Have evangelicals abandoned truth?
I’ve been on several dustups on Instagram lately about the same issue. Popular trad wife influencers are creating reels using the false stat that when dads come to Christ first, in 93% of cases the families follow, compared with just 17% for moms.
I did a podcast with Beth Allison Barr and Miranda Zapor Cruz last year completely debunking that stat. Even though it’s widely quoted, there is no such study. Promise Keepers stated this in a workbook in 1996, with no citation, and everyone has just repeated it since. Promise Keepers has never been able to come up with any actual study that this is based on.
And actual studies show that mothers’ and fathers’ influences are roughly similar, with most showing that moms are slightly more influential.
I want to tell you how the conversation around that first reel went, because it’s unsettled me for the last few weeks as I’ve been mulling it over. I think it’s indicative of something concerning, and I’d love your input on how we combat this.
So bear with me as I set the stage!
I left a comment on the reel saying this:
She ended up replying, saying, “here’s the study it came from”.
Note how she said she was linking to a “study”, even though that was merely an article with no actual citations.
Many others chimed in, some saying how the original stat shamed them as single moms, or as moms without involved husbands. Many others called her out for using a “stat” that wasn’t true.
I replied with this:
There is no actual citation to an actual study. There is no academic study that says this. It was claimed in a 1996 Promise Keepers book with no citation. Just Google “myth of the 93%” and dads and the info will come up. It’s also good to learn to recognize the difference between an article claiming something and an actual study!
But then another commenter said this:
that’s actually not true, those percentages are correct. Making negative comments like this is allow the enemy confuses people [sic]. Take the high road and be an encouragement to others and it will also change the posture and lens you look through each day.
Meanwhile, on other threads, someone wrote:
Guys, whether the percentages are accurate or not doesn’t matter. The point is we know that this is true. The man is the priest of the home.
Here’s how the original poster ended it:
praying for our husbands, praying they rise up as the spiritual leaders, seeing the influence they have on our families and kids and knowing the high calling the Lord has placed on them as head over us as women is not why people are leaving the church left and right. People are leaving the church left and right because of hypocrisy. Because the church looks no different than the world. Because so many churches are dead. And a lot of that is because as a culture we have diminished the role of the man in the church.
Please stop all the division on this post.
Most of these women don’t follow me and don’t know my heart behind this. You do. You have for a long time. I’ve messaged with you. This post has already encouraged 10’s of thousands of women to pray for thier husbands and I’m so GRATEFUL for that! I’m not trying to be deceptive in the stat, I’ve seen it lived out all around me. But I also am not taking this post down because this is a call to unite in prayer for our husbands.
So we’re the ones being divisive, even though she is spreading a false stat that is hurting people.
And she won’t take it down because–why exactly? It’s got people praying for their husbands? Like they wouldn’t do that if you shared a REAL stat?
So you have to lie to get women to pray?
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The lying didn’t end there.
In the second reel that surfaced, after being called out repeatedly for using a false stat, the poster ended with this:
the overarching message remains: fathers play a crucial role in guiding their families’ faith journeys. I think the end result we all want is leading our children to the Lord.
So just because it’s untrue doesn’t mean the overarching message doesn’t remain. Except that the overarching message–that fathers matter way more than mothers–is simply untrue. And that matters.
(Again, listen to our podcast on the myth of the 93% if you haven’t already!)
Here’s the other instance of lying:
I was recently in a political conversation with a stranger.
He was doing his devotions out in public where I was sitting, and we got to talking. He told me that a politician that he supported lies all the time, but that this was necessary. The lying didn’t bother him.
I asked him if he saw a disconnect with that, since Jesus aligns Himself with Truth to the extent that He says He is Truth. I asked whether he thought aligning himself with lies was a good witness to the world if we want to represent Christ.
He didn’t say anything after that.
Now, this post is not about politics. It’s about whether Christians care about truth or not.
All of these people were saying that the ends justified the means.
They were delighting in lies because it advanced what they thought the world should be like.
On Instagram, they believed that men should be in leadership of their families. They believed that men are in authority over women. And they could use these made-up stats to justify men being in authority, but also to push men to take more authority and initiative.
It didn’t matter whether these stats were true. It didn’t matter that they were devastating to any single mom who read them. It didn’t matter that they were devastating to any woman whose husband wasn’t stepping up to the plate. No, all that mattered was that their version of the culture wars was promoted.
When we abandon Truth we abandon Christ.
It’s as simple as that.
If you need to lie to advance your cause, your cause is no longer a Christian one.
What do you think? Have you heard people justifying lying to advance Christ? Let’s talk in the comments!
