The ORGASM Series: 10 Things Husbands Who Are Great Lovers Do

by | Oct 19, 2020 | Uncategorized | 41 comments

10 Things Husbands Who are Great Lovers Do
Merchandise is Here!

What do husbands who care about their wife’s pleasure and their wife’s orgasm actually do?

We’re in the middle of our orgasm series, culminating in the release of our Orgasm Course next Monday (Yay!). Katie’s frantically editing the last of the videos, and Rebecca’s getting the workbook all finished (my part is already done!).

And last week we were talking about how some men don’t always understand what it takes for women to orgasm.

Today I wanted to do something different.

I wanted to share with you what the Bare Marriage readers say to gush over husbands who ARE great lovers.

I asked on Facebook and Instagram: What do husbands who are great lovers actually do?

For women whose husbands are awesome, generous lovers: What does your husband do that helps you have fun in bed/relax in…

Posted by To Love, Honor and Vacuum on Friday, October 16, 2020

And we had such awesome responses! The vast majority of the things that women said didn’t actually relate to what happened in the bedroom. So I’ll share those ones first, and then share the bedroom ones!

(And incidentally–PLEASE follow me on Instagram! I’m trying to get to 10,000 followers so it will be easier to get the word out about our book when it releases. I’m 64% of the way there!)

Outside the bedroom, what do men who are great lovers do?

He talks to me

Intimacy begins before sex! So many women talked about the quality of their relationships outside the bedroom:

We have intellectual intimacy. Our favorite date to do is to go for a walk together with some coffee and talk about everything, then come back home and while our girls are gone, we hit the sheets.

2. He makes me feel loved in everything he does

The attitude of these husbands towards these wives was always one of love and care.

He loves me unconditionally.. and wants me happier than he wants himself. He is the best.

I think the biggest thing he does is treat me with respect at all times. I know I’m first in his life and he makes me feel cared for, loved, desired and appreciated.

3. He touches me in non-sexual ways–snuggles me, etc.

This was likely the second most mentioned thing–that guys TOUCHED their wives a lot.

We are a very affectionate couple, kissing often, holding hands, we cuddle and fall asleep wrapped in his arms every night.

He spends a lot of time holding me and kissing me. He’s affectionate outside the bedroom and this helps a lot because I don’t feel used when we finally do make love.

He loves snuggling with me. It takes the pressure off but can also be a nice lead in to something more. He also always asked what I want

4. He is my partner, and he’s there beside me for the kids and for the house

Nothing’s sexier than a guy who doesn’t take his wife for granted, but who feels like a genuine partner! It helps women transition from “mom” mode to “wife” mode if he’s in the trenches with her.

Help or take over “rush hour” (dinner bath bed routine with children), regular date nights that range from a cuppa together to going out never with the aim of a chandelier swingin rumpy pumpy, just aiming for intimacy. He compliments me, prays for me and is unfailingly kind. NONE of these things, you’ll notice, are to do with what goes on in bed but his behaviour sure makes it easy for me to respond to him – I’m working on initiating more, we have seven children and number eight is on the way, plus I’ve got a bit of baggage from DV + emotional neglect in childhood. It’s not always smooth sailing! I can’t overstate the affect his kindness and gentleness have had on our marriage (I’ve also endeavoured to respect and encourage him, too). My heart breaks for wives who have harsh, immature or indifferent husbands.

He takes care of me and our children outside the bedroom, which makes my heart swell with love and caring for when we get into our bedroom.

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5. He makes me feel beautiful

Many women have body image issues which stop them from being able to truly let go during sex. But when men build up their wife’s self-esteem, passion can flow!

When I’m critical of myself (aging, changing body), he always says I’m too hard on myself. So I genuinely believe he sees beauty in me, even when I don’t. So then, I have to choose to BELIEVE him.

He’s an alpha male, and constantly telling me how much he loves my big booty! 😂 Like he’s OBSESSED with what otherwise would be my biggest area of insecurity, and because of his constant positivity towards my body, I have a high self esteem, despite being up 35 pounds in the past two years!

And inside the bedroom, what do men who are great lovers do?

6. He does NOT watch porn

My “oldest” friend chimed in with this one! (She’s the woman I’ve known the longest whom I’m still in weekly contact with!) And others echoed her.

One thing he does is what he doesn’t do. He doesn’t look at porn. Period. I can’t measure up to air brushed figments of his imagination so he has fixed that by not even going there. He is also just fun! We laugh and talk and interact on many levels so it’s just good!!

