How Can You Make Your Husband Feel Good for Valentine’s Day?
Romance is in the air–or, if it’s not at your house, maybe you can sprinkle it there! Because Valentine’s Day lands on a Top 10 Tuesday for my blog, I was debating what I should write about. And then it came to me. Yesterday I was challenging those of us in good marriages not to be THAT wife–that wife who waits for him to sweep her off of her feet, or who waits for him to do just the right thing so she’s not disappointed. I challenged us to make sure our husbands felt loved this Valentine’s Day, too. Then I remembered something else. I have a lot of posts on this blog on how to make sex feel great for HER (or for you, really!). And it makes sense, because let’s face it: usually, when you’re making love, no matter what you do he ends up satisfied in bed, while often you’re left unsatisfied. So it seems like we women need more help in that department (Which is why I have now also released the Orgasm Course, designed to teach you and your husband how to get you there!). But just because he’s often satisfied doesn’t mean that we can’t turn up the notch and make sex feel even better!
So today let’s talk about that–10 tips for making your husband feel satisfied in bed.
Note: this is going to be a technical post. I’m going to say words I don’t say too often on this blog. But I think women want this kind of help, and we certainly don’t want to go to Google for it. So I hope you all understand if I get a little more descriptive today, as I try to help YOU make him feel amazing. I’ll still try to be tasteful! And I know many single women are here on this blog to learn things about marriage. I’d recommend checking out ‘The Honeymoon Course‘ instead. Now here goes–how to make your husband have a great time in bed:
1. Change positions for different stimulation
In some positions you’ll feel tighter, which will be nice for him. In some he’ll be able to go deeper. In some he’ll be able to feel other parts of you more easily (which he may really like). If, for your own pleasure, you need to be in one position to climax, that’s okay! Just start in a different position, and then switch later. (If you want a fun, non X-rated book on different positions, the Sock Monkey Kama Sutra is hilarious. And it will make you guys laugh. And hey, they’re just sock monkeys). Now here are two particular positions that can really help:
2. Put your legs up higher
One of the things that feels amazing as a guy is to be able to thrust in as deeply as possible. In the missionary position, if you put your legs up on his shoulders, this gives him the ability to thrust a lot more. (Please, get comfortable first! And if this hurts, then DON’T do it.) If he’s in more of a kneeling position, you can even just put your legs up around his waist for a similar effect that may be easier to maintain (keeping your legs up that high for that long can sometimes make them fall asleep).
3. Climb on top of your husband and take the pressure off
I’m not talking about taking physical pressure off. I mean taking psychological pressure off. When you’re the one on top, you’re more in control. In other positions, he’s the one doing the moving, and chances are he’s thinking about what he needs to do to make you feel good. In this position, you have most of the power, so you can think about satisfying him without him worry about satisfying you. He can literally lie back and enjoy it! (Also, he can use his hands in more interesting ways.)
4. Squeeze him
This one he will LOVE! Do you know how to do a Kegel exercise? That’s where you squeeze your vaginal muscles to learn how to control them. If you’re not sure what those muscles are, they’re the same ones that you would use to cut off the flow of urine. You can do those exercises periodically, like squeeze 5 times every time you’re at a stop sign, for instance. Anyway, if you can learn how to use those muscles, then when he starts getting super excited, and close to climax, start squeezing him inside you rhythmically. It’ll put him over the top!
Do you want MORE for your sex life?
5. Squeeze his testicles (gently!)
Speaking of squeezing, in certain positions (like when you’re on top) and your hands are free and more able to reach things, try putting gentle pressure on his testicles. You have to be careful with this one, and it depends on your man, but many guys enjoy this. You’ll have to ask him to teach you, and the pressure that he wants may vary depending on how close he is to climax. But ask him!
6. Have a quickie
Here’s another one to take pressure off! Every now and then, have sex just to see how fast he can be satisfied. The benefits? He can totally just enjoy you. And YOU get to see how powerful you really are.
