When I Am Accused of Being Anti-Man…

by | Jun 19, 2024 | Theology of Marriage and Sex | 43 comments

When you're accused of being anti-man for calling out false teaching in evangelicalism

Something interesting happened this Father’s Day.

I had so much fodder for a podcast–a terrible post by Focus on the Family telling women to “frame” their husbands as heroes, rather than telling men to act like heroes; a terrible postcard sent out by a Baptist church in Florida that was attracting people to the church by saying that dads are under attack and here they could be treated like kings and served; an awful commencement speech talking about how women’s highest calling was to be a homemaker, and how women are meant to support the men who do actual things.

It was a lot.

And it all sprung from the same narrative: men, masculinity, and fatherhood are under attack, because men don’t get to be the main story and the main character anymore.

We recorded a podcast on this that I really enjoyed, but then some comments started coming in on Facebook and Instagram.

Why do you never call out female abusers?

Why are you calling out messages about propping men up on Father’s Day, but you don’t call out the messages about propping women up on Mother’s Day?

Why do you blame men for everything?

In short, they wanted to know why I was anti-man.

And so I’d like to clear this up this morning.

Some of it’s easy to clear up: The reason I call out Focus on the Family telling women to frame husbands as heroes, and don’t call out Focus on the Family telling men to frame women as heroes, is because Focus on the Family doesn’t do the latter. On Father’s Day, their message to women is to make dad seem awesome. On Mother’s Day, their message to women is, “don’t be disappointed if your family drops the ball. Just enjoy the family you’ve been given.”

The messages aren’t the same.

And that’s actually the point. The things that men are being told in evangelical circles and the things that women are being told in evangelical circles are totally different. 

My mission is to correct false teaching in the church about marriage.

We usually describe it like this:

Bare Marriage’s mission

We want to change the evangelical conversation about sex and marriage to something healthy, evidence-based, and biblical.

Our mission is to correct the imbalanced teaching.

My job is not to teach absolutely everything about marital dynamics, but rather to try to correct bad teaching in the church.

So why do I focus on abuse against women? Because evangelical circles often teach that men are entitled to be in power over women, and women must submit, not make waves, overlook their husband’s sin, and stay no matter what.

There isn’t the equivalent in the other direction. There already is plenty of teaching to women about being kind, not manipulating, using the proper tone, giving up your rights.

  • We tell women they are responsible to keep men from lusting.
  • We tell women to have sex so their husbands won’t watch porn or cheat.
  • We tell women that they can’t expect their husbands to be emotionally healthy or sexually faithful.
  • We tell women God made them to carry the mental and emotional load for the family.

We don’t tell these things to men.

  • We tell men it’s normal to lust.
  • We tell men that part of being masculine is not to be able to be intimate or open up.
  • We tell men that they’re not created to be engaged dads because that’s a woman’s role.

And when there’s this kind of imbalance in teaching, that can cause a ton of marriage problems that really can’t be fixed until we address this rotten root.

You may also enjoy:

  • Our book The Great Sex Rescue, which goes over all the ways that evangelicalism makes sex about the guy and puts terrible burdens on women
  • My husband Keith’s series on The Danvers Statement, about how much of the evangelical church makes marriage into a power hierarchy, and the four ways this harms
  • Our podcast on Let Men Be Men, showing the terrible ways that evangelicalism talks about men

So do I believe that men are responsible for all problems in marriage?

Absolutely not. But the difference is that we’re already teaching women to stop doing things that would be abusive, unfaithful, or unkind.

We’re teaching men entitlement, immaturity, and objectification.

Let’s correct the false teachings, and then everyone will do better.

About our Marriage Book “The Marriage You Want”

Our marriage book coming out next year is going to give marriage advice from the ground up! It’s not correcting bad information. It’s showing what it would look like if we gave healthy advice, grounded in research, in the first place. 

Kind of like our books The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex and The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex–what it would look like if we taught about sex correctly from the ground up. 

I’m so looking forward to introducing the book to you! But in the meantime, we’re going to keep correcting false teaching that is genuinely hurting people.

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Sheila Wray Gregoire

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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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43 Comments

  1. Angharad

    Popular Christian marriage and family resources: “Men are designed to be leaders, but they are also overgrown toddlers who are incapable of behaving like decent adults, so women, your job is to prop them up and mollycoddle them so that they can lead because otherwise they won’t manage it – oh, and you need to give your husband constant sex on demand because he has zero self control and will use porn or have an affair if you don’t.”

