The Sex Questions You Can’t Ask Your Pastor Podcast!

by | Jul 2, 2020 | Podcasts | 7 comments

Sex Questions You Can't Ask Your Pastor Podcast

Do you have questions about sex that are super awkward?

Or even just non-awkward ones, but you don’t know where to ask them? That’s likely why you’re on this blog!

Well, in the month of July, our series is exactly that: Sex Questions You Can’t Ask Your Pastor. I’ll even be hosting an AWESOME webinar where you can submit your own questions. For just $20, I’ll answer as many questions as I can, PLUS you’ll get a FREE copy of the updated and superly awesome 31 Days to Great Sex (which launches again July 14), a FREE copy of our 24 Sexy Dares, and my post-webinar report of answers to the 75 most commonly asked sex questions! Sign up here.

To launch this month, we’re doing TWO cool things! First, I’m answering a bunch of your questions in this first podcast of the month, which is cool, in and of itself.

But the second thing that’s really cool is that we’ve decided to take the podcasts to video as well! So you can listen through your normal subscription channels (and I HIGHLY recommend you subscribe!), but I’ll also be posting the video of the podcast on YouTube–and welcoming my daughter Katie to the team as she now edits the podcasts and even stars in some of them (she’s in July 16!).

So before I link to all the awesome “extras”, listen in, or watch!

And here’s the YouTube version of it!


For this podcast, Rebecca and I just tackled 5 different questions that had come into the blog:

How Do I Flirt without Feeling Awkward?

A woman writes in with this question:

I’ve been blessed with a wonderful husband who in the last year or so has been putting in some major work on himself (for various things) And he has been encouraging me to voice my needs more and to be more proactive in taking care of myself.

What I’ve found is that I am way more sexual than either of us gave me credit for because I was always waiting on him and he was always waiting on me… you see where this is going. Anyway, this learning curve has been great in so many ways, but it’s also brought to light how timid and just awkward I feel in trying to signal interest to him and build up “the mood” in myself.

I think it probably needs to be balanced with some advice for husbands too on how to respond and communicate, because several times when I’ve tried I’ve gotten weird reactions and it hits a tender spot in my heart. It makes me feel not quite safe in showing that side of myself even though I KNOW that’s not how he meant it. 

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I enjoy sex–so why do I never want it?

The next two questions have a lot of similarities, so I’ll post them both first!

My husband and I have been together for a decade. We were never a “sex every day” kind of couple…we reliably had sex once on the weekends, and occasionally during the week. I think the main reason we weren’t super active in the start of our relationship was because we were both gaining weight and commuting over an hour, so we were unmotivated and tired. Now we have a three kids under 5, and we are struggling. We sometimes go a few weeks without having sex, longer in rare cases…I think what worries me the most is that we both seem to be ok with it most of the time. We’re getting healthier and losing weight, and our kids all sleep well, but it seems like most evenings we’re just so tired. In theory, we’d like to be having more sex, but neither of us is initiating, so it’s not happening. Our relationship otherwise is pretty great. We make time to connect throughout the week and have a date night in almost every Friday. When neither of us is motivated to initiate, how do we make sex happen?

While filling out your recent survey, I realized that I am extremely blessed with a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage. Besides that, my husband is an excellent, generous, caring lover. When we have sex, I am always able to orgasm, and we have a great time together. However, we currently have sex only about three times per month. We have kids, and we’re busy and tired. I also, admittedly, have some body image issues, but overall, there really isn’t an excuse for our sparse sex life. How can I make myself want sex? It’s not an issue of bad sex, or not having my needs met, so what’s the deal?

Great question! And in the podcast Rebecca and I talk about the different ways libido often works for women, and more.

But you may also enjoy:

And don’t forget my boost your libido course, too!

Are you TIRED of always being too tired for sex?

Do you yearn to actually WANT to make love–and figure out what all the fuss is about?

There is a way! And in this 10-module course I take you through what libido is (it may surprise you!), what affects libido, and how we can reclaim the excitement that God made us for.

How Do I Tell if Sex is Feeling Good?