7. Take it nice and slow–break up the pleasure
But for real pleasure, drag it out. Here’s how it works best. Think of your guy as having three stages during making love: getting going, super excited, and then transitioning to almost reaching climax. Learn how to identify each of those three stages. Then, when he’s almost at the transitioning stage, stop making love and switch positions or slow things right down. There are several ways to handle this: Order him to stop moving. Make him stop, and he’ll likely almost want to cry. Now ask him to tell you what he wants to do. That will be exquisitely frustrating for him. Then, when you think he’s had enough, let him move again. Repeat as often as you like! YOU keep moving. You can also tell him he can’t move while you get to move. Work things so they feel great for you, but not necessarily as intense for him. Then you can let him move again for a bit. Switch positions. When he seems super excited, stop, take a breather, and switch positions. This makes the immediate stimulation go down a bit and drags everything out. When you drag things out, then when he finally does climax it’s even more intense.
8. Whisper in his ear
To make sex awesome, try to use as many senses as possible. Use hearing! Whisper in his ear (whispering is really sexy). Even tell him in detail what you’re enjoying that he’s doing. And don’t forget to use his name! Hearing his own name coming from you, when he’s in the midst of incredible pleasure, is even more erotic because it’s so personal.
9. Leave the lights on–or give a bit of a show!
Speaking of senses, don’t forget to let him see you! Try starting out wearing something really lacy and revealing. Or leave the lights on so that he can enjoy watching you while you make love.
10. Let him see your face when you reach climax
Finally, here’s the most intense. It’s not intense physically. It’s intensely personal, and that actually makes us feel much closer emotionally, which translates into more intense making love sessions. Let him actually see your face when you climax. Even look in his eyes. When we release the oxytocin “bonding” hormone when we make love, we feel so close. And when you can look right at him at that moment, it’s almost like imprinting with geese. You know how baby geese will think the first thing they see moving is its mother? Well, the thing that we see when we make love is what we’re more drawn to. So let him see your face. It’s really vulnerable and can even seem awkward. But it draws you together so much. So there you go–10 tips to make your husband super satisfied in bed. I hope they help, and I hope you have an amazing Valentine’s Day! And if sex has mostly been about you, and you are trying to work up the desire to focus more on his pleasure, check out my post on that topic here!
Any other tips? Leave them in the comments–but tastefully, please. 😉
PS: Don’t forget that my Boost Your Libido course is a great way to help YOU get in the mood to make sex great–for both of you. If you want to enjoy sex more in your marriage and you yearn to want it more, you really can boost your libido! Find out here.
For those wondering about the last tip, it is 100% accurate. There is nearly nothing my wife could do that isn’t exciting, but watching her in “that” moment beats it all, and seeing the intensity in her eyes beats it all.
how to reach climax or should i tell him im not done yet… is that really natural that women mostly left undone while hes done already
what will i do
If he doesn’t know you’re “not finished”, you’re doing it wrong. While everyone’s different, my husband knows every time and how many times before he’s done. He ALWAYS makes sure I’m done and taken care of (sometimes to the point that I’m literally physically exhausted and weak in the knees), always.
Isn’t it fabulous!!!!
Thank you for the tips.
Although I do some of them ,but still sometimes I don’t feel satisfied or I didn’t get enough of it.
I feel like I’m addicted or is it because my man is so good in bed…
But I on the other side I always want more……
Thank you for the amazing tips ! I will try to do some as my husband and I still struggle in this area. We have been married for almost 2 years now but only one year of living together. The frequency is very low and I have a higher drive. We do communicate and talk about our sexual life. I understood from hin that he is not all the time in the mood.. however when we do is not that great as it used to be before us living together. I am afraid we are already board.. but I still get stressed out to initiate it or to tell him that I want him.. he doesn’t stay hard for long, and he always put it on work and stress and all of that ..
If his sex drive is low he may have low testosterone levels.. it may be a good idea for him to see his doctor & have his levels tested to rule that out.
Just thought I would insert a little a little humor here. Valentines Day at my house has culminated with helping one of our kids (last one in high school) with homework while my wife listens to us. Still a sweet day, as this is reality. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I avoided reading this because my husband is rather restrictive in the marriage bed. No oral, no manual, same two positions, foreplay only occasionally…so I thought this article would be full of things I wish he’d allow. To my surprise, everything you listed is stuff we already do!! Maybe that’s why he says he is completely satisfied with our sex life!! Lol!