    The church: “Awesome message – thank you for being so supportive and encouraging of men.”

    Bare Marriage resources: “Men, you have the ability to be amazing, godly, wise, self-controlled and capable beings who can have a huge impact for good in the world. Many of you are already acting like this. For those of you who aren’t, there is no excuse – your wife is not obliged to act like your nanny.”

    The church: “It’s not FAIR. Why do you hate men so much? Why are you always running them down? Men have a hard enough time without you criticising them constantly. ”

    I’m bemused…

    Reply
    • Nancy Gardner

      This. All this.

      Reply
    • Marina

      Yeah, it’s very much “You do realize that they are essentially saying that you’re all rather dense and will believe lies told to make you feel better, right?”. The “authors” make it sound almost like handling a stubborn horse: use food to get them to follow and trick them into things whenever you can.

      Reply
    • Jane Eyre

      Nailed it.

      Crazy thing is, people on the conservative end are normally the ones saying that immaturity is a choice and society needs young people to grow the heck up already. Study something practical, don’t take out huge loans, don’t YOLO too much, save for retirement in your 20s, get married and have kids and stop waiting, you don’t need to “find yourself” in your 40s or 50s….

      But when it comes to married evangelical men, somehow, immaturity is a literal God-given right.

      Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      This is perfect!

      Reply
    • EOF

      Spot on!

      Reply
    • K

      Standing ovation!!!!!

      Reply
    • Nethwen

      Nicely put!

      Reply
  2. CMT

    Really, Sheila?

    The largest Protestant denomination in the US is busy demonstrating it can boot churches for having female pastors, even though it couldn’t do anything about clergy sex abusers for decades.

    Women are leaving organized religion at greater rates than men for the first time in forever.

    American evangelicals are gearing up (again!) to try to elect a guy who bragged about grabbing women, has been held civilly liable for rape, and paid a woman to shut up about her experience with him.

    Can’t you see how downtrodden the Y chromosome holders have become? Can you just stop ragging on the poor men, you raging feminist?

    *end sarcasm*

    Anybody who can’t see the asymmetry between how men and women are treated in the evangelical church simply isn’t paying attention.

    [If you want to block this for alluding to politics I get it, but it’s all connected IMO]

    Reply
    • Laura

      CMT,

      Those are almost my exact thoughts. On Sunday, my husband and I visited a neighborhood Baptist church. While the people there were friendly and welcoming to us, I had to walk out when the pastor started talking about the recent SBC (which I refer to as Sexist Baptist Convention) annual meeting and have his stance on the issue of homosexuality, women as pastors (which he thought they should not be), and IVF. It was getting very uncomfortable for me and my husband asked if I wanted to leave and I said yes. I have decided I will not visit any more Baptist churches for now. I just get the impression when they push this kind of doctrine that women shouldn’t be allowed to do certain things based on a few Bible verses that were directed at a specific church and not meant to be a mandate for all time, these pastors really think less of women. I don’t want to sit under their authority.

      Well, luckily we left in plenty of time to go to our regular church, the Nazarene church where women are allowed to be pastors. It was a wonderful service where the kids got to participate and honor the fathers. Not once did our pastor mention that Fathers are to be lifted up as heroes and be catered to. He allowed anyone to come up and talk about their fathers. It was a healing service for me because even though my dad has been gone over 11 years, I am blessed with two father-in-laws. My dad was my hero not because of his maleness, but his kind, humorous character.

      Reply
      • CMT

        “ the pastor started talking about the recent SBC (which I refer to as Sexist Baptist Convention) annual meeting and have his stance on the issue of homosexuality, women as pastors (which he thought they should not be), and IVF”

        You mean you didn’t want to hear about these essential tenets of historic Christian theology on Father’s Day? You expected to visit a church and hear about peripheral issues like love, the work of Christ, and the unity of believers (whatever their gender and however their kids are conceived)?

        Sorry. Something about this topic brings out the snark for me!

        I have had experiences like this too. It is unsettling to be somewhere that would have once felt familiar and safe, and realize I was probably only ever welcome in such spaces because I didn’t challenge the dominant culture wars narratives. Once you see how deeply political ideology has become intertwined with American evangelical identity, you can’t unsee it.

        Reply
  3. Jo R

    “we’re already teaching women to stop doing things that would be abusive, unfaithful, or unkind.

    We’re teaching men entitlement, immaturity, and objectification.”

    Merch worthy!

