Top 10 Ways to Put Sexy Back into Your Marriage

by | Sep 29, 2020 | Sexual Intimacy | 12 comments

Engaging All 5 Senses to Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage
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Does your marriage feel “sexy”? Or does it feel “safe”? “Routine”? “Boring”?

There’s nothing wrong with safe. There’s nothing even wrong with routine! But let’s face it: sometimes you just want to get sexy back again.

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In those early days of marriage, we likely felt the relationship was “sexy” because we made an effort.

We shaved our legs. We took care of ourselves. We pulled out all the lingerie we were given at that bridal shower or bachelorette party.

Then, in the months or years since, maybe your relationship has revolved far less around sex and feeling excited by each other and far more around kids and bills and logistics and just getting through this next day. And you realize you’ve got this great guy–but you also don’t feel super excited by him anymore.

Everything has just gotten, well, boring.

But you can bring sexy back!

I’m not talking about how to be more adventurous in bed or how to spice things up–though these things are important, too! I’m not even talking about flirting with your husband.

Today I just want to talk about everyday things you can do and habits you can put in place to keep that “sexy” vibe front and centre in your relationship, rather than relegating it to somewhere deep in the basement, in a box behind the furnace, that you just pull out when emergency strikes. If we want to increase libido and just plain feel more sexy, then we need to incorporate more “sexy” things into our daily lives.

We’ve been talking about libido all month–looking at why women may not want sex; what to do if your wife doesn’t want sex (or your husband doesn’t want sex); figuring out what a good frequency of sex is; and more.

And this month’s been kind of, well, heavy.

So I wanted to take the last two days of the month and end on a high note! Let’s put some fun back in our marriages–some sexy back in our marriages.

I’ve talked about this before, but I wanted to update this list to encourage us to laugh more and have more fun. So choose one or two ideas that I’ve got below, and don’t overthink them. Just do them! (That’s module 4 in Boost Your Libido, by the way!). And see what happens.

So today, I present to you 10 things to bring sexy back to your marriage–by engaging the senses!

Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of sight 

1. Wear pretty panties. And match the bra!

Last year, while on an RV trip with my hubby, I realized that I had forgotten to pack underwear. So we went to Wal-Mart and I bought one of those 10-packs of women’s underwear.

But I didn’t realize those particular panties came up to the belly button.

I have never felt so unsexy in my life.

Don’t wear ugly panties.

Seriously, ladies, when pretty panties are so readily available, take advantage! And, if you’re able, buy a matching bra. Or here’s what I do: for each bra that I own, I choose one panty that’s expensive that matches, and two much cheaper versions that coordinate well. And then I’m always wearing an “outfit”! And I’m sure to parade around the bedroom in it in the morning so Keith knows what’s underneath the clothes today.

So rummage through your underwear drawer and throw out all the ugly stuff. Go do it now. And then pick up some pretty stuff!

You may also enjoy:

2. Flash him.

You’re allowed to be an exhibitionist for your husband. Add a bit of excitement by trying to flash him at least once a day. When you’re walking around your bedroom, open up your robe. Hike your skirt up in the car (if you’re on a deserted road!). Even cuddle under a blanket naked (or topless!) to watch a movie.

Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of hearing 

3. Have sexy, breathless conversations

There is something ever-so-sexy about whispering. Maybe it’s the breath in the ear even more than what’s being said, but try, every time you hug your husband, to whisper something sexy, even if it’s just “I love feeling your arms around me” or “I missed you today!” Don’t say it; whisper it!

10 Ways to Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage--whisper!

Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of taste 

4. Use gum, mint, or breath strips at specific times of day

When you’re on the way in the door (or when you know your spouse is about to come home), pop in some gum or a breath strip. I absolutely love those breath strips, but when you use one, your mouth tastes great, and you feel more confident kissing your spouse.

Make sure you do kiss, too! Once you pop in that strip, head on over and give your spouse a 10 second kiss!

Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of scent 

5. Add some sexy scents to your bedroom

Did you know that essential oils can boost your libido? Seriously, scent does a lot to help us to feel sexy! And even if essential oils don’t work to boost your libido (the science is mixed), the smell is still amazing, and smell paired with good memories creates an emotional response anyway!

So choose some essential oils (I’ve got ideas at this post) and add a few drops to a spritzer mixed with vodka & water and spray it on your pillow at night. Put a few drops on a candle. Or better still, get a diffuser for your bedroom!

6. Use the lotions and colognes you have in your bathroom

If you’re like most people, you have body lotions that were given you in gift baskets cluttering up your medicine cabinet or under your sink.

But why not actually use them? Slathering lotion on your body helps in three ways: It reminds you of your body below the neck, which can help rev your libido. It feels luxurious so that your skin feels better and doesn’t itch (again, a plus for libido); and it relaxes you.

And encourage your husband to use some cologne (if you like it), too. It doesn’t have to be just for special occasions. Just read Song of Solomon to see the time the lovers spent preparing for each other. It’s good to get in the habit of pampering our bodies so that our spouses can enjoy them!

Bring sexy back by engaging the sense of touch 

7. Grab something handy!

We talked recently on a podcast about how many women don’t like to be groped. But many men actually enjoy it when their wives become more assertive about sex!

Think of sexy things you can do with guy’s clothing to help both of you feel sexy. Sure, a woman feels better in pretty underwear. But you know what’s sexy on a guy? A tie. Get creative! Grab that tie and pull him towards you into a kiss. Run the tie along your body, as if it’s an extension of him (and he’ll wish it were!).

What if he doesn’t wear a tie? Well, does he have a belt? Hook your fingers in it and pull him towards you (using the buckle right above the crotch). If he wears a toolbelt, grab a tool and use it to drag him towards you. Help him to associate different items of clothing that he wears to work with flirting with you!

10 Ways to Bring Sexy Back to Your Marriage: Grab something handy!

8. Give naked massages–regularly

I love a great back massage. It helps me decompress, helps remind me I’ve got a body, too, and helps me to focus on that body and get out of my head so that I have an easier time transitioning to sex.

And massages when we’re naked together? That just feels luscious. There’s something so special about human touch!

9. Shower together

Jump in the shower together regularly and lather up! It doesn’t have to take a long time, but have fun being naked together and rubbing against each other even if you’re not having sex. The more you feel each other naked, the more you’ll think of each other that way.

10. Sleep naked

I’ve never been a particularly sleep-naked-kind-of-gal because I tend to get so COLD at night. But I have a friend who swears by it! Sleeping naked helps her to always feel sexy with her husband.

So we bought a super warm duvet and now it’s easier for me to do on occasion, too!

Being naked is the ultimate in sexy, because it’s something you can ONLY do with your husband.

So show some skin!

Want to take this all one step further?

One of the benefits of injecting little bits of sexiness into everyday life is that it can boost your sexual confidence. And if you want to take that one step further, try The Intimacy App, an exciting and helpful app that can spice up your marriage and your communication in the bedroom. I’ll be talking about it tomorrow, but you can get a sneak peek at it!

There you are–10 ideas to bring sexy back. But I’d love to hear some of yours, too! Let me know in the comments: How do you keep that sexy feeling alive? How do you keep “feeling like a woman”? Let’s talk!

Written by

Sheila Wray Gregoire


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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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  1. Kristen

    Single lady here who probably had no business reading this post lol, but, yes, Sheila, I bought the same kind of underwear by mistake one time, and I was horrified, too. I called them “granny panties” and replaced them before too long! 😂
    Also, just wanted to say that I loved your series last year about how to pick the right lingerie and bra size. For the first time in my life, I finally found a bra that fit me, which may not sound like a big deal to some people, but it made me feel so much more confident. So thanks to you and Becca for writing those posts! I should’ve said this a year ago.

    • Rebecca Lindenbach

      Oh so glad to hear you loved them, Kristen!! And I totally get it. Such a confidence boost!