OKAY, THAT IS SO FUNNY. I don’t know whether I should apologize for not being spicier, or be happier that you can see why HE’S happy! 🙂 Have you tried the “His” and “Her” nights, though, where once a month maybe you do things the way you want? Maybe then you can get some other things. 🙂
I do mean this kindly….he may be satisfied with your sex life [no manual, no oral, no foreplay] but are YOU? I know that’s not the subject of the article, but surely it matters.
Was thinking same thing! Feel sorry for her plight.
Feel free to feel sorry for me too😩
Well, he’s satisfied but what about you? No oral, no manual, being “restrictive”…..maybe he’s the one who needs to read this blog.
Wow, some great tips! Good stuff, Sheila. (And I confirm that squeeze-Kegel tip.)
Thanks, J! 🙂 Hope your sex chat podcasts are doing awesome, like they should!
Let me first say we’re 10 months into marriage and we’re each other’s firsts. So trying things and figuring things out have been, interesting to say the least, because I have such a higher drive than he does! We’ve read your 30 days book and this has added even more to try, I’m excited to see where this goes!
Yay! I’m glad. 🙂
Emily – while you very well may have a higher drive, it’s also possible you will see a gradual adjustment over time. We have been married 5 years, both saved “it” for marriage, and married in our late 20s. My husband had really committed as a single man to guarding his eyes and thoughts, and while he enjoyed me right away it took a couple years for him to fully get past the mental restrictions. The first season of our marriage was very stressful due to external factors as well, and I saw a marked change in his labido as our situation changed and he wasn’t as overwhelmed with life. What life looks like at 10 months in could be nothing like what it is a few years down the road – and I’m anticipating it only getting better from here!
I’ve been married almost 24 years and the years just keep getting better. We’ve been exercising our sexual pleasures more now then when we first married in our thirties. Although, our early years were wham, bam, thank you ma’am, our later years have been slower, savory, and kindling into ecstasy.
Thank you for sharing this. This is similar to me as well and I’ve been wondering if I’m insufficient or why my drive is so much higher than my husbands. Most shows and media always paint men as the “thirsty ones” but I’m totally the one in our marriage. But we’ve been married for less time, we waited, and work has been stressful for him. I’m hopeful that it’s as you said, he had to be so guarded. Hoping that he becomes more free as time continues.
Yes! I didn’t know women could have a higher sex drive than men, so marriage has been a learning curve. I’m so thankful there are Christian teachers addressing the difficulties of married sex. Thanks!
Same here, Emily. My husband and I have been married 7 1/2 months and we are each others’ first. I have a much higher sex drive than he does. He is amazing for me, but he rarely orgasms. He insists that he’s satisfied, but I still feel like I’m doing something wrong.
Cynthia, that is odd. To not orgasm is strange for a man. I think talking about that is likely important. Is there a porn issue in his background? Some psychological trauma he hasn’t dealt with? Or does he have other sex preferences? I don’t mean to be alarmist, but that is rather strange.
My husband and I were watching a marriage seminar in which the (male) presenter said that, for men, there is a difference between ejaculation and orgasm for the men. I have never heard that and neither had my husband.
I think one thing we have found in our marriage is I am more expressive and vocal. Like, we’re going to need some sort of sound-proofing when kids come along, but my husband is far more subdued and quiet. That’s just his personality.
I think some people, even well-meaning experts, assume that if an orgasm doesn’t look or sound a specific way, it’s not a real one. I don’t think that’s the case. But man, if we had believed this expert, we would have had a complex!
Oh, that’s too funny, Jessica!
