Does the G-spot exist? And what is it?
Here at Bare Marriage (where we talk about how to make marriage and sex more than just chores!) I like to be a safe place to talk about sex. I know that there are some things that people want to know, but they’re afraid to Google (for good reason). And I have so many people telling me that they got most of their sex education from me (which is an honor, but also kind of a big responsibility!).
So I thought this month, for Valentine’s Day, we’d tackle some topics about women’s arousal and pleasure we haven’t tackled before–namely the G-spot and multiple orgasms. I did talk about the G-spot a bit in The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, but I want to delve into it a little bit more today. Yes, this post is going to be graphic. But I’m going to try to keep it in good taste. And honestly, this is just medical information. I hope that I can help women learn more about their bodies!
So what is the G-spot?
Well, that’s actually a big debate. So let’s talk about what people generally mean when they say “g-spot”. The term, named after German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg, was made popular in the 1980s. It’s about 2 inches up the front wall of the vagina (the same side as your belly button, not your back). Originally it was thought to be about a 1 inch square sized bit of flesh.
The first people to write about the G-spot said that it caused intense vaginal orgasms, and, in some cases, “female ejaculation”, where, at orgasm, you suddenly “squirt” some liquid. Many women are afraid when this happens that they just peed; not at all. It’s a totally different fluid. This has been documented for hundreds of years in some pretty scary old medical books for some pretty scary treatments (as you can imagine), but there’s no doubt that it can happen.
All kinds of articles were written to try to teach women how to locate their G-spot. Sex toys were made that would do this. Women’s magazines in the 1990s and early 2000s routinely wrote articles about this “new” thing which had just been learned, and helping women try to reach new heights of pleasure.
The problem was that a lot of women couldn’t find a specific spot. They were reading all these articles saying, “It’s there! You should find it!” But sex itself didn’t seem to be able to stimulate it. So researchers jumped in the game and tried to find a specific spot, too. They couldn’t, and when they released their study saying that the G-spot didn’t exist, they got all kinds of pushback from women saying, “but it does! I can feel it!”
So what’s the truth about the G-spot?
What researchers now believe is that the G-spot isn’t a specific spot, as much as it is a region on the front wall of vagina, on the other side of the urethral sponge (which is often why sex can feel better when you have to go to the bathroom a little bit). And the G-spot is not a separate entity, but rather the result of “roots” of the clitoris. They think that the clitoris, that little “bulb” or “button” of flesh in front of the urethra, in the vulva (so between your two folds of skin on your vulva) has “legs” or roots that extend up the front wall of the vagina when aroused, and that this can cause far more intense orgasms than just the clitoris alone.
Some women seem to be far more sensitive in that area than others, and it seems to be due to the thickness of the tissue in the area. But it’s something science is still trying to figure out.
Here’s an anatomical illustration to show you:
What does this mean for you?
I figure it can be a pretty fun research project! No one should feel like they have to find a G-spot, or that they’re somehow inadequate if they don’t. And remember that even women who do say they have one often have a difficult time experiencing orgasm through “missionary” position sex, because the penis just isn’t putting pressure on the right place at the right angle.
One of the dares in my new Sexy Dares Product is to help you find where your G-spot is (or at least figure out what angles feel better for you), and it’s got some fun tips about positions, etc.
Does your marriage need some spicing up–and some fun?
But one of the big things to remember–which I tell people all the time at my Girl Talk–is that if you tilt your pelvis while you’re making love, and clench your butt a bit, you’re more likely to activate some of those nerve endings on the front wall of the vagina. You get your body in a better position; your muscles are activated; and pressure is put a bit on that urethral sponge which can push down on that region and feel better.
Look at that illustration again. See how if you just tilt forward, the pubic bone puts more pressure on the urethra, which puts pressure on that part of he vaginal wall. And it simultaneously puts pressure on the clitoris. Tilting activates all the right things.
So here’s the tip: during intercourse in any position, get comfortable. Then, once you are, tilt your hips a bit. And now, try making circles instead of thrusting, and just see if it feels any different!