7. He cares about my pleasure and listens to me if I speak up and say something isn’t working

I had a ton of variation on this one–men who are attentive in bed tend to have wives who orgasm more!

He takes time with and enjoys foreplay… pays attention to my cues… asks what I want… and makes my pleasure a priority.

We’ve been married for 15+ years now and we definitely know what works and I’m not afraid to tell him what doesn’t. That goes a long way!!

A number of women stressed this last part–that their husbands truly listened. One woman phrased it as “the ability to hear.” When men are open to wives telling them what works and what doesn’t, things do, indeed, work better!

He asks, listens, observes, never gets offended by what I say, always wants to see me happy

He has learned to listen to my suggestions, understanding that I am giving him a tutorial on how to make it really great for both of us.

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8. He never, ever rushes me

Gold stars to men who take their time!

He is extremely patient and does not want to rush either of us. He has never once made me feel bad for taking longer than I feel like I should be taking.

he takes his time in the bedroom. He’s never in a hurry so I feel at ease in the time it takes me.

9. He never makes me feel used

So many women said a variation on this–they always felt cherished in the bedroom, like their husbands wanted them to receive pleasure first and foremost. Sex never felt like he was “taking” from them. Some of them are already quoted above, but this was a huge breakthrough for women–when husbands saw sex as naturally an intimate experience for both of them.

10. He makes me sure I “go” first!

And this is an important one, too. Men who are great lovers tend to make sure that their wives are satisfied first.

He always rocks my world before he rocks his!

This makes biological sense! After all, after orgasm, your body is flooded with hormones with the job of making you feel SLEEPY and RELAXED. If you’re sleepy and relaxed, how easy is it going to be for you to concentrate on your spouse and bring her to orgasm? Plus, women have no refractory period (meaning they can feel good and reach orgasm again right after orgasm), so if he continues intercourse AFTER her orgasm, it’s still likely to feel good for her. It just doesn’t work the other way around.

So there you go! That’s what our readers say make their husbands great lovers. 

So many other things were mentioned, too. Kissing during sex. Being patient. Understanding that tonight may not be a good night, and being okay with that. Really truly wanting her to feel good.

I think, if I had to find similarities between the answers, the latter would be it: really, truly caring about her experience. 

That’s what’s interesting about sex–when both fo you prioritize her experience, then sex will tend to be better for both.

I do think that sex was created biologically by God so that women would have to be a little bit selfish in bed if they wanted to orgasm, and men would have to be a little bit selfless. When we all work this way, things tend to work better (though obviously there are exceptions). 

So don’t be afraid to speak up! And men, know that the more giving you are and the more you care for your wife, inside and outside the bedroom, the more likely it is that she’ll experience true pleasure with you!

Is there a #11 that you would add? Or which of those 10 do you think is most important? Let’s talk in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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  1. AJ

    For my wife and I, great sex begins with a good emotional connection with each other. This means prioritizing time alone with each other to talk and interact. We typically take a 20-30 minutes walk almost every evening and leave our teen and adolescent children at home. Our walk is pretty much a commitment we always keep. Rain or shine cold or hot. In the winter when it is dark early we take a flashlight. If it’s cold we bundle up. We started taking our walks together a few years ago and it has changed our overall relationship and sex life tremendously for the better. The better our relationship is the better (and more frequent) our sex is. The better our sex is the better our relationship is outside the bedroom. Good sex softens our attitudes and thoughts of each other in ever way and really opens up the communication channels between us. It’s hard to think negatively about my wife when she rocked my world last night! (I rocked her world too!!). For me, having great sex with my wife makes me feel like she cares deeply for me in a way no one else can. This makes me more emotionally open and vulnerable for a deeper relationship with her. I think it’s difficult to have great sex without a strong emotional connection and its difficult to experience emotional connection to its fullest without having experienced great sex. The two are so deeply intertwined.

    • Sarah O

      Love the picture of that walk. May have to steal that idea once the littles are old enough to be unsupervised for 10 mins without tearing the house down 😂

  2. James Tiffin

    This is an amazing list. And a great list to use as a check in / tune up to see how I’m doing for my wife.
    I think you would be surprised that this list isn’t far off for how I feel about her treating me. When we first got married she thought all she had to do was perform sex to satisfy me. Men are much richer and deeper than that. There’ss a great book by Sarah Hunter Murray on this topic. It dispels the myth that guys just want sex. All. The. Time. When I read this list above it is essentially a road map for guys not just how to treat their wives. But by following it, they can help be leaders for receiving these th2in return.