2 things we have done recently that I saw posted somewhere and have been really fun:
we played naked volleyball with a balloon. each of us stood on our side of the bed. every time we missed the balloon, we had to take a sip of a mixed drink. being naked, with the lights on, moving around, laughing, was very freeing. we have had a lot of stress lately so it was perfect.
the other thing is that we stand together naked, and hug for a long time. It is very sensual and quickly leads to other things. lots of great touching. we have been married 19 yrs and are trying to inject some spice into something that can grow stale quickly. we have also increased our frequency, aiming for 2x a week instead of 1x a week. one more thing, we are texting each other during the day now, spicy texts. my husband told me recently that he would get really turned on if I sent him a pic (no face). So I did, and he loved it. he was really ready that night. keep it spicy.
Sheila! I love these ideas!
I have a question, and I’m not sure where to go with it in case I get bombarded with something crude and explicit, but I would really love some tips on how to make love with the woman on top. I’m sure I can’t be the only woman who finds it really challenging to do! I am young, fit and healthy but I cannot make it work! Help!
Great question! Maybe I should write a post on that? I’m doing a series in June on sex, so maybe I’ll try to work it in there.
Some people find that the best position for women–but others really don’t like it as much. I think you just need to figure out what you like yourself. But I’ll try to write about it!
I’m in the same boat!
I had trouble with this position when I first got married too. Not sure what your exact problem is but I found it much easier to be on top while sitting backwards looking towards his feet (also known as the reverse cowgirl). The angle worked much better. Although now I enjoy both ways!
I agree! On top is great but I can’t figure the rythem out…..help!
My husband and I have been married for 17yrs. We both enjoy the reverse cowgirl.
Love to be on top ! I can go on for quite a while riding like the cowgirl !! I love multiple orgasms and this brings them on ! One potential problem, I tend to get very vocal. Try it ladies !!
It is so much better when my hubby is propped up on pillows like he is leaning back when I’m on top rather then him laying flat on the bed. Also , the position of my legs are important too. On knees, moving them slightly forward or backward can change the feeling. Finally, if you focus on moving in a way that cause you to be rubbing your clitoris against him, it will be even more satisfying!!
That’s the way I do it but it does not last long before me and him both are done lol
Oh yes JM! I do the same, I like to be on top, my legs very open and I rub my clitoris on him. He loves it! We normally finish together. We enjoy it!
I also had a hard time with the woman on top position for a long time. We’ve been married 1.5 years now. Recently, we discovered that when I lean a bit forward, placing my hand on the wall, I’m able to move a LOT easier on top by pushing my arms from the wall. Another way is when I lean backwards with my head on his knees and arch my back upward. Both of these help and provide a nice view. Helping your husband to use his hands when you’re on top will really help you to relax and it not to be painful.
Yes! I struggled with this too – I found if we sit in a deep chair, where I can brace my hands on the armrests, it really helps, and keeps his torso propped, which is comfortable for me. Also, it helps me if he keeps his legs close together under me when he is laying flat. I also will go up and down at first a lot, really slow, so he slides in and out of my body several times gently. He likes it, and it helps my body “warm up” to the pressure (because being on top can put a lot of pressure on the woman’s intimate parts, and can be painful if you aren’t nice and loose).
Onestly speaking we have been married for 22yrs now,but have sex only in 12 years the remaining years he avoid me almost all the time even if I touched him beg him.later on I discover he has prostate enlargement. He doesn’t even play with me
Talk about it with him, maybe you guys can find other ways to keep the sex enjoyable and both can be satisfied.
Good luck do not give up! Sex is important in a marriage.
If it’s not too late for my two cents… I didn’t like woman-on-top at first. It was awkward, my legs got tired quickly, and I had no clue what I was doing.
Practice make perfect. I’m much more comfortable, now, and concentrating on tuning in to his cues has really made it work for us.
when you’re on top the easiest and very effective method I’ve found is to move exactly like you’re using a hula hoop.
All of these are great tips for sure, but I would like especially endorse looking into each others eyes as each of you orgasm. I will often just say, “Look at me.” (And her likewise.) It is very intense and intimate. It goes right to my soul., either way.
As far as woman on top, I usually tell my wife just to move however it feels best for her, especially to orgasm, and that will be great for me too, even if I don’t orgasm then. So it might take some patient experimentation, but that works for us.