And if you want to have some more fun, check out the 24 sexy dares we created! They’re only $4.99, so they’re super cheap, right in time for Valentine’s Day. And you can get “invites” to print out for your husband to tell him that you bought this for him for Valentine’s Day, too (you get that when you order). The price will go up after Valentine’s Day, so try them out now!
I’m not sure if anyone will want to comment on something so personal (I often guess wrong on these things), but if you do, let me know: do you think the G-spot is a thing? What’s the best way to find out?
I’m definitely not an expert but i’ve been married 16 years and have been able to climax from my g-spot even before I got married, I’m sorry to say. My point is that I’ve had plenty of time to figure out what I like and how it works….for me anyways. If it works for me it could for someone else.
Until recently, I could only have a g-spot orgasm in missionary style; I couldn’t figure out how on top or from behind without clitoris stimulation.
What I discovered over the years is that, what feels good to my husband doesn’t necessarily bring me to orgasm. Which is why communication is key. (We know God has a sense of humor bc we are so different in this area!) Of course, you have to know what you like to be able to tell him.
He used to always come in vertical but I’ve discovered that when he comes in horizontal it is more pleasureble to me. (Sort of like an army crawl) He climaxes quicker when the movement is shallow and fast but for me to climax he has to move slow & deep at first then move to faster pace but always deep. Sorry, I know this is graphic but I don’t know how else to explain. My friend told me years ago, and I quote, “you have to grab his butt and pull in hard to O”. It took me a while but what she said actually worked. Of course, foreplay & your body being ready plays a big part for women to feel pleasure too.
Your husband wants to please you; it makes them more confident as a man to please you. I’ve also found that praying during intamcy works for me; I mean, the Holy Spirit is in you and wants to be a part of every area of your life, which sounds weird, I know. Anyways, I pray things like, “Lord, how awesome you are to create us in such a way as to feel so much pleasure; what an awesome gift! Help me to bring my husband as much pleasure as he is bringing me, for your glory and to strengthen my marriage. And help me to climax, not only bc it’s amazing but also to build him up as a godly husband.” In all of this it ultimately brings God glory bc it is strengthening my marriage. Strong marriages build strong families which brings Him glory as well. Hope this helps someone. Sorry this is long Sheila.
Though I know different techniques work for different women, I do enjoy hearing other women’s experiences. Helps me expand my mental repertoire of things to try.
You said “Of course, foreplay & your body being ready plays a big part for women to feel pleasure too.” Honestly, I think this is what it all comes down to. In my experience, if a woman isn’t sufficiently aroused (be it physically, mentally, emotionally, etc), orgasms just won’t happen, no matter how much you love your husband or he loves you or you want to orgasm SOOOO badly!
Also, “Your husband wants to please you.” While I’m sure that’s true for all loving husbands, I find that some men (my husband included) reach a point where all their efforts to make their wife climax not being rewarded by her actually orgasming is extremely defeating and actually turns them off to trying to make their wife climax. In my experience, if one spouse feels like throwing in the towel, the other feels sad too, and that’s another way sex lives can become very lackluster, boring and unfulfilling. It takes lots of diligence and perseverance to have a good sex life that’s totally fulfilling on all levels, and even then with lots of effort, it’s not guaranteed. That’s why you can’t get hung up on the orgasm (which, I know, can be extremely difficult to get around mentally).
As a guy, Natalie, it is steep challenge for us to not get hung up on The Orgasm, particularly our wives’ orgasms. Steep…but not insurmountable. Part of the problem is that I believe many men look at their wives’ sexuality through the prism of their own: because orgasm and ejaculation are effectively simultaneous and, arguably, the climax—the pinnacle—of the communion for them, it’s a struggle for us to believe that intimacy with our wives may not necessarily follow that same linear, upward trajectory.
Adding to the challenge is trying to filter out the blaring noise of fallen, secular, popular culture that foists that women’s sexual response *is* exactly like ours and should follow that trajectory. We need to hear the whispers of our own brides who are telling us what they want intimacy with us to be. And we need to believe them.
