The Power to Make Your Marriage Better

by | Nov 6, 2015 | Marriage | 9 comments

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The Power to Make Your Marriage Better--Sheila's Weekly Marriage Moment!

Sheila’s Marriage Moment: The Power to Change Your Marriage–for the Better

I’ve started a new Friday feature where I give a 400-word inspirational marriage moment. Here’s this week’s!

Addictions. The guilt of an ugly past. The scars of a broken past.

Rejection. Failure. Anger.

These are the things that eat at us–that rob us of the joy of a great marriage that God intended for us.

On this blog I point you to lots of ways of getting over specific problems. But today I want to talk about the most important ingredient–the one thing you really need, in every situation.

That one thing is POWER.

So often we’re stuck. We can’t get past the lies and the insecurity and the hurt.

I gave my Girl Talk twice over the weekend in Delaware & Maryland, and a woman came up to me with a problem. She had been abused as a child, and now whenever she hears someone saying that God longs to be intimate with us, she gets the creeps. The imagery is too ladened with her hurts from the past.

Can she get over that?

On Monday I wrote a post about what to do if your daughter is watching porn, and many brave women commented about their own journeys out of pornography addiction.

Can you really defeat an addiction?

Yes, you can. But you can’t do it on your own.

When I was younger I struggled with forgiving my father for leaving me when I was a baby. I read books, wrote letters, talked to counselors–nothing worked. I prayed a ton about how to forgive, and how to see God as a loving father. It didn’t work.

Then for about five years I got busy with babies, and stopped obsessing about forgiveness. Instead, I started going to women’s Bible studies and just studied the Old Testament and who God is. And one day, when my dad called, I realized I wasn’t angry anymore.

God had done a work on my heart not because I was praying about forgiveness, but because I was drawing closer to Him.

Oswald Chambers once said, “Conscious repentance leads to unconscious holiness.”

When we focus on God, He changes our hearts.

Too often we run to God to change external things. That’s not surrender. That’s treating God like a rabbit’s foot.

Don’t love God just for what He can do for you. Love God. Obey God. Run after him wholeheartedly. And you just may find that many of the things you struggle with become easier, because He has changed you in His power.

Whatever You Focus on Expands

Friday Roundup on To Love, Honor and Vacuum

What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?

My Daughter Watches Porn--three things you must tell her#1 NEW Post on the Blog: Help! My Daughter Watches Porn!
#1 on the Blog Overall: Top 10 Ways to Initiate Sex
#1 from Facebook: Top 10 Effects of Porn on Your Marriage and your Sex Life
#1 from Pinterest: Stocking Stuffers for Your Husband Something tells me this is the most popular one that we are going to be having for a while.  (bookmark this for later!)

So We’re in Our RV…

And we’ve been traveling south since last Thursday. On Hallowe’en we hit Washington, DC, and we walked around the National Mall and saw many of the memorials. It was really very moving.

Sheila at WWII Memorial

Then on Sunday afternoon I gave my Girl Talk in Smyrna, Delaware, and on Monday night I gave it in Baltimore, Maryland. We had a great time at both events, and the anonymous Q&A session was, as always, the highlight of the night (I love it because it’s totally unscripted!). And they had chocolate!

Girl Talk Chocolate

We have a few days off now until I fly to Atlanta and Dallas to do some TV interviews, so my husband and I are heading down the coast and birdwatching. Here we were at Virginia Beach a few nights ago, enjoying the sunset (and the pelicans and the great black backed gulls and the cormorants):

I Met Ngina from Intentional Today in Real Life!

One of the highlights of my week, though, is that I met Ngina Otiende from Intentional Today in Baltimore. We’ve “known” each other online for years, but I’ve never met her in real life.

And she came to my Girl Talk and helped at my book table, but she got there three hours early so we could just chat.

Sheila and Ngina

Ngina has such a passion for marriage and writes such great stuff. She’s guest blogged for me before, and I’ve shared her stuff on Facebook and elsewhere, too. She’s originally from Kenya, and my husband and I have such a heart for going back to Kenya and doing some marriage ministry–if we can get connected with some churches on the ground. He’d also like to do more medical training (we’ve done a bit before). So we’re looking at a two-year plan to try to build a tour in Kenya & Tanzania.

But we talked to Ngina about what she and her husband are supporting in Kenya by way of marriage ministry. And my husband, who taught himself Swahili (he’s actually quite fluent) had a great time practising with her!

Keith and Ngina

I’m praying for doors to open for us to head back to Kenya for a time–even an extended time. So if you could pray with me that would be great!

In the meantime, go visit Ngina! Here’s one of her most popular posts: 10 Things Every Bride Should Know Before Her Wedding Night.

Are You in Georgia, the Carolinas, Florida, or Texas?

Cause that’s where I’ll be in January and February, and I still have some spots left on my Girl Talk tour! My Alberta dates in April are filling up, as are Pennsylvania in May, but I have spots in the south in January and February–and believe me, Keith and I would much rather be THERE in the winter than at home in southern Ontario!

Girl Talk is such a fun evening. It runs about two hours and a bit, and I share about what God intended for sex in marriage, and how to make it great in each of the three ways: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. There’s a TON of humor. There’s a fun video. There’s some great info. It’s touching (People often tear up when I tell one story). But the best part is the anonymous Q&A, which is totally unscripted. It’s just whatever your women ask!

And it works great as an outreach!

You can sell tickets to recoup the cost, so it doesn’t have to make a big dent in your church’s budget at all. In fact, a few churches have even made money from it! So if you think you may be interested, just email my assistant Tammy and she’ll get you more information.

Email Tammy here about hosting a Girl Talk!

We’re heading off now to go birdwatching in Hatteras, North Carolina. We’re going to have an awesome day–and I hope you do, too!

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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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  1. Lydia purple

    Yes, God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind/self control.

    It only recently dawned on me that this is a perfect description of a spirit of healthy relationship. Power, love, self control.

    • Sheila

      Oh, Lydia, that’s exactly the verse that I’ve been praying for two specific people for the past year! I think that verse is so key.

    • Janet Clark

      This is my favourite verse, that God has given me, when fear comes to me, I am reminded of this verse, and it is so comforting!I have recovered from co-dependency and low self esteem, growing stronger each day. God has restored my heart and life, I am whole once again.

    • The Baby Mama

      This verse has been so important for me for getting over anxiety. God’s promises are true, but we have to choose to believe them, internalize them, rely on them – on God and His word. So important.

  2. Keelie Reason

    I wish I could catch you in Fayatteville next weekend. Did you book any other NC speaking engagements?

  3. Jerry Stumpf

    It is great to see you two enjoying part of God’s creation together!

    May the Lord bless your work greatly as you encourage wives.

  4. Rachel

    Would love to attend one of your talks if you are within driving distance of me. Where could I see your schedule of your Carolina/Georgia speaking engagements? The one near Fayetteville will be a little to far for me to make it. But that is the only one I have been able to find in your southern tour.

  5. Bette Anne

    Hi girl,
    Praying for you & Keith on your wonderful journey. Because of that be prepared for satan to try to foul the waters. I read a quote once that I would love to achieve: Pray so passionately that when your feet hit the floor, satan yells, “Oh No! They’re Up.”
    Until we meet in the flesh or spirit, be safe, love like Jesus, and have fun,
    Bette Anne

    • Sheila

      Thank you, Bette Anne! I needed that this morning!


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