Wonderful tips! Personally, our sex life has gotten more awesome after 25 years! Our best sex is in the middle of the night…it’s almost instinctual as if we both just need each other’s bodies. What’s funny is that we do our best to keep the noise down, but that is our challenge. When I’m on top, the rocking, rubbing back and forth is testing our bed frame, and it is noisy! Our room is too small for us to move to the floor. We also have lots of children in the house. Any input on decreasing the noise would be appreciated. At this time, we make sure the kids all have fans in their rooms! LOL
we have a pillow stuffed between the wall and our headboard
There is a sound machine that adjusts to the noise level in the room (gets louder as you do :)) ). If you use it all the time they won’t recognize it as a cue!!! I found it on amazon.
My husband and I discovered a quiet way while in a tent trailer. He lays on his side and I lay on my back with my legs over him as he enters me. It’s very gentle and with little movement, can be satisfying without rocking the whole trailer. It also good for when we are tired but still want to be intimate.
This is very helpful. My question is as follows. We’ve been married 23 years and have relied solely an a measure of good books to teach us the art of sex. We’ve enjoyed the some fore play and the missionary position mostly. As the husband I have struggled with figuring out how to make love in more and interesting ways. Not having TV when young and holding high purity standard, I never saw this done in any way. Searching online has reaped a variety of souces of help. Some not so helpful, and one too erotica or porn like. Surely there is a tasteful descent place that where marries couples demonstrate foreplay/sex positions/etc. I can find youtube on how to fix sewing machines but not better christian sex. Am I asking for something I shouldn’t or could someone direct me?
This is a clean site with lots of position examples, drawn without anything provocative.
Thank you all so much! I’ve been under severe pressure with sex lately and I’m in tears reading tbis. It’s so nice to know others struggle with same things I do. I was beginning to think i was just too broken to be good in bed. Thanks again.
Jennifer, I can totally relate. Sex has been an “issue” for us for our entire marriage (17 years this weekend) and I only recently discovered that a lot of my issues started because of the sexual baggage I brought into the marriage, a lot of it was from the way my parents/church addressed sex. I too thought I was too broken, but have been seeing some improvement thru couples therapy & info from Sheila and the podcast. But reading other’s experiences makes me sad a lot too because it is so far off from my own experiences. Hang in there!!
I’m glad the blog is helping! I know there’s a lot to unpack. The next course I want to make is a sexual shame recovery course. What you’re going through is so common, and I hope to be able to help!
I totally get what you’re saying! One of the best resources I’ve found is the Sock Monkey Kama Sutra. It’s illustrated sex positions–but with sock puppets. It’s really quite funny, and isn’t X-rated, but it definitely gets the point across! You may find that helpful.
A lot of the times my husband can’t get an errection and pushes me away. I feel rejection and cry my self to sleep. I Don’t Know What else to do.
Shari, there are lots of reasons why a man may have a hard time getting and sustaining an irrection. It may have nothing to do with you. And there is a good chance he may be feeling shame over his lack of irrection and pushing you away to cover up his own vulnerability. I’m sure it feels awful but You are definitely not alone in this. You may want to look into irrection disfunction.
I know your comment is from last year, but my heart just went out to you. I am so so very sorry. I have been through something similar with my husband and it is truly devastating.
