5 Tips to Make Multiple Orgasms More Likely

by | Feb 20, 2019 | Uncategorized | 32 comments

How to Have Multiple O's

Are multiple orgasms a thing? And if so, how do you get there?

This month I’ve been focusing the blog on the physical aspects of sex–both how to make it feel physically great, and also how to address some problems that you may be having. I talked about how to find the G-spot, and we’ve had a pelvic floor physiotherapist on the blog this week to tell us what to expect and how such a physiotherapist can help.

I know these are slightly more R-rated posts than normal, but I really do want you to have a safe place to talk about these things! And multiple orgasms is a question I get a lot, so I thought I’d try to give it my best shot.

Now, one word of encouragement first. If you’re one of the ones who is thinking–“MULTIPLE orgasms? I’d settle for figuring out what a single one is like!”, I hear you. And I hope these posts can help:

Need more help? Try these!

Also, nobody HAS to have multiple orgasms (anymore than you HAVE to find the G-spot). But I do think it’s really interesting the way that God created the female body, and so I do want to explain a few things to you.

Certainly it takes women longer to achieve orgasm than it takes men.

The average man can reach orgasm during intercourse in 2-3 minutes while the woman takes about 15-20. I think one of the reasons that God made orgasms to work this way is that men have to pay attention to their wives if their wives are going to receive pleasure. So men become more focused on giving rather than on receiving, when things work well. And women have to learn to communicate and tell their husbands what they like, which helps us to become more vulnerable, and increases closeness.

If everything worked automatically, then relationships may stay very shallow!

But here’s what’s cool: even though women may take longer to reach orgasm, we’re also capable of more intense ones, and we’re capable of multiple ones. So in the long run, we do make out pretty well!

How do I know if I’ve had a multiple orgasm?

Sometimes it can be hard to tell. For some people, multiple orgasms are more like one big long one, where it’s kind of peak after peak, with not a lot of break in between. For other women, they’re more distinct, with a minute or two between where the arousal dips and then starts again.

Do you find it hard to talk about SEX?

Want to try new things–but don’t know how to start?

No more wondering how to talk about what feels good or what you’d like to try. This fun challenge will get you talking and trying new things without the awkward.

Here are just a few tips to make multiple orgasms more likely:

1. Have a LOT of foreplay

Because women take longer to reach orgasm in the first place than men do, making sure that you’re almost there before you start intercourse is crucial if you want longer orgasms, simply because he’s going to have to last beyond your first orgasm. So don’t skimp on the foreplay!

2. Don’t Pull Away or Stop Paying Attention

When you do reach orgasm, the tendency is to pull back, stop concentrating, stop paying attention, or just bask in it, because now “you’re done”. Try not doing that. Keep paying attention to the stimulation, and let yourself keep feeling the wave.

3. Breathe Deeply

We also tend to stop breathing during intercourse, or at least to have very shallow breaths. Instead, try to keep your breathing relatively even and deep. That helps the body continue what was happening, rather than switch to something else.

4. Change stimulation

If your initial orgasm is through clitoral stimulation rather than during intercourse, the difficulty with having multiple ones is that sometimes  you’re too sensitive to continue touch there. So you may have to change stimulation.

In fact, even if you don’t normally reach orgasm during intercourse, see if keeping your breathing even and continuing to “ride” the orgasm can change that. Once you’ve reached orgasm, if he begins penetration, you may be able to keep it going. Make sure that your hips are tilted forward to keep the pressure on the clitoris. breathe deeply. And stay very relaxed. Let it keep washing over you, and see what happens!

5. Try start-and-stop during foreplay

To make multiple o’s more likely, try the start-and-stop technique during foreplay so that your body is accustomed to having stimulation peak and then decline. If he gets you close, and then holds off for 15 seconds or starts doing things more lightly, and then resumes again, your body gets used to this. And this can also help you achieve multiple orgasms.

It’s very hard to explain, but it mostly is an ability to “ride the wave” (that’s how J from Hot, Holy and Humorous described it once) by keeping your breathing going, getting very relaxed, while keeping focused. Just don’t pull back like normal, and see if you can extend the sensation. Sometimes it works! But if not, hey, you’ve still felt great!

Tune into my podcast tomorrow where I’ll talk more about arousal and making sex feeling great, as well as answering your questions and some other great stuff! I’ve really enjoyed doing these podcasts, and I hope you enjoy them, too!