    Reply
  4. Codec

    More and more I want Sheila to try and respond to redpill stuff.

    For instance there recently was a response of sorts of Man or Bear that was Woman vs Tree.

    I do believe as a man that we do have issues that we face as men. I also won’t deny that men have been responsible for problems.

    One issue I think would be fascinating for you to discuss is that a lot of young people men and women are so terrified of what might happen that many consider dating to be a nightmare.

    I honestly do feel there is a lot to talk about.

    Reply
  5. EOF

    I love your mission statement. Have you thought about putting it on your website header? That would be perfect, then people will see it no matter what page they’re on!

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      We really should!

      Reply
  6. K

    Welcome back Sheila! I hope that your time away was deeply refreshing!

    With regard to your excellent post today, may I demur on your mission statement please?

    The reason why I continue to come back and read here and occasionally put in a couple of cents worth is because you haven’t dumbed yourself down to “biblical” – see your previous post to this one for a great example of this!

    What I’m finding here is a conscious decision to move beyond someone’s interpretation of”what the Bible says”. Instead, you’re reaching into the world of discernment within a consciously Christocentric framework.

    Like many others here, I have moved in circles where the Bible is held in very high regard, but Christ is not the focus of the teaching – and the fruit of the Spirit is completely absent from people’s lives.

    Would it be possible to change your mission statement so that Christlikeness is the measure and aim that you are putting forward as the standard – for both men and women?

    Sorry to be a naysayer – but “biblical” is a trigger word for me – and I suspect that the same could be true for others as well. ♥️

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      That’s a great thought! The reason I use biblical is to reclaim the word from those who claim that there is only THEIR interpretation of the Bible that is correct. But I totally get what you’re saying! Maybe I’ll just go back and forth on it and sometimes use Biblical and sometimes use Jesus-centered?

      Reply
      • K

        Thank you, Sheila.

        After posting my first comment, I realized that there are those biblicists out there who would argue that their version of doing things IS Christ centred. It’s just that the way that men honour Christ and the way that women honour Christ is different (gender differentiated) and “complimentary”.

        (Women model Christ’s submission, men model His headship.)

        There has to be a way beyond the issue that doesn’t involve a degree in semantics … !?!?

        Christianity has become so MAN-gled!!!

        My original concern was that when I hear “biblical” I just shut down.

        However, you aren’t just another “prophet” claiming to have the inside scoop – if we would just put our complete trust in your personal interpretation, park our brains at the door – and submit humbly to your teaching authority.

        How does one put a finer point on the difference? 🤔

        Reply
        • Angharad

          I’m torn on this one.

          On the one hand, I like the use of the word ‘biblical’ because I’m concerned at the increasing number of ‘Christians’ who seem to be building a faith that has little or nothing to do with the Bible (I’ve even been rebuked by some ‘Christians’ for reading the Bible, because they say we should just be ‘listening to the Holy Spirit’ – I’ve never got a satisfactory answer as to HOW we know about the Holy Spirit, other than by reading the Bible or how we know the ‘voice’ we are hearing IS the Holy Spirit if we don’t have any guidelines to consult!)

          On the other hand, the word ‘biblical’ is usually defined as ‘relating to or contained in the Bible’. It doesn’t actually mean ‘right’ (the Bible contains many accounts of people who do wrong things – i.e. the account of David’s behaviour toward Bathsheba and Uriah is ‘biblical’ in the sense that the Bible includes it, but it is very much NOT biblical in the sense of ‘this is how you should behave’!) Yet a lot of people take a verse that is ‘biblical’ (because it is included in the Bible) and claim that it is ‘biblical’ in terms of ‘this is the only right way to behave’.

          Along with ‘evangelical’, ‘biblical’ feels like a word that has been so degraded and misapplied by the church, that I’m not sure it can be reclaimed to the meaning it should have. In my head, my faith is both ‘biblical’ and ‘evangelical’, but neither of those words are terms I’d use to describe my faith to anyone else, because of the almost certainty that I would be misunderstood!

          But as Sheila says, if we stop using ‘Biblical’, then the word becomes the ‘property’ of those who insist that their interpretation of the Bible is the only right one…

          Reply
          • Nessie

            Biblically-Jesus-centered? Truly biblical?
            I think of how many people have misused the word “literally” to the point that I almost cannot say it without adding a “truly” or “truthfully” in front of it.

        • Sheila Wray Gregoire

          I know! It’s hard, isn’t it? I just want to reclaim this from the toxic people, but I totally get why it’s triggering.