May I get up on a soapbox?
Please?
(Straightens clothes, fixes hair, steps up)
If God is good all the time, and Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light, we can and should expect that what the Bible tells us aligns with the reality around us.
Christians make great strides in the world when we plant a counter cultural flag and are proved right. We say X, the world around us an academic studies show that we are right, sometimes decades later.
That is an amazing witness. That is what converts people to faith. They don’t come over because Jill from book club also likes her church group; they come over because they are convinced of the truth of Christianity.
That’s why people are martyrs. That’s why priests have been tortured to death rather than break the seal of confession, and people have been killed rather than renounce Jesus.
People don’t do that over fakery and feel-good lies.
We should have the confidence in our faith to relentlessly follow what is true and trust that the end result leads to God.
Yes, I’ve seen what you’re talking about (I call it the “cult of nice”), and it’s awful. It makes people FEEL good. “We have a problem with fathers not being involved in their children’s lives so maybe this will help!”
Okay, theobros, tell me in small words how that is any different than feminists using the made-up stat about women being abused at insanely high numbers during the Super Bowl. Same idea – it’s made up, has no basis in anything, and is spread around until people believe it.
If we want to have little white lies for faith, what’s to stop anyone else in the world from spreading comforting white lies to undermine us?
Aren’t we better off standing on a foundation of truth, letting the chips fall where they may, and being utterly confident that God is in charge of where those chips fall?
Love your soap box, Jane! Thank you!
A fantastic soapbox imo!
Very needed point. I just think that we should emphasize that this stat was made up and propagated by MEN first, just so no-one takes this as ammunition to tell women in general not share their thoughts in public.
“I’m not trying to be deceptive in the stat, I’ve seen it lived out all around me.”
Does it really matter if you are trying to be deceptive or not if you ultimately ARE being deceptive? if your heart is in the right place, if you truy want to live out truth that God IS, then LIVE OUT TRUTH! Set an example of how to accept correction with the grace and humble heart that Jesus had. (I think the one thing I’d have liked for Jesus to do that wasn’t done was be wrong some so that His example would be more concrete, but that’s getting off topic and opening a potential can of worms.)
For the people that read their words and see that they ultimately ARE deceptive and wrong, they DO lie, and they are NOT humble, they demonstrate they are going against their own belief that “they” are set apart from the world. If as a non-Christian I was to see someone claiming to know Christ and cliaming that His people are honest and humble then see their lies- whether intended or not- I am absolutely going to avoid them and the “Jesus” they are trying to sell me. They are selling a “product” they themselves are not willing to “use.”
Exactly, Nesslie!
Exactly! If you’re “not trying to be deceptive,” then you wouldn’t continue promoting something false after you realized it was false.
Even if you still firmly believe the message you’re spreading (unfortunately), you might say, “I didn’t realize that this stat was wrong. Apparently the study doesn’t exist. However, in my experience, Dad’s are the most influential in the family’s spiritual growth.” Or something.
Absolutely!
Baffling. Just so baffling. We “say” we believe. We “say” we know Jesus. We “say” we would not take the mark. We “say” John 3:16 as our pledge. I have encountered this same frustration in reporting a heinous abuse of a child in their care. The Christians to whom it was reported concealed evidence. Because a conversation started with “Jesus told me…” I inquired if Jesus mattered or not, to which they responded, “Of course, He does.” I followed up with, “Isn’t Jesus Truth? If you’re denying Jesus, then aren’t you denying the Truth in this situation?” Cannot believe the word salad response mixed with Scriptural “support,” Matthew 18, and God told them. I am starting to see why the road is so narrow and the gate is so small. The epidemic of social media is the unveiling of continued dis- and mis-information at the expense of many. It is becoming nearly impossible to trust Christian women who promote complementarianism, the ARTICLES which support it, and the pastors and men who perpetuate it. You are trying, Sheila, to sound the horn to these young trad wives, and their ears are plugged, and there are scales on their eyes. Unfortunately, and quite painfully, they will have to learn the lesson the hard way, as many of us have – but your books will be on shelves in the future as they are today. Remember, they hated Him first and persecuted Him, driven by that hatred. The world of this sort of purity culture, complementarian, trad wife Christianity today is not our world, and that world hates being confronted with Truth.
Thanks, Max!
I do think there’s a lot of pain among the women promoting this stuff. They desperately want their husbands to step up to the plate, and their husbands aren’t, so they spread this false stat, hoping it motivates the men.
And it’s like: honey, you’re in a bad marriage to a bad guy. But they can’t admit that, so they’d rather spread false stats and lie to keep the facade going.