How to Have Multiple Orgasms: How to have multiple os

Let me know in the comments: Any great tips that I haven’t put it here for multiple orgasms? Let’s talk!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

Related Posts

You Don’t Have to Say Yes to Selfish Sex

God does not ask us to consent to selfish sex. In fact, one-sided intercourse is not sex. I can summarize The Great Sex Rescue by saying that sex is supposed to be MUTUAL, INTIMATE, and PLEASURABLE FOR BOTH. That's what God intended. Sex is not merely intercourse...

Pastor’s Wives Tell All–And More Podcasts!

I've had some amazing podcasts drop recently, and I wanted to make sure I shared them with you. After getting our manuscript for our mothers of daughters book in last Friday, I'm taking a little bit of down week, getting some things done I've been putting off (I got...

Comments

We welcome your comments and want this to be a place for healthy discussion. Comments that are rude, profane, or abusive will not be allowed. Comments that are unrelated to the current post may be deleted. Comments above 300 words in length are let through at the moderator’s discretion and may be shortened to the first 300 words or deleted. By commenting you are agreeing to the terms outlined in our comment and privacy policy, which you can read in full here!

32 Comments

  1. Sleepy

    Sorry for the graphic language: Wish my wife would like to learn this. My goal is to give her multiple orgasms but I have only succeeded once. I think one problem is that we have very little foreplay. To be honest I am very unsure about what it is. She often wants to start directly or we do oral sex. I wish I could give her an orgasm during oralsex by also using my fingers but she says that she doesn’t enjoy it as much if she isn’t giving it to me and that’s a problem because I can’t last that long giving her pleasure and she giving me pleasure. Also she doesn’t like fingers down there. So she mostly orgasms from PIV through certain movements I do that stimulate her clitoris. After she has her orgasm she feels done. At times she says she is close again when I start pounding her( sorry for the language) but I can’t last long like that.

    Can it be that some women don’t feel tha they need multiple orgasms or that they have not experienced it enough to try it?

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I honestly don’t think it’s necessary for women to experience it, and if she’s happy, let her be happy! It sounds like she’s pretty satisfied, and that’s really what matters. You can always try the occasional time to do more, but it should be something that she agrees and wants, too.

      The physiologic and hormonal benefits of orgasm are not enhanced with multiple ones, as near as I can see from the research. And many women just are very sensitive afterwards. So I’d say–take your cue from your wife!

      Reply
      • Sleepy

        I guess you are right. She doesnt complain. I guess its because I want her to fully enjoy all the beauty of sex. She comes from a pretty strict culture when it comes to sex and I dont want her to miss out. Thanks to God through this page and other blogs I have worked on myself and our sex life has gotten a lot better. She has started to enjoy sex so much more and I just want her to fully embrace all that sex can be. So sometimes I wish I could give her that experience so that she can fully enjoy it but as you say maybe she already feels that she does.
        And to be honest, it would make me feel a lot more manly if I knew I could make my wife have multiple orgasms.

        Reply
    • Amanda H

      Honestly, I’ve had multiple orgasms several times and I don’t always feel the need for that experience. Having one tends to be pretty intense and then relaxing afterwards so I prefer to bask in that feeling. 😀 Two or more, while fun for the moment, usually leaves me feeling shaky and exhausted and I am a little sore the next day. We only try for multiples when we are both energetic and my husband wants to feel like he made the night really special.😊

      Reply
    • Daniel

      Sleepy: If your passion is to take sex to the next level with your wife, talk with her about it. Sheila is right that if she’s happy, she’s happy. But…

      As my wife says: Start the foreplay early. Text each other, flirt, touch each other throughout the day, Find creative ways to express your love to one another. Get excited and get your mind in the right place for sex. Sex is mostly in our brains as women.

      As the title of a book says: Sex begins in the kitchen. Find out what sort of non-sexual foreplay she likes, and do that for her. Gentle touches, kind words (tell her you love her multiple times a day), encouragement, warm embraces, short kisses, talking with her, clean the kitchen. So many things you can do to show your wife that you love her and want her to feel blessed. Get good at that stuff, and perhaps she will want more in the bedroom. If not… I guess just enjoy what you have.

      Have you tried asking her if you can take 5, 10, 15 minutes during sex and just touch and kiss her all over her body? If she agrees to that, kiss her all over and rub your hands over her body while you do. Don’t miss spots like her back, and thighs.