          Reply
          • K

            Thank you Sheila, Angharad and Nessie.

            Angharad, your comment made me think of 2 Cor 3 v 6.

            “He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.”

            This isn’t about doing away with Scripture – but using it well – as you say.

            Nessie, I resonated so much with your comment about qualifiers to the term “biblical”.

            I think we are knocking on the same door where Christ said “my sheep hear my voice”. It had nothing to do with auditory processing. It has to do with an understanding that resonates in the inner imago?

            I have no idea how this translates into a mission statement!!

            I appreciated reading your perspectives. ♥️

  7. Jim

    I would love to engage in the conversation but you won’t let me. What are you afraid of?

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      It’s not fear, Jim. I’m just tired. I only have so much emotional energy, and this has gone on for years with you. I only have so much time in my day to devote to these things, and sometimes I get tired.

      Reply
    • Lisa Johns

      And besides, Jim, you have repeatedly shown yourself to be, if not a bad-faith arguer, at least one with questionable motives. There’s no reason to engage with someone who does not want to discuss ideas but only explain why his are the right ones. It is exhausting and pointless, and I notice most of us don’t bother any more.
      If you are interested in a genuine good-faith conversation, you can demonstrate that by being a little softer and more humble. (Some of the guys on here do that quite well, even though they don’t necessarily agree with all that Sheila says.) But if not, I don’t understand why you keep coming back to a space that so obviously triggers you. Surely you can find spaces where you are more comfortable.

      Reply
      • Lee

        “I don’t understand why you keep coming back to a space that so obviously triggers you. ” <— This right here.

        I keep checking back on this blog occasionally to see if Sheila returns to her pre-"Great Sex Rescue" days where both sexes were embraced equally and challenged to be better spouses and parents through practical advice and positive encouragement. Unfortunately, those days are long gone and all that's really left here is a divisive “us versus them” styled negative posts about Christian authors and groups Sheila doesn’t agree with.

        I fear those pre-2020 days are over and never coming back…

        Reply
    • Mara R

      Oh, Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jim Jim.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F663h2R_FDk

      This is not me wishing you ill or any negative thing. It’s just me commiserating with Sheila about being tired of men feeling it is their divine right to go overboard in correcting the socks off any and every woman they want, all the time and any time they want. But these same men feel women are stepping waaaaay out of line any time they try to correct men over anything at all.

      Oh, Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim Jim Jim.
      Just realize for once that maybe Sheila knows what she is talking about and has men in her life that are able to reign her in if she ever goes off the deep end over anything.

      Reply
      • Lisa Johns

        Jimmy Jim Jim Jim… I lol’d on this one!

        Reply
      • Jim

        Don’t worry Mara, I will not darken the door of this community again.

        It is clear that I am not welcome here.

        This will be my last post if Sheila and the team will allow it.

        God bless and I am sorry that I offended you all and that we couldn’t work together to bring Christ to the world.

        Reply
        • Sheila Wray Gregoire

          Working together, Jim, means actually listening to research and to what women were saying. You consistently didn’t do that. We have studied extensively what many men are taught in Christendom, and have seen how it hurts men. You seem unwilling to address the fact that you are harboring rather unhelpful ideas. The problem is not that we won’t work with you; the problem is that you weren’t listening.

          Reply
          • Lee

            I don’t know Jim and I don’t know whatever he wrote, but let’s be honest. There’s not a lot of “listening” by anybody. This blog (like most social media sites/blogs) is a harbor for like-minded people to gather and congratulate each other for having the same viewpoints, not to actually listen to each other about matters of substance. There’s no serious engagement at the actual dividing point where you differ from the mainstream Christendom, because you impart a caricature of exaggerated viewpoints which are based on compilation of specific set of quotes which are often out of context and/or given distorted meaning that isn’t at all what they meant. Isn’t that also a form of “not listening”?

            I can pull together your own quotes to make silly disingenuous attributions such as “Sheila believes husbands should twirl around like Tasmanian devils doing chores from a list his wife makes for him” and “Sheila believes men are like sad puppies” and “Sheila believes men are like toddlers asking for cheetoh’s right before a meal”. It’s not hard, this is just off the top of my head. But is this really what we want to do? Is this treating others the way you want to be treated?

