The All About Orgasms Podcast!

by | Mar 18, 2021 | Uncategorized | 7 comments

All About Orgasms Podcast

What does the data say about women and orgasms? And how do we help women enjoy sex more?

We’ve got a quick podcast for you today that’s all about orgasms!

Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:

 

Timeline of the Podcast

0:35 Joanna and Sheila discuss what makes orgasms MORE or LESS likely
9:00 We have a new patreon to help fund our research!
13:15 What happens when books DON’T say sex is for women too?
16:20 Women need to be TOLD their orgasm matters!
20:00 What if sometimes it’s about what ISN’T said?
25:42 RQ: Help, I’m experiencing painful sex after getting married!
31:20 Rebecca’s theory on why women are more horny BEFORE the wedding
36:55 Closing with a new positive review

What’s the data about orgasms?

Joanna breaks down four big stats from our survey–and there were SO SO many.

We talked about how marital satisfaction is related to sexual satisfaction–the better your marriage, the more likely she is to orgasm. We looked at what beliefs she has that can impact her orgasm rates–and cause them to plummet. And a few more other nuggets to help you see what contributes to women’s sexual satisfaction. If you want to see the rest of the data on what goes into orgasms, check out The Great Sex Rescue!

Can you help us get our message–and our research–out there?

We just started a Patreon!

To be frank, we need funding to pay Joanna and Rebecca so that they can work on submitting our research to peer-reviewed academic journals (you don’t get paid for that!), and to start other social media channels that we can’t monetize yet to reach a different audience.

This blog is completely self-sustaining, and I don’t need any money for it. But we’re all passionate about getting our research into more hands, and helping people in the evangelical world see what healthy sexuality should look like, and helping the academic world understand what is happening with sexuality and with sexual pain in the evangelical world so that we can do it better. For that we will need some funding.

None of it will go to me. 

But we’ve got some fun perks planned for people who want to support us, even with a few dollars a month, including a private Facebook group, some unfiltered podcasts, Q&A meetups, and more! 

On Orgasms: Maybe it’s what’s NOT said

Rebecca then joined me on the podcast as we looked at what is often missing in many evangelical marriage books–mainly any mention of women feel pleasure from sex, too. Perhaps it’s what’s NOT said that hurts women’s orgasm rates as much as what IS said?

Reader Question: Why does sex hurt so much?

Another big part of sexual outcomes for women, other than just orgasms, is sexual pain. No one should have to feel pain during sex–but so many women do (and conservative religious women far more than the general population). So we tackled this question:

I got married a few months ago and, while everything else about our marriage has been wonderful so far, sex has been a real challenge. Sex is often painful for me and I find it hard to want it. I often feel like I’m disappointing my husband (who is AMAZING), even though he would never say that. I just started your Boost Your Libido course, so I’m hoping that helps with the psychological aspect at least. I’ve also read the Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. I can’t tell you how comforting and reassuring it is to read that other women have similar experiences to me. My unexpected lack of interest in sex has been a discouraging kick in the stomach (I was horny AF before we got married), but reading your books and blog gives me hope.

I know you’ve already written a bit on this, but I really appreciate resources for what to do when sex hurts. Nobody talks about it, so I wasn’t prepared for it. It’s been a lonely journey so far, trying to figure out where to go from here.

We want to start by saying that it’s perfectly normal to not want sex if it’s causing you pain.

This is what we see so often in women who have pain (and this is what I experienced, too): we internalize guilt about not wanting sex, and we make the issue that we have no libido, when really the issue is simply that we’re experiencing pain, and that’s the first thing we need to take care of! So the issue is not that she doesn’t want sex; the issue is that she’s in pain! And pelvic floor physiotherapy plus reading The Great Sex Rescue to understand what contributes to pain can both really help.

Things Mentioned in This Podcast:

 

All About Orgasms Podcast!