I’ve heard this false stat quoted behind the pulpit to get men to behave like responsible adults. I don’t know if the pastors know how false this stat is. I believe it’s something they’ve heard repeatedly and think using this stat will get more men to step up to the plate and act like responsible adults.
It sounds so sexist and limits women. Any time I have heard sermons like this, I just feel worse and less of a person because men are being elevated as better and more important than women. Then again, a lot of sexist pastors like Mark Driscoll think the church is emasculating men, so they grab onto a stat that coincides with their belief.
Besides, the numbers here do not add up. If it’s really 93% of fathers, then it would be 7% of mothers OR if it’s really 17% of mothers, then it would be 83% of fathers. If people are going to make up a stat, then at least get the numbers right to equal 100%.
It doesn’t just limit women – more importantly, it limits GOD. These stats make it sound like salvation, growth and maturity in the Christian faith are dependent, largely if not totally, on the efforts made by an individual’s parents!
Yikes. Remember when “moral relativism” was the great sin of secular society, and evangelicals were all about proclaiming absolute, unchanging truths straight from the word of god? Well, I do. Or at least I remember being told that ad nauseam.
I don’t know what else you could say to people. Explaining that quoting a stat over and over isn’t the same as there actually being evidence behind it would only help if people cared about evidence or logic.
“Explaining that quoting a stat over and over isn’t the same as there actually being evidence behind it would only help if people cared about evidence or logic.”
“A lie repeated often enough becomes Truth.”
— Reichsminister Goebbels (Adolf Hitler’s spinmeister)
Some other zingers from the same source:
“Effective Propaganda consists of Simplification and Repetition.”
(remind you of a lot of Christian Witnessing?)
“The most effective Propaganda is that which makes the target believe he came up with the Propaganda line on his own. At which point the Propaganda becomes impossible to dislodge.”
(remember the QAnoners’ line “I Did My Own Research”?)
There is a study. I did an article on it ten years ago and read the study first hand. My article has been lost to computer upgrades and blog coming down. But it was a European country done in the late 80’s to early 90’s. It was fairly decently sized in the thousands of families studied. He was a professor in theology if my memory serves me correctly. It was hard to locate ten years ago but I did after some serious effort. I wish I could remember his name or have a link for you. But it was pre internet and has become pretty obscure.
There was a Swiss study that you’re likely referring to, but those are not the numbers, and it wasn’t studying “coming to Christ”, it was studying religious affiliation as an adult. That one is quoted a lot too.
No there was a study. Scandinavian country. And it was church attendance not coming to Christ.
I am not denying there was a study; I am saying that the Swiss study is very famous and is often talked about at the same time as this false stat. I haven’t heard a Scandinavian study; the Swiss study is quite famous.
And I am saying I have read the study myself. But it’s been a decade and I am not going to spend hours and hours of my time trying to find it. I am not referring to the Swiss one. It was very clear. If fathers attended church 93% of their children followed his lead. You are wrong.
If you’re saying it’s a European study that has the 93%, that’s never what’s been claimed. It’s always been claimed that it’s an American study. Please don’t tell me I’m wrong when I’ve researched this thoroughly and I can point to all the relevant studies people purport to use.
One decades old study which those making the argument don’t actually cite isn’t very compelling evidence. Whatever it shows and however well it was done, it doesn’t seem to be informing the conversation at this point.
Can tou recall any exact phrases?
I remember, as a child in the 70s and 80s, hearing stories that emphasised a child from an unbelieving family coming to faith and being the pivotal person in bringing the rest of the family to Christ. Does anyone else remember hearing such stories? Obviously, literature for children would be centred around children and what they can do, whereas Promise Keepers’ market is adults.
I may have a shadow of a memory of that, but I’m not sure. As you say, though, this could be a story written for children, and of course it builds on the old saying “and a little child shall lead them”.
Not just adults.
Promise Keeper’s market is MALE Adults.
That was quoted a lot in AWANA. I was involved in AWANA for 14 years. Invite unbelieving kids to hear the Gospel, they will go home and get the whole family saved. That’s what was taught a lot! I personally saw a lot of kids saved, but few if any extended family.
>> Guys, whether the percentages are accurate or not doesn’t matter. The point is we know that this is true.