So…every situation is different, but with my husband it turned out to be a combination of issues from a past (and long) porn addiction, and then issues from his childhood he has repressed and used porn to escape from mentally. We started with counselling at church and ended up at a therepist that our counsellor couple recommended to us that was a professional psychologist with a specialty in sex addiction. Once he dug into my husband’s past and his deep insecurity from many different issues, it became apparent that though he had stopped watching porn, he had never done the mental work to stop viewing women as objects to be used, and had never dealt with the pains from his childhood. I won’t detail them here for the sake of his privacy – but do seek counsel and even therepy. Your relationship is worth it!! I went to individual therepy too, during the middle of that time, because I was so hurt. He wanted me to go to his therepy with him (I think he wanted me to understand why things had been the way they were) and so it really did help my understanding to listen to everything the therepist said. And that helped me realise it wasn’t about me. It was really problems my husband had had before I even came along. Something tells me that is definitely the case with you two as well. But the best advice I can give is PRAY!! Even when you think it isn’t working. Pray fervently. Pray defence over your marriage and your marriage bed and your husband’s mind – and your mind not to believe the lies of the enemy that something is wrong with you and you’re not desirable – you absolutely ARE BEAUTIFUL!! And you are SO MUCH MORE than your body!! Hold fast to what God says of you in this time….i’m praying for you both and that things have improved since you wrote this💙🙏🏽 courage dear heart💙
My husband and I went through this for a while. 5-6 years to be specific. Anyway, it is not your fault but it IS heartbreaking and demoralizing. We have been married 18 years and had always had good sex but he started to have chronic back pain and was taking opiates for the last 10 years. It made it difficult for him to get an erection and difficult to keep one. He stopped wanting to have sex out of embarrassment. He told me to stop asking for sex because it made home feel bad. Let’s just say that our marriage was almost destroyed. He got surgery and his chronic pain is gone. He’s off the opiates and his erection is back. His desire is back and I love that just the sight of my body gets him excited. There are lots of other things that happened to change our relationship including not ignoring our problems and addressing how we are BOTH feeling. I told him how much it hurt me that he pushed me away (figuratively AND literally). Anyway, my point is that there are so many things that were going on. Something is not right. You need to talk about it with him or go to counseling about it. Maybe he has a medical condition causing it. But you won’t figure it out by not exploring the problem together and it could end up ruining your marriage. Sex is VERY important. Take it from a woman who almost never got it for about 5 years.
My husband and I haven’t had sex since having our first child a little over a week ago and I’m worried that, when the time comes we are able to have sex again, he won’t have the same satisfaction as he did when we would have sex before. Does anyone have any advice regarding this?
Male satisfaction is pretty straightforward and easy, haha. It will probably feel different for you though, and since you are healing, take your time! Go slow, figure out what feels good, let him explore you all over again. And don’t rush it! You really need to heal. If you try it and it hurts, give yourself more time. Your body has done an amazing thing to carry and deliver a baby. If your husband really needs release before you’re ready, you can help him in other ways – oral, manual, or get creative with other parts of your body against his. Congrats on your baby!
Hopefully you’all get some other input too, but I can tell you’re a very caring loving wife. Right now focus on your healing. Your body just did an amazing wonderful thing and needs some rest (amount of time is different for different mamas and even different babies with same mama). You’ll also want to start off very gently and with more focus on your comfort, maybe not even climax to start with. You can start kegals now. I’m not an expert other than I’m due with my 5th baby any day. It’s a time of patience. You can also please him in other ways until you’re fully healed. 😉
Hi Kate! I was able to heal in about a week using a warm saltwater rinse several times a day. It was SO soothing and didn’t sting at all! Do those Kegels!! It makes a real, noticeable difference. We were both surprised how effective they are.
I recently found out my husband has been unfaithful for the second time in our marriage of years. After doing some soul searching and him finally looking for God for guidance and forgiveness I decided I want to stay together and work on our marriage but sex has not been easy for me after finding out about what he did. I love him and still very attracted to him I just find it so difficult to make love to him without feeling like bursting into tears in the middle of it. I need help getting past this.
Your sex life is a spiritual battlefield— never forget this! Just as God gives the gift of sex to husbands and wives, to unify them, Satan wants to use this area of your marriage to be a remaining stumbling block, to prevent unity and to make your God-honouring choice to forgive your husband a very difficult one. Enter your marriage bed with prayer! Recognize and battle this spiritual challenge on a spiritual plain— rebuke Satan, call on the name of Jesus, and picture your beautiful flourishing sex life with your husband as a final nail in the coffin of Satan’s power in your marriage. Where a husband and wife are united emotionally, spiritually and physically… watch out Satan! There is real power there! God’s work of reconciliation also is taking place in your sex life. May God bless your marriage, and use the season of brokenness you are in to bring true healing and a depth of faith in both of you individually that has yet been unknown. God is working!