    • Jane Eyre

      Long-time single lady, recently married, and I never understood why being single meant I was supposed to wear boring and unattractive underwear. It is a confidence boost to wear well-fitting, attractive clothes. The fact that I was the only one who saw the pretty bras didn’t really matter.

  2. Benzyme

    Hey guys, I am new to the blog but have been listening to the podcasts. As a Christian male and a husband I have found your application of Christian faith and marriage to be absolutely life giving. You have made me rethink much of the problematic teaching I was taught about masculinity as a teenager and you have helped pull me out of a depression and refocus on improving my marriage after this horrible covid year.
    My wife has started listening to the podcasts and I’ve ordered some of the books. I am looking forward to journeying through this stuff with her.
    I want to encourage her to arrive at profound realisations about her own hang ups with marriage like I have but I don’t want want to come across as being too pushy or like I have ulterior motives.
    My wife stuggles with low libido and embracing her own femininity and sexiness despite my best efforts to encourage her. When it comes posts and tips like these and in other areas of the blog and podcast, what are some tips for husbands to show genuine solidarity in this stuff and to prove I am not just encouraging these practical steps for my own satisfaction but so she can feel better about herself too?
    Sorry if this post is so long, after listening to a podcast encouraging community interaction, I am really excited to interact with you as you guys have really helped me square some things with a God that have really turned my negative mentality about life in isolation, into a positive one with lots of opportunity to serve Christ and my wife by working hard in my marriage and not just accepting what secular society says is normal as normal.

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Hi Benzyme! That’s an excellent question–how can a husband help a wife embrace her sexual side without being pushy? Let me think on that and I’ll ask Keith to write something with me. Thank you for commenting for the first time, too! Great idea for a post.

      • Anonymous.

        Single lady here too.😁😁 It’s funny how timely these posts can be. Read Rebecca’s posts a while ago about normalizing lingerie. Felt it was a really beautiful idea. So just coming back this evening from bra and nightie shopping while all the while thinking about Rebecca’s post and the matching thing. I mean, if having beautiful undies and nighties become a habit now, I really don’t have anything thing to loose. Lol. It’s funny I came back to see this post on my timeline. Maybe that’s God telling me He’s endorsing my mindset and actions. Lol Meanwhile, I really pray God blesses my sexual life when its time and that He keeps all horrible stories and experiences far away from me.

      • Benzyme

        That would be really cool to see some of your thoughts on that topic manifest as a post!
        It is also really cool that your platform is manageable that you guys are able to reply to comments individually. I think that adds a level of community to the podcast that grounds it as real and practical. And I find that really encouraging. I am from Australia and churches in the state where I live have been shut for a year and good teaching has been difficult and fellowship is hard to come by. I know blog post comments and the parasocial relationship of podcasts are definitely not a replacement for that but knowing there are Christian communities still out there functioning when I am trapped in my house is hugely encouraging.
        One question I do have Sheila if you have the time, I find the blog a little confusing to navigate because there are so many links categorized topics. What is the best way to follow the blog in a chronological order and quickly jump to latests posts?
        Thank you so much for replying! You’ve made my day! And thank you for the encouragement you and the To Love, Honor and Vacuum team have given me via the podcast for the last few weeks. Please keep up your good work for the Lord.

        • Rose

          “What is the best way to follow the blog in a chronological order and quickly jump to latests posts?”
          Yes, chiming in to agree – why can’t we read the whole blog chronologically? Only the last 6 posts appear. It is very, very frustrating.

          • Benzyme

            Yes I’d really like if there was a chronological way to read posts and catch up on stuff I’ve missed in sync to where I am with the podcasts.
            I guess is the best current method looking for specific past podcast episodes and following all the link blog posts that way? Rather then searching them by date?

  3. Pamela

    We downloaded SnapChat so we could flirt. My husband loves sexier pictures that are only for him….

  4. Satendra

    I am married for the last 10 years and my intimate relationship has been diminishing day by day. I will definitely share this article with my wife and will ask her to try few tips to spice up the sex life.


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