This in no way releases husbands from the noble, humble, Godly pursuit of delighting their brides intimately. But let the husband, wife and the Holy Spirit have that conversation about what vibrant intimacy looks like in their marriage bed…and what paths it takes. I think there’s many of us who think of intimacy linearly: we do W-X-Y as foreplay so that we can get to the Z of intercourse for the big O. We should enjoy marital intimacy in and of itself. If it fosters a beautiful, loving, enriching communion between us two, regardless of what path we take that particular day, then it’s as God designed. God didn’t design sexual intimacy to be linear; He designed it to be lyrical. If He didn’t, then why did He inspire Solomon to call his book The Song of Songs?
Suzette—thank you for sharing your example prayer with us. It is spot on! It is an intimate communion grace. I love it.
Greg, I almost cried when I read this; I’ve wanted to share this for so long bc of it’s power! I can’t put into words how happy I got to share and that people get it. I didn’t see your comment until after I answered Phil’s but I explained a little more in my response to him. Hope you try the praying in intamcy, you will be amazed at how it brings you even closer to, not only your spouse, but to God. 😊
Suzette—
You’ve thoroughly inspired and convicted me. I am definitely going to pray before my next intimate communion with my bride. How much more grateful am I for her than even the food that He has blessed me with!
Suzette—
Not sure if you’re continuing to check this post’s notes, but I prayed before communing with my bride last night, saying almost a grace. As with anything new, it was a little stilted as I strove to find the right words of thanksgiving, but it was lovely. Definitely going to incorporate a thanksgiving prayer and sex grace before each communion. Thanks for the suggestion and the modeling.
Greg, That is awesome! Praying before or during is perfect! Thanks for sharing! 😊
All thanks to you, Suzette, for the inspiration and guidance. And thanks to you, Sheila, for providing a platform to share this insight and info.
Natalie, You are so right. You shouldn’t get hung up on orgasms. Intamcy in marriage is such a gift even without the O. There are no words for the closeness it brings. Sometimes, my husband can be in the right spot forever and my body want climax. I still enjoy every part of him! It’s not his fault; our bodies are just so unique and unpredictable. Couples, shouldn’t stress about it, just relax and enjoy the second best gift God has given; His son being the first.
Suzette – I wanted to tell you that I had my wife read your comment. Not for G factor info but for the “being one” info. Tonight we had the holy crap conversation. Finally. There is probably more but I really feel like the door has been opened to a nee chapter. Thanks for your help.
Phil, I’m so glad something I wrote has helped someone! I know Christians have the Holy Spirit in us already, but when I pray during sex,
and I don’t always, but holy cow, my climax is like none other! There’s something about the oneness with your spouse and God that is Amazing? I highly encourage praying during intamcy!
Why does barely anyone ever talk about cervical orgasms? They are by far the best, and most relaxing and emotionally releasing. I literally cry/sob if I’ve been really anxious and stressed, the emotional release is so deep. It was kinda scary the first time…but now my husband knows and just cuddles me gently. It’s so completely relaxing.
Thank you, Shelia for all you work helping couples! God bless you!
My wife and I bought one of those wedge ‘sex’ pillows last year for fun, thinking it wouldn’t actually work. Holy smokes! If my wife lies on her back and uses the pillow, she has the most intense G-spot orgasms of her life, to the point where it looks like she’s about to pass out. It must work for the same reasons you mention above…elevated pelvis, better angles, etc. We’ve found the G-spot in the past, but have never had results quite like this. Have fun, explore…maybe buy a pillow, lol.
A variant (as I perceive it) on the wedge pillow is a position that has become my bride’s and my recent go-to, which I wrote about as a comment to a post on Oct. 1:
As part of foreplay, she perches herself on her back at the mattress’ edge. Standing and aroused, he rests the shaft of his penis against her vulva, preferably between her parted labia. A forward press of his pelvis and some gentle rocking of her hips should spark some slide and pressure against her clitoris, and the slide of her labia along his shaft should give him some delicious sensations as well. This position also allows for his hands to be free to support her calves, caress her body, even lean in to kiss her body. Strategically placed pillows can change the angle of contact.
This position easily transitions for penetration: it allows her to lay back and relax while giving him a solid stance on the floor, and with that the ability to control the angles, depth and pace, as well as to engage all his senses.