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      That’s great, James! I think you’re absolutely right, because our real need is for INTIMACY, which is expressed and experienced in a variety of ways.

  3. Sarah O

    It’s hard to boil it down…but I would add “gentleness”. I’m not talking about never having rough sex, but the spirit of the word.
    Imagine holding something really really fragile and really really expensive. Also imagine this item doesn’t belong to you. You would be really really gentle with it, right?
    In order to be gentle, you have to be attentive, focused, and aware that the thing you’re holding is in fact, fragile. You would also have to remember that you are not the owner – you will be accountable to someone else if you break the thing. It’s not yours to break.
    Marriages, families, and people are very breakable. And they are all gifts from God that we someday return to Him.
    Both inside and outside the bedroom, my husband is gentle. He is a safe place where I can rest. And on the occasions where I do get a small chip or a crack, he notices and he is quick to repair it as best he can. When I tell him something is causing pressure or pain and may eventually cause a crack, he takes care to remove that thing rather than questioning my feelings about it.
    Gentleness as an attitude generally works in every situation, but this also makes him a champion in the marriage bed. It makes it very easy to want to reward him.
    One might just call him a “gentleman”…

  4. clb

    I think saying the women need to be a little selfish in bed is inaccurate. I have my wife’s pleasure as my focus and she has mine as hers, *but* we both have to be receptive to the efforts of the other. If I’m focusing on her, she has to be willing to focus on what I’m doing for her, and vice versa. Of course, I do need to spend more time on her because my response time is faster than hers, but that’s perfectly natural and doesn’t negate the need for me to allow her to spend time focusing on me, as well. Sex is mutual self-giving *and* receiving. One without the other won’t work well. Receiving is not selfishness, because the focus is on enjoying what is being given, not focusing in on the self.

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      Here’s what I mean by selfish: Her orgasm is most likely to happen if she is focusing mentally on what is happening with HER body, not with what she is doing with YOURS. On the other hand, her orgasm is most likely to happen if YOU are focusing on what is happening with HER body, not with what is happening with YOURS. So when you both focus on her pleasure, you are both likely to orgasm. If she is focusing on what you are feeling, she is not as likely to orgasm.

      • Maria

        Maybe use different words because I will never be comfortable with being “ selfish” no matter how you define it. I do know what you mean, though , and you are right!

        • Anon

          Maybe it’s because we can feel selfish when we concentrate on our own feelings? But I know that if I am not ‘having a good time’, my husband won’t be either. Knowing this really helps me concentrate on how my own body is feeling/responding. Because I know the more pleasure I gain from our encounters, the happier he will be.

  5. Boone

    I love the part about just spending time together. My wife and I will often sit out on the screened in back porch after supper and watch night fall across the mountains. We’ve got a couple of rocking chairs out there and just sit for hours talking about the farm, the events of the day, etc.
    if it’s cold I’ll build a fire in the walk in fire place in the old farm kitchen. We’ll sit in front of it in an old leather loveseat with the dogs asleep on the hearth rug. We’ll talk the evening away remembering events and people that we’ve known.
    If it’s raining we’ll go upstairs to our bedroom and listen to the gentle sound of the rain hitting the tin roof.
    Sometimes she’ll go with me to feed the horses and check the cattle. More than once she’s pitched in and helped a cow with a difficult birth. We’ve got over 30 years of bonding. We’ve been through birth, death, serious injury and everything in between. Time together is the most precious thing in the world.

  6. N

    Wow! Sounds like some Facebook ladies have some pretty perfect husbands. I’ll just tell myself I’m sure their husbands have faults too. Funny how when you go too long without sex or an orgasm, your husband’s faults seem A LOT more blatant!

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I’m sorry, N! That is such a difficult dynamic. I did not mean to add fuel to the fire today, but these last few weeks have been filled with posts on what men can do wrong, I really wanted to write a post on what so many men do right. And 48% of women DO reliably reach orgasm, so that’s a lot of guys doing things right. That doesn’t mean that the other guys don’t have stuff to learn; I just want the posts to try to be balanced.
      Hopefully men will see that if they want their wives to orgasm, it isn’t a matter of just learning how to touch the clitoris properly. It’s about the whole relationship. That’s what we really need.

