Is reading romance novels the same as watching porn? When I call out watching porn, I inevitably get some commenters (usually men) complaining that I don’t call out women reading romance novels. Both set up unrealistic expectations; both get people to focus on sex...
Is it fair to compare romance novels to porn? Quite often in comment sections in our posts about porn, or even in pastor's sermons or various websites for single women, the topic of romance novels = porn will be raised. Men will often say, "sure, you call out guys for...
I'm tired of being called uptight for not wanting pornified views of sex. The amazing Gisele Pelicot, who is genuinely a hero, has famously said "shame must switch sides." She's the woman whose husband arranged for almost 100 men to rape her while she was unconscious,...
What if a guy is struggling with lust, but honestly wants to do better? But at the same time, he finds that when he’s out in public, he DOES immediately focus on women’s body parts or imagine them naked. He doesn’t want to. He’s in counseling. He’s trying to stop it....
When men reveal they objectify women–treat those men accordingly. One of the things that shocks me about evangelical culture is that a man can reveal that he has a really low view of women, or that he objectifies women or blames them for men’s sin, and that doesn’t...
Every Young Man's Battle is a dangerous book. Part of the Every Man's Battle series, it is addressed to teenage boys to help them battle lust and pornography. I hear about Christian schools and youth groups that are still going through it with 13, 14, or 15-year-old...
Every Young Man’s Battle is the only book I ever reviewed that made me weep. Perhaps it’s because I read it after I had already read a whole bunch of books aimed at teen girls, and it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. But I think there was a whole other...
Please hear me on this: Not all men have lust problems. In fact, while it may be common, it is not what you'd call "normal", where we should just expect it to happen, and if guys don't have lust problems, they're unusual unicorns. Lust is saying:What Lust Says: "when...
I’ve had some interesting discussions about how I’m shaming men with sex addictions by calling out the language Every Man’s Battle uses about women. This week we published our one sheet downloadwith the summary of issues with Every Man’s Battle (we also have one for...
Christian leaders should not be trying to convince women to send nude photos. This doesn't seem like it should even have to be said, but earlier this week I put up a Fixed It for You of Gary Thomas' and Debra Fileta's book Married Sex, which had this sentence: Here's...
Is there hope for recovery for unwanted sexual behaviors, fantasies, or compulsions? I've been wanting to do this podcast for ages! I love Jay Stringer's book Unwanted, and we've connected behind the scenes a bit over the last few months, talking about our respective...
How many of us have heard a grown man grumble about what a teenager is wearing, saying “She knows what she’s doing”? Rebecca here on the blog, bringing you another dose of data from new research we haven’t reviewed on the blog yet! This one is super interesting, and...
What if the "all men struggle with lust" message is coloring how we see life? We're in the middle of our New Research series on the Bare Marriage blog, where we talk about some interesting studies that have come out with relevance to marriage, sex, and more. Recently...
We're in the middle of our Marriage Misdiagnosis series, talking about how often the church misdiagnoses the problems in marriage--and so offers the wrong solutions. Last week we looked at how often people are pressured to reconcile before trust has been rebuilt....
I do not believe that pastors need to be perfect. I absolutely believe that all of us are works in progress, and that we will always have areas where we need to grow. And I think it's a good idea, in general, for pastors to admit when they're still growing or where...