            There’s no compelling reason for anyone to change their mind when the starting point, is a characterization of an opposing viewpoint that they (such as FotF, Feldhan, Thomas, Eggerich, etc) themselves wouldn’t agree with either in literal word or in tone/context. Isn’t it telling, that the responses from other authors are not “we have different viewpoints, let’s talk about it”, rather it’s various forms of “that’s not what I said”, “that’s not what I meant”, “that’s not the right context”?

            I say this all as a person who looks back at the 2019 and prior content and find all sorts of marriage and parenting advice that isn’t polarizing and people of any denomination could draw encouragement from. How did we get here, seriously?

          • Anonymous

            Lee- You say, “This blog [is] not to actually listen to each other about matters of substance.”
            You’re so right! I mean, my husband raping me over the years sure as heck isn’t a matter of substance! Nor is the fact that many of these authors enabled and perpetuated that abuse. Stupid me, thinking *I* could possibly be a child of God worth being seen and heard and knowing that I could take a stand against being RAPED and abused! Thanks for clearing that up for me. It’s helpful to know that the harm that has been done to me (and many women as well as men), and the faith that I am struggling with now because of that is considered by you to be no matter of substance.

            It IS telling when authors, etc., say “that’s not what I meant.” These authors have had serious engagement, research, and information offered to them from which they could seriously engage and learn from. They chose not to. Instead, when they get caught perpetuating the same harmful or dangerous teachings, show their misogyny, or display their entitlement, they scramble to do damage control. They don’t want to lose their followers and, let’s be honest, their cashflow. If they explained what they truly meant then followed it with actions that showed they actually DID mean what they claimed to have meant, that would be different. But they usually don’t do that. At all.

            If you’ve been in this space since pre-2020, you have had opportunity to see some of the stuff that Jim has written. And it has been exhausting in its repetitive complete lack of empathy for any of the women who have been so deeply harmed.

            “How did we get here, seriously?”
            We got here because many of the resources that have been used, including some of Sheila’s old stuff per her own admittance (you know, in that pre-2020 stuff) have done demonstrable harm. Women are being harmed *in the name of GOD.* Does that seriously matter so little to you that you would claim we are not a matter of substance?

            Sheila doesn’t pull together things to be silly. She does it to help others possibly see the damage they or those around them have caused because they *did not listen* when she engaged seriously and provided clear research. However, at times it may seem silly because their responses are so ludicrous.

            It is sad you are trying to nitpick over minutiae points to try to distract from the major theme that women are being so deeply harmed (and men as well). If you are upset that she isn’t predominatly discussing ways to improve sex, etc. (even though those resources are still available in drop down boxes) because she realized that half of God’s creation ARE being abused and are losing their faith in God, then your heart has grown hard. I pray that changes for you.

        • Mara R

          Jim: “we couldn’t work together to bring Christ to the world.”

          Jim, seriously thought you were already long gone. Surprised to see you commenting on my silly little Jimmy Jim Jim comment.

          As far as bringing Christ to the world, that would be nice. However, the world sees right through the horrible teachings of FotF, Eggerichs, and others. They see patriarchy and complementarianism for what it is, the traditions and preferences of men. Things that Jesus never taught or espoused in any way. Some who are now in the world use to be in churches that taught what you believe. But they saw and even experienced first hand the bad fruit and hellish families produced by these teachings.

          You can’t bring the world to Christ when the only way you have for them to go is to also accept bad teaching and bad fruit.
          It’s not attacking men to expose bad teaching and bad fruit. And I may be wrong, but you seem far more concerned about correcting Sheila and all the people here than getting the gospel to the world. People here have been peeling off the layers of the nightmare of complementarianism. patriarchy and the hell created by these doctrines of men. And you are trying to convince them that their lived experience is wrong and that they should go back to living the hell they so recently escaped.

          We can’t bring Christ to the world when we have fouled up His Living Water with the rotten fruit of patriarchy and complementarianism.
          There is sinful doctrine in the camp. And judgement begins in the house of the Lord. But you won’t hear it because the voices of reason and correction and pointing to Jesus are coming from women.

          Reply
          • Sheila Wray Gregoire

            Well said, Mara!

  8. AKF

    Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap!
    Amen!
    Preach it!
    There is a balm in Gilead indeed and you, Sheila (as well as voices like yours) are showing the way to healing to many battered bodies and souls.