      Reply
  2. anonymous

    Just venting in case anyone else can relate, my husband has an issue that he just doesn’t seem to get past, where he will stimulate me, and the moment I indicate it’s pleasurable (usually with a moan or something) he suddenly has to go faster or harder, and I HATE that. I’ve told him a million times when I moan, it’s because I like it and want it to STAY that way….not to change it, because then it’s starting all over, and I’ll TELL him when I want him to increase speed or force…..but he just doesn’t get it. It’s super frustrating and it’s gotten to the point (after 25 years) …..What do you do with a husband who just doesn’t want to listen to your wants or needs? It’s taken 22 years just to convince him to even try to consider my needs in the bedroom. It took me threatening divorce. Now, he kinda sorta tries, but then stuff like this happens….and it just makes me wonder if it’s worth all this effort and hurt.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Oh, that’s tough! I hear you. The thing is that with men, when they are enjoying something they usually do want it to faster and harder. Have you spelled that out? Saying something like, “For you, I know that when you feel good you want the stimulation increased, but that’s not how I work. I want you to understand how I work, too.”

      And maybe set up a signal, like if he starts going too fast, you draw circles on his shoulder or something. That way you don’t have to speak to break the mood, but you still communicate to him.

      And then outside of sex, if he still doesn’t get it, say, “This is important to me. When I signal that I don’t want you to put that much pressure, I need you to listen to me. I want to have a great, frequent sex life with you, but I can’t do that if you don’t put effort into learning how to make me feel good. I need it to be about me, too. I want you to feel good, but it must be about both of us, or else it’s one-sided and I can get resentful.”

      If he still doesn’t listen, I’d really consider seeing a counsellor, because you do matter!

      Reply
    • Daniel

      anonymous: This may be too late and you won’t see it. But you could always give him a titty twister when he changes what he’s doing, and then be like “oh, I thought you wanted it rougher?”

      LOL! Ok, perhaps this is partially a joke… but then again… is it?

      Reply
  3. Amanda H

    For anyone struggling with getting just one orgasm, I can only reach that by my husband manually stimulating me, not through only intercourse. He used to do that sitting or lying beside me. The only problem was, it used to take so long that the poor guy would fall asleep during it, making me lose my focus and adding to my anxiety that it was taking too long! Then we discovered that if he starts with oral, and switches to piv with soft up and down movements and using well lubricated fingers on the clitoris at the same time my orgasm feels twice as good and arrives much faster. Usually he switches to oral a few times to help himself last that long, and give me a change in stimulation which seems to help a lot. Now it’s super relaxing for me since Im not stressing whether my husband is getting tired. I just lie on my back and enjoy. 😁 I’m a little embarrassed writing all that down, and maybe most couples try for orgasms that way, but it took me a long while to discover how good it feels with that method so hopefully it can help someone else feel great too! I can usually reach multiples that way as well.

    Reply
    • Kate

      Amanda, i’m dying at the part where your husband falls asleep cuz it’s taking you to long to orgasm! That’s hilarious! 😀 I can’t imagine how embarrassing that feels, though. Men are so funny, how do you just fall asleep stimulating somebody. Don’t they think the person might feel hurt by their action? They never cease to amaze me.

      Reply
      • Rebecca

        Haha men are funny! My husband has fallen asleep while we are touching EACH OTHER ! 🤣 i hear his breathing change and I’m like “are you falling asleep?” “Yeah sorry” lol

        He works long hours so I can’t blame him for being tired!

        He makes up for it the rest of the time! 😉

        Reply
      • Rebecca

        My husband has fallen asleep while we are touching EACH OTHER! Haha

        He works long hours, so can be very tired at times. Also he can fall asleep in seconds, whereas it takes me about 20mins of relaxing before I drift off.

        He makes up for it th rest of the time though! 😉

        Reply
      • Daniel

        Kate… It’s not that we try to fall asleep. It just happens when we get comfortable at the end of the day. How much more comfortable does it get than snuggling with our lover? I start falling asleep during hilarious shows all the time, and not because it’s boring or uninteresting, but because God wired me to go from fully awake to fully asleep in 15 seconds. I hope that helps. Don’t be too hard your husband… he probably can’t help it. lol

        Reply
  4. Elizabeth

    Be aware of where in your cycle you are. Not only will you have more natural lubrication around the time you ovulate, you are also more likely to be able to orgasm multiple times. (Fertility Awareness Method And Fertility Awareness Based Methods of family planning can teach you to better understand your cycle)

    Reply
    • J

      Great post.

      I would love for my wife and I to go more than one round, there’s just some mental blocks for me I guess.
      I tend to overthink a lot, so the idea of us doing oral, and then having sex, and then maybe doing more foreplay kind of makes me feel dirty. The idea of kissing after we have performed oral on one another just kinda makes me cringe. Or ejaculating and then trying to go again for another climax. I know men normally can’t go back to back like women. But I know it doesn’t take too long to be ready again.

