Does your marriage feel “sexy”? Or does it feel “safe”? “Routine”? “Boring”?
There’s nothing wrong with safe. There’s nothing even wrong with routine! But let’s face it: sometimes you just want to get sexy back again.
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In those early days of marriage, we likely felt the relationship was “sexy” because we made an effort.
We shaved our legs. We took care of ourselves. We pulled out all the lingerie we were given at that bridal shower or bachelorette party.
Then, in the months or years since, maybe your relationship has revolved far less around sex and feeling excited by each other and far more around kids and bills and logistics and just getting through this next day. And you realize you’ve got this great guy–but you also don’t feel super excited by him anymore.
Everything has just gotten, well, boring.
But you can bring sexy back!
Today I just want to talk about everyday things you can do and habits you can put in place to keep that “sexy” vibe front and centre in your relationship, rather than relegating it to somewhere deep in the basement, in a box behind the furnace, that you just pull out when emergency strikes. If we want to increase libido and just plain feel more sexy, then we need to incorporate more “sexy” things into our daily lives.
We’ve been talking about libido all month–looking at why women may not want sex; what to do if your wife doesn’t want sex (or your husband doesn’t want sex); figuring out what a good frequency of sex is; and more.
And this month’s been kind of, well, heavy.
So I wanted to take the last two days of the month and end on a high note! Let’s put some fun back in our marriages–some sexy back in our marriages.
I’ve talked about this before, but I wanted to update this list to encourage us to laugh more and have more fun. So choose one or two ideas that I’ve got below, and don’t overthink them. Just do them! (That’s module 4 in Boost Your Libido, by the way!). And see what happens.
So today, I present to you 10 things to bring sexy back to your marriage–by engaging the senses!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of sight
1. Wear pretty panties. And match the bra!
Last year, while on an RV trip with my hubby, I realized that I had forgotten to pack underwear. So we went to Wal-Mart and I bought one of those 10-packs of women’s underwear.
But I didn’t realize those particular panties came up to the belly button.
I have never felt so unsexy in my life.
Don’t wear ugly panties.
Seriously, ladies, when pretty panties are so readily available, take advantage! And, if you’re able, buy a matching bra. Or here’s what I do: for each bra that I own, I choose one panty that’s expensive that matches, and two much cheaper versions that coordinate well. And then I’m always wearing an “outfit”! And I’m sure to parade around the bedroom in it in the morning so Keith knows what’s underneath the clothes today.
So rummage through your underwear drawer and throw out all the ugly stuff. Go do it now. And then pick up some pretty stuff!
You may also enjoy:
2. Flash him.
You’re allowed to be an exhibitionist for your husband. Add a bit of excitement by trying to flash him at least once a day. When you’re walking around your bedroom, open up your robe. Hike your skirt up in the car (if you’re on a deserted road!). Even cuddle under a blanket naked (or topless!) to watch a movie.
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of hearing
3. Have sexy, breathless conversations
There is something ever-so-sexy about whispering. Maybe it’s the breath in the ear even more than what’s being said, but try, every time you hug your husband, to whisper something sexy, even if it’s just “I love feeling your arms around me” or “I missed you today!” Don’t say it; whisper it!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of taste
4. Use gum, mint, or breath strips at specific times of day
When you’re on the way in the door (or when you know your spouse is about to come home), pop in some gum or a breath strip. I absolutely love those breath strips, but when you use one, your mouth tastes great, and you feel more confident kissing your spouse.
Make sure you do kiss, too! Once you pop in that strip, head on over and give your spouse a 10 second kiss!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of scent
5. Add some sexy scents to your bedroom
Did you know that essential oils can boost your libido? Seriously, scent does a lot to help us to feel sexy! And even if essential oils don’t work to boost your libido (the science is mixed), the smell is still amazing, and smell paired with good memories creates an emotional response anyway!
So choose some essential oils (I’ve got ideas at this post) and add a few drops to a spritzer mixed with vodka & water and spray it on your pillow at night. Put a few drops on a candle. Or better still, get a diffuser for your bedroom!
6. Use the lotions and colognes you have in your bathroom
If you’re like most people, you have body lotions that were given you in gift baskets cluttering up your medicine cabinet or under your sink.
But why not actually use them? Slathering lotion on your body helps in three ways: It reminds you of your body below the neck, which can help rev your libido. It feels luxurious so that your skin feels better and doesn’t itch (again, a plus for libido); and it relaxes you.
And encourage your husband to use some cologne (if you like it), too. It doesn’t have to be just for special occasions. Just read Song of Solomon to see the time the lovers spent preparing for each other. It’s good to get in the habit of pampering our bodies so that our spouses can enjoy them!
Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of touch
7. Grab something handy!
We talked recently on a podcast about how many women don’t like to be groped. But many men actually enjoy it when their wives become more assertive about sex!
Think of sexy things you can do with guy’s clothing to help both of you feel sexy. Sure, a woman feels better in pretty underwear. But you know what’s sexy on a guy? A tie. Get creative! Grab that tie and pull him towards you into a kiss. Run the tie along your body, as if it’s an extension of him (and he’ll wish it were!).
What if he doesn’t wear a tie? Well, does he have a belt? Hook your fingers in it and pull him towards you (using the buckle right above the crotch). If he wears a toolbelt, grab a tool and use it to drag him towards you. Help him to associate different items of clothing that he wears to work with flirting with you!
8. Give naked massages–regularly
I love a great back massage. It helps me decompress, helps remind me I’ve got a body, too, and helps me to focus on that body and get out of my head so that I have an easier time transitioning to sex.
And massages when we’re naked together? That just feels luscious. There’s something so special about human touch!
9. Shower together
Jump in the shower together regularly and lather up! It doesn’t have to take a long time, but have fun being naked together and rubbing against each other even if you’re not having sex. The more you feel each other naked, the more you’ll think of each other that way.
10. Sleep naked
I’ve never been a particularly sleep-naked-kind-of-gal because I tend to get so COLD at night. But I have a friend who swears by it! Sleeping naked helps her to always feel sexy with her husband.
So we bought a super warm duvet and now it’s easier for me to do on occasion, too!
Being naked is the ultimate in sexy, because it’s something you can ONLY do with your husband.
So show some skin!
Want to take this all one step further?
One of the benefits of injecting little bits of sexiness into everyday life is that it can boost your sexual confidence. And if you want to take that one step further, try The Intimacy App, an exciting and helpful app that can spice up your marriage and your communication in the bedroom. I’ll be talking about it tomorrow, but you can get a sneak peek at it!
There you are–10 ideas to bring sexy back. But I’d love to hear some of yours, too! Let me know in the comments: How do you keep that sexy feeling alive? How do you keep “feeling like a woman”? Let’s talk!
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of Bare Marriage
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