While I don’t believe my bride has ever had a ‘g-spot’ orgasm per se, I would think—and I welcome the ladies to affirm or correct my assumption—that this position would increase the potential of his glans pressing into and gliding against the front wall of her vagina to further elicit some yummy sensations.
Anonymous, I’ve been wanting to buy one of those bc I knew it would make things easier. After your comment, I’m definitely going to. Glad things are great! Thanks!
Okay so I want to know where I can find this wedge pillow! I’ve never heard about it, but have often thought that if we could get the angle better we could experience more pleasure, especially as were are getting older. Please tell me where I can buy this pillow!
So I have an embarrassing question: is it possible to have a g-spot orgasm that’s NOT accompanied by ejaculation? My husband has played with my g spot a few times, and I had an orgasm that felt totally different from the usual— but nothing else happened.
Absolutely. I think what researchers are finding is that it isn’t a “thing” as much as they used to believe, and it’s instead more of a region. So the more that region can be stimulated, the better it will feel and the more the orgasm will feel deeper.
However, some researchers have also found that different women have different amounts of tissue there, and it does tend to effect sensation. It likely also effects things like female ejaculation as well.
So definitely not a dumb question!
Tory, Sheila is completely correct but I wanted to add something. Like I said, I’m no expert but what I’ve learned over the years is that there are almost two different kinds of Orgasms. At least in my vocabulary, LOL. One you have, outwardly- with your clitoris, and one inside-g-spot. The clitoris one is easier but it’s like a teaser to me. It doesn’t last long and it’s just not as intense. This might be what you’re talking about when you say your husband plays with it. That feeling you described sounds like it. The g-spot is somewhat deep on the inside of your vagina, like Sheila described in her article. I don’t think this is what you’re talking about bc it would be hard for your husband to play with it. The G-spot one is much more intense and more like a man’s where it drains all of your energy. Anyways enjoy getting to know your husband, what he likes and what you like, and communicate and I’m sure you will get there. And, you will definitely know it when you do. I hope I make sense and I hope Sheila doesn’t think I’m trying to take over. I, like her, just want to help couples achieve complete joy in intamcy. 😊
Suzette, I have appreciated reading your comments. However, I find the opposite is true. That the clitoral orgasm is way more intense and makes me want to fall asleep after versus the g-spot. I hope this isn’t TMI but I do ‘squirt’ and, even though it can be very intense, that is actually the “teaser” as you put it.. at least in my case.
It just seems like we’re all so very different which leads me to conclude 1) it might be difficult to really give one another specific advice other than different positions to try, and 2) it does really reinforce the idea that a husband needs to *know* his wife. Because even if he has had previous experience, women are so very different.
I’m glad words like “G-spot” and “squirting” weren’t too taboo for you to write in this post geared towards Christian women. Thank you for your bluntness! I feel like I never get as much when the author tries to beat around the bush. I’d rather things be said plainly and bluntly.
Lifting my hips and clenching my butt and hamstrings and all the muscles down there is literally the only way I can orgasm. Basically doing a bridge pose, if you’re in missionary. When you do so, you also get increased blood flow down there, which makes orgasm not only more likely but stronger too.
I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt a g-spot orgasm specifically that I could pinpoint, but I have felt orgasms before that starting in the clit and grew to encompass everything down there from the clit to the labias to the vaginal canal to the anus (which I think was probably just the interior part of the clit or the clit’s roots, whatever you want to call it). So maybe that entailed the g-spot as well? Idk, I have no idea. From my experience, it’s definitely true that all orgasms come from the U-shaped clitoris, of which we can only see a little bit of on the surface.
So, I’m going to ask something….because I can’t figure it out. I’ve always been told when you have an orgasm, you KNOW.
My husband can find a spot that definitely causes wetness….but that’s it. I get a nice, warm fuzzy feeling, but that’s as far as it goes.
If he keeps at it, it ends up hurting and not really feeling good anymore.
So we found A spot…but not G spot! LOL.
I’m just wondering what the issue is or things to try.
25 years, and have never been able to orgasm with intercourse. Our marriage has almost dissolved because of his unwillingness to pursue it. He’s showing some willingness and progress NOW, but he has to do it all with his fingers because he usually can’t get an erection. I wonder if that’s part of the problem. I desire for him, not just his fingers, but unfortunately I don’t have a choice. But it seems like he must be close??