    Reply
  9. MJ

    Hi Sheila, I stumbled across your Facebook page and subsequently your website sometime in the last 12 months when a friend shared a post and I went down the rabbit hole reading your Facebook page and blog posts. I came to Christianity in my mid-20s and I grew up and live in Australia, so I missed the teachings around purity, modesty, submission and those things you are working so hard to correct. I am regularly horrified by the teachings and culture that American Christian women are exposed to. Australian Christian women are also exposed to these teachings, mostly through books and online teachings and maybe a bit within churches, but our culture is much more influenced by the secular teachings and our laws protect women from discrimination in the workplace, including churches, and there is a lot of awareness around domestic violence. That said, there is still the beliefs around the male and female roles in the home and many entitled men. I remember including in my marriage vows that I would obey my husband, because as a fairly new Christian I thought that was what was required and having served in the Australian Army as an Officer, I understood sacrificial leadership where my soldiers’ needs always came before mine, that I would never ask them to do anything I wouldn’t do, that their morale was more important than my desires, because without them we wouldn’t have a unit, that I would consult them for their expertise, but I would have the final say and give the orders, as that was the authority and responsibility given to me by my Queen’s Commission. I was taught extensive leadership theory and there were strict rules around abuse of power and code of conduct and soldiers are allowed to refuse an unlawful order. Basically, authority comes with responsibility as well as power and institutions that use authority and hierarchy have strict rules to protect those under authority from abuse of power. That doesn’t seem to exist in Churches much and definitely doesn’t exist in marriage. I have since learnt that a good marriage is one where husband and wife work together and make decisions together and support each other. I am lucky to have a husband that also knows this and has never expected that I actually obey him.

    Anyway, I wanted to suggest a rewording of your mission statement, after reading the comments section about your mission statement. I used my military planning training to help me develop it. It is much longer than your previous statement, but its clearer and I think covers what you do. Probably needs further tweaking and is just my 2 cents.

    “The Mission of Bare Marriage is to change the evangelical teachings about sex and marriage to something that is healthy, evidence-based, biblical and Christ-centred, through correcting unhealthy teachings, conducting and citing scientifically and academically sound research and reading the Bible through the lens of Christ and distributing this information through social media, books, research publications, podcasts and blog posts.”

    My first comment on your blog, feels a bit nerve wracking for some reason, oh well, here goes.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Oh, I like that longer version! Thank you!

      Reply
    • K

      MJ thank you for pushing “submit comment”!

      Your post was informative and interesting, and your mission statement idea is a very valuable contribution to the discussion! Thank you so much for sharing all of this!

      Reply
    • Willow

      “Basically, authority comes with responsibility as well as power and institutions that use authority and hierarchy have strict rules to protect those under authority from abuse of power. That doesn’t seem to exist in Churches much and definitely doesn’t exist in marriage.”

      So true, and so heartbreaking. We have gotten Christianity 100% wrong when we behave this way.

      Instead, here is our model, Philippians 2:5-7:

      In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

      Who, being in very nature God,
      did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
      rather, he made himself nothing
      by taking the very nature of a servant,
      being made in human likeness.

      Reply
  10. Nessie

    I think there tend to be 3 general kinds of responses to Sheila’s messaging.
    1. Guys who take it to heart, search themselves and see that they could fine tune but for the most part are healthy and doing well. They see the hurt women have predominantly been through and try to help. They exemplify the heart of Jesus towards their sisters in Christ.

    2. Guys who hear it, resist a bit but ultimately search themselves and see that they do indeed have some significant changes to make, in physical actions and in mindsets. It may take a long time but they set themselves in the right direction and begin the work of becoming healthy. They work towards building their hearts and minds to be more Christ-like.

    3. Guys who hear Sheila’s message and decide that she is not thinking of how hard it is on all the men out there, she just doesn’t understand how hard they have it, she doesn’t understand how unfair women are, and they seek to enlighten her. Tactics typically include large doses of projection, gaslighting, and DARVO.

    I’ve honestly rarely seen much Christ-likeness from the third group no matter how many scriptures they throw around to “prove” they’re right. These rarely are viewed through the entirety of Jesus’ life, behavior, and purpose.

    Reply
    • Lisa Johns

      mic drop.

      Reply
    • K

      Nessie, the reason that you haven’t seen Christ-likeness in the third group is because – as a woman you are “easily deceived” – definitely not because you have the ability to actually discern anything!!

      (Eyeroll, sarc on max)

      Great comment!!!

      Reply
  11. Willow

    If certain men claim it is “anti-man” to say humans should treat each other with dignity, admiring each other’s unique intelligence and respecting their agency and autonomy, then those complainers are not men at all, but wild animals.

    Reply

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