Then I’ve got two women asking about why orgasm is so elusive, and what they’re supposed to feel when their husbands are stimulating them:

My husband and I have been married for just a few years, and I’ve never orgasmed. Since listening to your podcast and reading your blog I have mentioned this to my husband a few times. For a few days it’s clear he’s trying harder to please me. The problem is I’m not sure if what I feel is actually pleasurable, and I end up pushing him away and not being able to carry on. When he rubs my clitoris I feel ‘something’ but I wouldn’t naturally call it pleasure. Sometimes it’s more like pain or discomfort. I may have some shivers, but it gets to a point where I feel scared to continue, partly because I don’t know what will happen, partly because I’m not sure it’s really enjoyable. Mentally I’m telling myself that it’s pleasurable, not discomfort, but I’m not sure. After a few times of this my husband seems to give up again, and won’t focus on me like that until I mention it again.  What is it I’m meant to be feeling down there? Do you have any advice for me to push through and get past the fear? I’m hoping that once I’ve experienced it once I’ll understand what the fuss is about!

My husband and I have been married for a decade, both virgins at marriage. Our love life has been increasing in intensity over last few years although I’ve only had orgasm through intercourse 1-2x at the very beginning of our marriage. Out of some complacency, some frustration and a lot of naivety, we’ve not pursued orgasm for me successfully until learning that many of my friends are orgasming with their husbands through manual stim…. I want to too!!! I’ve read your posts about orgasm but I’m having trouble not being frustrated. We’ve tried a variety of times, but not successfully. How long does it take before people are successful? And does the clitoris need continual uninterrupted stim to reach orgasm or can it be interrupted and continue to orgasm during the course of an encounter?

To be frank. if he goes right for the clitoris before she’s aroused, she’s not going to feel much of anything! We’ve talked about this in some recent posts and podcasts, but here are links if you’ve missed them:

And don’t forget to sign up for our Sex Questions You Can’t Ask Your Pastor Webinar!

It’s just $20, and you’ll get access to my webinar where I answer YOUR questions, PLUS a free copy of 31 Days to Great Sex (it’s launching again July 14!), a free copy of my 24 Sexy Dares, and our report of the 75 most commonly asked sex questions.

What do you think? Any question stand out to you? Let’s talk in the comments!

Written by

Sheila Wray Gregoire


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Sheila Wray Gregoire

Author at Bare Marriage

Sheila is determined to help Christians find biblical, healthy, evidence-based help for their marriages. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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  1. S

    I love the YouTube video version of the podcast! 🙂

  2. AspenP

    Can’t wait to hear this one!!

  3. Ina

    I’ll be honest, this podcast made me want to throw my phone out of the vehicle while listening. “To have sex more, think about how great the benefits are, how good it feels, how you sleep… Don’t think about how sex is good for other people, think about how it’s good for you. ” Great, so if I get zero of the benefits does that mean I get a free pass?
    Oh, nope, now a rant on how it’s not okay for women to not orgasm, but zero help on how to fix that. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. You need to be relaxed, you need to be around the kids less (ha!) you need to jusy throw yourself in, you need to make lots of time, but don’t forget to exercise everyday… Think I’ll just swear off sex for good then if it’s going to be so hard. Got the babies I want, it’s not worth the stress finding the elusive arousal.

    • Rebecca Lindenbach

      Oh, Ina, I’m so sorry. That is really really difficult. And when we have questions from couples that are more like your situation, we have completely different answers! When a couple says, “Sex is great for both of us when we have it… we just have no motivation to have it” the answer is SO DIFFERENT than a couple in your position, where it’s sex in general that is difficult, not just the motivation to have it!
      I know you’re a long-time commenter, so I hope you understand that if an answer to another reader’s question doesn’t match with you personally there is more information on this website that’s more geared towards your situation (this might be a good place to start).
      Your frustration is valid, and you’re right–sex shouldn’t be difficult! I hope you and your husband can have some good and honest conversations about how to make sex (or just life in general!) easier for you if you’re feeling really overwhelmed. Said a prayer for you guys. <3

      • Ina

        Thanks, Rebecca. Clearly, I listened to this on a very low day! On my better days, I can usually split the advice from my situation. I think it was the second last question that sounded so much like myself in tears asking my mom what was wrong with me in the early days of my marriage. I never cease to be amazed at how much broken sexuality affects identity.
        Anyway, I’m rambling (thanks,.teething baby nights!) I do so appreciate what you and your mom and the team do here! You guys are doing amazing work, even though it hasn’t been able to help me, it definitely is having a big impact and filling a vast hole in the Christian community!


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