Even if it’s inaccurate, it’s true? God help us all…
Also
>> it’s okay to lie if it advances “the cause”
I’ve seen this on all side of politics and religion
“Lying for Jesus”
Add it to the list from Christian history (past and present):
Murdering for Jesus
Torturing for Jesus
Persecuting nonbelievers for Jesus
Manipulating for Jesus
Grifting for Jesus
Embezzling for Jesus
Neglecting your family for Jesus (a la AW Tozer or Billy Graham)
Abandoning your children for Jesus (the story of St Paula in “The Making of Biblical Womanhood” was quite eye opening)
Name calling for Jesus
Giving others the silent treatment for Jesus
Slandering for Jesus
Hating for Jesus
And the list goes on… remember that the people you’re engaging with have never been taught to and have been actively discouraged from questioning their beliefs. They have been taught to use all their powers of argument and logic only to bolster the beliefs that have been handed down to them. Don’t be surprised that they do what they do. Just continue to present questions that will cause the spectators to have something to think about. People can be set in their ways, but sometimes the change that occurs over time can be surprising.
Absolutely, JoB! I think sometimes the influencers themselves won’t change, but the people reading the comments will.
Manipulating for Jesus is a big one. I feel like I encounter that the most.
This maniplation also works its way into daily relationships. When manipulation/lies are so prevalent in one’s spiritual life, it becomes enmeshed in all areas of life.
I’ve family members who routninely say things like, “I’ll have to figure out what to tell the kids,” not from a ‘can they handle this’ but from a ‘I’ve told so many “spins” on the truth before that I need to figure out how to make this mesh up and make me look like the good guy/gal.’ If it doesnt allign and the kids call them on it, they get fussed at and told, “Just be quiet! I’m the parent, that’s why I’m right!”
Yeah, that isn’t setting them up for unhealthy, authority-over relationships at allllllll. Sadly, they are in much less evangelical church spaces but some of the same tactics continue to spill over.
This “a lie that supports my view is better than the truth that makes me think harder” position is one of the most frustrating things about Christianity. It’s really hard to have an honest discussion with someone when their logic goes: What I believe is correct > I believe in God > What I believe is what God says.
One anecdote:
I once had a pastor give a statistic about mental health, something like “people who aren’t Christians are x times more likely to suffer from mental illness and Christians get better faster.” I looked it up and found nothing even close to what he said. I asked where he got the statistic. He said that once he knew a nurse in a psychiatric ward who told him about the religious distribution of her patients and that the Christians got better faster. Then he shut down further questioning by saying, “God’s way is always better.”
Knowing something of his life story, it is likely that this acquaintance was from at least 10-20 years in the past. He seems oblivious to the fact that he took one anecdote from decades ago from one person working in one ward and applied the anecdotal conclusions universally. It doesn’t take an understanding of statistics and research methods to sense something fishy there.
Exactly! It is really really frustrating. And it’s doing so much damage to the witness of Christ too.
I *can* tell you how this appears to the secular world: as further evidence that Christians’ religious beliefs are based on lies.
The secular reasoning goes like this:
1. Christians claim religious belief in many improbable things, e.g. a virgin birth, dead people coming back to life, a god creating the world in the recent past, a benevolent being watching us all from the sky, etc.
2. Christians claim their “evidence” for said beliefs is an old book of stories, many of which conflict in the details.
3. Christians also claim support for their lifestyle based on made-up “statistics.”
4. When presented with evidence contrary to their lifestyle beliefs, Christians say, “Don’t attack me with facts of the world; I believe what God says is true!”
5. Secular people then use this as evidence to reinforce their belief that since Christians’ lifestyle beliefs run contrary to established facts, their religious beliefs must likewise be demonstrably false.
Good grief. I teach freshman English and would fail a research paper like this that failed to use a source properly. I did last week for several, actually. This is basic stuff – 101.
It’s funny, because growing up I was told that we couldn’t trust statistics or research because they were all made up to promote propaganda. It wasn’t until I started listening to the podcast that I realized that wasn’t true.
Now, I realize they told me that because that’s what THEY were doing. Just like this, it doesn’t matter if it is strictly true, taken out of context, or completely made up as long as it supports the narrative.
It really shows me how much it isn’t really about following Jesus, it’s about a set of doctrines that we have decided are more important than anything. It reminds me of when the church persecuted Galileo because the truth went against their interpretation of the Bible.
But you’re so right that if Jesus is the truth, we shouldn’t be afraid of truth.
It doesn’t make sense that Jesus spoke against hypocrisy, and we seem to have embraced it.
Things like this show me how much the mainstream church must be off, because the beliefs and actions cause such extreme cognitive dissonance.
I find it absolutely heartbreaking. The fact that those who are supposed to help lead us to Jesus so consistently spread falsehoods. It makes it sound like they are very insecure about their beliefs. I’m not insecure about mine! I mean, if it’s the truth, it will stand up to scrutiny.
Currently not so proud to be an American. Current leader of our country and our political landscape…need I say more?