      • Anon this time

        Not sure how to say this but here goes. “Touching the clitoris”. I had a lot of premarital sex. I am not proud of it but I did with several women. What I learned from all that was that women who grew up masturbating by rubbing their clitoris were the ones who needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm as adults. The ones who didn’t masturbate or didn’t have any sexual experience of any type were the ones that actually could and did orgasm vaginally. Just like men can train their body to only become aroused by pornography, my theory is that its possible for women to train their bodies to only react clitorally. Sheila, in your big survey, did you delve into these kinds of questions with women?

        • E

          That was not true for me. I don’t believe this is generally true.

        • Sheila Wray Gregoire

          Actually, that’s not true. If anything, masturbation earlier seems to make it easier for women to orgasm during intercourse–but the relationship isn’t straightforward, and there are so many other variables. No, women don’t “train” their bodies to only react clitorally. God created the clitoris, and it is the main route for orgasm for women. Even during intercourse, most orgasms are from clitoral stimulation in some way (and the “roots” of the clitoris do run up the front of the vaginal wall, researchers now think). So it isn’t a problem with “training” yourself. It’s just physiology really.

          • Emmy

            It also sounds old fashioned. I have read that kind of theories in books by Walter and Ingrid Trobish. I dont want to label them as bad authors but in this matter they have caused harm.

        • April Ludgate

          Nope nope nope. The clitoris has a ton of nerve endings designed specifically for pleasure, the vagina has very few. Try having an orgasm by just touching your testicles or even just the base of the penis vs the head and see where that gets you. I’d never even heard of masturbation growing up and definitely had no idea girls could do it but guess what, the clitoris is still where it’s at for me pleasure wise. Obviously.

        • Anon

          Definitely not true. I had zero sexual experience before marriage (I was so ignorant that I didn’t even know what masturbation was until I looked up the definition, and wasn’t much wiser after that as I didn’t have any idea of how women could do that!). Yet clitoral stimulation is definitely working for us now.

  7. Anon

    My comment is in correlation with alot of what others are saying and your post but I did want to take the chance to share about my husband.
    We met in our teens and he was a very outspoken, fun teasing guy. You may have wondered where his filter was at times but he was never mean spirited. He was the first guy many would approach for his listening ear and he was also known for his sensitivity. He is still the same, just with more maturity than a teenager!!
    His upfront, blunt way sometimes intimidated me because I wasn’t used to that and I also started to have a crush on him so his directness sometimes made me feel shy. When we started dating and headed towards marriage, I had to question myself if I could accept his outspoken nature. It became an obvious yes when I saw in his character, a genuine and trustworthy man. One that I could feel totally safe with.
    When we were engaged, the subject of our wedding night came up and specifically comfort level of being naked in front of eachother, which neither of us had done with anyone else. In regards to how I felt about being naked in front of him, I admitted I was about 1% excited and 99% terrified, nervous and questioning would he really like what he would see.
    He was about 110% confident and excited to be naked around me. I was stunned. Not that I thought he had reason to feel otherwise around me but that a person could actually not worry about their body. Being naked is vulnerable to a degree for both genders, but when women generally more so have constant battles with their body image, being naked I think is extra vulnerable, or just different than what it is for most men, I would guess. Atleast that is what I experienced.
    And my husband wasn’t arrogantly confident. As in, he was well aware of his “imperfections” but the difference between us was that this was not a hurdle he had to overcome in order to be comfortable around me.
    And something I would say he did right, was that he didn’t assume I would feel the same. He had enough confidence for the both of us that he would love my body but didn’t ignore the fact that I wasn’t there yet. Someone else mentioned the word delicate I think, and that is what I would say about my husband too. On one hand he was baffled that I would ever think down about my body, but didn’t disregard my feelings. Instead, he took that and just became an even more gentle, safe, trustworthy place for all parts of me- my body, my mind, my emotions etc. It’s as if the more unsure I am, the more he is sure of me. And then I have the choice to make of whether or not I will believe him, he’s proved himself to be an obvious choice.
    I watched his character, and his interactions with others and myself to learn that he would be this for me and I tell him this is how my 1% grew and my 99% decreased. I credit this to him and a part of our mutual success we’ve had in our intimacy is because my husband is a consistently safe place to be, in and out of our bedroom.

    • Another Anon!

      “my husband is a consistently safe place to be, in and out of our bedroom”
      I love this phrase! Your story could have been mine.

