The 72 Hour Rule is Made Up by Evangelical Authors. Yep. This month on the blog we're "fact checking" common sex beliefs, and one of the biggest ones in evangelical circles is the 72 hour rule: the idea that a wife must have sex with her husband every 72 hours,...
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The Double Standards of Sexual Expectations in Marriage
We need to deal with our double standards of sexual expectations in marriage. This month we're looking at entitlement in marriage, and how the entitlement mentality can kill a marriage. One of the things we were talking about last week was that reasonable expectations...
Why Is a Christian Book Trying to Coerce Wives into Sending Nude Photos?
Christian leaders should not be trying to convince women to send nude photos. This doesn't seem like it should even have to be said, but earlier this week I put up a Fixed It for You of Gary Thomas' and Debra Fileta's book Married Sex, which had this sentence: Here's...
Is Staying Stuck a Choice? When your Spouse Won’t Change
We all want amazing lives filled with joy and passion and wholeness. Who wouldn't want that? But too often that is not what people experience. I've been sitting in my yellow chair trying to write the final post for our "digging yourself out of the pit" series, and...
Why You Need to Work on Your Own Sexual Stuff
When we're trying to get out of the pit our sex life is in--sometimes we're the one who needs to grab the ladder. We're near the end of our series on getting our sex life out of the pit that one--or both--of us have dug for ourselves. Often the issues are...
Does Sex Bond You to Your Partner? Not Necessarily!
Were you ever told as a teen that if you have sex with someone, you will bond with them? That if you have sex you will feel so bonded that it will be hard to ever bond with anyone else again? And that when we have sex, we release the bonding hormone oxytocin? What...
How to Reclaim Your Sexual Autonomy in Marriage
If we want sex to be awesome, then we need to be able to feel like sex is for us too. We need to feel like we matter. Sex is supposed to be mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both, and mutuality and intimacy means that you are both coming to the bedroom willingly,...
The “Myth of the Magic Penis” Podcast
It's the podcast where we redefine sex--and talk about how it's about more than the penis! Today on the podcast I'm introducing the series we've been going through this month on the blog--how to recover when one of you, or both of you, have dug your sex life into a...
What Stops You from Treating Your Body as a Friend?
I was not kind to my body yesterday, and I am feeling it! When people used to complain about food insensitivities, I never really understood until it started happening to me. I've been having some real issues with gluten lately, and I've largely gone off of bread. But...
PODCAST: Unwanted Sexual Behaviors and What To Do About Them (with Jay Stringer)
Is there hope for recovery for unwanted sexual behaviors, fantasies, or compulsions? I've been wanting to do this podcast for ages! I love Jay Stringer's book Unwanted, and we've connected behind the scenes a bit over the last few months, talking about our respective...
When He Deliberately Ignores Your Pleasure: What to Do When Sex Has Become One-Sided
Sex must be mutual, about both people’s pleasure. What if he insists on sex that doesn’t bring her pleasure, and doesn’t try to help her reach orgasm?
Safety and Intimacy: You’ll Never Have an Intimate Sex Life without Feeling Safe First
Safety is a prerequisite to intimacy in a marriage. If she feels as if she has to earn safety sexually, with her body, she’ll never have real intimacy.
Here’s What Recovery from Sexual Problems Looks Like
When your sex life has evaporated, how do you recover? Here’s a 4-point plan to sexual recovery, emphasizing redefining sex and safety.