      Has this been anything you have heard people be uncomfortable with before, or you think it’s just a matter of thinking too much. I know you discuss sex with people a lot more than I do.

      We used to struggle with performing oral at all once we became parents because we kiss our son and share food sometimes. We got over that, so maybe it’s just another case of overthinking?

      Thanks for what you do Sheila

      Reply
  5. Rebecca

    I’ll just start by saying my husband is amazing and really enjoys making me feel good. He is incredibly selfless and does most of the “work” when I am too tired (especially when I have a baby/toddler waking me in the night!) to pleasure him much but still want to be intimate with him.

    I would say that I orgasm about 90% of the time, with different levels of intensity. My husband feels bad if I don’t, but for me if I can’t achieve orgasm it’s usually because I’m just too tired, or something, not his fault. And I generally am still satisfied in that instance.

    I have gotten better and letting him know if he’s finished to soon and asking him to stimulate me with his fingers or something just to get me over the edge.

    I have found that whether I have multiple orgasms is entirely dependent on how much warming up/flirting and foreplay we do. If he’s flirting with me all evening, and then I put on some lingerie once the kiddies are in bed, that generally gets me in the mood! And then if we aren’t too tired, then, we’ll, anything could happen haha! We generally take turns stimulating each other and enjoying each other, plenty of kissing etc 😉 I tell him he makes me crazy!!! He gets a kick out of me orgasming more than once before he even comes close lol. He intentionally brings me to that point because he enjoys it. We probably have 2-3 sessions like that in a month.

    Most of the time we have comfortable, sweet sex where we know each other so we’ll that it doesn’t really take that long for either of us, and I’ll usually only O once in that instance.

    Incidentally I highly recommend woman on top (cowgirl?) lol. My first proper orgasm was in that position.

    We’ve been married 7.5y and have 2 kids and we are still in love 🥰

    Reply
  6. Tory

    Hmm… my hubby wouldn’t be interested in any of this, as soon as I climax once, he lets himself ‘finish’ too, and then falls asleep lol. The handful of times I’ve had multiples though, the first one was always the best by far, and the subsequent ones were weaker and so I don’t feel like I’m missing out.

    Reply
  7. Tanya

    These are so great, and so spot on! I completely agree with several of these comments as well. I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me and pleasures me this way. He is a treasure! Here are my personal 5 additional ways to supplement Sheila’s fabulous 5.

    1. Start the foreplay early. Text each other, flirt, touch each other throughout the day, Find creative ways to express your love to one another. Get excited and get your mind in the right place for sex. Sex is mostly in our brains as women.

    2. When it’s time for sex, focus on sex. Make sure everything else is settled enough that you can set everything else aside. Control your thoughts and don’t let them wander to dishes, kids, work, to do list items, insecurities, etc.

    3. Really focus on your body, your husband’s touch, how it feels, and allow yourself to trust your husband completely in this area. If it helps, close your eyes and just fully focus on the experience with your husband.

    4. Experience your first orgasm (or two!) before PIV. Have your husband bring you to climax through manual stimulation, clitoral stimulation, and/or oral.

    5. After you start PIV, your husband may be excited and have a difficult time lasting. Ask your husband to alternate between PIV, manual, oral, etc. and try different positions that may intensify your experience.

    Reply
    • Daniel

      Tanya, you make some good points… It’s like we’re on the same page or something. I guess that’s what happens after we’ve been married for 17 years. lol. Thank you for the being such a good wife. (yes, Tanya is my wife 🙂

      I think a lot of men miss out on the gratification of pleasing their wife. Maybe because they don’t see the benefit of not doing ‘selfish sex’ (for our own pleasure). If every man could experience the pleasure I experience, more men would care less about making sure their own needs are met. Trust me, my needs are met AND EXCEEDED when my wife’s pleasure goes through the roof. Think about it; If intercourse lasts, on average, between 2 and 5 minutes, why not tack that 2 to 5 onto a prior 15, 20, 45 minutes of foreplay? I like intercourse, but I like making love via foreplay for 30 minutes+ more than I like having intercourse for 2. Anything under 10 minutes should be considered a quickie, and quickies should be the exception, and not the rule.