Any advice for this reader with pain? Any thoughts on what evangelical books DON’T say? Let’s talk in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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7 Comments

  1. Jane Eyre

    On sex being bad when you wait for your wedding night: there is another problem wherein you learn to NOT turn each other on very much when dating. You don’t want to get all aroused, turn each other on, and go down the road of “how far is too far?”.
    So… then you get married and have no tools to arouse each other; all you have are a few years of experience not arousing each other. You are in the habit of NOT stroking and touching all the time, only as a lead up to (bad, painful) sex.

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Yes, very true! I do think we need to do this differently. I’m not sure what that looks like, but I think we need to start that conversation.

      Reply
      • Katydid

        A friend of mine chatted with me about her daughter’s dating and engagement with a missionary. The daughter was a virgin at marriage (the fiance not, but had come to Christ and was celibate since). My friend told me how their physical intimacy appropriately progressed. They weren’t too physical (hand holding, brief hugs and kisses) during dating, but once engaged and as the wedding day approached they slowly got more physical without crossing boundaries. Everything was clothed and private parts not touched, but they began to kiss heavily, cuddle, embrace longer, massage each other, maybe a butt squeeze. It built intimacy and familiarity without becoming too sexual.

        Reply
    • Natalie

      Oh my gosh YES!!!!! THIS!!!!! My husband had no problem feeling turned on, but I still (even 6 years after our wedding) have trouble getting fully 100% aroused.

      Reply
  2. Natalie

    At 19:35 of the podcast, you assume the wife knows she has sexual needs that aren’t being fulfilled by her husband in bed. I think there’s also a very large portion of the Christian female population (myself included for the majority of our marriage) who’ve shut down so much sexually that they don’t even believe they have sexual needs or sexual urges anymore. So if that’s the case, why even give that thought time? Sex surely must be for my husband since I not only don’t feel any strong sexual urges (read: “I don’t allow myself on a subconscious level to experience my sexuality because it’s been beaten out of me my whole upbringing”) but I’ve also never experienced an orgasm. I know for me at least, when my body never responded with an orgasm, I took that as confirmation that I wasn’t a very sexual being, which was okay since lots of women are like that (or so I’d been brought up to believe), and that I should continue to selflessly fulfill my sexual duty to my husband because he had those desperate needs I’d never even be able to understand, and God had called me to serve my husband in that way.

    Reply
  3. Tonya

    So I’ve read tons of your blogs at this point and listened to quite a few podcasts. Over the last two years God has done amazing things in healing my views of sex and showing me how my past has certainly made a difference in how I see it and what I “felt” was ok and what wasn’t. I have learned it’s ok and even intended for women to enjoy sex too. I have an amazing husband who has been soooooo patient with me during my terrible 16 years of gate keeping. He always made sure or at least tried that I had my part too. We discovered early on during our relationship the oral sex would give me an orgasm and so he would always start this way and most of the time I’d get there with just a few exceptions (usually during those times of life while nursing a young baby) Thing is the last two years as I’ve learned sex is for me too and it’s not this horrible thing you do when you feel funny our marriage has healed into an even better marriage. Anyways I had no idea that orgasm DURING intercourse was a thing until diving into this and allowing God to renew my mind. So I know I can orgasm and i am pretty sure at this point my beliefs are on point but I want to experience orgasm during intercourse. I just have no clue how to work towards that. And neither does my dear husband. He has asked me what can he do and I reply I have no clue. So would the orgasm course be worth it? Is it written in such a way for people like me who now see orgasm as a God given gift and knows how to through other means but desires to experience it through intercourse? I noticed there is one part of the course dedicated to orgasm during intercourse. Would it be necessary to read through the other portions as well or jumó straight to portion 5 if I did get the orgasm course?

    Reply
    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Hi Tonya! Thanks for asking, and I’m so glad that you’ve found the podcast helpful! I think working through the course would likely help just in terms of familiarizing yourself with what goes into an orgasm. But it’s the final module that you’ll really need. If you can already reach orgasm, it likely isn’t necessary to get the men’s add on course. You can likely each work through the women’s!

      Reply

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