  8. Jess

    This is a great list and it is definitely about the whole relationship and how he treats me outside of the bedroom.
    One thing I would add is a no-pressure attitude towards sex. I am constantly putting pressure on myself….counting how many days it’s been, wondering if he is struggling with lust (he isn’t), wondering if I need to squeeze in sex before my period starts, etc., etc., etc. If he added to that pressure by acting like he DESERVED sex from me whenever he wanted it, I would never want to have sex.
    Instead, he is totally selfless and never pressures me. Because I have depression it is extremely difficult for me to get over the mental hurdles to being intimate. But he never makes me feel bad when I struggle. He constantly tells me it’s ok and not to worry. And when he is feeling like he really needs sexual intimacy and I am struggling to get in a good place mentally or am physically fatigued, he offers to “treat” me which means that particular encounter is focused solely on my orgasm with no expectation of reciprocation. He finds pleasure in that and always orgasms too. Then it is usually much easier for me to make the next encounter more mutual and reciprocal.

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      That’s so beautiful, Jess! I love hearing about all these good men.

  9. Nathan

    > > 8. He never, ever rushes me
    I need to work on this. Not with sex, but with day to day things outside the bedroom.

  10. L

    I keep typing out comments and then deleting them. For the men above who comment and also who were commented about, how did they develop the importance of emotional intimacy? Did someone mentor you in this? Was your dad a good example? Is this your natural temperament? I’m trying to remain curious about this, instead of feeling sad. I want to feel the way the ladies responded about my husband, but mostly I feel like we’re pretty efficient co-parents. My husband feels things are “fine” as they are. On the rare occasions we have a date, it’s like being with a platonic friend or co-worker. As we have had years of sex issues, I feel my husband has sexually and emotionally withdrawn from me, probably for self-protection. At times, I’ve done the same. I really wish we would go back to the beginning and start over fresh.

    • Anonymous reader

      L, my husband is the same, but in his case, he is on the autism spectrum. It has been an extraordinarily painful, lonely, and exhausting 30 year relationship for me. Posts like these remind me that I will never have the experience of falling in love with someone who knows how to love me back. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. ❤ My husband is trying to work on a few small things; to him they are huge things, and they barely touch the gaping hole of loneliness inside me.

    • Anon

      I think you are asking an honest question and not rhetorical so I will answer.
      I think alot of my husband’s acceptance of me and sensitivity comes from his dad. My father in law has outwardly demonstrated love and affection towards his wife throughout my husband’s growing up years and now. They have displayed alot of the great virtues a married couple should have. My husband also has a lot of females in his life, so emotions and women in general don’t scare him off or make him uncomfortable. Those two things come to mind when you ask where they developed the importance of emotional intimacy.
      I hope this gives you some insight into maybe where your husband is at and doesn’t discourage you but give you hope.
      I want to say too that I am really heartbroken for you when you said “I want to feel the way the ladies responded about my husband…” I don’t know anything else about you but I do know other very deep personal struggles. Where I look around a room of friends and hear them talking about joys and experiences I have been longing and waiting for and it hurts. I think it’s really wise of you to ask these questions and I hope by sharing my experience it doesn’t add to your hurt. It doesn’t always feel encouraging to hear of other people’s miracles when you wish it was your turn and you’re still in a place of waiting. I pray God will be your safe place and that he will do great things for you and your husband one day, and give you grace in the waiting.

      • Sheila Wray Gregoire

        Anon, thank you for that very caring comment and for caring for my commenters. That was lovely.

      • L

        Thank you for that thoughtful reply. I was asking out of genuine curiosity.

