What is it that actually kills a marriage? In the Christian world, “lack of commitment” is often named as the culprit that brings a marriage to an end. I don’t agree. Even if you didn’t have commitment, if the marriage was great, why would anyone leave?Sure, every...
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Does Every Marriage Need a Captain? Do Husbands Need to Make the Decisions?
Do marriages need someone to be in charge? And what does it mean if you assume that they do? Last week Alistair Begg, a big speaker and theologian, posted this on social media:I could say so much about what's theologically wrong with this statement, but I'd encourage...
What Happens when Men Believe the Obligation Sex Message?
The most damaging belief we found on our survey of 20,000 women was the obligation sex message. Getting married believing that a wife was obligated to give her husband sex when he wanted it resulted in much higher rates of sexual pain, lower orgasm rates, and lower...
5 Ways Hierarchy in Marriage Hurts Men, Too
What if setting up marriage as a hierarchy, where men make the decisions, isn't good for men either? We know that it can lead to problems for women (as we talked about yesterday), but what if it can hurt men too? On Tuesdays I don't do huge posts, but several amazing...
7 Questions to Ask to Vet Your Counselor
How do you find a good counselor when you need to seek help for marriage issues? Sheila here! I found Sarah Allman on Instagram, where we interacted about the vital importance of vetting counselors before you go to see one. This is something I'd been talking about on...
Reader Question: My Husband Doesn’t Think our Sex Life is Good Enough!
What do you do when your husband thinks you have a bad sex life? Recently we were talking about 10 marriage and sex red flags--signs that there may be something wrong with your marriage. Here's a really messy question from a woman whose husband has decided to withhold...
MARRIAGE ON HARD MODE: How Gender Role Ideas Can Backfire
What if our underlying understanding of gender roles makes marriage harder than it needs to be? We're talking about doing marriage on hard mode in the month of September--how so often we can make our lives harder, and thus make marriage harder, than it needs to be....
A Trick to Identifying the Issue That’s Causing your Marriage Problems
Sometimes, when life gets stressful, we feel like everything is going wrong. Everyone is picking at everyone else. You're late for everything. Your relationship with your mom is messed up. You and your husband never have time alone and your mad at each other...
The DIRECT COMMUNICATION Series: What if Nagging Isn’t the Problem (or the Solution)?
We often hear that nagging is one of the worst things a woman can do in a marriage. It makes her husband feel infantilized, undermined, talked down to. But what if nagging is not the real issue? What if we're making too big a deal out of nagging, and not enough of a...
Reader Question: When Does Anger Become Abuse?
How can you tell if your husband has anger management issues, or if he's actually abusive? I'm starting a series on the blog this month on direct communication, and yesterday we looked at what hinders speaking directly. We'll also cover what direct communication looks...
Why We Need to Stop Talking about Resolving Conflict in Marriage
What does it mean to “resolve conflict”? We've been talking so much about sex lately since The Great Sex Rescue launched, and that's been great. But I thought this week I may revisit some of the important things I've written about marriage in general that many of my...
How Do You Live with an Emotionally Immature Spouse?
How do you draw boundaries with an emotionally immature/passive aggressive spouse? I thought I was finished with my emotional maturity series, but a wonderful question came in to the blog this week that I thought it was worth running! I was wondering if you knew...
Reader Question: Do I Have to Endure Terrible Gifts from My Husband This Christmas?
What do you do if your husband is absolutely terrible at buying Christmas presents? Last year, a reader wrote in with this question about her husband who buys terrible gifts: Do I keep enduring terrible Christmas/birthday/Valentine’s Day gifts for the rest of my...