. If at all possible, climb into bed with your wife and the three of you be skin-to-skin with your baby. You will never forget that bonding.

      Reply
  7. Cynthia

    I’m loving the discussion of how birth plans and preferences are so individual and emotional reactions need to play a role.
    When I found out that my first baby was breech, I chose to have a planned c-section instead of trying to turn the baby or attempted vaginal birth. My OB was actually a bit surprised, but agreed when I explained my reasons. My first pregnancy had ended in a missed miscarriage after 16 weeks, and I had no faith in my body or tolerance for risk. I was also prepared to deal with a c-section recovery, but was concerned about dealing with an emergency c-section if something went wrong during the turning attempt or a long and difficult labor, and also wanted to have my husband home for 2 weeks after the birth.
    Also, having someone help out after baby #3 so that I could stay in bed for 4 weeks was really important. My incision took that long to heal and stop bleeding.

    Reply
  8. Bethany

    I almost didn’t listen to this one because even though I’m done having kids the discussions surrounding the “right way” to give birth stress me out so much. Between three inductions with epidurals and a complete inability to breastfeed, I get pretty triggered by the whole discourse of “natural is best.” I’m really glad I went ahead and gave it a go! It was wonderful and so respectful to the different situations people are in and how they respond to things. Thank you, and thank you to Jenn!
    As a personal side note, I loved my second two birth experiences where I knew to ask for an epidural early on in the procedure. I was actually able to sleep while laboring and the whole thing felt so peaceful and I was so much more emotionally capable after not losing a whole night of sleep. I’ll be praying that you get your epidural in a very timely fashion this time, Rebecca.

    Reply
  9. Em

    Many helpful tips in this podcast. However, no medical practitioners currently recommend bedrest postpartum. It’s too dangerous! Rest? Absolutely. Household help and minimal lifting? Yes! Staying in bed? Absolutely not. The risk of blood clots (deep venous thrombosis) is too high. This can be fatal. Please, PLEASE seek advice from a physician or midwife before planning bedrest. Many dangers to accepting medical advice from self-taught experts, as well meaning as they are! And please do the same if wanting to return to intercourse soon; 3 days postpartum poses a risk for ascending infection.
    Please be careful with medical advice on the podcast.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Oh, Em, thank you for that, and we certainly didn’t mean to imply that everyone should stay on bedrest. I’ll clarify in a post tomorrow. But when you have a really bad tear, you literally can’t walk (I couldn’t). I got up as needed and I did sit on a donut pillow to feed Rebecca, but I literally could barely make it to the bathroom without incredible pain, so I did get up as little as possible. We were talking about this in the context of Rebecca’s really bad tear where she really couldn’t walk. She still hobbled to the bathroom dutifully for her sitz bath several times a day, and for a shower occasionally, etc., but she really couldn’t walk for about a week.

      Reply
      • Em

        Thank you for the clarification, Sheila! Very important to differentiate between getting good, consistent help, and actual bedrest.
        Wow, that sounds unbelievably difficult!
        I appreciate how you are so receptive to reader feedback. You really do practice what you preach–which is why we keep coming back. <3

        Reply

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