    • Boone

      Things were not always this way. When we were first married and got ten years after my wife was a wildcat. We tried everything we could think of and loved most of it. Having three children barely slowed her down.
      About twenty or so years ago she went to the Dr for abdominal pain. This me to the discovery a grapefruit sized tumor in her left ovary. She never missed a beat with her business or the children. She took hormones for a while but could never get them regulated. This led to a volatile two years. Her libido died. She still responded well after we got going but getting her to agree to get going was a job.
      A few years later her business tanked due to the Affordable Care Act. She started gaining weight and got depressed. She hated herself, hated me and hated her life. I actually made plans to leave once my youngest graduated high school. Well, he graduated and started playing college basketball. I kept finding reasons to stay.
      The first of Sept. 2015 I went to the dr because I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. I was also gaining weight. After lab work Doc told me that my testosterone was in the toilet. I started taking shots and almost over night started feeling better and losing weight. Having the testosterone of a 25 yr old has another side affect. I was seriously chasing my wife much to her annoyance. I came home one afternoon shortly thereafter and she asked me what was wrong with me. I told her and reminded her that the shots were her idea and I needed help. She looked at me for a minute and her face morphed into one of those looks that she used to give me and said, “You have time right now?”We’ll, clothes started flying in all directions and I never made it back to the office that day. That was the beginning of the restoration..
      The Saturday after Thanksgiving My youngest and I were coming in from the barn when we heard a crash and an unearthly scream. I rushed in the kitchen door to find my wife laying at the foot of the back stairs screaming. Her left leg was bent at a weird angle below the knee. She required five hours of surgery and enough titanium to build a fighter plane to put it back together. She was completely immobile for three months. During that time I fed her. I bathed her. I emptied her slop jars and I dressed her. I slept on an army cot next to her bed. My other son took over the law practice and my daughter helped when I had to be away. That year I handled Christmas dinner for the family. The next May I put together my daughter’s wedding. I never thought twice about doing any of it. It was just part of the job.
      After nearly a year of therapy my wife was up with only a slight limp. For Christmas 2016 I bought her a new pair of hiking boots. Two tears to the day of her fall we hiked to the top of Mt LeConte.
      God did a work in her during her recovery time. He also did one in me. Life is good now. Her leg hurts and always will but we cherish every day together.

    • Naomi

      I have been where you are. In fact, the first 10 years if marriage we’re painfully lonely for both of us. I remember sobbing while watching Fireproof with my husband because I wanted to be pursued like the husband was pursuing his wife…
      We’ve both grown up with dysfunctional marriages as our model from our parents, so I have to say 100% that God has shown immeasurable favor on us and used our journey to strengthen our faith and dependence on Him.
      There’s no formula, book, or technique that has single-handedly changed things but over time, prayer and willingness to learn and grow and face painful conversations and topics with progress in mind.
      Today my husband exhibits all 10 of these characteristics and he has worked hard to get the understanding to be intentional with those things.
      If this list makes people discouraged I would encourage wives to keep praying and keep working on what you can change in your own heart and see what miracles God can do.

  11. AU

    This isn’t in relation to the topic but just something I’m wondering. Is it okay to pray( I’m single) for a man with a certain type of penis? I know this may sound weird but I would really like to know? Like would it be the same thing as praying for a specific preference in a spouse ? Certain look, talents personality or height?

    • Sheila Wray Gregoire

      I think that’s really not the main thing. I think praying for someone who is of good character is far more important. Sex can always figure itself out, if you both love each other and you’re committed to each other! I think praying for physical characteristics isn’t really the point of it, personally.

    • Anon

      I’m not sure what has triggered your concern about this, but I hope this might help – I’m newly married, and my husband and I physically don’t ‘fit’ together very well. And yes, that has made sex much less straightforward for us than it might have been for others. Yet we have a very satisfying and joyful sex life.
      It really has nothing to do with physical ‘endowments’. My husband is a loving, patient, Godly man who is 100% committed to making our relationship work. And that overcomes an awful lot of physical issues!
      So instead of praying for a man who has certain physical attributes, pray for a man who loves God even more than he will love you. A man who shows the fruit of the Spirit in his life. A man who is trustworthy and servant-hearted in his attitude to others. Because if you marry a man whose character is right, you can work out the physical side of things together. And have fun on the journey even if it takes a while!

  12. Tory

    I love how in all of these great examples of what makes a man a great lover, not ONE woman mentioned penis size or stamina (how long he lasts), two things that many men are preoccupied with… gentlemen, take note 😉

  13. Nathan

    Wow, awesome comments. So encouraging, and faith-building! Testimonies are amazing eh! Honesty is the best policy, all the tinme.

  14. Gna

    It seems like your sexual experiences may have lwd to some erroneous conclusions about orgasm is women. I can identify. My past sexual experiences have colored my views and ideas about male orgasm. So thankful that Sheila is researching a LARGE number of women and men in order to get her information. Gid has shown me that he commanded don’t have sex outside of marriage in part bc of the misinformation we gave to combat when we have had multiple sexual partners. It would have been so much better if I only had information/ experience from my husband swirling around in my head, rather than what x, y, and z enjoyed, said was best, or wanted me to do. God’s way is always best. Just took me awhile to realize that.


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