      I am convinced that in most marriages, the wife can and will become more sexually minded if the husband treats her right. It’s super sexy to know that my wife is willing, nay, eager, to let me do what I want with her body to make her feel good. She knows that I respect and love her, and she trusts me fully. The mental burden that is lifted by trusting me has made her an amazing lover.

      Reply
      • Melissa

        Those last lines are key.
        “She knows that I respect and love her, and she trusts me fully. The mental burden that is lifted by trusting me has made her an amazing lover.”
        I don’t have to worry that my husband is disrespecting me or using me in bed because he respects and loves me all the time so for me to think that changes in bed would be ridiculous. And yes because I trust him completely I am able to let him “take me” if you will.

        Reply
        • Sheila Wray Gregoire

          That’s lovely!

          Reply
        • Daniel

          Melissa: I’m glad you agree. And I’m so glad to see that someone else knows how to treat their wife. I wish I knew how to get more men to understand this.

          Reply
        • Blessed Wife

          Exactly, Melissa!

          I can give my husband a total blank check in bed because I can completely trust him! He would never hurt or degrade me, or breach my trust with another woman.

          I had been told my whole life that men would expect or insist that I give sex on demand, oral, etc. My husband says he believes my acts of devotion are my gift that I should be free to give or not. In return, I try to make sure he never has to ask!

          Reply
      • Dr George

        Well said.

        It’s refreshing to get input from both spouses!

        Reply
  8. John Randall

    I don’t understand this: “The average man can reach orgasm during intercourse in 2-3 minutes while the woman takes about 15-20. I think one of the reasons that God made orgasms to work this way is that men have to pay attention to their wives if their wives are going to receive pleasure.” But men throughout history have not paid attention. They got pleasure in 2-3 minutes and then the sex was over. God could have assured that women got pleasure by making women orgasm in 2-3 minutes or less, or making men orgasm in 15-20 minutes or more.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Yes, but if God had done it the other way, then there would be no need for either sex to think about the other. Sex could have just been about getting my own needs met. As it is, men have to deliberately be selfless if they are to bring pleasure to their wives. And that’s what sex is supposed to be about–being selfless and learning to give, not just receive. I think that’s the big message that God wants men to learn when it comes to sex.

      Reply
      • John Randall

        And maybe after thousands of years, just maybe, men are beginning to learn that. So women will someday get some sexual satisfaction. lol.

        Reply
  9. Rahul

    Awesome article for me, God bless you and keep going. Thanks

    Reply
  10. Frustrated

    Thanks, Sheila.
    I am not sure how encouraged I am by this, wven though I know it is truth.
    My husband desires me to have pleasure and he faithfully tries to stimulate me, have plenty of foreplay etc. But the majority of the time I just feel like this foreplay is mostly for me, and this pressure that I need to hurry up and climax so that we can get into the main deal. At the same time, if i am super into it and then he starts expressing his own excitement, I kind of give up because I know he’ll finish soon (unless he stops completely… in which case even if he keeps stimulating me I just again feel this pressure that I need to hurry up and finish so that he can finish…)…
    This may all sound weird and contradictory (and apologies if it makes no sense). I just feel like, in my head I know it’s possible for me to climax (I did sometimes early in our marriage but haven’t orgasmed in years. Married for nearly 6 years), but maybe these mental things are stopping me?…
    It’s just all so frustrating.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Yes, that’s so common! We really do feel that–“I’m taking too long. Is he getting bored?”

      And this does form a big road block. Sometimes you have to make love with the express purpose of giving you pleasure, and forgetting about him for this encounter. That can help! Or try 31 Days to Great Sex, which will take you through these sorts of exercises!

      Reply
  11. Husband forLife

    My wife does not want to feel pleasure. I try to orally please her or stimulate her manually. She won’t let me or says she doesnt want it. I affirm her and tell her I Love her and God designed this for us to take care of each other and be close and bond and be intimate. She always wants to rush the act of making Love.Or check it off her list. And “take care of me”. She constantly wants to be done with sex. I try to talk to her and tell her I want her to feel pleasure and close to each other. But she says she is not wired that way and doesn’t want to try.😞😢 I will do anything for her! I feel we are each year drifting apart. I want to take care of her any way possible. It seems as if making Love is a burden to her. Help! I have asked her to read 31 days book together. And she gets angry and rants that she isn’t good enough for me. It is heartbreaking. I LOVE my wife with all my heart!❤

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      That’s honestly wonderful! And I know a lot of women do do this, because at heart they don’t believe that sex should be for them, too, and so they’ve never been able to be vulnerable enough to enjoy it. I’ll be writing more about this soon!

      Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published.