Hi Crystal,
I have been married 16 years this month and just started having orgasms this past year (year 15)! Ironically, this past year has been THE HARDEST year in our marriage so far? There are a variety of reasons for that but please keep working toward orgasm for YOU. From my experience, it’s more about the journey and what God can do through your journey to this destination. Since “getting there” ive honestly went through an emotional and spiritual upheaval. I’ve been through so many emotions from thankful to sad about thinking I missed out on so much to down right pissed off at myself and at my husband. BUT it is worth the pursuit! …….on a practical level here is my advice (take it with a grain salt since everyone is SO DIFFERENT). Keep LEARNING. Read Sheila’s blog, read the comments, read other blogs like Hot, Holy, Humorous, Intmacy In Marriage, Oysterbed7. Educate yourself. Decide you won’t stop till you are at YOUR definition of successful. Set small goals and celebrate them. HONESTLY TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND. That was THE HARDEST THING for me, not the being honest part THE VULNERABLE PART! I hate being vulnerable BUT it is 100% a requirement for me to be able to let go, and speak about what I need. I honestly don’t know what I need every time but I have figured out approximately what I need and we can go from there. I will say, my husband is more than willing and has more stamina than I do sometimes, mentally speaking. When I’m ready to give up he encourages me and validates me to keep pressing on. You sound like you are right on the edge of orgasm. Give yourself permission to keep FEELING. God made this for YOU TOO. It’s never too late! He wrote your story, made your body, and WANTS for you to receive and enjoy the gift! Forget the “G spot” just work on YOUR SPOT! I hope this is encouraging, if not just disregard. I’m certainly no expert. Also, to Sheila thank you for pressing on and speaking life and truth in marriages. God is truly using you!
Crystal, I have never been able to reach orgasm or even to feel like I am getting close. Do you have any advice for me?
Crystal. I highly recommend he tries oral sex on you. Wash well beforehand, and he should enjoy it too. Plus, I almost guarantee that you will enjoy it… that is, if you can get past the thought that it is ‘gross’ as my wife had to do. It’s not gross unless you don’t wash. The bible even tells of about oral sex in Song of Solomon 4:16… at least that’s the way I read it. A shave down there is also pretty exciting for men.
I hope that helps.
Crystal, It sounds like you’re describing when your husband stimulates your clitoris. That happens to me too, when my body isn’t responding to my husband for whatever reason. I’m not sure if I should suggest this bc many people believe this is sinful, and I believe it can be but is only certain actions. If you feel comfortable and aren’t convicted that it is wrong you could try masterbation just to figure out what you like. It is sinful if you have impure thoughts about someone other than your husband while administering. Also, my convictions lead me to believe it is sinful if you over indulge. Some say it is selfish and I could be wrong about it not being sinful in certain circumstances but I don’t have those convictions. I normally don’t ever do it but for strengthen muscles, I do., And when I was figuring out what I liked I did. Probably TMI. Anyways, knowing what you like could help you tell your husband what you like. One more thing, since we’ve gotten older my husband struggles with getting an erection too. There are some all natural vitamins that can help with that area. We both take them bc we’ve discovered how close we are with more sex. Good luck! 😘
Sheila, Since I wrote this message to Crystal, I’m a little concerned that I’ve told her wrong; that masturbating could be sinful but if done with pure thoughts it’s ok. Scripture is unclear in that area to me. I’ve heard a lot of Christians say it’s a sin but the only thing I see in scripture is that we are to be holy and to have pure thoughts. Have you ever spoke or studied this more in depth? I feel like since the marriage bed is undefiled, it would be fine with your spouse and if you are alone and are careful to have thoughts of your spouse. Not sure about a single person; maybe if they were careful not to think of someone else but the beautiful way God created us. I know that sounds weird, but I don’t know how else to say it. Surely you, or someone here, could give input on what they feel scripture says regarding this.
Can you share what vitamins, please?
Thanks!
I confess I’m interested too, Lisa. Thank you for asking.