I’m praying for you and my heart is heavy for you. Rebuilding a marriage after unfaithfulness is so extremely lonely and difficult. Please seek wise counsel from Christian women you trust or a professional Christian counselor to walk this path with you and support you on this journey. It will likely be full of ups and downs and forward progress and then backwards. I pray your husband has true accountability and wise counsel as well.
As far as sex right now, you’re so brave for wanting to and trying to be with him. Please be honest with him about how you are feeling and let him know you are wanting to work through this to enjoy sex again, but it will take work for both of you. Something that may be helpful is asking him to give you reassurance that his mind is only with you during intimacy and also constant proof of his working to rebuild your trust access to his phone, email, where abouts at all times, and whatever else according to your particular circumstances.
And remember you are beautiful and loved, cherished and precious in the eyes of God, and He is ALWAYS faithful, 100%. You are not at fault for your husband’s sin, and don’t believe the lies of shame or condemnation that the enemy may be telling you.
Honestly, I’m confuse and don’t know what to do again. My husband is not a sex freak person, he comes to me only when he needs me and turns me down almost every time I touch him, we are new couples, our marriage is few months less than a year now and am getting tired because of his sex life, I am not preganant yet and doctor councel us to have more sex expecially during my unsafe period, yet, my husband make love to me only ones or twice in a month.
Ive always been d one demanding and must beg for him to make love to me, that’s if at all he will answer me, not even if I tell him it’s my ovulation day, he still turn me down, having d feelings he doesn’t want a child or he doesn’t love me. Tired and confuse, please advice.
I’m sorry you’re going through this! I do have a series on what to do if he never wants to make love, and it may help you! Blessings.
After our third child, I don’t have any sexual feelings at all. It got worse with each child. I would honestly be fine to have sex once a month, if that. The only reason I actually do it frequently (like once or twice a week) is because my husband has very high hormones and I don’t want his drive to be a stumbling block for him. But even he knows that I’m “not into it”. And we have done all the things in the list but he’s not satisfied because I’m not really into it. I just do it out of duty. I don’t want to be like this. Any advice?
Hi Jewel, this sounds so much like me. Do you struggle with postpartum depression? I did, though I’ve really only recognized it as that after emerging from that cloud. For me, it never really resolved and turned into chronic depression. When my youngest was 2 1/2, I finally had someone get worried enough about me to suggest I seek out treatment. For me, treatment meant the right combination of vitamins and supplements and a workout routine that I could stick to 4-5 days a week. After a few months, I felt like I could breathe again. Slowly but steadily our emotional and physical intimacy has returned. I went a couple years feeling ‘checked out’ from sex, but now that my brain seems to process all the hormones that had overloaded it for so long, I’m back in the game! Whether that’s your story or not, I’ll be praying you guys are able to reconnect!
Please new here, love the shared gist, concerns and advice offered. Have some personal issues with sex not wanting sex(from the way I was brought up n ways its address in my church) ,even when my husband desires me, I give in with his persistence and obligations because I don’t want to offend God but thank God is improving now after praying that God should help me. I have a question please is oral sex morally good and want to know what is manual sex. Needs help.
Thank you all for your advice!!!!
I used myotaut vagina tightening serum without telling my spouse, and he said, “Wow, tonight you feel different!” I never told him what I was using. So it really works! I’ve been using it every day for a week, and it keeps me moist down there.
This is a great article. Thank you for all the advice. Life can get difficult in marriage, when one partner wants sex more than the other, but couples should remember, marriage is not just about me but also about you.
Thank you for everyone’s answers it gives me great insight. I have been married for two years but I struggle greatly to find extreme pleasure with my husband in bed. I feel so discouraged…I have a much higher libido. I am more relaxed and seek excitement but my husband sees oral sex as sin and I struggle to stop those desires. I desire for him to touch me erotically during the day when h passes me or just small things but he is not like that and I cannot be upset about it. I feel so down when we are together sexually but it is only because I have had some more erotic moments with a previous boyfriend. We were each other’s first, me and my husband in the whole sex part but I desire him being the dominant. I am frustrated, feel selfish and ashamed for feeling this way. I sometimes wish I did not have any sexually drive but I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I pleasure myself sometimes something I am ashamed of and my husband will not approve of it. Does anyone have some advise for me please?
I know this is old, but I hope this reaches you, because your pain really spoke to me!
On all of those issues, the first and best thing you should do is seek solid Biblical teaching for both of you in this area. It is SO important to lay the groundwork for change in showing him that God designed our entire bodies to be good and enjoyed by one another! Some good resources are the Song of Songs, Christian marriage and family counseling, and Cloud & Townsend’s writings on boundaries. Mark Gungor does a great marriage seminar called “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” that you might both enjoy.
After being talked at by enough Biblically grounded people I trusted to FINALLY honestly concede that oral sex wasn’t actually sinful, I was still disgusted by the idea, and so was my husband before we married. What changed was this:
I viewed his whole body as something good and clean and pure, and treated him that way in bed. A lot of people brought up to sexual purity view genitals as “bad parts” of the body, and therefore conclude that PIV is the only acceptable way because it’s “my bad parts to your bad parts”, but that any other parts are “good” and will be “contaminated” by contact with the “bad”. This sounds like what may be going on with your husband. He needs to understand that he is a whole person, as are you. 1 John 1:5 says “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.” 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin.”
Now to some graphic specifics:
Kiss his whole body, from feet to eyelids. Enjoy every detail with your eyes, fingers and lips. Eventually all the way down to THERE. Gently suck his fingertips, lips and nipples. This teaches him that his whole body is for loving, and there are no bad parts. Be patient, because this is a lesson of months, not minutes! But one day, I was kissing my husband (far from his mouth!) and told him, “I kinda want to (do X). Is that ok?
By then he’d changed his mind!😂 Now those things we first said we’d never do are a regular thing!
Good luck to you!
I’m really trying to not get upset after sex with my husband mainly because he finishes and I don’t. I came from past relationships where both parties were taken care of all during. But my husband will literally fall asleep after oral sex. Or after climax in general. And I’m left, more often than I’d like to admit, just there to “deal.” I’ve tried talking to him about it. Putting on cute sexy cloths. Tried the different positions to keep going. But I feel like it’s a him thing. I don’t know if he doesn’t enjoy giving me oral sex or if he just doesn’t care. Today I literally got up to grab my toy after performing oral sex on him and he grabbed my breast to “help” and literally fell asleep with my nipple in his hand. It’s frustrating to say the least because I want what he’s getting too. Please help 🙁 I love my husband and our sex but i don’t know how to fix pleasuring me a little more. I say it to myself and I sound selfish and then don’t say anything to him. But we ALL have needs!
Santie–It sounds like there’s a simple solution. He has to satisfy you first! Could you ask for that? Or say something like, “I’d be glad to give you a good time, but I want to make sure that I enjoy myself too. Can we take care of me first?”
That’s exactly what I was going to suggest. Great suggestion. If it were me, I would insist on being pleasured first, then taking care of his needs. I am grateful I have a thoughtful husband.
Married to the same hubby for 37 years, and we are starting over at square one. So excited to find you and your blog, and know that its with a Christian background. You haven’t touched on the power of water, bath, private pool…but we have found that water does something magical! Keep up the good work, and I will be tuned in!
What is a faithful husband to do when sex used to be “out of this world” and then his wife’s libido goes into instant complete retirement. She absolutely has NO interest. It’s not even on her radar at all. We used to have such wonderful intimacy. She would make feel like I was 20 again. We’ve been married 39 years and my plumbing and my passion for her has never waned. But she has become a deep freeze.
MENOPAUSE STINKS!! Have her ask her doctor for some bio friendly progesterone. It works wonders. We have been married 38 years, and totally understand. I now want to make love more than my hubby….and have her get a total hormone workup, and check her adrenal glands too. It might just be an energy thing too….
After trying and giving all your suggestions a blue ribbon….I have found another! Take turns lightly touching each other all over their body. But your partner cant touch you while you are touching them….they just have to lay there and take it like a man or woman…hehe. Great forplay for all ages of marriages. ( 38 almost here) Again, thank you for your site Sheila!!!
Hmm! Had been lost for a very long time