Lisa & Greg, So, we’ve both tried a few and they all seem to work good at first but then after a while I assume our bodies get used to them and we don’t notice anything so we don’t take them every day now. There is one that seems to be consistant, Horny Goats Weed; I know, the name is terrible but we buy it online bc it really works for us. Others we’ve tried and have worked at first are: Maca and Ginseng. Either way they are all vitamins and help with energy, skin, and other things. Always do your own research to make sure it’s something you can take. You can buy Maca and Ginseng from GNC but I haven’t seen the HGW there. Hope this helps. 😊
Hi Crystal
Before we married we read a book about sex, and I remember that somewhere in there it said that we should try to have me reach orgasm during our honeymoon. I had lots of nice feelings but wasn’t sure if that was it, so I’d keep rereading the definition, and believe me, when you get there you do know. I often feel like I’m shooting to the moon and back.
After an infection I have never been able to fully orgasm with him on top, so he usually rolls over and I go for it, using his leg, penis if still erected, or any other part of his body that works. You might like to try that too. You can find what you like, without it being away from him(like masturbation would be). And when you start to feel like you’ve reached your tolerance of pleasure, go a little longer and the world will explode and you’ll be there.
If you can have had a nice conversation and lots of hugs and tickles etc first, then you’ve got heaps more chance!
Thanks for that help! That’s awesome.
Do you take supplements every day or just before lovemaking?
Hey there! I know you may not see this comment but I wanted to give voice to my own experience with the g spot. Mine is actually located on my left side wall. Not sure why that is, but when I looked it up I found this study that supports some findings on this specific location in women: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24641569/
And trust me. I know its the spot! I wanted to add this in case some women get discouraged about locating their spot. Every woman is made differently so I would have fun with your hubby is finding where yours is.
This all seems like a lot of work…
Matt, but isn’t it fun work? Why would you not want to do the work if it would help your wife? Just curious.
Clearly it is for most folks. I get the sense that finding this supposed G-Spot takes longer than it takes to read “War & Peace,” though. We probably run in different social circles, but I don’t know too many people who read that book AND felt all 1200+ pages were necessary.
Honestly, for me after 10 minutes the interest starts to wane and my mind begins to wander to other things. At that point I’m doing neither of us a service.
The point about some of the “physical responses” that some women (and by extension, their husbands) can experience if the rumored G-spot is located and stimulated was surprising. I’ve heard of “squirting,” but it was almost always labeled as a “myth” or followed with a cocked grin as if to imply that it’s not what it seems.
Might just be me, but that only serves as more motivation to avoid a “G-Hunt.” I’m not ready to risk “return fire” in those rare moments when we are being intimate…especially when I’m usually waving a white flag – shots fired or not – before a pot of water can be brought to a boil 😂.
Whaa? Do you mean you only make love or love your wife’s body to a climax for 10 minutes? If so, sounds so like you could seek some more education. I want to say so much more but Certainly i misunderstand your comment. Please clarify.
So… squirting is most definitely NOT a myth. It can be achieved either manually or sometimes through penetration. They even sell waterproof blankets so you don’t have to worry about the clean-up.
Not every woman will do it, but the sensation will be pleasurable regardless.
I suggest you do some googling to figure out some techniques. But I doubt any technique will help if your wife senses your disinterested attitude. Your behavior is telling her that her pleasure doesn’t matter to you – only yours. I hope you have a change of heart and see your wife as the miracle God gave you to cherish and honor.
Nice article on G spot. Thanks
Thanks for your article
Just wanted to share my experience. Married for a little over 6 years.
Experienced orgasm during my honeymoon. And quite often (but not always) after that.
However, after my second child, i found it much harder to achieve orgasm, especially in the missionary position, most likely due to the stretching that occurs after vaginal delivery.
Kegel’s exercises have helped with this.
And I experienced squirting for the first time about three months ago( unintentionally) and it was so heavenly…although initially I thought I may have peed on myself. Lol.
But to be totally honest, I only became aware of squirting as a phenomenom fairly recently and I am not too sure if it may happened to me in the past without my being aware..
Anyways, so I have experienced squirting once that I know of.
For the G-spot, I’ve definitely felt it but do not consciously set out to locate it every single time. However, each time I do, it’s heavenly.